I already hated myself. The person standing here facing the man I loved was not the person I wanted to be. I didn’t want to question or worry or be paranoid.
But my gut was twisting and churning and the words flew out of my mouth like vomit. “I’m asking why you know personal details about Norma Anders’ family.”
“You’re asking what kind of relationship I’ve had with Norma. The answer is strictly working.”
“Have you ever kissed her?” My voice shook and I had a feeling if I uncrossed my arms, my hands would be trembling as well. My mind was already filling with images of them together. It was crazy what I could conjure up—detailed scenes of passion. The only thing that could possibly stop the flood of imagination would be his assurance that it never happened. Even then, there was a chance the images would remain.
“I don’t make it a habit to kiss people I have working relationships with.”
He’d kissed me when I worked for him. “Yes or no, please?”
“No, Alayna. I’ve never kissed her. I’ve never fucked her. I’ve never anything with her.” His tone was smooth but emphatic.
I returned his level expression even though I was an irrational mess inside.
My seeming composure egged him on. Or he sensed that I was a thread away from falling apart. He ran a hand through his hair. “Since she’s in the Financial Division, Norma handled the transaction when I purchased The Sky Launch so she knew I had the club. The other day she asked if there were any management positions available there. I told her no, but that I’d keep Gwen in mind. I didn’t want to tell you about her because I was afraid if you knew, you’d take that as a reason not to be the manager yourself. It’s as simple as that.”
“That makes sense.” And the slightly manipulative way he kept it from me was totally typical Hudson. In my heart I knew he was telling the truth, but my head—it was in overdrive.
So which did I believe? My heart or my head?
He met my eyes and held my stare for several seconds. “There’s nothing with her, Alayna. I’m with you. Always. Okay?”
My heart. I believed my heart. Always.
This was Hudson. He loved me, even if he stubbornly couldn’t say the words. I trusted him. What had he ever done to tell me otherwise?
I shook my head, ashamed of myself. “I’m sorry. I’m being stupid.”
Hudson tugged me into his arms. Finally, I felt calm. I breathed him in—the scent of his soap and aftershave filled me with a soothing balm. There was nowhere that I’d rather be than right there in his embrace.
He ran his hands up and down my back and kissed along my temple. “I know you wouldn’t be like this if something hadn’t happened. And you came in here upset. What’s going on, precious?”
I clung to him, my hands digging into his jacket. Now that he was holding me, I didn’t want to let him go. This was where I was safe.
“Alayna, talk to me.”
I turned my head so my words wouldn’t be muffled in his clothing. “It’s Celia.”
Hudson pushed me away to meet my face. His eyes were wide with concern. “What did she do?”
“She’s following me.”
His brows furrowed. “What do you mean, following you?”
“Like, showing up where I am and going wherever I go. Following me.” I showed him the picture on my phone and explained how I’d spotted her tailing me while I ran errands and added that Jordan had seen her that morning. Plus, she’d been on the boat the night before.
I feared he’d say I was overreacting, that he wouldn’t believe me like the time before. I had a picture, but what did that show? Would he think I was the one who’d followed her?
But his response this time made up for his previous doubts. “Fucking bitch!” He spun away from me and ran his hand through his hair. “I swear to god if she does anything to you…”
Tears sprung to my eyes, half from terror, half from relief that he was on my side. “What does she want from us? From me?”
Hudson circled around to the other side of his desk. “It doesn’t matter. She can’t do this. I’ll call my lawyer. We’ll get a restraining order.” Before I could interject, he’d pushed his intercom. “Patricia, get Gordon Hayes on the phone.”
“Yes, Mr. Pierce.”
I shook my head and sunk into one of the armchairs. “It’s not that simple.”
“I don’t care if it’s simple or not. I’m getting a restraining order.”
I’d never seen him so worked up. His calm aloofness had vanished and in its place was a wild passionate man.
It was me who was the voice of reason. “Hudson, you can’t get a restraining order for simply being followed. She had a measurable distance, didn’t approach me, didn’t threaten me or pull any crap at any of the places I stopped. We have nothing on her.”
