by Stella
“Care to add any more curse words into that, Gage? You know, while we’re sitting in a Catholic high school building? I don’t think the freshmen in the science lab heard you.”
“Don’t be so dramatic. I’m sure they’ve heard it all before.”
He took a deep breath and checked his watch. “Time’s up. Class starts in ten minutes, and I still have to set up. You coming to the house tomorrow for the twins’ birthday party? I think Ellie talked to Katie about it, but I don’t know if she told her whether y’all are coming or not.”
“Yeah, she mentioned it. In fact, I think she’s out right now buying them something. I can’t believe they’re one already.” Actually, they had turned one a week and a half ago, but the following weekend had been the first game of the league championship against San Diego, and at the time, they had expected me to be gone, so they planned it for this weekend instead.
Tuscaloosa had beaten San Diego in five games. It was a victory not many had expected, especially with two of the Titans’ best players missing from action. But nonetheless, my team had advanced to the World Series, making history. And in four days, the first pitch would take place on our field. I was proud of my team, and even though the desire burned in me to join them and finish this, I didn’t feel it would be fair to the rest of the guys who’d stuck it out through the league championship games. They’d gotten us here. Not me. And I didn’t believe it would be right to come in and act like I’d somehow had a hand in it.
“Yeah, time flies, man. Be careful; before you know it, Daniel will be grown.” He stood and pulled his windbreaker off the back of his rolling chair. “Speaking of that…when are you going to pop the question to Katie? Ellie is about to burst if she has to keep pretending she doesn’t know you have a ring.”
“That’s on you, Coobster. I’m not the one who told her about it.”
“She asked where I was going. I wasn’t about to lie. And I doubt she would’ve believed me if I told her we were going shoe shopping.”
“Again, your problem. Not mine. I wanna make it through this baseball shit before I ask her to spend the rest of her life with me. What if I have to spend the next five years of my contract on the sidelines? She’ll feel duped and cheated, thinking she’s about to marry the Home Run King, only to find out she’ll be the Duchess of the Dugout.”
Coby covered his mouth to hide his smile. “I’m sorry. I know that’s not supposed to be funny, but it is. Come on, man. Wake up. She loves you, no matter what you call yourself. And trust me, I think she’ll be quite happy even if you aren’t playing ball anymore.”
“How do you know that?” I watched him carefully until I knew for a fact he was hiding something. “Has Katie said something to Ellie? And then that loudmouth told you? And now you’re keeping secrets from your only friend? That’s not cool, Coby. You’ve just been demoted from tenderloin to cube steak—or should I say, Cobe steak.”
“It’s nothing, really. They were just talking about how far you guys have come, and Katie mentioned how she used to hate you. Nothing new. We’ve always known that.”
True, I was fully aware that Katie had an issue with me back then, though hearing it now—and more than that, hearing Coby say “hate”—felt like a new stab wound. “She used to like me. Back when she took care of Granny.”
“No. No, she didn’t. Not at all. She tolerated you because she loved Granny. Big difference.”
“She used to have my picture in her room. I’d see it when I went over there.”
“Did she? Did she really, Gage? Or did you put one in there every time you visited Granny? Because Katie and Ellie had quite a laugh while sharing stories about the things you used to leave in their bedrooms.”
“She’s always disliked me?”
“Oh yeah. Always.”
There was nothing like a good, old-fashioned sucker punch to my manhood. And by manhood, I meant balls. Because it was such a low-blow, it didn’t even reach my gut. “Good to know.”
“She doesn’t feel that way, now. And that’s all that matters.”
“True story.” Except it wasn’t.
As I gathered Daniel’s carrier and hooked the handle in the crook of my elbow, I couldn’t stop thinking about how Katie had gone from apparently loathing me to loving me. Glancing down at Daniel, I knew he had something to do with it, though there had to be more—other factors I hadn’t taken into consideration.
