I thought of last night when Seth’s fears were overtaking me. Daniel’s kiss had been so powerful that every other emotion except my own receded.
Lindsey looked at Brittany.
Brittany smirked. “You might think you know how Connor kisses but you don’t. I guarantee he never kissed you the way he kisses me or you’d have never let him go.”
Lindsey smiled. “Aren’t you glad I did, though?”
Brittany nodded. “Yeah.”
“It wasn’t because I didn’t think he was terrific, Brit,” Lindsey said. “That’s the reason I struggled with it so much. Connor’s great. He just wasn’t right for me.”
“She really did struggle with her decision,” I said, then felt my own face heat up as three pairs of eyes came to bear on me. “I’m sorry. I don’t ever talk about the emotions that visit me—and I didn’t know it was you at the time, Lindsey. I just knew there were powerful doubt and guilt being felt by someone. I only figured out that it was you later when things ended up the way they did. And I just—I can feel now—an uncomfortableness. I think it’s between you and Brittany. I mean, who else is here, right? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t be trying to do this bonding cookie thing. I’m just going to go.”
I started to turn away, but three nos echoed through the kitchen. Brittany was the one who grabbed my arm first, but Kayla was right behind her, taking the other one, and her remorse flowed into me.
“Don’t leave,” Brittany said. “We can’t imagine what it is to be you. To know what everyone’s feeling. To hold our secrets.”
“Not your secrets. I don’t know what you’re thinking. I just know what people feel. And the emotions hit me. I don’t always know who they’re attached to. But sometimes I can figure it out.”
“So stay,” Kayla said. “We won’t do the stupid questions.”
“I liked the question,” Brittany said. “I wondered what Daniel kissed like. We never kissed. So?”
They released their grips on my arms. I almost ran. Instead I said, “Well, the question was what are your mate’s kisses like. And he’s not my mate.”
“You’re not going to accept him?” Brittany asked as they steered me toward the island.
“I don’t know.”
Lindsey dumped cocoa into the saucepan. “Why not?”
Brittany poured half a cup of milk into the pan before handing it to me along with a stick of margarine. I focused on unwrapping the stick of margarine. It was easier to talk when I wasn’t looking at them. “I’ve never…really spent any time with guys. I like him. I like him a lot. He’s bossy, but strong and sexy and nice.” I dropped the margarine into the pan before looking up. “How did you know your mate was your mate?”
Kayla took the pan to the stove, set the heat on medium, and began stirring the ingredients to melt them. “I didn’t even know about mates when I met Lucas,” she said, “but wow, something about him really got to me. It was like no matter where he was I could feel him watching me. The depth of attraction I felt for him so fast scared me. I tried to ignore it, pretend it wasn’t there, but it was always simmering beneath the surface. As much as he scared me, not being with him scared me more.”
“I always loved Connor,” Brittany said. “Since I don’t have the mate-for-life gene, I’m probably not the best one to explain how you know he’s your mate.”
“But you knew you loved him,” Lindsey said.
“Oh yeah. I lived for those moments when I saw him, when he spoke to me, when he just looked at me. I always felt warm and fuzzy if he gave me any attention. He could also piss me off quicker than anyone I knew. When he’d challenge my fighting ability—watch out.”
“See, I didn’t get that with Connor,” Lindsey said. “Being with Connor was…pleasant. Enjoyable. Being with Rafe…scared the living crap out of me. Still does. Everything is just so intense.”
I didn’t want to tell them that everything they’d experienced with their mates, I’d experienced with Daniel. It was so personal and private. But was it enough? Why couldn’t I just say he was the one?
The mixture began to boil. Kayla removed it from the stove and carried it back to the island, where Brittany dumped three cups of oats, a cup of coconut, and a teaspoon of vanilla into the bowl. “Now the magic ingredient,” she said, and added a half teaspoon of imitation butter flavoring.
Kayla poured the chocolate brew into the bowl and Lindsey stirred it. They worked as a team, each seeming to know what the other was going to do. And though they were trying to include me, I still felt slightly like an outsider.
Brittany set a large cookie sheet covered in wax paper on the island and handed me two spoons. Lindsey set the bowl in the center of the island. We began spooning out the concoction and dropping it in little balls on the cookie sheet.
“So what are you going to do about Daniel?” Brittany asked.
“I don’t know. It’s kind of a moot point, really. I mean, I have to go through my first transformation alone. He can’t shift with me.”
“That really sucks,” Brittany said. “What if you do die?”
“As long as you guys kill that monster…” I shrugged, trying to pretend that it didn’t matter, that I wasn’t scared. I was so glad they couldn’t sense my emotions.
I also realized that I’d managed to spend a little time with them without being overwhelmed by theirs.
“So do we bake these or what?” I asked, wanting to turn the attention away from tomorrow night.
“Nope,” Kayla said. “We just let them set.” She touched one with the tip of her finger. “Maybe five, ten minutes.”
“That’s the reason we like them,” Lindsey said. “They’re easy and quick.”
“We should have included you more often,” Brittany said quietly.