His eyes were pinned on the phone, as if he could make it ring by staring at it. “That’s ridiculous. She has you scared. I can see it on your face.”
“Yes, she has me scared. But there’s nothing you can do about it.” Again, I was reminded that I had done this same thing to other people. Paul Kresh had filed a restraining order against me. It had been the first one I’d received. He hadn’t been the first person I’d stalked. “Trust me. I’m well-versed in the art of terrorizing someone while evading police involvement.”
“Don’t talk like that.” Hudson’s tone echoed the pain I felt.
“It’s the truth. I used to do this to people, Hudson! It’s horrible. How could I be this horrible to other people?” The tears that had been just at bay broke through.
Hudson rushed to me and pulled me from my seat into his arms. “Hush now, Alayna.” He stroked my hair as I sobbed on his shoulder. “This isn’t the same. You were searching for love. Celia’s actions are quite different.”
I pushed him away. Though I wanted and needed his touch, I didn’t feel like I deserved it. “Are they? Isn’t she doing this because she wants your love? How is that different?”
He sighed and perched on the edge of his desk. “I don’t believe that’s why she’s doing this. She means to keep me unhappy. She knows that hurting you would destroy me. This is payback for my past. This has nothing to do with yours.”
I swiped the tears off my cheeks. Dammit, Celia had screwed with both of us so easily. Here we were, regretting our pasts, hating ourselves, undoing years of progress—fucking bitch was right.
I sat down again and laid my head against the chair back. “I really don’t care why she’s doing it. She’ll keep on doing it, though, because she’s winning. You’re down on yourself and I’m a mess. I’m paranoid and anxious and I’m afraid I’m reverting back to my old self.” My voice cracked as a new set of tears threatened to fall.
Hudson moved to kneel in front of me. He put his hands on my upper arms as if he meant to shake sense into me. “You aren’t. You have valid reasons to feel this way today. She’s thrown you off balance, but you’ll get ahold of yourself. You’re stronger than her.”
I wiped at my eye with my knuckle. “I’m strong with you.”
“And I’m not leaving you. I’m here. We’re in this together. Do you hear me?”
I nodded weakly.
The phone beeped. Hudson stood and reached across the desk to push the intercom. “Did you reach him?”
“No.” Trisha’s voice filled the room. “I’m sorry but Mr. Hayes has gone home for the evening. It’s after five.”
Hudson glanced at his watch. “Shit,” he muttered. He paused and I suspected he was toying with calling his lawyer’s cell. “I want him on the phone first thing tomorrow.”
“Yes, sir. Anything else before I leave?”
“No. Thank you, Patricia.” He turned the intercom off and turned back to face me. He studied me for long seconds. “She won’t win, Alayna. You kept it together in front of her, didn’t you?”
“Yes.” There was no way in hell I’d have let her see that she got to me.
He beamed with pride.
“Of course you did. You’re incredible like that. Stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
I didn’t feel incredible. But his assurance bolstered me.
Hudson leaned against the desk, his expression glazed. I recognized it as his calculating look—the one he got when he was considering a big business deal. “Celia has no idea if she hit her target or not. That puts us at an advantage.”
I hated to interrupt whatever he was planning, but I couldn’t stop the thought that bubbled to the front of my mind. “What if she doesn’t stop at stalking?”
His eyes came back into focus. “Jordan is ex-military. Special ops. He can protect you. You can never go anywhere without him in the future. Promise me.”
“I rarely go anywhere without him now. Today was a fluke.”
“Just promise me.” His tone was insistent.
“I promise.” I’d known Jordan was more than a driver but hadn’t known the specifics of his background. Knowing it now wasn’t what prompted me to agree—I’d have agreed to anyone being charged to me, just to ensure I’d never be alone with Celia again.
“Good. I’ll hire another bodyguard for when Jordan’s not available. I know you didn’t want one—”
I cut him off. “I’ll take it.”
