by Lauren Royal
By the time they were rattling down Windsor’s cobblestone streets, Rose’s stomach was roiling—and not from champagne bubbles. It was just after nightfall, and when they stopped in front of Kit’s mansion, it looked like a shadowy hulk beside the river. Only a few windows were lit. Rose hoped that meant Kit was still at work in the castle, giving her a few more minutes’ respite.
On his doorstep, a sister held each of her hands while Violet tapped the knocker. The door swung open almost immediately. Though they were greeted by the butler, Rose saw Kit poke his head out of the drawing room.
When their eyes locked, a surge of emotion slammed into her chest.
SIXTY-FIVE
“ROSE?” LIKE an apparition, she stood on Kit’s doorstep, stark and dramatic in blood-red silk. Bounding forward, he scooped her up in his arms, his heart swelling with relief. It was only after setting her away that he noticed the odd expression on her face.
And Bridgewater’s jewels on her ears.
All his tension came coursing back. “Why have you come? Is something amiss?”
When she’d failed to answer his last few letters, he’d tried to tell himself she was simply caught up in the bustle of wedding preparations and planning their Continental tour. But in his gut he’d sensed there was something else, and it had been a struggle keeping his mind on his work this past week. He’d nearly mustered the nerve to defy Lady Trentingham’s wishes and call on Rose himself.
She shot a glance at her sisters. “I just missed you is all,” she told him, but her smile appeared a bit strained. If she was upset, it seemed she didn’t wish to speak of it in front of them. “Lily and Violet stole me away from Trentingham for a surprise visit.”
His brows shot up. “Your mother doesn’t know you’re here?”
“I told her we were taking Rose to my house for a sleeping party,” Lily explained. “We planned to go on to Oxford this evening.”
“But then we got a rather late start…” Violet chimed in, blatantly hinting.
Rose gave her a sharp look. “I’m certain we can find an inn nearby.”
“I’ll not hear of it.” Realizing he was being rude, Kit moved aside to let them enter. “You’re perfectly welcome to stay here.”
“We wouldn’t want to intrude,” Lily said, ever solicitous.
“No trouble at all. I’ve plenty of room.” Lady Trentingham would undoubtedly disapprove, but what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.
“This place is stunning,” Violet breathed as they stepped inside.
“Goodness, yes, Kit.” Lily turned in a circle, taking in the tall entry with its stone walls, white ceiling, and black-and-white floor. “I thought the house you built for Rand was special, but this…” She peeked into the drawing room. “May we have a tour?”
Kit lifted a branch of candles and began walking them through the large house. Though anxious to speak with Rose alone, he found himself charmed by her sisters’ lively company. Many chambers hadn’t been used in weeks, as he found it wasteful to have the whole house lit each night just for him. Until tonight, he hadn’t realized how lonely the place was without Ellen.
Supper was ready by the time their tour ended. His cook had prepared a lovely venison pasty, but Kit hardly noticed what he was eating. Rose was seated on his right, and he was acutely aware of her pushing her food around on her plate. It seemed she hadn’t much of an appetite, either.
Supper was followed by port in the drawing room, and though it was still rather early, after one drink Lily and Violet made a show of yawning and proclaiming their fatigue. Kit had had three bedchambers prepared—there were plenty of extras, after all—and he called a footman to show them to their rooms.
While her sisters said their goodnights, Rose didn’t budge from her place on the couch. With relief and a twinge of apprehension, Kit refilled their two goblets and settled back into his chair to hear the true reason she’d come.
But it seemed she still wasn’t ready for that discussion.
“How is Ellen?” she asked instead, giving him an uncharacteristically shaky smile. “Her room looked so empty without all her things.”
“Indeed, it’s far less cluttered these days.” Kit sipped his port. “Ellen is fine, according to her husband.
“Her husband?”
“She still won’t talk to me. I’ve stopped by six, seven times—but she stares right through me.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Rose said, a little crease between her brows. She looked uncertain and fragile, which did nothing to ease his disquiet.
