by Ava O'Shay
“Thanks mom. But I want to see what band’s playing. I’m just going to stop by to listen.”
She looked like she was going to say something about him calling her mom, then straightened and put on what Quill thought of as her ‘I’m high but I don’t want you to know’ expression. “Maybe I’ll go with you.” Ren pulled her long hair out of the back of her shirt.
Quill assessed his sister. Looking for any sign as to what went down earlier. Rarely did she want to go clubbing with him and never without Jolin. Something was definitely going on. “Don’t change the fuck with my radio station.”
“Fuck you,” she said and headed out the door.
-oOo-
“She’ll know,” Ren said twenty minutes later as they waited for Mrs. Daniel to open the door. Quill had showered, scrubbed, shaved, mouth-washed, and done everything in his power to not look hung over. He thought he looked pretty good. Ren was adamant he could have been power washed and she would still know.
“As if she won’t know you’re strung out on cracker drugs.” Quill muttered. Ren had not behaved herself in the car and had fiddled with the radio, the windows, and the glove box. She was having trouble sitting still.
“I’m not on anything. Too much caffeine,” she denied again.
“Kids! So glad you came.” Mrs. Daniel grabbed Ren in a bear hug before she moved on to Quill, landing a kiss on his cheek and a strong embrace. “I’m sorry about yesterday.” She leaned back, ripped his baseball cap off his head, and looked Quill up and down. “You’ve been drinking.”
Quill tipped his head back, avoiding looking at her. A laugh burst from Ren before she bailed on him. “Quill.” Mrs. Daniel’s voice was firm.
Reluctantly, he dropped his gaze to hers. “Well, not today.
“Was it because I pushed you? I didn’t mean to upset you. I was trying to help.” Her eyebrows were drawn together.
Quill shook his head. He didn’t know what to do with the feeling of disappointment that came when people cared about him. It had been easier when it was just Ren. “I just had a couple.”
She cupped his face in her hands. “You aren’t even twenty-one. You’re trying to live your whole life in such a short time. Slow down. Enjoy life. Stop trying to avoid things and speed through.”
“I’m fine.” Quill knew he wasn’t exactly fine, but he didn’t want to get into the counseling conversation every time he decided to drink. “I’m fine. Now, where’s the food?”
Mrs. Daniel moved her hands to his shoulders. “Come on.”
Jolin was already sitting at the table with a diet soda in front of him, looking unusually uncomfortable. A strange addition to their Thursday get-together was Akeo, looking equally uncomfortable on one side of Jolin, while Ren settled on the other. Quill stopped in his tracks, looking from one to the other. It was obvious Jolin had something to say, and Akeo was there for backup. Holy shit they’d brought back up for an intervention.
Mrs. Daniel already placed all the food on the table and as soon as she found her place at a chair on one end, they began to dish noodles, sauce, and garlic bread on their plates. Soon, the commotion of serving and passing plates ended and a silence fell over the table as they began to eat. Quill sat, waiting for the conversation to be directed at him. At his need for counseling, intervention, drug rehab, a monastery, God knows what they had planned. Quill lost his appetite and picked at a piece of bread.
“How’s counseling going?” Mrs. Daniel asked. Ren’s fork stopped halfway to her mouth.
“We had a good discussion today,” Jolin started. “Talked about maybe… “ Ren glanced Quill’s way, then blurted out, “Quill got a job.”
Quill stopped mid chew. Holy shit. This wasn’t an intervention for him. It was an ambush on Ren. Something happened at counseling, and Jolin had brought in reinforcements.
Mrs. Daniel looked up at him. A smile hinting at her mouth. “A job?”
Quill figured she was thinking of the same type of jobs Ren had… selling drugs, a mule smuggling drugs over the border, stripper on drugs. They had such high expectations for him.
“I was hired at a music shop. Couple hours a day, and then giving guitar lessons.” Jolin wiped his face with a napkin. “I didn’t know you played the guitar.”
“He doesn’t,” Ren piped in. “He’s going to read a book to learn.” A pleading expression filled her eyes as she looked across the table at him.