He nodded a thank you. “I’ll bring someone in to check the security cameras at the club and make sure they’re sufficient. The penthouse is already monitored. And I’ll talk to my lawyer—”
I interjected again. “He can’t do anything.”
“I’m talking to him anyway. I want to know our rights. If I have to throw money at the situation, I will.”
I chuckled. I’d never heard Hudson talk so candidly about what his wealth could buy. It was a foreign concept to me—that solutions to problems could simply be bought. It’s why I’d always feared someone else would be more suited for Hudson than me. Someone like the blonde we were currently discussing. “Celia has money, too.”
Hudson shook his head dismissively. “Money is only good in the right hands. I have no doubt that my power extends beyond her and the Werner family.”
I nodded as I brought the knuckle of my index finger to my mouth and sunk my teeth into the skin. It was either that or let out the scream that had been building the last few minutes. Though Hudson was performing with the take-charge attitude I needed, he couldn’t make the promises I wished he could make.
He read my anguish. “Alayna, I’ll take care of this.”
“I know…”
He leaned forward and pulled my hand from my mouth, lacing my fingers through his instead. “But…?”
“She’s never going to be out of our lives, is she?” Even if she were on her best behavior, she’d still be there. Her life was so intertwined with Hudson and his family. I couldn’t imagine any scenario that would remove her from being a constant presence.
Hudson rubbed his thumb gently across my skin. “She will. I’ll figure something out. Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” With my whole heart.
“Then believe me—I’ll take care of her.” He squeezed my hand once more before he let it go. “In the meantime, stay with Jordan. No more outside runs for a while.”
Running was one of my favorite ways to calm myself. It was a necessity for my mental health. The treadmill worked, but it wasn’t the same as being outside with the sun beating down and the breeze blowing across my sweaty body. “I’ll just have Jordan run with me. I’m sure he won’t mind. I know he’s in good shape, and if he’s Special Ops, he must do some running.”
“No. Not good enough. He can’t be on his best game when he’s exerting himself physically.”
“I don’t know,” I mumbled. “You’re on your best game when you’re exerting yourself physically.”
“What was that?”
“Nothing. I just don’t want to live in a prison.” I hated giving up one of my only sources of solace because of Celia.
“Alayna, please.” His eyes were soft but determined. “Just until I get a better plan together.”
What was I thinking? Hudson was my true solace. I could give up everything else if I had him. “Okay. Fine. I’ll keep my runs to the treadmill. For now.”
“Come here.” Hudson pulled me out of my seat and into his arms. “I only want you safe. I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you.”
I nuzzled into his neck, breathing in his scent and warm words, hoping they’d envelope me in calm.
But as soon as I’d start to relax, a new haunting thought would make its way to the forefront of my mind. I let myself ask the worst. “Do you really think Celia would do something besides scare me?” I’d suggested she might earlier, but I didn’t know if I really believed it. I’d never done more than stalk. Well, nothing harmful, anyway.
Hudson’s grip tightened around me and he buried his face in my hair. “I don’t know what she’d do. I’m not willing to find out.”
The edge in his voice coupled with his uncertainty caused another spike in my blood pressure. “Hudson, I’m scared.”
He pushed me away enough to cup my face in his hands and meld his gaze with mine. “I’m not, Alayna. Not in the least.” It was a one-eighty from his last declaration, and I suspected his words now were only for my benefit, that he was more worried than he was letting on. He couldn’t fool me.
But it felt good to hear him try.
“Trust me.” He placed a kiss on the tip of my nose. “I’ll take care of it.” He kissed the side of my mouth. “I’ll take care of you.”
He licked along the seam of my lips. When I parted my mouth, he eased inside, mesmerizing me with sensual strokes along my teeth and tongue. He kissed me slow and deep and with careful attention. With his lips he did the thing his words had failed to do—he made me feel better. Or he distracted me, at least. Either way, he gave me what I needed.
In fact, I needed more.
I pushed into him, lifting my breasts to meet his chest.