They sat in silence for a while, sipping port and listening to the fire crackling on the hearth. He waited as patiently as he could, sneaking only the occasional glance at her face. Her eyes inky and unreadable, she looked beautiful in the wavering light.
Beautiful and unhappy.
When she finally spoke, her voice came out stronger than he’d expected. “You lied to me, Kit.”
The bottom dropped out of his stomach. There was only one thing he’d ever lied to her about. “How did you—” he started, but then cut himself off.
Because it didn’t matter how she’d found out.
What mattered now was fixing this.
His insides wrenched painfully at the thought of losing her, and his hand moved to grip the chunk of brick in his pocket. Did she still want to marry him? He wanted to spring out of his seat and go to her, but sensed it was best keep his distance.
Taking a deep breath, he began again. “Rose, I’m so sorry.” Hearing how inadequate the words sounded, he bit back a sigh. “I didn’t want to lie to you, but your mother persuaded me it was for your own good.”
He winced. Well done.
In one single sentence, he’d managed to sound condescending and too cowardly to accept the blame for his misdeeds.
“That wasn’t what I…”
He was mucking this up but good.
Shaking his head to clear it, he tried to start over. “I knew lying to you was wrong, and I felt ashamed. But I did it anyway. There’s no justification, but I believed the truth would drive you away, and I was so besotted with you I couldn’t—”
“It’s all right.”
His jaw dropped. “It is?”
Her nod was almost imperceptible. “I’m not angry.” Her brows lifted, as though she were surprised by her own words. “At least, not anymore. I probably would have run away if I’d learned the truth earlier.”
His breath hitched. “But you’re not running away now?”
She shrugged. “I-I haven’t decided.”
Unable to stop himself, he moved to kneel beside her, being careful not to touch her. His throat tight with fear, he struggled to force the words out. “What would make you decide to stay?”
She shrugged again, not meeting his eyes. “I need to know for certain that this is real.”
“That what’s real, sweetheart?”
“Us. What we are to each other. All along you’ve said we were meant to be together, and I think I always believed you, even before I knew I had feelings for you. But now I keep thinking…” Her chin lifted, her fathomless eyes searching his. “Did you truly mean it? Or did Mum tell you to say that?”
He felt as if she’d slapped him. “Of course I meant it!”
“I’m sorry if you feel I’m being unfair.” Though the sentence was an apology, her eyes remained determined. “But you have lied to me. I can forgive that lie since my mother put you in an impossible position. What I couldn’t forgive”—her voice thickened as tears flooded her eyes—“is knowing that when you made me feel seen and valued and loved, you were really just telling me what I wanted to hear.”
Her words pricked him like needles, her voice raw and vulnerable, her lips quivering with the effort to hold herself together. Kit’s insides wound tighter and tighter until he snapped and leapt up to seize her.
The instant he touched her, the air changed in the room. His hand curled around the back of her neck and dragged her mouth to h
is. The kiss was unlike anything they’d shared before: there was no trace of tenderness, no slow, sweet persuasion. It was a clash of desperate frustration and pure need—the need to be close, to offer comfort, to prove something.
With an effort, he pulled away. “Was that real enough?” he challenged gruffly.
She nodded, and with a grunt of satisfaction he reclaimed her lips.
His mind went blank as it always did when he touched her, his body responding to her of its own accord. She was perfect, thorns and all. She was heaven; she was everything he needed. He was lost in her enveloping warmth and her seductively feminine, flowery scent.
It seemed a long while later when Rose stilled him with firm, warm hands on his shoulders. Leaning against each other, they both sat perfectly still for some time. He listened to her heavy breathing mingling with his own for what seemed like hours but couldn’t have been more than a few minutes.
“I’m sorry,” she said at last. “Something came over me…I was afraid I’d get carried away. That cannot happen until we’re married.”
Kit shot upright and turned to look at her. “Does that mean…are we still getting married?”