Quill drilled her with his evil twin stare. She really was going to do this in front of Mrs. Daniel? The conversation she was avoiding must be a doozy. Quill sat back and decided to take one for the team. They’d played this game in foster care. Whenever there was a conversation they wanted to avoid, they’d started an argument between themselves. It worked every time.
The foster parents were so concerned on getting them to shut up, they forgot what the issue had been in the first place.
“Well they must have thought he had potential or they wouldn’t have hired him,” Mrs.
Daniel said.
“I play, and why are you all up my ass? I got a fucking job. How’s counseling going?” He tossed out, unable to resist playing with her a little. He’d save her. He’d take her shit, but he wasn’t going to make it completely painless.
“Quill,” came Mrs. Daniel’s usual reprimand over their language.
“I never heard you,” Ren immediately put the conversation back in his lap. He felt like they were playing ping pong. Ren’s leg began jumping under the table, shaking the silverware. Jolin dropped his hand to her thigh, but she shifted away.
“I’ve never heard you screw, but I can assume you know how to do it.”
“What the hell.” Ren laughed. Quill picked up his napkin to hide his grin. He’d broken her angry façade with his last comment. One point for him.
“Jesus Christ,” Jolin muttered and rubbed his temple.
Mrs. Daniel stood up and banged a knife on the side of her glass, making a dinging sound. “Stop.”
Everyone looked in her direction.
“You are not to use that language in my house.” Her gaze drilled into Quill. “Sorry,” he muttered. “She provoked me.”
“Sorry,” Ren repeated after him, trying not giggle.
Mrs. Daniel settled in her seat again. “So Ren, Jolin said today was kind of a break through day for you at counseling?”
Quill leveled his stare at Ren. Mrs. Daniel wasn’t going to let up. “You aren’t with me every second of the day,” he said across the table.
“Thank God,” she mumbled not missing a beat. Ren began to fidget with her fork, poking at the various food items left on her plate.
“I play.”
“Kids.” Akeo held up his hands, being the ever present calm in their storm. “Obviously he was hired because the owner thought he had the ability to do the job.”
“Thank you.” Quill nodded at Akeo, who nodded back.
“Or he hired him because Quill had something else he liked… “ Ren wrinkled her nose at him.
“Oh. My God. I was not hired as a piece of ass. He simply said the girls would enjoy watching me play. Jesus Christ. Don’t give me any credit. How the hell am I supposed to rise above my shit when everyone has such low expectations of me? I can play the fucking guitar. Jesus. I’m out of here.””
“Quill. Your language,” Mrs. Daniel said again.
“I thought you guys would be happy I got a job.” Quill threw his bread down on his plate for added drama.
“Are there girls there? Because I give you two weeks to get into their pants and get fired for banging the employees.” Ren’s fingers were tapping at the water glass, making a clicking sound.
“Mouths please,” Mrs. Daniel said furtively.
“Ren.” Jolin put a hand on her arm in an attempt to still her movements.
“I’ll be good at this job,” Quill insisted. He knew Ren was using him to deflect, but it still hurt to hear she thought he was a screw up.
“You’ve been good at a
ll the jobs you got fired from. You got fired because of your… “ Ren glanced at Mrs. Daniel, “your extracurricular habits.”
“The only people working are me and the guy’s daughter.”
Ren raised an eyebrow and burst out laughing. “Daughter?”
“I’m not going to lose this job,” Quill insisted, hoping this conversation would end and she’d get up and leave with him. He said he was leaving, but he couldn’t bail on her. If he was gone, she’d have to answer the questions Mrs. Daniels was asking.
Jolin took Ren’s hand. “Ren. Leave him alone. He’s going to be fine.”
Ren looked down at their hands, then back to Quill. Her expression broke his heart. She was drowning in some big ass boat load of shit, and he didn’t know how to save her. “I got to go. Quill’s my ride.”
“I was asked to join a fraternity, and I’m thinking about it.” Jolin changed the subject, not releasing her hand.