Coby and I parted ways at the end of the hallway that led to his office. He headed toward the storage locker while I shuffled my feet along the indoor basketball court on the way outside to my car. The entire time I walked with my attention set on the red lines and markings along the floor, I questioned if Katie’s confession of loving me had more to do with hormones and less to do with her heart.
And by the time I made it to the exit, my emotions were raw. Bare. Exposed like a livewire dangerously close to water. Then I ran into Missy—otherwise known as water.
Chapter Twenty
Gage
“Are you the one who’s been talking to the media about us? About me or Katie? Or even Daniel?” I didn’t care where we were or who could hear as I unleashed on Missy.
I had unresolved feelings where Missy was concerned, and after the last time I saw her at the baby shower, there was no way I could’ve held it back any longer. Unfortunately for her, she’d caught me at a vulnerable moment. Had I seen her any of the other times I’d stopped by on Coby’s break, there was a chance this conversation would’ve gone completely different.
“Excuse me?” She pulled her head back as if I’d slapped her.
“Someone is spreading lies to the media, claiming to be someone who knows us, who’s around us and has insider knowledge about Katie giving birth, Daniel having medical issues, and why I’m not traveling with the team. There’s only one person who knows just enough to make it believable yet doesn’t have a clue what’s really going on. And that’s you.”
“What would I have to gain by that, Gage?”
“I don’t know, Missy. What did you have to gain by showing up at the Kylers’ for our baby shower? Or saying what you did about Katie in front of all our guests and my teammates? I gave up trying to understand your motives a long time ago.”
She rolled her eyes, though I’d seen that reaction before. She wasn’t dismissing me; it was more of an expression of defeat or exhaustion.
“Listen, I’m really sorry about that. Ellie had a lot to say after that party, and she hasn’t spoken to me since. I honestly went there hoping we could all wash away our differences and move on.”
“That’s how you try to repair a broken relationship? You say nasty, hurtful, and untrue things about the person and…what? Expect them to forgive you? Did you somehow think anyone would side with you or back you up? We were there for a fucking baby shower, Missy.”
She glanced around, panic in her eyes over someone being in earshot of my language. Once she realized no one had heard me, she shoved me outside, and then closed the door behind her. “It was immature, and definitely not one of my finest moments. But I truly did not intend to go there to hurt her.”
“Then how’d it happen? How do you show up with good intentions only to pull a knife from your pocket and stab that person in the back? She’s your cousin, for crying out loud, Missy. Despite everything else, she’s your family.”
“I know. And it’s complicated, okay?”
“Oh, you don’t have to explain anything to me. Katie’s already told me all about it. How your mom did nothing to help her while she was dealing with her own mother. How when she needed someone the most, her own flesh and blood turned their backs on her. And here you are, making it sound like you two weren’t close because you grew up in different towns.”
She held out her hand to stop me—and probably, herself as well. Her jaw ticced defensively, and I knew she had to take a second to keep from losing her composure. There was one good thing about an ex…it made reading them a lot easier during heated
arguments.
“I will take the fault for my part in how Kathryn has been treated by me. But that’s it. I will not be blamed for my mom’s actions or the poison she’d fed me my whole life where Katie and my aunt were concerned. I was a kid, for Christ’s sake. How was I supposed to know any differently? Did you ever doubt Granny when she told you things? How about when she talked about your mom? Did you ever stop and go, ‘I wonder how much of this is true’? I’m willing to bet you didn’t. So don’t stand here and blame me for doing the same thing.”
“I’m not. But it’s been a while since you were a kid who believed everything your mother told you. At some point, you had to have seen the writing on the wall. She’s younger than you, Missy. At eighteen, how could you possibly look at your fifteen-year-old cousin and assume the worst?”
“You don’t know the whole story, Gage. So don’t come at me like you know anything.”
“How do you know I don’t?”
“Because if you did, you wouldn’t be standing here asking me that.”
“Then why don’t you tell me?”
