“Of course I am. I was just pissed and spewing the first ugly thing that popped into my head. It was a stupid analogy, and I’m sorry. But you know better than to even say his name. It was like kicking me when I’m down.”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t you dare compare me suggesting an incredible opportunity is in any way comparable to you getting all misty-eyed over losing the great love of your life. You make me feel like a second-rate consolation prize, and I deserve better.”
“Of course you do. And I already told you I was a stupid ass for even mentioning Ella, so let’s take her out of the equation. I’m with you. I only want to be with you. That’s it. End of story.”
“Only this isn’t the end, Nathan. Not really, when you consider the fact that I spent all night by your bedside, scared to death you’d stop breathing. It makes no sense how I assume that we’re together—you know, like a couple—yet you can get beaten to the point that you have four broken ribs, but find that so inconsequential that you don’t even bother to tell me.”
“Because, like I already said, what was the point in telling you? If you hadn’t flipped out and called 9-1-1, there never would have even been an issue. Hell…” I waved at my surroundings. “How am I supposed to pay for all of this? Of course we’re a couple, but sometimes you need to leave well enough alone.”
Tears might have shone in her eyes, but every trace of body language within her control had hardened, from her crossed arms and legs to her pressed lips.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “How many times do I have to say it before it sinks in?”
A nurse entered. “Mr. Black, the doctor signed your release papers. Once we go over your aftercare, I’ll give you your prescriptions, and then you’ll be free to go.”
“What about a payment plan? I don’t have insurance, so—”
“Your bill has been paid in full.”
“Is there any way to un-pay it?” When I looked to Carol, she didn’t meet my gaze. How come just when I thought I couldn’t sink lower, she somehow managed to kick me down a few more notches? Though it hurt like hell, I forced a deep breath. “I prefer to be responsible for my own bill.”
“Sorry, sir, but once payments are processed, the only way to stop them is through your credit card company.” The nurse signed off on a few forms before handing her clipboard to me. “Please sign here…and here. Good.” I couldn’t absorb the whole aftercare spiel, because I was too angry.
I stared straight ahead though the nurse’s speech, and again when an orderly wheeled me into a downpour to wait beneath an awning for Carol to bring around the car.
I got in, and once she’d maneuvered her ride through the chaotic ER lot and onto the main street, I said, “How much was the bill? I’ll get you the cash.”
“I. Don’t. Want. Your. Money.” She’d clenched the wheel so tight, I was surprised it didn’t snap in half. “You don’t get it, do you? How the only thing ever standing between us and a happy ending has been your pride.”
“Here we go…” I raised my hands only to slap them against my thighs. The move hurt, but screw the pain. I needed to make a point. “The world according to Perfect Carol. You’ve got the perfect job and car and hair and friends. If it weren’t for me, you’d have a great big perfect life, wouldn’t you?”
“Maybe I would, only there’s one great big problem standing in my way!” She hit a pothole, and the car hydroplaned before fishtailing onto the wide dirt shoulder. Once she’d regained control, she slammed on the brakes and shoved the automatic transmission into park. “I happen to have fallen for you, Nathan Black, which means that despite you being a horse’s ass ninety-nine percent of the time, I care about your future, because I’m hoping it’s aligned with mine. But how are we ever going to take our relationship to the next level if you don’t even trust me enough to tell me you’re hurt? I mean, look at you—all bristled up about me paying your hospital bill when you lost sight of the bigger picture. If you’d told me you were hurt back in San Francisco, you could have found your own damned doctor and I would have gladly let you pay for every last dime of it. But noooo, you had to be a tough guy and pretend nothing was wrong, when everything was wrong. What do I have to do or say for you to believe you can trust me? Unlike your precious Ella, I’m not prone to collapsing in a stiff breeze. I’ve been through horrible things in my life, and came out stronger on the other side. Whatever you have to tell me, I will understand. Just give me that chance. Please, Nathan. Please.”
