Brooklyn ran her thumb across Jessica’s hand in reassurance. “You’re a good person, Jess. I just needed reminding. So what happens for The Lennox Group now?”
“I fired Tina, though she’ll probably just open up her own firm and put us both out of business.” Brooklyn shook her head in exasperated wonder and sipped from her wine. “For good measure, I also placed a call to Royce to explain the series of events, so they had no question of integrity on your end.”
“You did that?”
“Mhmm.”
“I don’t know what to say. Thank you.” Her eyes dropped. Suddenly Brooklyn was incredibly interested in the grooves on the bread plate in front of her. Jessica had a sinking feeling.
“Is there something else we should talk about? What’s up?”
Brooklyn raised her eyes, which were so full of emotion, Jessica found it difficult to breathe. “I can’t.”
“You can’t,” Jessica said slowly. Two incredibly simple words that carried such weight when said in conjunction. “Please tell me that means you can’t figure out what to order. Or you can’t stay over tonight. Or better yet, that you can’t wait to get out of here with me.”
But none of those things were true, because the eyes that had once sparkled and danced were now closed off to her in a way she couldn’t handle. Dread spread through her like wildfire, and she squeezed her napkin absently.
Brooklyn shook her head at Jessica’s nervous smile, knowing what she was about to say was for the best in the long run, even if it didn’t feel that way now.
The two weeks since the presentation had been excruciating. The feeling of loss she’d experienced was too consuming to risk ever running into again. Deviating from what had worked so well for her all of these years had been a mistake. The joy they’d found in each other surely had an expiration date, and she couldn’t stand around waiting for it all to be ripped from her at any moment.
Brooklyn pulled her hand away slowly. “I’m not cut out for this—a relationship. I’m out of my depth here. Especially with someone like you who’s thoughtful and attentive and has given me everything I’ve needed, including time. You’re the best kind of person, Jess, and you deserve someone who can give herself back to you. I thought I could be that person, but I can’t. It’s too much.”
“You’re running away because you’re afraid of getting hurt,” Jessica stated matter-of-factly. “That’s what happened, isn’t it? When you thought I’d sold you out to get the account—”
“Yes, okay. It was eye-opening, and it was a lot to deal with. So the account stealing was a false alarm, but maybe down the road you’ll meet someone else, or become disinterested in me, or gradually the competition with our careers will eat away at us. I don’t know what it will be, but something will happen, and the concept of that loss is too much to take. I feel like I’m standing under this house of cards and at any point it could come tumbling down, and I can’t be there for that, do you understand? And it’s true. The past two weeks were a horrific sneak preview, a wake-up call.”
“What if none of those things happen? There are no guarantees in life, Brooklyn. But you have to be willing to take a little bit of a risk when it matters, or you drift through life without experiencing the best parts.”
“But I’m not willing. That’s the thing. So I’m not the bravest person in the world. That doesn’t change my decision.” She stood and placed her napkin on the table. And because she had to, she leaned down and kissed Jessica on the cheek one last time. “It’s better this way. Trust me.”
“Don’t do this,” Jessica whispered, touching her cheek. “I love you.”
The words that once meant everything were painful now because they weren’t hers to keep. “And because of you, I finally know what that feels like.”
They had nothing left to say. She walked to the door of the restaurant and took one last look back at the woman who’d come to mean everything.
And then she walked blindly away.
The bitterness of the cold outside was nothing compared to the pain in the center of her chest at what she’d just turned her back on. Tears burned her cheeks as she walked to the garage, but she wiped them away systematically as they fell. And her guard, the distance she placed between herself and the rest of the world, moved slowly back into place.
Chapter Twenty-one
The line at Starbucks was kind of insane, but Brooklyn and Mallory had decided to brave it anyway. The winter weather definitely had the customer count at an all-time high, making the store cramped and uncomfortable.
They’d made it through Thanksgiving. She’d gone home to celebrate with Samantha’s family in Maine, the way she had for the past eight years. It was nice to have somewhere to go, and Sam’s mom made the best stuffing she’d ever tasted. But she’d be lying if she said her thoughts hadn’t drifted several times to the Thanksgiving that was surely taking place in Avon, Connecticut. Or the smaller one, tucked away in the West Village.
And now, the constant playing of Christmas carols everywhere she went served as an annoying reminder that Christmas itself was now less than two weeks away. They paid the barista and moved off to the side to wait for their order.
“So the party’s kind of crept up on us this year,” Mallory said. Ah, yes, their yearly Christmas party. It had started back in the day as a warm, rather professional gathering to which they invited all of their clients, a total Savvy event. But in the coming years, the party had morphed into something a little more social, to which they invited their friends and neighbors in the building. They converted the office loft into a Christmas happy place and let the bubbly flow. It was festive and fun and often went late into the night. In fact, they had a reputation for throwing the most fun Christmas party in town.
“I haven’t forgotten,” she answered. “Hunter wants to go with more of a winter-wonderland theme this year. Lots of blues. Serve arctic martinis with a miniature candy cane as a garnish.”
Mallory turned to face her. “I can get behind blue.”
“Samantha wants to do Santa hats again this year.”