She balked and glanced around the parking lot, as if needing a moment to contemplate it. “It’s not my job to fill you in on her past, Gage. If she hasn’t, then maybe you should stop and ask yourself why.”
Had the media never ran with the story of Katie losing her license, I wouldn’t have entertained this from Missy. But it had. And not only that but once we’d had the chance to talk, we had both agreed to be open with one another. I shouldn’t have listened to anything Melissa Mills had to say, yet it was like a nurse drawing blood from my vein—I couldn’t look away.
“If you had anything of value to tell me, you would have. All you’re doing right now is trying to make me question Katie, doubt her, suspect she’s hiding something from me, when I already know she isn’t. But good try.”
“Did you know her dad used to beat her mom?” The words rushed out, as if it proved she wasn’t lying. And by the look on her face, I could tell she expected that piece of information to come as a surprise.
“Yes. I did. And he left when she was fifteen.”
“Do you know who her dad is?”
“No. And I don’t care to. He’s an abusive asshole who doesn’t deserve the time of day it would take for me to know anything about him.”
She licked her lips, probably salivating at the opportunity to share something salacious with me. “Jeremiah Crispens.”
Okay…she got me there. “Retired first baseman for Fresno—that Jeremiah Crispens?”
“One and the same.”
He’d been big in the league back when I was younger. I hadn’t followed him or really cared too much about him, but that was mainly because I wasn’t a Fresno fan. Prior to that, he’d played for a couple of other teams, though I’d been too young to pay attention to it. If they weren’t a Titan, I didn’t care about them—and Jeremiah Crispens was never a Titan.
The only reason this piece of information gave me pause was because Katie had never mentioned that her dad had been in the league, let alone had any sort of career with the sport. Then again, this was a man who’d ruined all others for her since she was a child, not a father. So it didn’t seem all that odd that she hadn’t ever told me about it.
“What’s your point, Missy? What are you trying to get at here?”
“You asked why I didn’t run to her when she was fifteen, when her dad took off. I’m trying to explain it.”
Yeah, right. More like trying to drown her cousin in mud, but whatever. Nothing she could say held the power to put a wedge between Katie and me, yet I allowed her to continue anyway, if for no other reason than to pick out whatever pieces I felt were worth talking to Katie about.
“My mom is six years older than my aunt, and until she went away to college, they were close. But after my mom moved out of the house, things changed. My aunt started hanging out with the wrong crowd in high school, was caught sneaking out late at night, not coming home all weekend. My grandparents were convinced she was on drugs, but back then, there weren’t too many options to test for them at home, and they worried that if they took her anywhere, it could negatively impact her future. They did all they could, including having my mom take a summer semester off to come home and try to straighten her out. Which, as you can imagine, didn’t work. If anything, it destroyed what little relationship they had at that point.”
I switched Daniel to the other arm. “Get on with it, Missy. My son will be hungry soon.”
She huffed, yet she didn’t stop. “When she was seventeen, she met Jeremiah. He was older, obviously—already in the major leagues—and my aunt saw an opportunity. After only knowing each other for two months, she wound up pregnant…with Kathryn. It had taken her two years, but she finally got him to marry her. She’d managed to secure herself a nice bank account, a big house, status, and whatever drug she wanted.”
“This is a waste of my time, Melissa. None of this has anything to do with me—or Kathryn. It doesn’t explain why you’d treat her the way you have, and it certainly doesn’t have any bearing on my relationship with her now.”
“Oh, it doesn’t? You don’t think the fact that her mother got pregnant with her on purpose to tie down a professional baseball player has anything to do with you?” She pointed to the car carrier next to me. “Cute kid, Gage. Tell me, did you just forget to wear a condom? Because we were together for years, and I was on birth control, and you never went without a rubber. Not once. So I find it a bit ironic that she’d wind up pregnant by accident.”
“And now you’re the one who doesn’t know what you’re talking about. But since you asked, I didn’t wear one. The first time in my life I didn’t put one on, and I was happily rewarded with the two most important things in my life—Katie and my son.” I lifted the car seat enough to prove a point.
