But today, his face and his posture indicated he was upset about something. Somehow she didn’t think Laila’s problem was the reason. “I appreciate that you think I could help Laila.” When all he did was nod his head, she persisted, “Don’t you think I can help you?”
He shook his head without looking up.
“Why do you think I can help Laila, but not you?” she persisted, keeping her voice quiet and gentle.
“Laila likes talking to you.”
“You don’t like talking to me,” Janice stated in a neutral tone.
“I don’t mind talking to you.” Frowning, he finally looked up to meet her gaze.
“I understand it’s hard for you to talk about your problems…”
“I don’t have any problems,” he interrupted, and cast his eyes back down to his loose thread.
“River, you have a problem; it’s written all over you. Please, let me help you. I hurt just looking at you.” She waited patiently, watching him struggle with the decision whether to confide in her or not.
“I had a fight with my girlfriend. We broke up.”
Thank you, River! “That is why you are upset,” she stated, still in a neutral tone.
He nodded.
Janice decided to make a guess to help him out. “Is it because you met with Laila?”
He nodded again.
“Is she jealous of Laila?”
“Maybe…she might be…but the reason she broke up with me is because she thinks I lied to her.”
“Oh.” She waited patiently for more, but finally asked, “Did you lie to her?”
“No,” he mumbled and shook his head. “I just didn’t tell her I was meeting Laila. She calls that a lie of omission.” He looked up to meet her eyes again with a wry smile.
Janice also half smiled. “Yes, I have heard the expression, and perhaps it is a form of lying.”
“Maybe…I didn’t mean to lie to her. I know she doesn’t like Laila and I thought it would just be easier for her not to know. I didn’t want to upset her.”
“Did you explain that to her?”
“I tried.”
“Do you think she is being unreasonable?”
“Yeah…maybe. I think she suspects Laila and me of sleeping together.”
“Why would she think that?”
“I don’t know.”
When he finally looked up, Janice raised her eyebrows in a question, but remained silent.
“I didn’t want to tell her what happened to Laila with my cousin. I don’t want Sierra to know how messed up my family is.”
“So, by not telling her why you met with Laila, she is coming to another conclusion.”
“That’s right.”
“River, perhaps you should tell her what happened to Laila.”
“I’d have to ask Laila if she is okay with that.”
“Of course, but I doubt that Laila will mind if you tell Sierra.”
“Probably not.”
“Do you want to get back with Sierra?” Janice asked after several long minutes of silence.
“Yes.”
“Do you think she is going to think less of you if you tell her what Warren did?”
River’s fingers nervously twisted the loose thread. He swallowed, bit his lower lip, worked his jaw around, and then pressed his lips tight together.
Janice thought she might understand at least part of River’s problems in socialization. Like so many abused children, he harbored feelings of shame and unworthiness; that the abuse was his own fault or that he somehow deserved it. She recognized that he feared Sierra might think less of him if she knew all the details of his family history. Warren was just on the surface of the problem.
When he still didn’t answer, she said as gently as possible, “River, you are not responsible for your cousin…or for your father.” When he didn’t react by protesting angrily, but only deepened his frown, she knew he was listening. “You are a good person.”
He looked up for an instant with the most open expression she had ever seen on his face; an expression of hope and wanting to believe her.
“I’ve only known you a few months and what I have come to know is a young man who is honestly trying to make his way in the world, figure out his place, and not hurt others along the way. I suspect all your work with horses has taught you patience and tolerance, and developed in you a strong sense of responsibility.” She watched the muscles of his face moving as he stared at his fingers still nervously working the thread. He’s listening! She waited in silence, giving him time to think about her words.
“What should I do?” he asked, looking up to meet her eyes.
“What do you think you should do?”
With a forced breath out, and again returning his attention to his thread he said, “I just can’t tell her.”
“You don’t have to tell her everything, but maybe you should at least tell her about Laila and Warren. Try to put yourself in Sierra’s place. What do you think you she might be feeling right now with only seeing her side of what happened?”
He nodded.
“River, have you ever talked to anyone about your father?” she asked as gently as she could. She wasn’t surprised when he shook his head. “It really does help to talk about bad things that happened to you, especially with someone with whom you feel safe.”
He shook his head again and said, “I can’t. I don’t even like to remember those things.”
“But those memories are inside you and they still come forward when you least expect it; or when you are least prepared.”
He didn’t answer; just hunched his shoulders and focused on his thread.
“You can talk to me, River, and I think I can help you deal with those memories. That’s what I’m trained for.”
They both jumped when the bell sounded, releasing students from classes and signaling the end of River’s time with Janice.
River gathered his things and just before he exited the door, he looked back over his shoulder and said, “Thank you.”
Janice smiled and nodded. Thank you, and please, let me help you.
*****
“Steady…now push her forward…two strides, and…good!” Tess called out from the middle of the outdoor arena where she coached River riding Felicity, over a gymnastic course of low jumps. “Slow around the corner…now straight on to the combination…easy…now…and one…two strides…great!” She smiled in satisfaction as River and the young mare correctly rode the combination with two strides in between the elements. “Well done,” she complimented as they finished the course over a two-and-a-half foot oxer. River brought Felicity down to a trot and rode once around the arena before bringing her to walk and then over to where Tess stood.