Hudson smiled against my mouth. Then he wrapped up the kiss with a final peck on my lips and pulled away.
My fingers curled into his jacket, drawing him back to me. “Don’t stop. I need you.” I pressed my body against his, my desire growing with an intense urgency.
“Alayna…” His eyes traveled to the phone on the desk behind him. He wanted to be making calls, setting things in motion. It’s what he needed to do to feel better. To feel safe. I got that.
But what I needed to feel safe was much simpler. More tangible. More within reach. “I need you, Hudson.” I moved my hand to stroke against the ridge in his pants. “Please. Please make it better.”
“Dammit, Alayna,” he growled. “You’re making it hard for me to do what I should be doing.”
I continued rubbing his crotch. “I’m trying to make it harder.” God, I’d never had to beg, but if he wanted me to, I would. “Hudson…please!”
“Fuck.” In one swift motion, he turned me so that the desk was pressed against my behind. He leaned down, and with the length of his arm, pushed aside the files that lay on top. Then he lifted me so that I sat on the edge of the mahogany surface. “Take off your panties,” he commanded, as he undid his buckle.
He didn’t have to ask me twice. Hudson had his cock out by the time I’d slid my panties off and kicked them to the floor. I watched as he stroked himself, his shaft thickening with each pump.
I ran my hands along his chest and squirmed, spreading my legs further apart. I ached to have him moving inside me—ached with an intensity that I couldn’t recall having ever felt before. I was desperate. Frantic. “Hudson.” I couldn’t stop pleading. “I need—”
He cut me off. “I know what you need. Trust me to give it to you.” With one hand still wrapped around his cock, he placed his other hand between my folds and swirled his thumb across my bud.
I moaned and tilted my hips to increase the pressure.
Hudson leaned his forehead against mine. “You’re so eager, precious. It’s going to hurt if you do
n’t let me get you ready first.” He slid his finger along my lips and back to dance across my clit.
“I don’t care if it hurts.” It hurt not having him inside me. I tugged at his tie. “Come on!”
He swore under his breath. Then he let himself go. Tangling his hand in my hair, he pulled me roughly toward his lips. “It’s hard enough to control myself around you as it is. If you give me permission, then you better believe you’re going to get fucked.”
I wanted to reply, Thank god, but his mouth had claimed mine with frenzied passion and speaking was no longer an option. At the same time, he drove his cock into me with a deep, forceful jab. I cried out at the pleasure/pain. I’d been wet, but he’d been right—I hadn’t been quite as ready as I could have been.
And it didn’t matter. I loved him inside me, and my snug channel let each of his short stabs rub against every wall. I cried into his mouth at each stroke. God, oh god, oh god.
Still it wasn’t enough. I wrapped my legs around his waist and bucked against him, meeting his thrusts. I closed my eyes. I was aroused and insane with needing the release I knew would come if I could just get there.
He let go of the lip he’d been sucking on. “Jesus, Alayna. Slow down.”
“No. Can’t. Want you.” I couldn’t even speak in complete sentences.
“I know. I know what to give you.” He nipped at my jaw. “But if you don’t let me take care of you, you aren’t going to get where you want to go.”
“Need,” I corrected. And I couldn’t slow down. I was crazed.
Hudson huffed my name in frustration. Wrapping a handful of hair around his fingers, he pulled my head back until I gasped. His strokes slowed to a steady pulse. “Listen to me. Are you listening?”
I nodded.
“Look at me.”
I opened my lids and met his gaze. Immediately, his gray eyes soothed me.
“You need to let me take charge, Alayna. You need to trust me. I’m going to take care of you.” He wasn’t talking about achieving an orgasm. He was speaking about much more. “Okay?”
I did trust him. Implicitly. I’d told him over and over.
But even with my declarations, I was still recovering from his recent abandonment and the pain of it lingered. Saying I trusted him was easier than actually letting myself go to fully act on that trust.
The Fixed Trilogy: Fixed on You, Found in You, Forever With You Page 60