Her hesitation made his heart stop. But then she nodded, and his heart soared.
And he kissed her all over again.
SIXTY-SIX
THEY HELD HANDS as Rose reluctantly let Kit walk her to her guest chamber. At the door, he gave her such a tender kiss that she felt incredibly foolish for having doubted him.
Would she someday thank Mum for doing whatever it took to bring them together? Now that was something to doubt. But she resolved to go a little easier on Mum anyway. After all, if she hadn’t been so blind and stubborn where Kit was concerned, all that sneaking around behind her back wouldn’t have been necessary.
And it didn’t matter now. She and Kit were together again, together for good. She went up on her toes to kiss him again and smiled when he wrapped his arms around her. She felt utterly safe in his embrace. Everything was right.
Well…not everything.
Still standing there outside the door, she laid her head on his chest. “Ellen will come to our wedding, won’t she?”
“You mean, now that we’re having one?” Kit teased, an undercurrent of elation in his voice. But his next words were clipped. “According to Thomas, Ellen has no wish to attend. But let’s not talk about my sister, shall we?” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “We’ve much better things to think about.”
Her sigh was half bliss, half regret. “I’ll go talk to her tomorrow morning before I leave. She’s my friend as well as your sister. I want her at our wedding.”
“I don’t.” She felt him tense. “Not if she’s going to ignore me.”
She found one of his hands and squeezed it, trying to soothe his heartache. “It’s only a disagreement. She’ll come around.”
Privately, she thought he needed to come around, too. If she could forgive Kit’s folly, shouldn’t he be able to forgive Ellen’s? Didn’t their bond mean more to him than their quarrel?
She sighed again. “If you’d just give her the dowry you saved—”
“I’m not going to give her eleven thousand pounds when she won’t even deign to speak to me.”
“Clearly her behavior doesn’t warrant it, but for you, Kit, and for me. Because we want her at our wedding.” Raising her head, she gazed up at him. “What if she promised to speak to you afterwards—”
“I am not going to bribe her to be my sister. When she’s ready to apologize, I’ll be here.”
Rose bit her tongue, realizing there was no arguing with him. She’d have to convince Ellen to make the first move. But she’d worry about that tomorrow.
Tonight she’d have sweet dreams.
SIXTY-SEVEN
THE NEXT morning, after breakfast with her sisters—who were ecstatic and relieved to see them happy together—Kit walked Rose up the hill to the pawnshop.
“I’ll wait out here,” he said when they arrived.
“I want you two to talk.”
“I’ll be here if she’s willing.”
Bent over a tray full of rings, Ellen looked up when the bell jingled. “Rose!” She came hurrying out from behind the counter.
Rose hugged her tight, then set her away. “You look good.” Actually, she looked as if she were in her element, fresh-faced and radiant in a simple peach gown.
“Do I? That’s funny, because I feel like puking.”
“Oh.” Rose stepped back in alarm. “Is there anything I can—”
But Ellen was already dashing away, throwing a “Be right back!” over her shoulder.
Though some truly hideous sounds traveled from the back room, Rose allowed her friend the privacy she seemed to want. Her worry mounting, she wondered where Thomas was and if he realized his wife had taken ill.
She was on the point of fetching him when Ellen returned, looking surprisingly cheerful for a girl who’d been retching only seconds before. “My apologies,” she said with a blithe gesture. “It comes and goes.”
Rose’s concern evaporated, replaced by awe. “You’re with child.”
Ellen’s grin was her answer, and Rose immediately pulled her into another bone-crushing hug. “Oh, Ellen, I’m so excited for you!” she cried, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “And Kit will be thrilled—”
Her friend stiffened and pulled away, her giddy laughter trailing off. “I don’t want him to know.”
“Oh.” Rose cleared her throat. “You know we’re betrothed?”
“Yes, and I think it’s wonderful.” Her smile was genuine, if subdued. “I hope you two will be happy.”
“You are coming to our wedding?”