She’d faced her full moon alone. Although I hadn’t been able to feel her emotions, I was certain she’d experienced fear and apprehension. Then disappointment when the moon arrived and left and she remained unchanged. Probably more than anyone, she understood what was going through me.
“Here,” she said, taking a small plate and placing some of the cookies on it. “Why don’t you take some to Daniel?”
And maybe have a few minutes alone with him in his room went unsaid. I felt myself blush again. I didn’t think I’d ever blushed so much in my life.
“Thanks,” I said, taking the plate. “And thanks for letting me help with the cookies.”
“Everything’s going to work out tomorrow night,” Kayla said.
But I felt her doubts. Sometimes it sucked to be me.
I gave them a brave smile and left the kitchen. Most of my time with them had been enjoyable. I wouldn’t mind hanging out with them again.
I strode through the manor, passing tables of knickknacks that were hundreds of years old, artifacts of another time. Portraits of generations that had come before lined the wall. The manor was more like a museum than a home.
As I went up the stairs, my heart began pounding and my palms grew sweaty. As much as I was anticipating seeing Daniel, I hated to think of him in pain. But that was preferable to what might happen if he shifted to heal and the harvester became aware of it. We didn’t even have aspirin around. A couple of Shifters were pediatricians. They came here during the summer and winter solstice to be on hand if any children got hurt. But once we’d had our full moon, we had no need for their services.
I went down the hallway that led to Daniel’s room. I rapped lightly on the door. “Daniel?”
He didn’t answer. I wondered if he was in a deep sleep. I didn’t think he’d ignore me. He’d said he didn’t blame me for what had happened.
I knocked a little louder. “Daniel?”
Again no answer. I pressed my ear to the door. I couldn’t hear any movement. What if he’d bled to death? Had the wound been that serious? I didn’t think so. But what did I know about wounds?
No, he was probably just sound asleep. Should I disturb him? I didn’
t have to wake him up. I could leave the cookies on the bedside table for him to find when he woke up.
With my hand trembling in anticipation of seeing him again, I opened the door and peered inside.
His bed was empty. He was gone.
FOURTEEN
I opened myself to allowing in others’ emotions. I was searching for the guys. I figured he’d gone to join them, to discuss strategy or fighting or something.
The emotions began roiling through me. Lots of testosterone-type feelings: bravado, challenging. And then they shifted to joy, pleasure, desire. The girls had obviously joined them.
I found them in the game room, which was situated near the media room. But when I walked in, I didn’t see Daniel.
“He didn’t want the cookies?” Brittany asked.
Her voice forced me through the fog of their emotions. I hadn’t realized they’d noticed me coming in. “He wasn’t there.”
I felt their alarm spike through me.
“Where’d he go?” Seth asked.
“Well, duh, she wouldn’t be here if she knew,” Brittany said.
“We need to search for him,” Lucas said.
“Or not,” I rushed in to say. “Maybe he just wanted to be alone, to nurse his wounds…” And even as I said it, I realized that was exactly what he’d gone off to do. Only he’d shift to do it.
“Crap,” Lucas said as if the same thought had hit him. “Can you sense if he’s in trouble?”
“His emotions don’t reach me.” Had I never told them that?
“Why not?” Connor asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
“Is it something we need to worry about?” Kayla asked.
“No,” Lucas said. “Not now. We just need to find him. Fan out; search inside and out.”
After they dispersed, I set the plate down on a table and began my own search.
I was pretty certain he wouldn’t go outside. Mostly because he had to know that was where we’d search for him. He hadn’t shifted in his room, so he’d wanted someplace where he wouldn’t be discovered. Maybe someplace with a lock. Maybe even someplace where no one would look.
Always when I’d wanted complete privacy, I’d headed to my reading nook. But Daniel probably wasn’t as familiar with the nooks and crannies in the manor.
What he did know was what the elders had revealed to us this afternoon. My heart kicked up its beat. I wasn’t certain how I knew where I’d find him. Was this what the girls had been talking about when we’d been making cookies? Was this a sign that he was my true mate?
I followed the path the elders had led us on that morning. When I got to the room where the ancient texts were kept, I walked through to the bookcase and touched the wolf statue. The shelves creaked open. I looked around, spotted a flashlight, grabbed it, and followed the stairs down.
The door to the armory was closed. I tried to open it. Locked. I banged on it. “Daniel!”
I pressed my ear to the heavy wooden door. Thought I heard motion within the room. “Daniel?”
“Just a minute,” he fairly growled.
The door opened, barely. I caught a glimpse of him pulling his shirt on. I’d never seen him without clothes, and lately they had been thick winter clothes. He was all lean and muscular. I caught a peek of a stomach so flat and taut that I could have balanced a mug of hot chocolate on it. My mouth went dry.
His head popped up through the opening of his sweater. “What?”
He sounded—and looked—seriously irritated with me.
“You. Shifted.”
“So? Did you really think I was going into battle with a gimp leg?”
In retrospect, no.
“Do you know the chance you took? I could have found you in here dead.”
“But you didn’t. Besides, if the bastard showed, I had a silver sword nearby.”