Was this it? My big opportunity to come clean with her about everything? How I still worked for Uma, and how it had been her men who had beaten the shit out of me?
Yes! my heart said.
“Babe…” my stupid mouth said, afraid that if I did tell her the whole truth, she’d go and do something crazy like call the cops. I had a sick feeling my injuries were kid stuff compared to what Uma might try if truly provoked. To protect Carol, I needed to keep my mouth shut. Someday, when it was safe, I would come clean about everything. Until then, I couldn’t take the chance—not with a woman as precious to me as her. I managed to raise my hand high enough to cup her cheek. “Of course I trust you. Look, I’m sorry—about this whole thing. Could we please chalk all of this up to pain meds and put it behind us?”
She nodded, and tried leaning in for a hug, but her seatbelt wouldn’t let her. She unfastened it, and then clung to me.
Ignoring the pain, I held her, kissing the top of her head.
“You scared me so bad,” she said.
“I didn’t mean to.”
“I don’t care. Don’t do it again.”
“I won’t.” I hoped my words would be true.
Rain drummed against the car’s roof, cocooning us in our own private world. I wished we could stay this way forever, tucked away where no one could find us—especially, Uma.
Chapter 22
Carol
Hours after I’d gotten Nathan back to our seaside room, I sat in an armchair with my sock-covered feet propped on an ottoman, a small fire crackling in the hearth and a book that I hadn’t once looked at on my lap.
Instead of reading, I watched Nathan sleep. I memorized every angle of his strong jaw and cheeks. The noble slant of his nose. The way his lips curved faintly up at the corners as if he was smiling in his dreams.
I wanted to flatter myself by believing he dreamed of me—of us—but I no more knew that than I knew for sure he’d told me the truth about how he’d gotten four broken ribs.
Never had I wished more for a best friend to confide in and share my concerns. I supposed I could call my mother, but she was still furious with me for not telling her about the second search for my daughter.
Liam and I had always worked so closely together that I hadn’t made friends with anyone at work. I hadn’t had the free time to make friends after work.
Which left one person—Ella.
Even though Nathan and I had just fought over her, the one thing I knew I could trust was that Nathan was over her—at least, romantically. His pride would probably never fully heal, but that was an issue only he could fix. One thing about Ella made her uniquely qualified to help me decipher the most important man in my life—other than me, she was Nathan’s closest friend. Who better to help me once and for all figure out what he was afraid of that made him so unwilling, or maybe unable, to trust?
The rain had stopped, so I checked to make sure Nathan was still sleeping, then took my cell to the deck to place my call. Leaning against the rail, staring out at the wind-tossed sea, I waited ring after ring. Was I making the right decision? On the fifth ring, I almost hung up. But then Ella answered. She sounded breathless and adorable, and I hated myself for sometimes hating her for the impact she’d had upon my life. For honestly, if Liam and I were meant to be, he would never have let me go.
“Carol, hi! Liam and I were just talking about you. Natalie is planning a baby shower for me, and I thought we might do something a little nutty like having it over a three-day weekend i
n Maui. Before solidifying any plans, I wanted to check your schedule and Nathan’s. I figure the boys can tag along, and then do their own thing while we’re doing ours. You in?”
Where did I start?
“Sounds fun,” I said, imagining my man lounging naked in the tropical sun, “but Nathan will be busy for at least four weeks. Will that mess up your plans?”
“No. Let’s just push it back until after the holidays. I’m sure late January we’ll all appreciate the break.”
“Won’t you be too far along to travel?”
“I’ll be at six months, so I should still be fine. Oh—and another thing, while I’ve got you. Liam and I are making holiday plans, and we’d love for you and Nathan to join us for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. Liam said your mother lives in San Mateo, so please bring her, too.”
“Thank you,” I said, playing with an idea guaranteed to make Nathan realize he couldn’t live without me. “It’s nice of you to think of us.”
