“I’m sorry,” Selena gasped.
Without waiting for his reply, she turned her back and scooted to the far edge of the mattress once again. Liam extinguished the lamp, and moonlight streamed in through the small window. They both lay in the darkness, hearts thumping, breathing shallow and eyes wide open.
Selena felt confused and a bit frightened by her reaction. She felt a gnawing hunger in the pit of her belly that she didn’t understand, but she knew Liam was at its source. She wondered how Liam would respond if she were to roll over and press against him once more. Would he welcome her or push her away? Once again, she remembered how he looked without his clothes. The vision only intensified the pangs of desire she was feeling. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and tried desperately to slow her breathing.
Liam was going through a similar struggle, except he understood quite well what was required to satisfy his hunger. He fought a raging battle to keep from pulling Selena against him and exploring her silken curves. He dared not close his eyes because he knew his mind would instantly conjure visions of her without her clothes to torment him even further. The thought of her beneath him, sinking into the feather mattress as he sank into her . . . he released a muffled moan. He lay rigidly still beside her and listened as her breathing gradually became steady and even. It was a long time later before he found sleep.
They tossed and turned, and inevitably their limbs became intertwined. Liam awoke in the wee hours of the morning to find Selena’s arm flung across his chest and one of her thighs lying across his loins. Her delectable breasts were molded against his arm, and her nightgown had ridden up around her waist. He was clutching one of her naked buttocks, and her skin was velvety soft beneath his palm.
With the slightest movement, he would be able to slide his fingers through her tempting folds. Would he find her already hot and wet? Would she welcome his touch? Would she sigh in sweet surrender and fling her thighs wide in invitation? He stifled a groan against the pain of his throbbing erection. Had he been condemned to hell, he was convinced that the devil himself would not have been able to devise a more grueling torture than Liam felt in that moment.
It took every ounce of self-control not to roll her onto her back and end his misery. Carefully disentangling himself, Liam turned away only to feel her snuggle against him. Selena released a sigh in her sleep, and she pressed her bosom intimately against his back as she tucked her thighs beneath his. Her warm breath feathered his shoulder, and her hand landed on his belly, just inches away from his aching cock. Despite Liam’s best efforts, another agonized groan escaped as he ground his teeth grimly.
Sleep was impossible after that, and Liam was gone long before Selena woke the next morning. She sat up in the bed and yawned, noticing that it was barely daylight outside. She rose and quickly washed before changing into her clothes. She had no idea where Liam had gone, so she waited for him in their room.
Almost an hour had passed by the time he returned. He entered, and Selena took in his appearance. There were circles of fatigue beneath his eyes, and he had the thick stubble of a beard starting along his jaw.
“Morning,” he grumbled.
“Good morning,” she replied with a hesitant smile. “Where did you go?”
Liam was tempted to tell her that he had gone to hell and back during the previous night, but he tamped down the urge and the irritation that went along with it. After all, it wasn’t Selena’s fault that she was enticing enough to drive him insane.
“I went to check out the available wagons. I found a good one, but the store isn’t open yet. We’ll have breakfast and then go see about buying it.”
Liam retrieved his shaving kit from the smaller trunk, and he began to unbutton his shirt. Selena turned away and went to stand by the window. It was still early, but she noticed that the streets were already beginning to fill with people. She could hear the sounds of Liam shaving, but she kept her eyes turned toward the street below.
Liam finished and washed the last of the soap from his face before donning his shirt once more. When he had it tucked neatly into his breeches, he crossed to stand behind Selena and looked over her shoulder at the scene below.
“It’s going to be a hectic day,” he said. “Try to say with me, because there are all sorts of people around. Most of them are honest, upstanding folks, but you never know. If we should get separated in the crowd, just come back here to the hotel and wait for me, alright?”
“Alright,” Selena whispered.
For some reason, his concern for her welfare affected her profoundly. Was this what it might feel like to be his wife in truth? Would he always be protective and caring?
Liam grasped her elbow to turn her toward the door. “Come on. Let’s go get some breakfast.”
They ate in the dining room downstairs and then Liam led her to a nearby wagon merchant. The man had just opened for the day, and Liam pointed out the wagon he wanted to buy. As they stood discussing the price, Selena inspected the wagon for the first time.
Having grown up on a farm, she was familiar with buckboard wagons, but she had never seen one quite like this before. It had a four by twelve foot wagon bed that was coated on the inside with tar to make it watertight. There were brackets along the outsides where she knew that u-shaped wooden bows could be fitted to support a canvass top, but for now, they had been removed and stacked in the bed of the wagon.
The canvass bonnet was folded neatly under the bench that was attached to sturdy springs to soften the bumps. The rear wheels were larger than the front ones, but all four were made of hardwood and wrapped with iron ‘tires’ to protect the wood.
Having agreed upon a price, Liam counted out the money and told the merchant that he would be back once he had purchased a team of oxen. Grasping Selena’s arm, he led her down the street to a large enclosure near the edge of town.
