by Aria Ford
“Well, you should have told me,” Joanna said sadly. “I would have liked to stay in touch. We all would have. Keith was missing you too.”
“Oh, Jodi,” I sighed. “I wish I had stayed in touch. I just…” I sighed. “I guess I felt like a failure.”
“What?” she laughed. “Sorry, Kerry,” she added. “I understand that’s how you felt. But how could you think like that about yourself? You’re great. What happened wasn’t your fault, you know.”
“Well,” I sighed. “It kind of was. I don’t know why I always pushed so hard.”
“Because you were scared of being a failure?”
I paused. “You’re right.”
She laughed. “You silly person.” That was one of her favorite expressions. It made my throat close up with emotion just hearing the sweet familiarity of it. It was the worst thing she ever said about anyone.
I laughed. “Well, I know better now.”
“You do,” she said. “So? What’s up?”
I sighed. “Nothing much. Stuff. I wish I knew.”
“Well,” Joanna sighed. “When you don’t know what’s up, the best thing to do is take a walk and sit and think about it. It’ll come to you when your mind’s empty of everything else.”
“You know,” I sighed. “You’re right. I’ll do that.”
“Good. You can call back when you want to talk. I’m always ready to listen, you know.”
I let out a long, shaky breath. “Thanks,” I said.
We talked a bit more, and hearing about the dance, her career, the choreographer, made my heart ache. It was a world I belonged in. A world I missed.
When we ended the call, I sat there for a long while, just lost in the sweet nostalgia of it. I missed it. I wondered, for the first time in such a long time, if I would ever go back.
“Come on. Let’s walk.”
I stood and followed Joanna’s advice. My ankle hurt a bit more than usual, I noticed. Maybe it was just that talking about it had reminded me of the injury and of the time before, when I had used it. When it had worked.
In the park, I sat down heavily on a bench. I knew the source of my worry. Brett. I just didn’t know why. I closed my eyes and tried to figure out what it was that I was actually feeling.
It was anger, at least at first. The first thing I felt was hot rage that blocked my throat up every time I thought about how he’d lied to me. He had expected that I would just believe it. On the strength of a lie, he’d let me call the police, let me come into his home when he could have a gang of people spying on him.
If he cared about me, really cared, would he do that?
“Come on Kerry,” I said aloud. “Why would he care about you now? He didn’t the first time.”
I was in a predicament about him. I kept on finding myself thinking of him, wondering how he was, if he slept well, whether he was eating breakfast. Twice, I considered going over.
I should leave him to sort out his own messes, I decided—after all, he hadn’t even told me about them. And it was dangerous, he was right. I would do better just staying here.
I was startled out of my reverie by another voice.
“Kerry!” the voice called, “Hey!” It was Margie. I had forgotten we always walked together on a Sunday.
I smiled. It was nice to see a friendly face. “Good morning?” I asked.
“It is a good morning,” she agreed, smiling. “You got time for a walk?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I’d like that.”
We walked slowly round the park. As Margie chatted about her work week—she worked as a sales consultant at a local electronics store—I couldn’t help finding my thoughts wandering to Brett.
Basically, I wanted to know whether or not I should continue to see him. But I wasn’t sure how to ask.
“Margie?”
“Yeah?” she frowned. We’d been walking along quietly for a while now and she turned to me with a worried frown. “What is it, girlfriend?”
I chuckled. “Well, um… what would you do if someone lied to you?”
She frowned. “Well, I’d be mad,” she said with a soft laugh. “Why?”
“Well…” I frowned too. “No reason. Just… say someone you trusted, a lot, lied to you. Someone you thought wouldn’t ever do that?”
“I think,” she paused, “that if I really thought they’d never lie to me, my first question would be, why had they? What was it that was so scary that they couldn’t face telling it?”
I sighed. “You know, you have a point there.”
She chuckled. “Well, I didn’t say much, did I?”
“You said a lot.”
She smiled and shook her head. “You are confusing this morning! But I hope I helped.”
“Yes,” I nodded firmly. “You did.”
She had helped me to see the one piece I was missing. Brett had lied because he thought he had no choice. I wasn’t sure if I should be excusing him like that, but really, it was true.
How could he tell me he was on the run from a dangerous gang? If he had told me, what would they do? What would I do?
He was ashamed of it.
“So,” Margie was saying, “What are your plans for Thanksgiving?”