“Of course. You two are family. Which means I get to ask why you haven’t been at the office and what Nathan’s doing that’s going to have him busy for four weeks?” I’d asked Owen and Garrett to keep my daughter a secret. Shocker—apparently, they actually had.
“I’m redecorating my condo, and Nathan’s in a training program at work.” It sickened me how easily the lies rolled off my tongue. I wanted to confide in her, but she sounded so happy, I didn’t have the heart to cause her worry.
“That’s awesome—for you both. Does this mean Nathan’s loving real estate?”
What?
“The night of Darcy’s party when he showed up looking so polished, and he told me about how much he respected his new boss, I was beyond happy for him. He’s had so many tough breaks, it’s about time all his dreams come true.”
I couldn’t agree more.
But what about our shared dreams? Oh—that’s right, we didn’t have any, because he’d made such a mess of his life that we couldn’t even go on an all-expenses-paid vacation until he’d healed enough to travel.
I said goodbye to Ella, and after making a few quick calls about Nathan’s Thanksgiving surprise, I made sure he was still sleeping before running to the grocery store.
Our room had a kitchenette, so I grabbed a beautiful swordfish to grill, along with wild rice, crusty French bread, and salad fixings.
On pain meds, Nathan wasn’t supposed to be drinking, so I grabbed a New Zealand sauvignon blanc for myself.
The rice and salads were prepped in the kitchen when I stood on the deck, turning the fish on the grill with one hand and holding my umbrella with the other. I didn’t think anywhere could be rainier than home, but Oregon was proving me wrong.
“Need help?” Nathan shouted above the downpour. If he stepped one foot beyond the sliding glass door, he’d be soaked.
“No! Get back in bed!”
Doing what he was told had never been his strong suit. He hobbled in my direction, ducking beneath the umbrella that he took from me right before smiling. “Damn. Why didn’t you tell me it was raining?”
“Ha ha.” I turned the swordfish. “Please go back inside. I don’t need you catching pneumonia on top of everything else you’ve got going on.”
“I’m fine.”
Since I knew I’d get nowhere trying to bend him to my will, I stood alongside him shivering, grateful for his warmth.
Once our meal was finally done, I filled two plates, then set them on the table. I grabbed napkins, refilled my wine, then joined Nathan, who’d already taken his seat.
“Thank you. This looks delicious.” He sat hunched and sideways, and his dark hair was still damp from the rain. He was easily the most handsome man I’d ever seen.
“You’re welcome.”
We ate for a few minutes in silence. I guess I should have turned on music, but the fire’s cheery crackle and the rain’s clatter against the metal roof seemed enough.
“I just got off the phone with Ella.”
“Oh?” He finished his bite before helping himself to a swig of my wine.
“You’re not supposed to mix alcohol with your pain meds.”
“I’m not supposed to do a lot of things.” He winked.
I sighed before downing the rest of the glass. “According to Ella, you’re still in real estate.”
“Yeah. Remember? You already yelled at me during Darcy’s party.”
“So you’ve just carried on the lie?” How many times had he done the same with me?
“What else could I do?” I hated his flippant answer even more than I hated myself for accepting it. I especially hated the nagging voice inside me wondering why he’d cared more about protecting Ella than protecting me. With any other guy, I would have long since kicked him to the curb. What about Nathan made him so different I couldn’t let him go? My attraction for him—my need—went deeper than fantastic sex. I loved the way he made omelets and sang in the shower and, usually, made me feel adored. But did any of that necessarily mean I loved him? “Why did you call Ella?”
“To talk about you.”
“Why?”
“Because you make me feel crazy. The way you’re stubborn one minute and sweet the next. I thought all I needed to cure myself of you was girl talk from the only woman who truly knows you, but then that wouldn’t be accurate since I now know you’ve been lying to her, too.”
Ignoring me, he took his next bite. “This is seriously good. Did I thank you for cooking?”
