“I…I,” she stuttered, trying to come up with an answer. Had she been out here alone, she likely would have gone back several days before. Something about Eldon’s presence was keeping her and she did not yet know what it was. Perhaps she was still meant to help him, though she had not received a direct answer from her prayers.
“It’s okay,” Eldon said. “You don’t have to answer. Maybe it’s best that I don’t know.”
Maria felt confusion race across her face. “What do you mean?” she asked, curious.
“I have to admit,” he said, putting his hand sander down and wiping his hands down his pants. “I’ve started to enjoy our talks a bit too much.”
“I know what you mean,” Maria agreed, meeting his eyes and feeling them pull her in as they always did.
Eldon moved around the table and stood in front of her. “I’m a few years older than you, Maria,” he said. “And I feel like I have quite a bit of life experience because of the time I’ve spend out here. I’ve never been in love,” he continued. “But I think that’s because I never got a chance to really know you before now.”
Maria knitted her eyebrows together. “What are you saying?” she asked slowly, unsure as to whether or not she wanted the answer, but unable to stop herself from asking.
“Maria, I love you,” Eldon said certainly, taking her by the shoulders and bringing her slightly closer to him.
Maria’s eyes grew wide and her mouth opened slightly, though she was unable to speak.
“I think losing you is going to be really hard. Maybe even harder than what I went through before. I don’t need you to answer me and I don’t want to know when you’re going to leave. I simply want you to go when you’re ready. And think of me when you get baptized. I’ll be praying for you over here.”
Maria blinked back tears. No man other than her father had ever told her that they loved her. She didn’t know how to respond so she simply let him talk.
“When you’re ready to go home, just don’t show up here in the morning. I’ll know by the afternoon that you went home and that you have made your decision. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy every second I have with you because Maria, I can’t imagine loving anyone else the way that I love you.”
Maria slowly wrapped her arms around Eldon’s waist and laid her head on his chest. She felt his arms cross behind her and she stood as still as possible, listening to his heartbeat beneath her head. Eldon had just told her that he was in love with her, but he hadn’t asked her to stay. She couldn’t even answer his proclamation so she was certain she wouldn’t have known what she would say had he taken things a step further.
Maria was shocked. She knew that what she felt for Eldon was unlike anything she had ever felt before, but now that he said it out loud…that he loved her…she realized that was what she was feeling as well. She was in love with a man on the outside.
Maria squeezed Eldon tighter, knowing that he had already lost so much and hating that she was going to cause him more pain. Had he asked her to stay, she would have considered it at great length. She would have prayed about it and she may have even returned to the community to talk to her family about it. But the fact that Eldon had not asked her just proved his love, in her eyes.
Instead of asking her to choose between a man and an entire community, he was doing what he thought was best by encouraging her to go home. He wasn’t going to come between her and the path she was meant to lead.
Maria pulled back from Eldon and wiped the tears from her eyes. She still didn’t know what to say so instead, she simply gave him a sad smile. She laid her hand on the side of his face and studied his eyes. She wanted to remember every detail about them and how they seemed to look past her surface and into her soul.
Quickly, before she allowed herself to stall any longer, she turned and left the shed.
By the time Maria made it to the sidewalk, the tears were streaming down her face. She needed to talk to someone, but she certainly couldn’t go back to Eldon. She rushed down the block and straight into Cooper’s store. At first glance, Maria noticed the store was empty other than Cooper, who was behind the counter. She was grateful for the solitude.
“Maria!” Cooper exclaimed when he saw her burst through the door. And then, upon further examination, he quickly moved to her side. “Are you okay?” he asked, handing her the handkerchief he had in his front shirt pocket.
Maria wiped her eyes and nodded as Cooper guided her to a seat behind the counter. “I expected to see you a lot sooner and a lot more often,” Cooper said, filling the dead space in the air between them as Maria attempted to compose herself. “I actually just thought of you the other day when one of your people was here for supplies. I figured you had gone home and almost asked about you, but then decided it wasn’t my place.”
Maria sniffled, grateful that Cooper hadn’t brought her up with whoever had come to get supplies.
“So are you ready to talk?” he asked. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”
Maria took a deep breath and felt the story falling out of her. “Oh Cooper,” she sighed. “I’ve made a horrible mess for myself. I’ve gone and fallen in love.”
“Fallen in love?” he asked slowly. “Now, Maria, why would that be a bad thing? Love is the most wonderful thing in the world!”
Cooper seemed happy for her, but Maria knew it was only because he didn’t understand what she was saying.
“I’m in love with Eldon Schrock,” she said, burying her face in the handkerchief. “He lives here.”
Cooper nodded slowly, stroking his beard as he put two and two together. “I see,” he said. “And you live there, right?”
Maria nodded emphatically. She needed to get her point across, but it was hard to speak at that moment.