“I bet she didn’t mind. Easier for her, huh?”
I smiled and thought back to that night. How Katie had touched my face, wiped away the tears of grief and sadness, the way she opened up about how badly she missed Granny. Then I recalled the moments right after our clothes had come off, her voice when she begged me to grab a condom, her determination to be safe. Now, I knew she’d pressed for it because she probably believed I had a disease or something. And I had gone to my wallet to get one. I’d opened it. And then I had set it on the bed next to her, forgotten until a few weeks later when she had called to tell me she was pregnant.
“You know, for someone who claims to have gone to the baby shower to mend fences, you’re not exactly acting like it now. Instead, you’re coming across as a very bitter person, adamant on destroying someone else’s life and reputation. I don’t give a shit what you think of her, because an opinion of someone couldn’t possibly get any lower than the one I have for you. And it makes me sad. Because at one point in my life, I thought I didn’t deserve you. Now I know it was the complete opposite.”
“You asked me to tell you why our relationship has always been strained. And I did. So when Ellie had extended an invitation to the shower, I figured it would’ve been a nice way to smooth things over. Ellie liked her, she’s tied to you for the next eighteen years, and when I stopped and thought about it, she has never really done anything to me. She’s an adult now, her mom is gone, it seemed like the perfect time to erase the past and start over. I regret what I said that day. When Ellie called and reamed me out, she set a lot of the record straight. I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize to me. You owe that to Katie. But answer me this, Missy. How do you show up at someone’s party, at your friend’s house, with the intention of repairing a non-existent relationship, and then end up saying the things you did? You see, that’s where I find your apology flawed. And to tell you the truth, if you say it to Katie the way you did just now, she won’t believe a word of it. Neither do I.”
Tears lined her eyes, making the color swim behind the only piece of evidence that proved she was a human and not a heartless, heinous bitch
. “I hadn’t seen you in a while, and for some reason, I assumed you’d be the same as I remembered. But you weren’t. You smiled like you used to—brighter, even. Life filled you, and it poured out through your eyes, making the spot noticeable, whereas before, it’d been lost behind the pain and suffering. And when you noticed me, you had a reaction. So much so, Coby had to take you out to the garage. I can’t explain it, but it did something to me. Gave me hope that maybe you weren’t over me, and now that you weren’t lost in that black hole you’d fallen into after your grandma died, there was a chance.”
“You thought about all this while you wore a diamond on your finger?” I glanced down to point it out, only to discover her hand bare, absent of all jewelry other than the thin silver band she’d always worn on her thumb.
“As shameful as it is to admit it, yes. I left you because I couldn’t watch you destroy yourself anymore. I couldn’t be the only one hanging on and fighting for you. I was weak—I admit that—and I gave up. So when I saw you and you were the same man I had fought so hard for you to be, I didn’t think about anything else. I didn’t contemplate my relationship or yours. All I saw was the man I love, torn up after finding me in Ellie’s house. It gave me hope. Then you took Kathryn outside, and you kissed her. I knew that was nothing more than a show for me. It didn’t hurt, because I saw right through it. But before you pulled away, you whispered something in her ear. That wasn’t meant for me. And it was enough to make me realize that all the hope in the world would never bring you back.”
“You knew the exact spot to hit that would hurt her the most, and you pummeled the fuck out of it.” I kept my voice low yet steady, stern, my face closer to hers so she would hear and feel everything I had to say, because this would be the last time I ever wasted my time on her. “You went after a pregnant woman, and purposefully did everything you could to beat her down with malicious intent. All because you were jealous. Because you finally realized you’d lost something to her, the cousin you never gave the time of day. I don’t give a rat’s ass who her dad was, how much her mom charged for a blowjob, or why she was conceived in the first place. She could’ve had the dirtiest past known to man, and she’d still be better than you. Katie doesn’t have a selfish bone in her body…whereas you are riddled with them.”