“Didn’t you hear anything I just said? Wouldn’t you like to at least try defending yourself or telling me I’m wrong?”
He shrugged. “I already apologized for everything I’ve ever said or done that offended you. What more is there to say? Bottom line, I screwed up, but with any luck you’ll forgive me, and then we can get on with hopefully meeting your daughter.”
Not knowing what to say to his perfect answer, I shot to the counter to pour more wine.
“What happened with me was a temporary blip. But meeting your little girl? That’s something you’ll never forget.” He strained to push himself upright, and then stood behind me, leaning on me for support. “Promise me you’re not going to let my mess interfere with your progress?”
“Sure.” I shivered when he pushed my hair aside to nuzzle my neck.
“That didn’t sound convincing.”
“I will. As soon as you’re at least able to breathe without wincing, just like we planned, I’ll visit the girl’s adoptive parents.”
“Good.” He tried leaning around to kiss me, but the pain must have been too great, as he ended up losing his balance, and his coloring faded to gray. I wrestled him back to bed, sitting cross-legged beside him while feeding him the rest of his meal. Could he have fed himself? Probably. But it was nice feeling needed.
It got my mind off other issues—like the fact that my daughter already had two perfectly good parents who no doubt wanted her to have nothing to do with me.
—
A week passed.
I spent my days cooking for Nathan or reading. I’d brought my laptop and kept up with work-related emails, putting out fires as they popped up. Liam wasn’t happy about my continued absence, and he didn’t understand why I hadn’t yet met my daughter but refused to come home. I second-guessed not telling everyone about Nathan’s injuries almost as much as I chastised myself for staying with him.
On Tuesday, I was sitting on our deck, soaking in a rare day of sun, when Nathan asked from his lounge chair alongside me, “Are you using me as an excuse to not at least try meeting your daughter?”
His question caught me so off guard, I struggled to find an answer.
“I’m good if you want to proceed with your original plan. That is why we’re here.”
I preferred not to think about it.
“Hey…” He bridged the space between us to take my hand. “Sorry about messing up your original timeline, but isn’t there some old, wise saying about there being no time like the present to make hay
while the sun shines?” He followed his slow grin with a wink. “Go. Now. Don’t give yourself time to make up an excuse not to go, just go.”
“Really? Just like that?” If just talking about this meeting made my pulse race, then I couldn’t imagine how I’d feel face-to-face with my little girl’s parents.
“I’ll do it tomorrow. Promise.”
He shook his head.
—
In the morning, spirits buoyed by the slant of more bright sun, I made Nathan his breakfast, then stood in the shower forever, wishing for bravery I feared might never come.
I emerged and wrapped a towel sarong-style around me for the trek to the bedroom.
I opened the bathroom door to find Nathan not only out of bed, but dressed in jeans and a red sweater that made him impossibly more handsome. “About time,” he noted, leaning on the driftwood walking stick I’d brought him from my last walk on the beach. “I was about to call the Coast Guard.”
“What are you doing? Get back in bed. I made your breakfast, and I’ll bring it as soon as I put clothes on.”
“What happened to our talk about you being too bossy?”
“What happened to you resting?”
“I’m not tired. Besides, you made me a promise and I intend for you to keep it.”
“If this is about me—”
“Yes—you are going to meet your daughter’s adoptive parents, and I’m coming along for the ride.”
“But you’re sick.” His coloring had faded just since I’d left the shower.
“I’m capable of standing…” He gripped his walking stick with one hand and the nearest chair back with the other.
“Uh-huh…” I ignored the wood floor’s nip against my bare feet to lead him to bed. He fought me at first, but practically collapsed once he stood against the mattress. “Tell you what—if you promise not to budge until I get back, I’ll go.”
“Good.”
Was it? Yes—for no other reason than I was driving myself crazy thinking about the inevitable meeting. If I didn’t go, I’d always wonder what would have happened if I had.
The Escort Page 15