A dab and three drops.
I had never even told him that.
Never told him that several times without him remembering.
"Thank you," I mumbled, hands closing around the mug, seeing my engagement ring catch the overhead light.
Sparkly.
So sparkly.
"Jules..." Kai's voice called as I reached to rip the ring off my finger, holding it up, then clawing at the settings with my nails, feeling them split, and not even caring, just needing to get the metal to loosen, so I could get the stone out. "What are you doing?" he asked when it finally gave, and I jumped up, going to get a glass, filling it with tap water, then setting it on the island, already knowing, knowing before I dropped the stone in.
But I dropped it anyway.
And it floated right under the surface of the water.
Fake.
He gave me a fake engagement ring.
Like he'd given me a fake relationship.
Like he'd given me a fake future.
"Diamonds sink," I heard my voice explain, looking up to see Kai's face, eyes understanding the situation, turning sad.
"Jules, you need to sit down," he suggested, holding an arm out toward my living room.
To a couch I had once sat on with my head on Gary's shoulder, telling him about the house I was planning to buy within the next two years, with at least half an acre backyard, so I could have a vegetable garden, with a ton of windows to let in the light, so I could have houseplants, with four bedrooms - one master, one for each of the kids I wanted to have, an extra, and then an office/gym hybrid, with an oversized kitchen to cook dinners in, with a front porch to sit and drink coffee on.
Suddenly, I didn't want that couch either.
I shook my head, taking my seat at the island again, taking a sip of my too-hot coffee, enjoying the burn, wondering if it could do anything for the ice slivers forming in my heart.
"I can see those gears turning," Kai commented. I could feel his eyes on the top of my bent head, likely waiting for my eye contact. "Why don't you shut them down for a few?"
"Shut them down? My savings is gone." There it was, the frantic hitch hinting at tears yet again.
"Yeah, honey. But it's not just that. You shared your life with this man. He betrayed you. He..." Kai paused, looking for the right words. "He hurt you, Jules. You need to process that. You're focused on the money. There is more than the money going on here."
"There's no fixing what he did to me," I shot back, tone resigned. "But if there is a way to get this money back, I need to do that. That is the one thing that can be done. So it has to be done. I don't need to... take to the bed and grieve. I need to... I don't know. Go to the bank. Or try to track Gary down. If that is even his name."
Ugh.
God.
Was that not his name?
Had I not known the name of the man whose body had been in my bed, whose hands had touched my skin? The idea made a wave of nausea wash over me, making me regret the sugar-filled breakfast I'd had earlier.
How could I not have known?
That I was being conned?
That I was just some mark, just a too-trusting woman easily fooled by a good-looking man?
Had I not been so damn focused on what boxes he checked off, maybe I could have noticed things being off, little things not adding up.
But, no.
I'd been too blinded by the picture-perfect facade of it all.
God.
When had I become so stupid?
Of any woman, I should have been able to see this from a mile away. Or, if nothing else, should have at least done a cursory look into him.
Not romantic, really.
But smart.
Safe.
"Augh," I growled, elbows meeting the cold quartz countertop as I brought up my hands to rest the sides of my head in.
"Talk to me, Jules," Kai pleaded, voice with a slight undercurrent of steel, asking, but demanding as well.
"I'm so stupid," I admitted, ignoring the way my pride took yet another hit. There would be nothing left of it after all this was done, I was sure.
"You're not stupid," Kai's voice shot back, firm, uncharacteristic enough to make my gaze move upward, finding him closer than he had been a moment before, right on the other side of the island. Seeing my gaze, he bent forward, resting his forearms on the surface, getting closer to me. "If this was him, if he did this to you, then he's to blame. Not you."
In my mind, there really was no if about it.
There was a buzzing in his chest pocket, making us both start slightly.
"Miller," he told me without even looking.
"Oh, God," I groaned, thinking of that whole situation.
A wedding venue full of friends and family.
Full of decor I hated, but had gone with because I knew Gary would like them.
I would have to tell my mom to tell our family and friends that the wedding was cancelled.
They would all think that Gary got cold feet, that I was some cliched bride-to-be left at the proverbial altar.
I'd be pitied.
Was there anything worse?
Hell, maybe I deserved pity.
I was certainly in a pitiful state.
In my wedding dress with a fake ring, smeared makeup, empty bank accounts, and a missing con artist of a fake fiancé.
"Jules," Kai's voice cut into my thoughts again. "Stop," he demanded, somehow knowing where my head was at that moment.
"I can't stop," I told him, feeling the sting in my eyes too late to stop the tears as they spilled over. Not sad, just angry, bitter purging. "My money is gone. All of it. I can't even get myself a cup of coffee!"
Okay.
Maybe that was an exaggeration.
I had cash in my purse.
We were planning on hitting the bank in the morning to get it changed over to rupiah for our honeymoon in Bali.
Five grand in cash.
That was something, at least.