Quill leaned back and let out a loud laugh. And let the truth set you free. Ren was pissed about the frat and more than likely the shrink sided with Jolin.
Ren let out a loud sigh.
Jolin gave Ren a look which Quill read as, we’re going to talk about this now.
And now Quill knew why Akeo was here. Although Jolin could have had the entire Army in his back pocket, if he pissed off Ren, she’d take him down. Well she’d walk out and shut him out indefinitely, but in their world it amounted to the same thing.
“I was asked, and I am thinking about it,” Jolin repeated. “We talked about this with the counselor.”
“The counselor doesn’t understand what happened in high school.” Ren pried her fingers from his.
“Jesus, can’t you let that go? I make mistakes. I learn from them. It’s an opportunity to meet some people. Get connected,” Jolin started, but his argument was weak at best.
“Meet sorority whores, get connected with the in crowd again,” Ren mumbled. “I knew you would think that,” Jolin said. “Do you not trust me at all?”
Ren’s mouth formed a thin line.
“I think it’s a great opportunity,” Jolin’s mom began. “It isn’t all about parties. You can make some great connections later in life for work.”
“Why are you bringing this up now?” Ren asked. “We already talked about it.”
“I thought my mom might be able to help,” Jolin said to his plate. “And just because you said your peace doesn’t mean I agreed to it.”
“The counselor doesn’t get it. You don’t get it. So I doubt your mom is going to get it. You aren’t even getting it. I don’t fit in that part of your life. You’re making a choice, and it isn’t me.” Ren’s voice was shaky. Quill understood what she was feeling. It was the reason he avoided any meaningful connections. She was convinced if Jolin had the opportunity to meet girls without the baggage she carried around, he’d leave her. Why would he stay with someone like her when it would be so much easier to be with a normal girl?
“No, I’m not. Why does it have to be one or the other? I feel like I can’t do anything because you’re afraid I’ll leave you. That isn’t healthy. I’m eighteen years old in couples counseling. I thought my mom could help us.”
“What if I wanted to join a sorority?”
“Ren,” Mrs. Daniel started. “You have to do what’s right for you. Not in-spite of something Jolin did that made you mad.”
Ren glared at Jolin. “It isn’t fair you brought this up here. They don’t understand. They don’t know everything. Of course they’re going to think I’m being irrational.”
“Then confide in someone. Let other people know what’s going on!” Jolin yelled. “And it isn’t fair you’re taking out your insecurities on your brother.”
Ren looked at Jolin, then across the table at Quill. “I’m sorry. You’ll be great at your job.”
“Don’t,” Jolin said.
Quill took a step back. He knew when Ren got calm like this she was anything but calm on the inside.
“Don’t do this,” Jolin whispered.
Ren lowered her chin until it almost touched her chest and took a deep breath. When she looked up again her expression was guarded. “I’m not doing anything.”
“Don’t leave like this,” Jolin said.
“Mrs. Daniel, thank you for dinner. It was awesome as always. I got to go. Early class tomorrow, and I need to finish a paper.” Ren picked up her plate, took it to the kitchen, cleaned it off, and slipped it in the dish washer, then headed for the door.
Quill’s hope for a quick getaway came sooner than he’d anticipated. “Guess I’m out of here, too. Sorry about the drama tonight. But that’s how we roll.” Quill kissed Mrs. Daniel on the cheek and followed after his sister. When he got to the door, Ren and Jolin were having a heated, whispered argument. He held back, giving them a minute.
A minute he knew Ren didn’t want. “Don’t shut me out,” Jolin was saying.
“I don’t want to hold you back, and obviously you feel like I am. Do what you need to do.”
“We talked about this. I’m not choosing one over the other. I don’t understand why I can’t have both.” Jolin tried to take Ren’s hand but she pulled away.
“Because Jolin. You have shown me over and over that I don’t fit into that world, and I don’t know how to make it work.”
“Maybe if you gave a little. If you tried to meet me half way. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Why can’t you try?”
“Look at me. What’s half way? How do I meet you half way in a competition I can’t even begin to participate in?”