A sizeable herd of oxen were milling around in a sturdy corral, and Liam searched out the owner. Selena waited outside the fence while the two men entered the corral and Liam inspected the animals. After looking them over thoroughly, he carefully chose six oxen, and he and the man harnessed them and led them out of the pen. They tied them to the fence, and Liam counted out the necessary amount. The two men shook hands, and the merchant went back to his office.
Selena wandered over to pet the oxen, and Liam watched her with some surprise as she smiled and cooed to them. She showed no signs of being skittish around the huge beasts, and he rested his arm on the fence rail and frowned at her.
“I thought you were a city girl,” he said almost accusingly.
Selena met his eyes briefly but continued to stroke one animal’s broad nose. “No, I grew up on a farm in eastern Illinois. I only came to St. Louis a few months ago.”
He stowed that bit of information in his brain and untied the ropes. “Can you handle two of them then?” he asked, holding out two of the lead ropes.
“Certainly,” she replied. She took the ropes and waited for Liam to lead the way with the other four oxen before falling in behind him.
He cast a few glances back at her but was much assured when he saw that she seemed quite comfortable. The oxen were following her meekly, and Liam grunted his approval. They returned to the wagon merchant’s establishment, and Liam made short work of harnessing four of the oxen to the wagon tongue. Selena assisted him, and it was clear that she knew how all the straps and leads worked.
“What are the other two oxen for?” she asked in some bemusement.
“It’s good to have an extra pair, in case one dies or goes lame. Also, I’ll trade them off during the trip to give them a rest.”
Liam tied the last two oxen to the back of the wagon and smiled with satisfaction. “Good. Now let’s go back to the hotel and collect our cases. Then, we can see about getting our supplies.”
Without asking her permission, Liam grasped her waist and lifted her effortlessly onto the seat. Selena was quick to move to the opposite side of the bench, making room for Liam to si
t beside her. The bench was so narrow that it was impossible for them to sit side by side without their shoulders and legs touching.
Selena tensed as she felt Liam settle beside her, and when his thigh brushed against hers, she held her breath for a second or two. For months, Selena had been repulsed by the touch of any man, and she was a bit amazed that simple contact with Liam could make her so breathless and giddy. Something about him stirred her senses.
For his part, Liam clenched his jaw when his leg made contact with hers. The same smell of wildflowers and her own clean essence drifted up to him, and he inwardly groaned at the thought of sharing her company on the long trip to Oregon. If he was going to retain any of his sanity, he would do well to keep his attention firmly fixed on other things. With that thought in mind, he did his best to ignore her while he concentrated on steering the team of oxen through the busy streets.
The rest of the day was spent purchasing supplies for their trip. Selena noted that Liam knew exactly what was needed, and many of the items he requested were things that she would never have thought to acquire, but she could readily see the need for. Despite the crowds, they made good progress, and by late afternoon, they had purchased most of the things they would need.
“Let’s call it a day,” Liam suggested. “We’ll eat a quick supper and then find a campsite and set up for the night.”
Selena merely nodded her acquiescence, and they set off. By the time they cleared the town and plodded their way onto the open prairie west of Independence, it was dark. For as far as Selena could see, other families were camped with their wagons and livestock, their glowing campfires flickering in the dark night. They plodded along slowly between the campsites and nodded to the people they passed. After a while, Selena turned to Liam and her face was wreathed with wonder.
“My goodness, there must be thousands of people here. Are they all going to Oregon?”
“Mostly. Some of them will branch off to California and Utah and some of them will settle closer, in Idaho or Montana territory.” Liam looked down at her with a grimace. “Some of them won’t make it. They’ll perish from injury, illness or starvation.”
Selena swallowed hard. She hadn’t given much thought to the hardships they might face. She had only been focused on finding a way to get to her sister. Sensing her unease, Liam reached over and squeezed her hand.
“Don’t worry, Selena. We’ll be fine. Luckily, it’s just the two of us, so we will have plenty of room in the wagon for sufficient food and supplies. We won’t starve. Trust me.”
Selena gave him a shy smile before turning away as she carefully removed her hand from his. “I do,” she said softly. “That’s why I asked you to take me along.”
Her statement affected Liam more than he cared to admit. All his protective instincts rose up to combine with the attraction he was already feeling for Selena. It was a heady mixture of emotions. He smiled ruefully as he thought that she wouldn’t have to work very hard to capture his heart.
When they finally found an unoccupied spot a short distance from the other emigrants, Liam set the brake and hopped down from the wagon. He lifted Selena down, but kept his hands on her waist and pulled her gently against him. The night seemed to close in around them, and it felt as if they were alone on the prairie.
“Tell me, Selena. Why do you want to go to Oregon so badly?”
Selena stared up into his darkly shadowed face, trying to make out his expression in the faint moonlight. “I promised my mother that I would join my sister and her husband there. It was my mother’s dying wish.” Her voice was so soft he had to strain to hear her words.
“And what do you wish for? What are you hoping to find there?”
Selena shrugged her shoulders, feeling shy beneath his steady regard. “The usual things I suppose. I wish for a home and a family of my own. I wish for a husband who will love me.”
Liam bent to claim her lips, gently savoring the soft warmth of her mouth as he pulled her even closer. Almost hesitantly, her arms slid up to encircle his neck, and Selena returned his kiss, tentatively at first, then with growing warmth. When he straightened, Liam’s voice was husky with desire.