I could keep gas in my car, food in my fridge until my next paycheck.
Christ.
Paycheck-to-paycheck.
I swore to myself that would never be my life. I had worked so hard never to have that happen. Personal financial freedom was important to me, was imbedded in me from a young age from everyone in my family. My parents - while liking the idea of me settling down some day to raise my family - they wanted to make sure that my decision to settle down was based on the right things, not because I wanted help paying my bills.
But I would have to deal with that now.
I was lucky, in a way.
Quin paid me well.
In a few months, I would have a little buffer in my account again.
But it would take years to get anywhere near what I'd had to begin with.
Years.
That bastard set me back years.
"So, I'll get you coffee," Kai declared, trying to keep things light.
But I couldn't find the muscle control - or the desire even - to smile.
"You know what I mean, Kai."
"I know what you mean," he agreed, nodding, voice getting what I called its 'work-edge' to it. Because Kai's normal voice was easy, laid-back, charming. But his work voice had a sharpness to it, a firm confidence. "You worked your butt off for that money, Jules. No one knows that better than me."
"I have to get it back," I decided, my own voice getting some of its spirit back.
"Okay," Kai agreed, no hesitation, straightening, reaching for the phone that had let out a short buzz. A text, maybe.
"No!" I all but shrieked, reaching across the island, closing my hand over his on his cell.
His gaze shot up, a look in his eyes that I couldn't quite interpret.
It seemed to take effort for him to find his next words. "No, what?"
"Don't tell Miller. Don't tell any of them. Please."
There was a desperate edge to my words, and I couldn't muster the desire to care about that.
"Jules..."
I knew what he wanted to say.
That if something had happened in my life, something criminal, then the combined knowledge and skills of Quin, Gunner, Finn, Miller, Lincoln, Ranger, and Smith would be invaluable. They would be able to lend a hand, make this a team effort, figure out who Gary really was, where he might be, track him down, get the money back.
"Kai," I started, voice thick. "They can't know."
"Why, honey? They all care about you. They would want to help."
"I... I wouldn't be able to face them again if they knew what an idiot I've been. Don't," I cut him off when he tried to object. "Don't say I'm not an idiot. I was. I rushed into this. I didn't think. I didn't... run a check on him." At that, Kai's lips curved upward, making my brows drawn low. "What?"
"Jules, maybe a couple dozen women in the whole world would think to run a background check on their potential partner."
"But I should have. I know better. Quin and everyone else would be thinking the same thing. You know they would. It's just... humiliating, Kai. I know you don't view it that way, but I do. I don't want them to know. Even if they would be helpful."
"Okay," he agreed, nodding. "I won't tell them."
"Thank you." The words came from somewhere deep. I felt like I was always thanking Kai, like he was always doing something good, kind, thoughtful, unexpected. This was just the newest in a long line of good deeds I had begun to know him for.
"But I am going to help you then."
"What? No."
The response was knee-jerk.
I couldn't ask that of him.
"You can try to fight me, Jules, but the end result will be the same. I'm not letting you deal with this on your own. You're stuck with me."
There it was again.
That tight-chest thing I got around him at times.
And, to be perfectly honest, the idea of not having to do it alone was appealing. Especially with my mood being so up and down. I needed someone level-headed, someone to keep their cool when I was losing mine.
Kai was good at calm.
"Okay," I agreed, nodding. "What am I..."
"Look," he cut me off, reaching to put his hand over top of mine. "I will handle Miller. And run to the office to do a quick check," he offered, meaning the background one I was supposed to run on him myself months before. "You need to get out of that dress. Maybe take a shower. Wash this all away. Then we will go check out his place together. Twenty minutes, tops," he assured me, knowing that giving him too much of a head start would mean he could be anywhere, maybe even out of reach before we could find him. "Okay?" he asked, needing confirmation.
He made it sound so easy.
So doable.
So much so that I had no choice but to believe him, to trust him.
"Okay."
-
Flashback - 6 months before -
She couldn't claim to hate being a hardass. She made her living having to be one, after all.
But there was no denying that Miller was very much hating every second of walking down the hall, and stopping in front of Kai's office.
Hell, it even took her a couple of moments - and slow, deep breaths - to be able to raise her hand to knock.
Because, well, it was one thing to be a bit blunt and in-your-face to some asshole.
It was another thing to do it to the sweetest guy you'd ever met.
She had a feeling it was going to feel like kicking a puppy.
"Come on in," Kai's voice called, calm, happy, completely oblivious to what was coming.
But it had to come, she reminded herself.
It would hurt.
But there was no avoiding that.
Because this was necessary.
To be honest, it had been necessary for a long time.
Everyone knew it.
Everyone saw it.
But no one would do it.
This office full of men, and she was the only one with balls enough to get it said already.
"Hey, Miller," Kai greeted, kicked back in his chair, legs off the corner of his messy desk, hands throwing an Earth-colored stress ball up in the air. "You need me for something?"
