The three of them managed to do okay considering neither Lily nor Liam were really talking to him. They navigated their way through the crowded waters until they broke through and had an expanse of blue to themselves. Mac knew that Cain and Michael were somewhere behind them, but up ahead he spied Jake and Raine—hard not to, Gibson freaking yapped at everything.
They fell into an easy rhythm, and as the afternoon wore on, he managed to coax some conversation out of Liam, but Lily was still cool. Polite. But cool.
When they reached the turnaround, he caught a smile she shot at Liam and his chest tightened when she glanced up at him. The sun painted a halo around her golden head, and with her cheeks pink from exertion, a healthy glow to her skin, and those eyes that could see into his soul, he knew the image was one he’d remember for a long, long time.
He offered a small smile and though she didn’t return it, she didn’t look away either. By the time they reached the shore where they’d started, the air was cooling off and it was nearly six in the evening.
Jake invited them over to the stone cottage at Wyndham Place, but Lily politely declined before Mac could answer, though after checking with Becca, Liam rode back to Jake’s with Cain, Maggie, and Michael.
Lily helped him secure the canoe on top of his truck and once they were in, seat belts in place, he revved the engine and gripped the steering wheel tightly. He wasn’t sure how to fix what he’d inadvertently broken, but he knew he needed to make things right.
He knew that maybe they needed to talk about some things.
“Lily,” he began carefully. “About before…”
“Can you just take me back to my place, please?” Her voice was soft—not a hint of pissed off, but shit. That’s it? She was gonna bail on him because he’d blurted out a bunch of shit that was basically the truth?
“Sure,” he answered sharply. “Sure thing, Boston.”
Her hands were gripped tightly in her lap, and she looked out her window as they pulled away from the beach. He probably shouldn’t have squealed the tires on the blacktop or cranked the tunes to ten, but he was pissed.
He felt the stirrings of something dark and heavy in him, and he thought that maybe this was good. They needed a few days to chill and figure this out, and he needed a date with his good buddy Jack.
Christ, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d cradled that particular bottle in his hands and the thought of getting shit-faced drunk was a good alternative to the thought of being alone at his place.
Hell, maybe he’d hit the Coach House.
Maybe he’d…
“Can you slow down please, Mackenzie?”
Again with the soft voice. He glanced at her, his heart taking off when he found her eyes on him. They were dark and intense, the blue much closer to denim than the clear, blue sky they normally resembled.
That thing inside him—whatever it was—pressed even tighter. Jesus, it didn’t feel as if he could breathe.
Automatically he relaxed his foot on the gas and slowed down as they came upon the bend just before her driveway. He maneuvered it expertly and pulled up beside her car, throwing the truck into park as he finally unclenched his hands from the wheel.
He glanced up at the cottage. She needed to water her hanging baskets or they were going to die.
For a moment, heavy silence filled the cab, and then she reached for the door handle.
“Are you going to shut this thing off?” she asked and then slid from the truck, not looking at him as she started for her porch.
Mac watched her climb the steps. He watched those long, tanned legs eat up the distance in no time. He watched her reach into her back pocket and retrieve a house key.
He watched her open the front door and pause a few seconds before disappearing inside. He had no idea what was going on or what the hell they were doing. He had no idea what Lily was thinking, and he sure as hell didn’t know where his head was at.
It had been a strange afternoon, but as he cut the engine and got out of his truck, he realized that it was time to figure this out—whatever this was.
He supposed it was time to be a grown-up.
Pretty sad, considering he was thirty-five.
Chapter 23
Lily didn’t realize she’d been holding her breath until she heard the front door open and then close. She exhaled in a swoosh and grabbed a tall glass which she filled with cold water from the fridge, before leaning against the counter and staring out the window.
Her heart was beating a little crazily and she felt the heat in her cheeks. She didn’t have to look in the mirror to know that she looked flushed and it wasn’t from the sun either.
“This thing with me and Lily St. Clare has an expiration date.”
She winced and froze when she heard Mackenzie clear his throat behind her. What he had said was true. She knew that. Of course she knew that.
But it was the other things those words had dug out of her—feelings, thoughts, and maybe a dream or two—that had torn at her all day. It was those things that had made her realize that somehow, over the last few weeks, something had changed.
She had changed.
There were things that she wanted—things that she’d never dreamed of having—and they were suddenly very clear.
The only problem was that Lily had no idea what to do about them. She had no idea how to move forward knowing that she wanted more than a casual, sexual relationship. She wanted more than the exclusive dating thing they’d first discussed.
She wanted Mackenzie in a way that she knew was going to bite her in the ass because it was obvious that he was still on the other road—the road called sex with no strings. The road that was only a single lane.
Lily had passed him and was riding fast and hard toward a two-lane highway, and if she wasn’t careful, she was going to crash and burn.
So now the question was, what was she going to do about it? Did she break things off with Mackenzie now? Before there was the chance she’d be hurt? Did she wait for another man like him to walk into her life?