“She’s really doing well,” River added his own compliments as he halted the young mare and patted her neck.
“Yes, she is. You know, you could take her out novice level the first couple events next season, but I think she’d do fine at training level.”
“No,” River said emphatically. “Don’t push her, Tess, please,” he added in a more supplicant tone.
“River…”
“No,” he said again. “She’s enjoying her work and she’s gaining confidence. But she’s still a little timid and if you ask too much of her she’s going to react by getting very high strung.”
With a sigh of annoyance, Tess shrugged. “Alright then, if she stays at novice level, maybe Sierra could ride her. I need you riding at higher levels.”
“Maybe,” River said, equally annoyed. He didn’t want to think about Sierra or possible mounts for her right now, and he certainly didn’t want to talk about her with Tess. “Are we done?” He released the reins so that Felicity could stretch and relax her neck as they cooled down.
“Yes, she certainly worked hard for you.” Before River could move off on Felicity, Tess placed a restraining hand on the rein nearest her. “What’s going on between you and Sierra?”
“Nothing,” River stated, s
cowling, his lips compressing into a thin line.
“Right; you had a fight,” Tess stated. “I suggest you apologize and make up. I can’t imagine either of you committed such a horrible crime that you can’t forgive each other and stop this nonsense.”
River stared at her in amazement. Tess is giving me advice about Sierra and me?
“Don’t look at me like that,” Tess snapped at him. “I’m not as dumb as you think and I’ve made enough of my own mistakes to give you advice.”
Touching his calves to Felicity’s flanks, he moved her off, not wanting to continue this conversation.
Watching him ride off, Tess shook her head with her arms folded tight. Make up with her River; you’re going to need her! She sent her wish silently after him.
The fight to keep Corazón was not going well. They had contested Beverly’s claim of ownership, and had ended up just two weeks ago in court in a civil case. Jerry had argued that because there was no record of a stolen horse report, what proof was there that Beverly had not at some point sold the horse? Beverly claimed she had reported her horse stolen, and had no idea why there was no record. Her lawyer was very convincing in pointing out how often law officers would not do the paperwork, especially when they didn’t believe there was much hope of recovering the stolen property. When Beverly at one point broke down in tears as she stated what a relief it had been to find her beloved horse, Tess believed she won over the sympathy of the jury. It didn’t help, she had noted bitterly, that eight of the twelve jurors were men and Beverly was an attractive woman. The jury decided in Beverly’s favor. Tess wanted to appeal, and Jerry said they could do that, but it would not prevent Beverly’s right to take Corazón away.
After the jury decided in Beverly’s favor, the judge then ruled on the amount of expenses that Beverly would need to reimburse Pegasus Equestrian Center. Tess’s itemized bill had come to almost twenty-five thousand dollars. She had included every expense she could think of - board, training fees, supplements, tack, farrier fees, veterinary expenses, entry fees. She had even included the cost of show clothes for River. At Jerry’s advice, she had purposefully exaggerated every possible cost, hoping that the bill might discourage the Cormack woman; maybe convince her that the horse might not be worth the expense of reimbursement. The judge had reduced the bill to fifteen thousand dollars as fair and equitable.
The Cormack lawyer asked for a restraining order preventing them from taking the horse away from Pegasus until Beverly could arrange to pick him up. It had occurred to Tess to send River’s horse to another barn, maybe even out of state, but she had waited too long to act.
Now she was offering to buy Corazón; which prickled irritatingly into every fiber of Tess’s being. But if that’s what it took to keep the horse, she was willing to ‘buy’ him back.
Beverly refused her offer of thirty thousand; fifteen thousand dollars cash plus waiving the bill. Beverly instructed her lawyer to essentially respond, ‘do not insult me’. What is so insulting? Tess didn’t understand. Tess then offered thirty-five thousand; and again received a refusal. She decided to make a very generous offer of fifty thousand, again the amount over the bill in cash, even though she would be hard-pressed to come up with the money. Walt Douglas wanted to pull out of the partnership now that his daughter no longer had an interest in riding. Tess needed all her resources to negotiate taking over full payments of Pegasus and a contract to buy out his share. She had limited liquid cash right now.
This morning, Jerry called to tell her Beverly had again refused their offer. In desperation, Tess asked him to offer fifty-five thousand, but she very much doubted that woman would accept. All they were doing was stalling for more time…but the time was running out.
*****
With Felicity cooled out and put away, River squared his shoulders and headed for Oberon’s paddock. He still found no pleasure working with the belligerent gelding even though the bay had learned to contain his aggressiveness around River. But the horse still exhibited no enthusiasm; no looking toward River to ask, ‘am I doing okay?’. Oberon made it very clear that his submission was only because he accepted River as the dominant one in their relationship. His flattened ears and blazing eyes said ‘I don’t like you and I have no choice’.