“I could give you a home and a family. I could be a husband to you,” he whispered.
The deep tones of his voice triggered a longing in Selena, and she swallowed hard. “And will you love me?” she asked. She felt him tense beneath her hands. “If I can’t have love, I would rather not be married at all.”
Liam didn’t know whether the emotions he was feeling were the beginnings of love. He wasn’t yet ready to declare that they were, but neither did he want to return to the chilly hostility they had endured on the ship.
“I can’t promise you love, Selena. But we could have a happy marriage.”
Selena stared up at him for a long time before she finally released a regretful sigh, as if she had weighed his answer and found it lacking. “We’d better make camp.”
She pushed gently against his chest, and he consented to release her. As she hurried away, Liam stood still for several moments letting his blood cool. He wanted Selena physically, but in order to have her, he was going to have to make a commitment. Despite his body’s urgings, he wasn’t sure he was ready for that. What if they really weren’t that compatible?
He would be wise to get to know her better before taking the irrevocable step of consummating their vows. The thought of wooing her seemed suddenly appealing. After all, they had five or six months before they reached Oregon. That would give him plenty of time to get to know her, and he could take it slowly and see what happened. He could be charming when he wanted, and he definitely wanted to charm Selena.
They worked side by side to unhitch the oxen and see to their needs. Liam dug the tent that he had purchased out of the wagon and Selena helped him set it up. It was already late, so they decided not to build a fire, instead using several blankets to make a pair of warm pallets in the tent. Selena rushed to undress while Liam was busy outside. She was already in bed when he entered the tent, and she turned her back to him while he undressed, even though she could only make out his silhouette against the glow coming from nearby fires. He settled in his pallet beside her and wriggled until he was comfortable.
“Goodnight Liam,” she whispered softly in the darkness.
“Goodnight Selena.”
For the first time since they had met, they both found sleep easily that night. Liam awoke the next morning to the smell of coffee and fresh bread. He rose and quickly dressed, peeking out through the flap to see Selena bustling around beside a neat fire that she had built. Liam emerged from the tent and gave her a sheepish smile.
“Good morning. How long have you been up?”
Selena returned his smile and shrugged. “Oh, just a little while. Do you want some coffee?”
“Yes, but let me see to the animals first.” Liam gave them their morning rations and refilled their bucket of water before joining Selena. “Is that bread that I smell?” he asked, eying the iron pot that was partially buried in the coals.
“Yes, but it’s not quite ready yet. I would have fried some bacon, but I couldn’t find any.”
She handed him a steaming cup of coffee and picked up her own tin mug before sitting beside him on a nearby log. Liam took several sips, slurping the hot liquid so he wouldn’t burn his tongue. Realizing the coffee had sugar in it, he looked at her with a questioning brow raised.
“How did you know I like sugar in my coffee?”
Selena looked down at her mug, but he saw her cheeks turning pink. “I noticed that you added sugar when we were on the ship.”
Liam gave her a teasing grin. “I thought you were ignoring me the whole time.”
“I noticed a few things,” she mumbled, and her cheeks brightened even further.
Liam looked back at his cup, but his smile remained as he took a few more sips. Turning thoughtful, he looked at her.
“We need to go into town today and get the last few supplies we
will need. We should also get some chickens for the trip, and we need to stock up on feed for the oxen. That should just about do it for supplies.”
Selena nodded. She refilled his coffee, but refused to meet his eye while she added a bit of sugar to his cup.
“The bread should be ready,” she murmured and turned away to remove it from the fire.
The bread was a disappointment, burned on the outside and still doughy in the middle. When Selena cut into it, she bit her lip and groaned.
“Oh no! This is awful.” When Liam started to laugh, she turned on him with a glare. “It’s not funny.”
Liam tried to subdue his humor but he couldn’t suppress his smile. “I thought you said you were a good cook,” he teased.
Selena’s cheeks burned brighter than before. “I am. It’s just that I’m not used to cooking over a campfire.”
“Well, I hope you’re a fast learner or we’re going to be awfully hungry on this trip.” Liam took the knife from her hand and cut out the doughy center of the bread. He tossed it onto the fire, where it bubbled and hissed, sending up a noxious odor. “Here,” he said, handing Selena a chunk of the burned edge.
They finished their breakfast in silence, Selena still smarting from his remarks. When they were done, she hurried to clean up the dishes and bank the fire while Liam hitched up the oxen.
“Are you ready?” Liam asked.
At her nod, he lifted Selena onto the seat and climbed up beside her. They headed for town, leaving their tent to mark their spot.
The town of Independence was teeming with people, and their numbers seemed to have increased even since the previous day. Liam managed to find a place to park the wagon not far from the general store, and he took her arm. Once inside, they had to wait their turn to be served. While Liam ordered the items they needed, Selena wandered around the store, looking at the various goods for sale. She picked out a few items that she wanted, including some needles and thread for her sewing kit, a small book of short stories, a journal and pencils so she could record the events during their journey, and a bag of hard candy. She carried them to the counter to stand beside Liam.
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