Or did she take a leap of faith…did she take a chance that maybe things would work out between them? Did she choose to believe that the connection they had was a hell of a lot stronger than what they’d originally envisioned?
Did she even have a choice?
She cleared her throat and turned around. “Can I get you anything?”
Mac shook his head. “No.” He took a few steps into the kitchen and then stopped, rubbing the stubble along his jaw. She knew him well enough now to know that it was a nervous gesture, and while she supposed it should make her feel better to know that he was nervous too, it didn’t.
It just meant that they were at a crossroads, and after the morning they’d had—that hot encounter in the shower—it was one she hadn’t seen coming.
“Lily, we should talk.”
“Yes, we probably should.”
Good. They were going to be civil about this. Adult even.
Suddenly hot, she moved past him and headed for the deck out back. The air was cooler outside, and she inhaled a great big gulp of it as she eyed the forest that lined the property.
She’d been thinking of buying it from Raine, thinking of setting down roots in Crystal Lake.
Seems as if she’d been thinking of a lot of things.
Mackenzie stopped beside her and followed her gaze. “I’m sorry if I ruined your day. I didn’t mean…I didn’t mean to get into it with Becca. Sometimes…” He paused, swung out his arms, and rolled his shoulders. “Hell, most of the time, when things heat up, I lose my temper and I always say something stupid.”
“It’s alright, Mackenzie. You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. It just would have been nice if half of Crystal Lake hadn’t heard it. That’s all. I’m sure I’m not the only woman on the planet who would hate to be referred to as nothing more than
an expiration date.”
He stared down at her and then moved a little closer. He still had on his Detroit Tigers ball cap and his long, blond hair waved over his ears in a way that made him look younger.
“That’s not what I meant. Jesus, Lily. You have to know that.”
She bit her bottom lip. “I know.”
“I’m going to be honest, Lily. I don’t know where we’re at exactly, but I do know it’s a place I never thought I would be.” He attempted a smile. “It’s a nice place, you know. But I’m pretty sure, at some point, we’re going to be looking at change. I’m not staying here in Crystal Lake. I have a life in New York City.”
“I know,” she replied. “I knew that when we started this.”
“I’ve never been with a woman like you.” He looked so earnest, so much like his nephew Liam that, that damn thing around her heart tightened again. Shit.
Lily held herself still and waited for him to continue.
“I’ve never been with a woman that I wanted to spend all my time with. I just…” He shrugged. “I just never have. I didn’t think she existed.” His voice lowered. “I didn’t think I wanted her to.”
Silence stretched between them, and Mackenzie rubbed the back of his neck.
“God this is hard,” he said roughly before nailing her with a look that she could only describe as haunted. “Things are great, hell, they’re more than just great between us, but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I gotta be honest with you, Lily. If you’re thinking of anything long-term, I don’t know that I’m the right guy for you.”
A small sliver of hope erupted inside her. It wasn’t as if he’d said things were over. And maybe she shouldn’t have read too much into it, but it was so hard not to—so hard not to follow her heart.
“I don’t know that I can be the right guy for you. I don’t know what I am, Lily, but I do know that I’m not the white-picket fence guy. Jake and Cain and other guys I know, that’s them. But me? I’m just not.”
She opened her mouth to ask the question why, but he beat her to it.
“I don’t even know if I can explain why in a way that will make sense. I only know that the family blood running through my veins isn’t the kind of thing I want to pass along to anyone. The Draper’s are cursed, Lily. Christ, if you knew my father and his father before him, you’d get it. I’m not an angel. I’ve been the bastard that my dad is. I’ve been there before, in that dark place, and no kid should ever see it.”
He studied her for a moment, and she could see he how conflicted he was.
“About a year after I moved to New York City, I started seeing this woman. She was smart, driven, had a great job at a PR firm…and she liked to drink. The two of us together were toxic, and one night after an argument…” He closed his eyes and shoved his clenched fists into his pockets. “That night, she pushed me too far. She was flirting with some douche bag, dancing with him and behaving inappropriately. I could have been mature and walked away. Hell, I knew what she was doing. Things were cooling off between us, and she was trying to get a rise out of me. But instead of walking away, I got into it with the asshole when he followed us out of the club. I beat the shit out of him, broke his arm and put him in the hospital, and Jenna ended up with a black eye.”
He paused as if searching for the right words, and Lily’s heart went out to him.
“She said it was an accident, that I hadn’t meant to hurt her, and she got my elbow in the face when she tried to break up the fight.” He turned to her and Lily saw the anguish in his eyes. “It doesn’t matter though because what I do remember is the rage—the absolute rage that I felt, and I knew then that I was totally capable of becoming my father.”
For several moments there was silence, and then he spoke quietly.
“I made a decision right there and then that a wife and kids aren’t for me, and it’s something that I won’t change, not for anyone, because if I ever hurt a child, if I ever did what my dad did to me and my siblings…what he did to my mother, I don’t…” His voice broke, and he moved back, took another moment. “Lily, you’ve got me considering things I’d never thought of before, and I don’t know what the fuck to do about them.”