“Oberon,” River called out to alert him of his approach. The bay stood along the fence line of his paddock close to Morrison in the next one over. Morris, recognizing River, looked up and whickered a greeting. Oberon however, flattened his ears and trotted away to the far corner of the paddock.
River picked up his halter and the ground whip that he always left wherever Oberon was turned out, and entered the paddock. He did not insist that Oberon come to him, just not turn away. He walked a few feet into the paddock and when Oberon faced him without moving, he proceeded up to the bay’s shoulder. At least the horse had accepted the fact if he turned away he would be forced to gallop around much longer than he wanted to. River slipped on his halter, praising him in a stream of soft, Spanish words. Oberon stood still and did not jerk his head up as River buckled on the halter, but neither did he lower his head; a truce.
River led him into the crossties and began grooming his thick winter coat. Since he didn’t know how Oberon would react to clippers, he decided not to clip him this winter. It also saved everyone the trouble of having to buckle on a blanket, risking a bite from his quick, sharp teeth.
He watched Oberon’s ears as he brushed, hoping to see a sign of relaxation if not actual enjoyment. Most of the horses liked their grooming, especially since River always tried to find spots with each horse that they especially like brushed. But with Oberon, it seemed nothing pleased him. In fact, River needed to keep the ground whip close at hand to counteract with the whip handle for the times the bay horse still turned his head with teeth bared or kicked out. River enjoyed grooming horses, but with the wariness he constantly needed to maintain with Oberon, it became an unpleasant chore.
“You are one mean-spirited, sour guy,” River said in a gentle tone as he worked on removing caked on mud from Oberon’s legs. “Not like your sister, are you?” He finished with a comb through the gelding’s thick mane and tail, and then pulled out the hoof pick from the tack box. He hated cleaning Oberon’s feet, for the gelding tended to pull and sometimes tried to kick while River held onto his back foot. As many times as River reprimanded him and insisted on the horse standing politely for this necessary part of his grooming, he never knew when Oberon might revert to his aggressive behavior. He just could not be trusted.
Finally finished with grooming, River led the horse to a grassy patch behind the stable to allow him to graze. He had tried this before, but Oberon would not graze with a human so close. He only tossed his head and looked over to where he could see horses turned out in the pasture. Neither kind treatment nor treats seemed to be of any value to Oberon. But River still wanted to give him a chance. It had been well over two weeks since the last time he had tried hand-grazing him, but nothing had changed. Feeling defeated, he led the resistant animal back to his paddock.
Now, for the best part of the day! River headed down to the paddock where Corazón had been turned out. It used to be the best part, he couldn’t help thinking, when Sierra came with me. He had seen Sierra ride off on Fiel as he was bringing Oberon back to his paddock, and a heaviness that was becoming all too familiar, settled deep within. While working with the horses, he was able to most of the time push thoughts of Sierra aside. But every so often, catching sight of her or a thought of how things used to be assaulted him, and added additional weight to the lump in his chest and rock in his stomach.
He had thought over Mrs. Montoya’s advice throughout his remaining classes at school and on the way home. I should apologize. He wanted to apologize. He rehearsed apologies in his mind hypothetically with Sierra; but they all sounded so lame. He just wasn’t sure what to say, and…admit it, you’re afraid she won’t accept your apology.
“Cory,” he called out as he reached the
paddock. Forcefully, he pushed thoughts of Sierra out of his mind.
The black lifted his head and stood for a moment, focusing his eye on River, and his nostrils flaring as he explored the scents in the air. Then as if he had established, ‘yes, it is River’, he neighed loudly, and leaped into a gallop. In a winding path and with a few bucks and kicks thrown in, he came prancing up to where River stood inside the gate smiling appreciatively at the beautiful animal. Just watching his horse, moving freely in high spirits, lightened River’s mood.
“Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten how magnifico you are,” River chided the black who now lowered his nose toward River’s hands, expecting a bit of carrot. River fed him the carrot off the flat of his palm. Then he haltered him and led him up to the stable. What a joy to lead this horse who willingly walked alongside his shoulder with ears pricked and an attitude of looking forward to today’s work; such a pleasant contrast from dealing with Oberon. How lucky I am to have found a horse like Corazón.
Unlike Oberon, Corazón enjoyed his grooming. Since he wore a turn-out blanket outside, he didn’t need much brushing across the clipped part of his coat protected by the blanket. River spent time gently brushing the mud off of his exposed legs and fetlocks, and then brushed areas he knew Cory especially liked; the base of his withers, the top of his tail, and he also seemed to like extra rubbing behind his elbows of his front legs. Then River picked out his feet and put on protective splint boots, and then Cory’s bridle. It was a cold but not freezing winter day; cloudy but not raining, and a perfect bareback day.
With a quick survey around as he stepped out of the stable, Tess is in her office…doesn’t see me, River whistled for Storm and then led his horse to the mounting block at the lower field. He swung onto Cory’s warm back and set off.
For The Love of Horses (Pegasus Equestrian Center) Page 13