“If it was that easy to kill, it’d be dead by now.”
“So what are we arguing about?”
“That you took a chance—”
“A chance that worked, as it turns out.” Stepping out, he closed the door behind him. “My leg is as good as new.”
“You should have had someone watch over you.”
“And I should have been there when my family was killed. Shoulds don’t mean anything.”
I was never going to win this argument. Besides, why was I mad? He was healed, which increased his chances of surviving tomorrow night. Maybe I was hurt that he hadn’t confided in me, that he’d felt the need to be all secretive about it. Maybe I was also disappointed that I’d missed a chance to see him in wolf form—although he’d had to shift back to open the door.
“How’d you unlock the door anyway?”
He held up a key. “I took a criminology class. Do you know burglars can clean out a house in about five minutes, finding all the important stuff because people hide things in obvious places? The elders hid the key right where a criminal mastermind would look.”
“So you’re a criminal mastermind?”
“Have to think like one to beat one.”
“So we have to think like a harvester?”
“I think we already are. We know he’s coming for you.” He touched my cheek. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“I made you some cookies,” I grumbled.
“Awesome.”
I started for the stairs. “I’d ask you to promise not to shift again, but since you broke the last one—”
He grabbed my arm and spun me around. “I didn’t break the promise. I told you I wouldn’t shift unless I had to. I had to. I had to be at my best physically to protect you. I know I haven’t officially declared you as my mate in front of the others and that you haven’t accepted me, but I think I’m going to be getting that ink on my shoulder soon.” He cradled my face. “Don’t you understand, Hayden? I’d do anything, take any chance, to protect you.”
Then he kissed me, and it terrified me to realize how very much I did understand. Because I’d do anything to protect him.
FIFTEEN
The elders were less than thrilled with the fact that Daniel had shifted. Since his hand was no longer bandaged and he wasn’t limping, it was a little difficult to explain the miraculous healing other than with the truth.
As a result, he got stuck washing the dishes after dinner. When he was finished, he joined me in the game room. I was sitting on a stool at the refreshment bar. He sat beside me.
“It’ll come tomorrow night,” I said softly.
Tension was high. To alleviate some of it, the guys had challenged the girls to a Wii tennis tournament. I was having some success at shielding their emotions, probably because, even though they were engaged in spirited play, there was still a somberness in the air.
“We’re going to have a lot of Dark Guardians surrounding you,” Daniel said. “The harvester won’t be able to get to you.”
“And if they die trying to save me? How am I supposed to live with that?”
He took my hand, turned it over, and trailed his finger along my palm where the splinter had been the night we’d played pool. “If you’re thinking about doing something stupid like running away again, know that I’ll find you.”
My heart turned over. I took his hand, brought it to my lips, and kissed it. “I wish we could run away.”
And wished I’d known him longer. Had gotten to know him better.
“Their emotions are going to ratchet up before the night is over. You’re going to take a battering,” he said quietly.
“Probably.”
He glanced toward those engaged in the tournament, then turned back to me. “When I first came to Wolford, I did some exploring. I found a place. I’d like to share it with you. Tonight. Will you go with me?”
And I knew he was asking just in case one of us didn’t survive tomorrow.
I glanced around. The elders would be majorly pissed, but I’d had a taste of absolute freedom—no teachers, no headmistress, no elders—when I’d ventured int
o Athena. But there was safety with the pack.
Regrettably I shook my head. “You could get hurt or killed.”
“No way. I’ve spent most of my life alone. I fight better alone.”
I must have given him a funny look, because he instantly looked as though he’d regretted what he’d said. “But your family—”
“I didn’t live with them.”
“Ever?”
“The last few years I didn’t.” He leaned in and whispered, “Want to know the story? Come with me.”
It was tempting, so tempting.
“You’ll be safe,” he insisted. “Until you have the ability to shift—”
“It could try to abduct me.”
“It could do that here. Besides, I don’t think it has the substance to do that. I mean, it’s an ethereal being. It’s only solid while it harvests, which is why it’s so hard to destroy. There’s only a small window of time.”
“How do you know so much?”
“Because after Justin was killed and I realized this monster killed my family, I’ve been researching everything I could find about them. Ask the elders. They’ll know.”
“And you won’t risk shifting?”
“My promise hasn’t changed. It’s the same as before. I won’t shift unless I have to.”
“Okay, then,” I said. “I’ll go with you.”
“Are you sure this is wise?” Brittany asked me.
She was sitting on her bed, watching as I packed my backpack. “No.”
I wished it was summer so I could wear something that showed a little more of my skin.
“Then why are you doing it?” she asked.
“To be with Daniel. In case tomorrow night…” I let my words trail off. No sense in giving voice to my fears.
She wrapped her arms around her legs, drawing them to her chest. “Do you love him?”
I felt my face heat up. “I don’t know. I have a hard time understanding my own emotions.”
“We all do,” she said. “It can get confusing.”
I plopped down on the bed and faced her. “How did you know you loved Connor?”
“He was all I thought about. I wanted to be with him—even if it was only to be in the same room.”
Dark Guardian #4: Shadow of the Moon Page 12