Mallory offered a smile. “She’s kind of adorable at Christmas. We probably have to oblige.”
“Agreed. Like one of those wide-eyed kids waiting for Santa. She doesn’t ask for much in life.”
“What about you?” Mallory asked.
“What about me?”
“Any special party requests? You’ve been noticeably less opinionated lately.”
Brooklyn shrugged. “Nope. Just doing my thing.”
Mallory studied her. “It’s been a rough couple of months for you. I just want to see you happy again.”
She turned to Mallory and flashed her a playful smile. “I’m always happy, you know that.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“I have a peppermint mocha for Brooklyn and an almond latte for Mowery,” the bored-with-life guy behind the counter called out. She was saved by the bell, or in this case the ’Bucks.
Mallory sighed as she retrieved their drinks.
“At least they’re getting closer,” Brooklyn offered good-naturedly.
Mallory rolled her eyes and sipped from her cup. “Either I got your peppermint mocha or the cold war continues.”
Brooklyn tested her own drink and shook her head. “Nope. It’s your move, Russia.”
“You know what? Let’s just go. It’s too crowded today to fight back.”
Brooklyn stared at Mallory in mystification. “How is it that you’re so in charge everywhere you go in life except here? What does Starbucks have on you? Naked photos? Take it back to the counter.”
“You think I should?”
“Mal, you’re killing me.”
With eyes of steel, Mallory nodded and moved to the drink counter. “Excuse me. I ordered an almond latte and this is a peppermint mocha.”
The eighteen-year-old boy at the bar stared back at her blankly. “The order I was given said peppermint mocha. I just made it.”
&nbs
p; “Yes, you indeed made one for my friend. But you made one for me too, which I did not order.”
“So why did you take it? Give it back.”
“Because you said Mowery.”
“And you’re Mowery?”
“No, I’m Mallory.”
“Then you shouldn’t have taken a drink that didn’t belong to you.”
“It did belong to me, but I ordered an almond latte.”
“I made what you ordered. I don’t see the problem.”
Brooklyn couldn’t take it anymore. The carols, the crowds of people, the barista who’d perfected the opposite of customer service. Her coping skills were at an all-time low, and this kid and his ignorant power trip nudged the scale in the wrong direction. She snapped into action, stepping forward. “Listen to me, you little coffee asshole. You got the order wrong. This shouldn’t be news. You always get the order wrong. It’s the only thing you’re good at. I know because I’m in here daily. It’s not cute anymore. I’m sorry you never get laid, sincerely. That must suck. But that’s not reason enough to ruin everyone else’s day. So push past it and make my friend the best almond latte you’ve ever made. Because it’s the holidays, for fuck’s sake!”
His eyes were as big as saucers when she finished. “Yes, ma’am.”
“And make sure it says Mallory on the side. You know what? I’ll help.” She reached across the bar for his Sharpie and an empty cup and scrawled Mallory’s name in large letters. “Now you’ll never forget it again. See?” She turned the cup around for him.
He nodded. “Mallory. Okay. Got it. I was just confused before about the order.”
“I mean, clearly,” she said, softening. “But I think you have it now, right?
“Right.”
Mallory looked on in wonder until she was handed a piping-hot almond latte with her name correctly spelled across the cup.
“Merry Christmas,” Brooklyn said sweetly to the barista.
They spilled out onto the sidewalk as a blast of winter smacked them straight in the face in the form of sideways sleet. At least snow was pretty. Sleet was just downright painful. Mallory didn’t seem to care and danced her way across the street to their building.
“I can’t believe you just did that. That might have been one of the coolest moments of my life.”
“It did feel pretty good.”
“You just went for it. No holding back. Bam!” Mallory said, miming a punch.
“I kind of don’t think he’ll forget your name again.”
Mallory pressed the button for their floor in the elevator and laughed. “No, I would think not. And this is what I’m talking about. I miss this fun, fiery side of you. It’s been noticeably absent lately. Welcome back.”
“Thanks,” Brooklyn said, understanding the sentiment. And also feeling a lot more alive, now that Mallory mentioned it. Maybe she should lose it on people a little more often, she thought jokingly to herself. She’d been on automatic pilot the past few weeks. Admittedly. It was a coping mechanism to get her through the days that had been, well…rough. The break-up itself had been hard to get through, but the aftermath had been so much harder.
But she was learning some tricks.
Number one was not to let herself think about Jessica and how great the past couple of months had been, because when she did, it snowballed into much more. She was getting good at it, rule number one.
Rule number two was to occupy her life with as much mundane activity as she possibly could. If the file drawer needed alphabetizing, she was the girl to do it. Staying busy was the name of the game, and she was reaping the rewards. Life had floated back into the manageable column. And though the world seemed to have dulled significantly as of late, it was also a place she feared less.
“Brooklyn one, Starbucks zero,” Mallory declared loudly as they entered the office. “You should have seen it, you guys. She was awesome. In charge and a little frightening, I have to say. But look!” She displayed her cup in all its glory.
“Seriously?” Sam asked, clearly impressed.