"We need to talk," she specified, closing and locking the door.
"Uh-oh. She's got her serious-voice on."
Miller liked Kai.
Loved, actually.
Maybe more than anyone else in the office.
Maybe it was because they had simply done so many jobs side-by-side, had been in the trenches with each other, forming bonds.
Or, well, maybe it was simply because the man was just... lovable.
If you needed one of his kidneys and half of his liver, he'd fucking give it. No questions.
That was just how he was.
And she had to be the one to tell him that he couldn't have what he wanted most.
"What's up, Miller?" he asked, putting down the ball, pulling his legs off the desk, leaning his arms on it, bringing him closer to her as she took the seat across from him.
Quin ragged on Kai about his office, being a man who liked things organized and classy.
But Kai thrived in chaos.
He had piles of files on his desk, research books nearly toppling off the dark wood cabinet lining the right wall. A wall he had bright neon thumbtacks sticking out of, holding up pictures that likely went with some of his files.
There was a backpack hanging off the hook on the back of the door, likely full of magazines, snacks, and changes of clothes. Wrinkled, knowing him.
He had music coming through his computer, and Miller reached across to shut it off.
"Enough," she said, the word coming out both forceful and pleading at the same time.
"Enough of what? My award-winning charm?" he asked with another of his smiles, the ones that lit up a room, making her feel all the worse for what was to come.
"Enough with Jules," she clarified, watching as Kai's brows drew together.
"What..."
"You know what I mean," she cut him off. "Everyone in this office knows what I mean."
"I haven't done anything inappropriate," he objected.
"Well, that's part of the problem, isn't it?" she asked, rolling her eyes as she reached up to run a hand through her long dark hair, settling it more to one side than the other.
"I'm sorry?"
"You choked, Kai," she explained shrugging a shoulder. "You saw something you wanted. And you choked. It was sweet at first, y'know? Who doesn't like watching a little crush blossom? Especially at work. But it stopped being sweet about a year and a half ago."
Kai's chest deflated as his head dropped slightly, looking at the surface of his desk.
He knew she was right.
He knew he had blown his shot.
"I can't help that I like her, Miller."
Like was a weak word.
Anyone who saw the way the man looked at her knew it leaned a lot more heavily toward love than like.
He looked at her like she was the sole reason he got out of bed in the morning.
Hell, maybe she was some days.
"I get that. I mean, I don't," she admitted as an afterthought. "I love how big your heart is, don't get me wrong, but I don't get how you can continue to love someone who doesn't love you back. At least not in the same way."
Because Jules did love Kai.
We all did.
He was the only person in the office who managed to make her smile on a rough day.
She hated anyone in her space, but never once told him to go away when he pulled up a chair to keep her company, to organize her clips and brads and pens - even though he had never organized his own.
She genuinely did care for him.
And maybe, just maybe, if he had found the courage to tell her how he felt instead of expecting her to piece it together herself, she might have been willing to let things get inappropriate.
"It doesn't matter if she doesn't feel the same," Kai said. And, what's more, he meant t
hat. He didn't care that she didn't return his feelings, he still wanted to continue to treat her like she was the sun that everything in the world revolved around.
"Kai, she's minutes away from getting engaged. You know that. I know that. Everyone knows that. You've got to rein it in a little."
"He doesn't deserve her," Kai said, but there was a resignation in his voice. It was a damn shame, too, to hear it.
"I know."
Of course she knew.
She hated the weaselly little shit.
She didn't say that since Jules had her mind made up on the man after what seemed like their third date. And, well, who was she to say anything about relationships when she never managed to hold onto one?
Gunner called Gary fake.
Quin - usually one to mind his own business - went as far as to say he didn't like having the asshole in the building.
Jules was the darling of the office.
Our professional lives would fall apart without her. And she did everything without a complaint, without an attitude, even when one of the guys barked at her.
"But that is who she picked. We need to respect that. You need to respect that. Give her space. Let her man do the things her man is supposed to do."
The implication was there.
You are not her man.
"What am I supposed to do, Miller? Walk out of every room she walks into?"
"Treat her like you treat me," she suggested.
"Hey now. I treat you well," he objected, looking almost panic-stricken at the idea that he didn't.
"Well, yes. But you don't organize my desk. You don't warm my car up in the winter. You don't memorize my favorite lunch spots, and order only from there."
"Well, because you like fried and cheese drenched everything."
Miller smiled a bit at that, knowing he wasn't exactly a huge fan of Jules' preference for salads and fresh wraps all the time, but he happily ate them day in and day out since that was what she enjoyed.
"Just... take a step back, okay?" Miller asked. "For her, because I think it is going to make her feel weird if it keeps going on. But also for you, Kai. Because you can't be happy like this. And it is only going to get worse if she marries this guy. If they settle down, start the life you want with her. You need to move on."
The Messenger (Professionals Book 3) Page 4