“It’s not a competition.” Jolin paced back and forth.
“I’m not a preppy, rich girl. I can’t be like them, and no matter how much you try, you can’t turn me into them.”
“I’m not trying to change you.” Jolin’s fight was leaving. His voice softened, and he tried to reach out for her again, but she moved away.
“Nothing with me will ever be easy. No matter how hard I try, I can’t make that any different for you, and you need easy. You need a girl that is uncomplicated, and I can’t be that for you.”
Quill caught Ren’s attention. She looked back at Jolin, then said, “Let’s go.” Without a kiss goodbye or a friendly ‘hey see you later,’ Ren was out the door.
Quill gave Jolin a sad smile. “It was a low blow bringing it up here and having Akeo at your side. She felt ganged up on. Hell, I felt ganged up on. Give her a bit of time before you call. It’s a touchy situation for her.” He grabbed Jolin’s shoulder and squeezed. “Give her time. But not too much.”
“All I ever do is give her time,” Jolin grumbled.
Quill frowned. “I guess when you decide you’re tired of waiting, you won’t give it to her anymore.”
Ren was sitting in the car when he walked outside. He stopped and watched her picking at her fingernails, a nervous habit he thought she’d broken. With a sigh, he walked to the car and got in behind the wheel.
“I’m heading to The Warehouse. I can drop you off or you can come.” Quill started the car. “Although, currently, I kind of dislike you. Wish you would have at least warned me you were going to put on a show tonight.”
“I’ll come,” she said without much enthusiasm. “And I’m sorry. I didn’t think he’d bring it up in front of his mom. I didn’t want to get into all the shit that came out today and obviously they did. I really am proud of you for the job. I know you’ll do well. You’re very musical. I’ve heard you singing before.”
With a smile, Quill pulled out of the driveway. “I’m just relieved they were going after you. I thought Mrs. D was going to get everyone to jump me and throw me into rehab. And on that note, let’s get wasted.”
“Amen to that,” she mumbled.
.eight
Quill Diaz
September 10
9:00 p.m.
He knew before they walked in that Cori was playing tonight. Her voice broke through the metal walls of The Warehouse and straight into his s
oul. He’d say he was pussy whipped, but it wasn’t like that. In the past, his dick was his guiding light. Like those weird people who used sticks to find water in the desert? His dick found easy pussy. But with Cori it was different. With Cori his stomach clenched and churned, making him feel like he was going to throw up every time she was around. He tried to convince himself it was the connection he felt with her music, but he knew better. He also knew it wasn’t something he was going to let happen. She was special. She deserved something more, and he wasn’t the one to give it to her. Tonight was a giant wake-up call. It reminded him it was better to avoid connections than to expect people to understand your shit. He had too many secrets to let anyone close. If a good guy like Jolin couldn’t deal with Ren’s past, there was no way he would ever let anyone see his own.
“Want a drink?” Quill asked Ren. “Or are you still popping from whatever you took earlier?
“I told you I drank too much caffeine.” “And I don’t believe you.”
Ren sighed. “Okay. After our session, I smoked a little. Then I got tired and started drinking energy drinks from work.”
“How many?”
“Six. Maybe seven.”
Quill laughed. “Guess that’s the magic number for getting wired.” Ren gave him a sad smile. “Guess so.”
“Give him a break. You know he loves you.” Quill grabbed her shirt sleeve and pulled her toward the bar. “It isn’t all you can drink night. I don’t have any money,” he said over his shoulder.
“Sometimes loving someone isn’t enough.” She shoved her hands into her pockets, coming up empty. Neither do I, so I guess its sober wallowing tonight.” She shrugged and settled onto one of the stools set along the wall.
“He wouldn’t do it if there wasn’t a good reason.”
“The band’s good.” Ren ignored his comment. She was a tough one to break and didn’t usually open up to him, so why he thought standing in a bar was going to break the ice, he wasn’t sure.
“Cori is incredible.”
“Cori?” Ren chuckled. “Is incredible?” “Yeah I know her name. Leave it alone.” “One of your notches?” she asked.