“No.” She fiddled with the tray of rings on the counter. “No, I’m not.”
“Ellen, if you don’t attend, then someday you’ll be very sorry. You cannot refuse to speak to your brother forever.”
Ellen slid a garnet ring onto her finger, then pulled it off. “I cannot imagine that he cares.”
Rose waited until she looked up. “You know he does.”
“Then he should give me my dowry. He has no right to withhold it just because I didn’t marry to his liking.”
At this point, Rose suspected Kit would hand over everything he owned if his sister would just stop this nonsense. Neither he nor Ellen would budge first. She wanted to knock their two heads together.
But Ellen was just plain wrong. “He has every right. He earned that money.”
“I earned it, too,” Ellen shot back, her eyes as green as Kit’s when he was upset. “I suffered for that money every bit as much he did. More. My parents were dead, and my big brother left me with old Lady St. Vincent. True, I had enough food and a nice place to live, and I was taught to read and write. But I was also forced to wait on her hand and foot. She was nasty and cruel, and she hit me when I displeased her.”
“Oh, Ellen.” Rose touched her friend’s shoulder in concern. Though it was common for parents to beat misbehaving children, her own mother and father had never subscribed to the practice. “Did Kit know?”
Ellen shook her head. “Her ladyship said she’d throw me out if I complained. Whenever he bothered to visit, I used to beg him to take me with him, away from there, anywhere…” Her voice dropped, and she took a deep, shuddering breath. “He promised me that someday I’d live a better life, and I figure it’s my due.”
Kit considered the baroness his savior, but there were two sides to every story. To his sister, the woman had been a villain. Still, even if Ellen had informed Kit of the abuses she’d suffered, Rose couldn’t see where he’d have had much of a choice.
“What do you expect he could have done? How could he have cared for you? Supported you? He was a mere boy, with no money and no livelihood. And he certainly couldn’t have brought you along to school—”
“I know,” Ellen ground out miserably. Her jaw was tight, her cheeks pink. “He had no choice; I know it. But that didn’t make it
easy for me.”
Rose made a sympathetic noise. “Of course it didn’t.”
“I earned that money. I mean to have it. He could dictate my life when I was a child, but not anymore.”
“How on earth do you expect Kit to understand what you’ve been through if you don’t talk to him? This is childish, Ellen. You’re a married woman, an expectant mother. Try to put yourself in his position. And you must come to our wedding. If not for Kit, do it for me.”
Tears welled in Ellen’s eyes. “I cannot. If he doesn’t love me enough to give me my dowry even though I defied him, I cannot.”
Rose’s gaze strayed out the window to where Kit was pacing across the street, clearly as miserable as his sister. She wished he would just give Ellen the money and end this painful stalemate, but unlike his sister, she could see his side, too.
Her heart went out to him. “I’m sorry, Ellen, but I cannot keep the news of your pregnancy to myself. I’ll not keep secrets from the man I’m betrothed to. I hope you’ll understand. And I hope you’ll change your mind about the wedding.” She gave the girl’s shoulder a squeeze and went outside to join Kit.
He whirled when he saw her. “How is she?” he immediately asked.
“Wonderful. She’s with child.”
Only a slight widening of his eyes betrayed his reaction. “Is she healthy?” he asked in a carefully neutral tone.
“Quite healthy, save for some expected sickness in the mornings. But she still doesn’t want to see you.”
His jaw tensed as he took her hand to start the walk back down the hill to his house, where Violet and Lily were waiting to take her home.
She squeezed his fingers. “Do you know, it’s possible Ellen’s pregnancy may be affecting her thinking and her feelings.”
“Whatever would make you believe that?” He didn’t look convinced—probably because Rose didn’t believe the explanation herself. She just hated seeing him so downcast.
She shrugged. ”It’s common enough for increasing women to be weepy and such. In any case, Ellen is young. Surely when her child is born she will grow up quickly. In the meantime,” she added carefully, “if you want her at our wedding, you only have to give her—”