“Aww, look at that. Your name is even spelled correctly,” Hunter said from where she sat atop her desk. “A monumental day for Mal. And Brooks too, apparently.”
“Not that big a deal,” Brooklyn said, downplaying the outburst. She still wasn’t sure where it had come from.
“I’m surprised the place didn’t break into the spontaneous slow-clap after the way she tore into that blank-staring barista.”
“I’m a little bummed I missed it,” Sam said, coming around the desk to Brooklyn. She seemed a little preoccupied.
“I wish I’d gotten video,” Mallory said, still on cloud nine over the whole thing.
Hunter shot Sam a look. “Hey, do you think you ought to—”
“Yep. Brooklyn, can I steal you for a second? I need to discuss something with you.”
“Sure, what’s up? Someone you need me to lay into for you? I’m apparently on a roll.”
But before Sam could answer, the bathroom door clicked, and Brooklyn turned in time to see her younger sister standing there.
“You have a visitor,” Samantha said. “That’s what I wanted to tell you.”
“Hey,” Cat said nervously. “I hope this is cool. Your friends said I could wait.”
Brooklyn threw a glance at her friends as her mind struggled to process the series of events. “Hi. I don’t understand. How did you get here?” It wasn’t the warmest of greetings, but it was all she had.
“I took an Amtrak to the city. You told us where you worked when you visited, so I hit up Google.”
“Oh. Okay. Does your mom know where you are?”
Cat shrugged. “Not exactly. I wanted to see you on my own. I thought maybe we could get coffee or something, but uh…” She gestured to the cup of coffee already in Brooklyn’s hand. “I should have called first. I’m sorry. I’ll go.” Cat reached for her bag on the floor.
“Wait a sec.” Brooklyn didn’t know where to go with this. Her sister was seventeen and had just crossed through two states on her own. She couldn’t turn her out onto the freezing streets of New York just as night was falling. Who knew what would happen to her. “Well, have you had dinner?”
“Not really.”
“Tell you what. Why don’t we grab an early bite and we can talk. Sound good?”
Cat nodded.
“I take it you’ve already met Hunter and Samantha.”
“Yeah, they’re awesome. Hunter explained how the grid system works in case I get lost.”
“They are pretty great. And this is Mallory, one of my best friends and also my colleague.” Mallory stepped forward and shook her hand.
“Nice to meet you.”
“Mallory, this is Catherine. My sister.”
*
Cat sat back in the booth and stared in awe at her plate. “That stuff is amazing. What do you call it again?”
“Gnocchi. Specifically, potato gnocchi in asiago cream sauce.”
Cat hadn’t been especially confident when looking at the menu, so after a few well-placed questions, Brooklyn had guided her to something she might like. She’d taken her to Il Pozzo, a cozy little Italian restaurant on Spring Street that she frequented whenever possible. It was early enough that the place wasn’t too crowded, and that gave them a chance to take their time.
“I’m glad you liked it. They also have a pesto version that’s to die for.”
“I’ve never even heard of gnocchi until today.” Cat shook her head in awe. “I can’t believe you live here, that this is your life. It’s so cool.”
For whatever reason, Cat’s elevated opinion of her resonated. She liked that she was able to impress her little sister so easily. And it was still startling to her how much they resembled one another. Genetics was a wondrous thing. “So are you going to tell me why you’re here?”
“Is that entirely necessary?”
“No. But I’m asking anyway.”
“We had a fight,” Catherine explaine
d, rolling her eyes. “Me and my mom. Which isn’t that unusual lately.”
“What was it about?”
She hesitated a moment. “You.”
The information hit Brooklyn squarely in the chest.
“It’s not your fault. I don’t want you to think that.”
“What about me?”
“She’s pulled away again. Ever since you came to visit, she’s just been sad.”
“And that upset you?”
“I don’t like seeing her that way. I wanted to do something about it. Call you. See if we could all try again. Not just for her, but for me too. She said she’d done enough to you and should give you space until you’re ready.”
“So you thought you’d run away to New York City? It’s nice to see you, but don’t you think coming here on your own was a little dangerous? Think what your mom must be going through.”
“I just wanted the chance to get to know you. I’ve always known I had a sister. They never kept that from us. And even though you weren’t there growing up, it’s like you were. There’s always been this empty space, you know? I think my parents felt it the most. We knew where their heads were on Christmas or your birthday. They always had this distant look in their eyes.”
Brooklyn dropped her gaze to the table, and the emotion she’d kept in check began to bubble to the surface once again. “I didn’t realize. After I met you guys, I just kind of imagined a really perfect household. Something from a sitcom tied up in a neat little bow.”
Cat shook her head. “Mom was never fully ours. Something was missing for her, and it’s like nothing we could do could change that. No matter how many A’s I got, or awards I won, I could never fill the void you left in her life. Do you know how frustrating that is?”
“She loves you, Cat. I saw that in just the short time I was there.”
“I guess so.” But the tears in her eyes made Brooklyn’s heart clench. “Listen. You may never want to see us again, and I get that. But I thought you should know that it wasn’t like anyone just forgot about you. If anything, you were on her mind more than we were.”
Kiss the Girl Page 29