Lily’s clenched her fists together and decided to take the plunge. What the hell. It’s not as if she had any other form of attack other than the truth of what was inside her.
“When we got together, it was pretty much based on a strong physical reaction to each other. New Year’s Eve was off the charts, and these last few weeks have been amazing. Mackenzie, I’ve never felt that way with anyone, and I might have gone a little crazy, you know? You got me to step out of my comfort zone, and that’s not something anyone has been able to do before.” A ghost of a smile played around her mouth. “Except for Jake maybe, but he had to use damn near an entire bottle of tequila.”
Mac reached for her and tucked a long piece of hair behind her ears.
Lily inhaled deeply and then plunged forward before she chickened out. “You taught me that there is an entirely different side to me, one that I didn’t know existed—a side that I had pretty much given up on.”
She unclenched her hands, grateful that her chest was loosening up.
“I like that side. I like it a lot.” She watched him carefully. “I don’t know where we go from here, Mackenzie, but I can’t lie either.”
God, her stomach roiled so hard she was afraid she was going to be sick.
“I have feelings for you and they’re more complicated than what our so-called casual but exclusive sexual relationship calls for.” She watched the way his eyes darkened, the way his mouth parted slightly and his nostrils flared.
She decided that since she’d come this far, she may as well take the plunge and go all the way. Heck, the only thing she had to lose was her pride…maybe her soul…
Maybe her heart.
Mouth dry, she licked her lips and jerked when he stepped forward so that he was so close only a whisper separated them.
“I think that you might feel the same.”
“The same?” he asked, his voice a little rough.
Lily nodded. “I think that things aren’t so casual for you either.”
He was silent for a few seconds. “No.” He shook his head slowly, not taking his eyes off her. “They’re about as far away from casual as you can get.”
The tightness inside her loosened, and for the first time since that morning, she began to relax. She began to hope.
And maybe that was dangerous territory for her to traverse, maybe it was like walking blindly down that single lane highway in the middle of oncoming traffic, but she didn’t know how to be any other way. Lily leaned into his hand, her fingers tracing the contours of his jaw before resting against his mouth.
“So what are we going to do?” she asked softly, loving the play of shadows on his face.
“We explore each other. We enjoy each other.”
His tongue darted out, and she shuddered when he licked the tips of her fingers.
“We respect each other’s boundaries and see where this goes.”
Boundaries. Right. His “no white-picket fence and no kids” boundary.
Could Lily live with the knowledge that she would never have those things as long as she was with Mackenzie?
What was the alternative if not? A life alone and never feeling alive again? Never knowing the joy she took by just watching him? The way he smiled and lit up her world in colors of gold? The feel of him inside her? The sound of his voice?
Could she live a life without love now that she’d experienced it?
That thought whispered through her mind, and for one scary moment, time sort of froze. She saw herself as an old, bitter woman with no babies and no husband…and no Mackenzie.
Holy. Shit.
It hit her then. She’d fallen in love with him. She didn�
��t know the when of it or the how of it…she just knew without a doubt that, that was what the hot, hard thing pressing into her chest was. It was love. It was a scared kind of love that had no idea what it was doing.
Maybe Mackenzie loved her but didn’t know it yet, or maybe there was nothing but strong feelings inside him. It didn’t matter. Not really. Those were things that she couldn’t control.
What she could control was how she lived her life and what choices she made. And just like she’d chosen to cut out the parasite that was her family—her father and her awful sister—she could choose to have Mackenzie in her life, even if it meant doing so on his terms.
And because Lily loved Mackenzie, she was willing to do just that.
So when he groaned and slid his mouth across hers, whispering words of apology, she gave herself up to him. When his arms slid around her waist and pulled her into his body, she melted into him as if she was his second skin.
When Mackenzie slowly lifted her into his arms and headed back into the house, she ran her fingers over his face and buried them in his hair. She kissed him, her mouth open and hot and giving. She kissed him with all the fervent emotion inside her, and when he began to undress her, she let him worship her with his hands and his eyes and his mouth.
They didn’t make it to her bedroom. They barely made it inside.
He grabbed at her clothes with an urgency she hadn’t felt, not even this morning when he’d surprised her in the shower. His hands were everywhere and his mouth soon followed, tongue probing, gliding—teeth nipping and scraping.
By the time Mackenzie got her shorts down, she was squirming, hot with need.
“I want you naked,” she whispered hotly as she yanked on his T-shirt and pulled it over his head. Next came his shorts and, sweet Jesus, but her man wasn’t wearing boxers. Lily pushed him onto his back. She shook her head when he would have pulled her up against him.
She settled between his legs and began to kiss her way up his thighs, first the left and then the right. She traced her fingers over his taut muscles, loving the way they stretched and tightened beneath her touch.
The Day He Kissed Her Page 19