“If I remember right, Eldon came out on his Rumspringa a few years younger than you did, but he returned to the community shortly after. It was a few years after that when he came to live in the area for good. I never asked why and he never said. I know there’s been speculation about him around town, but he makes good, sound furniture and I, for one, was grateful to have him.”
Cooper looked over at Maria, “Does he feel the same way about you?” he asked.
“Yes,” Maria confirmed. “He just told me so.” She wished she could say more, but she knew that Cooper was beginning to understand anyway.
“Let me get this straight,” he said, slapping his hand on his knee. “You love him and he loves you, but you can’t be together because he lives here and you live there.”
“That’s right,” Maria said. Her parents had been right when they told her to visit Cooper if she needed anything at all and that he would know what to do to help her. He was a wise and insightful man. She was now very anxious to hear his advice.
“Well, dear,” he said, a thoughtful look on his face. “I think there’s only one thing you can do.”
Maria leaned forward. “What’s that?” She was ready to do almost anything he said, so long as she didn’t have to make any decisions herself.
“I think it’s time for you to go home.”
Maria leaned back in the chair. It hadn’t been what she expected to hear. Cooper had an Amish background, but he wasn’t from the community. Surely he would understand love a lot better than he would loyalty to the community. She expected him to tell her to follow her heart, wherever it was leading.
“Your family is back there, right?” he asked.
“Yes,” Maria said. “All of them.”
Cooper nodded. “Then you need to go home.”
“And just leave Eldon here?” she asked. “Break his heart? Along with my own?” She felt a sob work its way through her body, but she stifled it so she could continue the conversation.
“Now who said anything about leaving Eldon behind?” Cooper asked.
Maria felt her heart instantly lighten. Perhaps Cooper had advice that could solve her dilemma. Maybe God sent her to his store that day for that very reason. He might be l
eading her to the right path…one that would allow her to love Eldon and be a part of the community she adored.
“I think you need to go home,” Cooper continued, “because your community obviously means a lot to you.” Maria felt him glance up at her bonnet. She knew some of the teens used Rumspringa as a chance to dress in clothing from the outside world, but she hadn’t been able to bring herself to even try anything on, much less convert to it, even if only for a few days. “You need to go home and talk with your family. Tell them how you feel. Tell them what you learned while you were here. Seek their advice. If you don’t feel that you have an answer from God about what you should do yet, you’ll get an answer from them.”
Maria felt her spirits lift. Of course. Her father was the wisest person she knew. He would understand her situation and he would know just what she should do. All she had to do was ask. It would mean leaving town and going back to the community, but at that point, she would do whatever it took.
“Thank you so much,” Maria gushed, feeling as if Cooper had done a lot more for her than give her simple advice. “I’ll be sure to tell my parents how much you helped me.”
Cooper stood and waved his hand in front of her. “Aw, it was nothing, dear. It was my pleasure to be there for you.”
“I’ll be sure to get word to you,” she said, “about how it all turns out.”
Maria already had an image in her mind. She would go to her parents and tell them about her experiences in the outside world, nearly all of which revolved around Eldon. She would tell them about her love for him and his for her. She would describe what kind of a man he was and she would tell them he wanted to return to the community. Perhaps her father could speak with the elders and even lead the cause to allow Eldon to come back. It would just be a matter of time before Eldon was in the shop on community land, where he belonged.
As Maria left Cooper’s store after asking him to send word that she was ready to go home and needed a ride, she felt like her steps were a million times lighter. God was giving her an answer. With a little help from Him, she could have everything she ever wanted…true love and a simple life.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The next morning, Maria packed her few belongings along with one of the bags from the bakery. The smell of the items she took to Eldon each morning reminded her of him and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to leave in good conscious without taking a small part of him with her, no matter how miniscule.
As Maria checked out of the hotel, her heart heavy in her chest. It was already later than she usually made it to the shed. Eldon was likely working on his latest table creation, wondering where she was. The last thing she wanted to do was break his heart, but she knew she couldn’t see him again until she had a more distinct answer about how their future might take shape. When she didn’t show up by afternoon, he would assume she returned home and he would be happy for her, even if he was sad for himself.
Though Maria hated the idea of leaving him waiting, she felt that she was doing the right thing. She would go home, talk with her parents, straighten things out, and then return to him with the good news. He could come back and they could be together. It was the only path that made sense.
Maria waited patiently at Cooper’s store, watching the street until she saw a horse and buggy make its way down the highway and stop in front of the store. She could tell from a long way off that the man in the buggy was not her father. It was not his turn to make a supply run and he would not have traded in time from the field for very many occasions. He had dropped her off and that had been enough.
Maria raised a hand to wave to her uncle. Since he was along in his years, he was often sent to get supplies because he could no longer handle the backbreaking fieldwork.
“Ah, Maria,” he said with a pleasant smile on his face. “I have a few items to get and then we can head back home.”
Maria liked the way the word “home” sounded coming from her uncle’s mouth. He embraced her tightly on his way into the store and Maria placed her small suitcase in the buggy and climbed in after it. She looked down the street, almost hoping to catch a glimpse of Eldon near the furniture store. By now, he surely would know that she wasn’t coming. She prayed that he didn’t think he had scared her off. It was too late to change her mind, Maria realized, as her uncle returned to the buggy with a large box and directed the horse to begin its walk.
Silence permeated the buggy as Maria and her uncle hit the highway. She knew that her uncle would listen if she wanted to talk about her Rumspringa, but the tradition was to talk to one’s parents and siblings about the experience first and Maria did not want any details to slip out to anyone but them. They deserved to hear about her journey and her love directly from her and they deserved to be the first to know.
Maria listened to the buzz of the cars as they raced past and she remembered what she had felt on her way into town for the very first time. Every little detail had overwhelmed her. The TV…the mirror…the boys on the sidewalk. But all of those things seemed so long ago and so insignificant compared to what she found with Eldon. Maria spent the rest of the trip in prayer, her head bowed and her hands folded in her lap. She prayed for their future and she prayed for a quick resolution. She also prayed that God give her the words to correctly explain everything so that things could be set in order.
When Maria arrived home, she was graced with the sights and smells that were so familiar to her. The air felt different around her as she smelled freshly baked bread and the dirt that was being turned over in the fields. She saw familiar, friendly faces and issued excited waves to many of the people she missed so much. As she passed each person on the way to her house, she only wished that she could add one more face to the community. Eldon needed to be where he belonged.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Maria walked through the front door of her house with a smile on her face. She enjoyed the greetings from her fellow community members as she rode past, but there was nothing like running into her mother’s arms once again.
“Maria!” her mother exclaimed, rushing to her just as fast as Maria ran. “I’m so glad you’re back. I could hardly sleep last night after hearing that you sent for a ride back in today.”
Maria clung to her mother like a needy child. “I have so much to tell you,” she whispered, trying to hold back her tears of joy.
“There will be plenty of time for that once your father gets home,” her mother answered, loosening her grip and holding Maria at arm’s length. “You look like you’ve aged years,” she said, shaking her head.
Maria felt older too. She left the community at the slight age of 18, but she returned a full adult…one who knew the meaning of human love.
“When will father be home?” she asked, wanting nothing more than to tell her story and see what she could do for Eldon.
“After the evening meal,” her mother answered, linking her arm with Maria and pulling her farther into the house.
Maria knew having her father home that early was a treat. He usually worked the fields until dark at this time of year. She then spent the afternoon with her mother fashioning special little cakes for an evening family celebration. They didn’t often have time with just their small little family, but tonight was a special occasion. Tonight, Maria was to tell her parents about her decision.
Of course, everyone expected since Maria was home in only one week that she was going to ask to be baptized and then commit herself to the simple life within the community. It was what she always said she wanted, after all. Maria knew that part of her still wanted it, but the other part of her was being tugged in Eldon’s direction. She only hoped that she could reconcile the two forces by somehow getting him back into the community.
The evening meal was a blur to Maria. Everyone wanted to greet her and welcome her home, but she was not allowed to talk about her experiences or her decision until she first spoke with her parents. It was a custom that was much easier for those who were able to talk with their parents rig
ht away. Since Maria could only listen to chatter about the things going on within the community and not delve into the things she saw and learned on the outside, she found herself tuning others out and wondering what life was like for Eldon when he was completely ignored.
Maria felt a bit set apart from the group because of the different life she had been leading over the past week so she almost felt like she got a small glimpse of what Eldon experienced. The difference was that she was still accepted and people were still talking to her.
When Maria and her parents and siblings finally arrived home, Maria was exhausted. She had plastered a smile on her face all evening and listened to the stories from those she knew and loved. It was comfortable being home, but part of her was still on the outside…the heart portion that she had given to Eldon. She knew she couldn’t settle in until she had her say.
Maria’s mother served the little cakes they labored over that afternoon while her father washed up a bit more and then plopped down at the kitchen table. Maria’s siblings made themselves scarce so that Maria would have a little privacy with her parents, though everyone thought that it was more a formality than anything.
“So, let’s hear it,” Maria’s father said as her mother sat down at the table and folded her hands expectantly.
Maria poked the little cake on the plate in front of her. “I didn’t see as much as I planned,” she began, wondering how to segue into the real issue at hand. “But what I learned was a lesson more important than nearly anything I have ever learned in my life.”
Maria’s father raised his eyebrows as he took another bite of cake. “Do you remember Eldon Schrock?” Maria asked carefully as her mother’s fork froze in mid-air.
“You mean Hank’s boy?” her mother asked.
“Eldon,” Maria confirmed. She didn’t want to admit to his relationship with Hank since the man had put Eldon through so much.
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