I frowned. “It’s still quite a few months, isn’t it?” She had interrupted my thoughts and I was having trouble getting back to them.
She laughed. “You are distracted, aren’t you?”
I nodded. “A lot on my mind, Margie. Sorry. I am distracted, yes.”
She nodded. “That’s okay. I get like that. I was driving yesterday and my son pointed out that we’d gone straight past the supermarket! We were supposed to stop there—I hadn’t even noticed!”
I laughed. We chatted a bit longer and then parted at the car-park. I drove home. As I did so, I made up my mind. I wasn’t going to leave things like this.
I was going to see Brett.
I felt really bad. Yes, he had lied to me, but he had done it because he was scared of telling me the truth.
If I know Brett, he’s ashamed of himself.
And, being ashamed of himself, he’d expected me to judge him too. And I had.
“Dammit, Kerry, you’re an ass,” I said to myself. It didn’t make me feel any better, but it sure was true.
I drove home and then considered whether or not I should walk to Brett’s new place or call.
I pulled out my phone and called him.
“Hello?” I said.
I heard him take a deep breath. “What… Kerry? It’s you?”
I laughed. “Brett!” I said. Suddenly, it seemed like the sun had come out and all I had done was just hear his voice again.
He laughed. “Kerry! What’s up?”
“Um…I just wanted to call to find out how you are,” I said slowly. “I’ve been thinking a lot.”
“Me too, Kerry,” he said immediately. “I’ve been so stupid! I…”
I laughed. “You think you’ve been stupid?” I chuckled. “I think the same thing. Come on. Let’s meet up.”
“Yes!”
“Okay,” I said, taking a long steadying breath. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes? Maybe thirty—my ankle’s sore.”
He made a hiss of breath, a sympathetic sound for my sore foot. “Well, I’ll see you…actually, Kerry? You think maybe we should meet somewhere else?”
“I think that sounds fine,” I said. “Where?”
“Is there a coffee-place near here?” he asked.
I frowned. “Mm…there’s a place around the corner from where you are,” I suggested. “If you look on Google, it’s called…oh, heck…the Clover or something?”
“Thanks!” he said.
We hung up.
I went into the bedroom to check if I was presentable. I had thrown together a more-or-less random outfit this morning, and I hastily changed out the top for a more becoming one in a light, patterned fabric. It settled round me and I felt prettier. I added some makeup and when I left I was singing. The world wa
s suddenly a new place.
I was going to see Brett. And together we would sort out this problem.
It should never have been his alone for so long.
CHAPTER 15: BRETT
I walked down the road whistling. I was happy.
Suddenly, it didn’t matter that there was a gang after me, or that the police might just discover my history as a drug user. I was in love and because of that, I knew everything would be okay. It all had a solution. We just had to find it.
Now, I felt confident that we would.
I kept an eye out for any suspicious looking people, but nobody really noticed me, except a guy watering his lawn, who scowled as I sailed past with a big smile on my face.
He’s cheerful, I thought ironically. I smiled more. Today I loved everyone. And nothing was going to get me down—I was so happy.
I checked my phone. The cafe was around the corner, according to the directions the map was giving me. I turned the corner and headed up the street.
I saw it on my right—as the map had promised I would—and grinned.
“The Shamrock.” Well, she was almost right—it could have been “Clover”.
I went up into the place and greeted the waitress.
“Hi,” I nodded. “A table for two?”
“Sure,” she said. She indicated one near the back, facing the door. The place was almost empty except for a pair of older women just back from church, having coffee. I smiled at them, they waved back. I sat down.
I still couldn’t believe I was here, waiting for Kerry.
When she walked in I looked up immediately. Her hair loose and flowing round her shoulders, a soft, floaty top in a sort of dark olive that complimented her hair, dark slacks, she was stunning. I saw the two ladies look at her with some surprise and I bit back a grin.
“Kerry,” I breathed. I stood and she grinned.
“Brett. Listen, I am so…”
“No,” I interrupted. “I am sorry. I was a fool.”
She laughed. “That’s what I thought!” She chuckled. “I mean, I thought I was a fool. Oh, Brett! I’m so glad.”
I smiled. “I’m so glad that you’re here.”
“Well,” she said, sitting down nimbly and stretching her legs out in front of her, “I hope you had breakfast.”
“I…” I paused. “You know, I didn’t?”
She laughed. “You shocking man. First rule of dancing—don’t skip meals. You are going to have something right now.”
I laughed. My smile was broad. My heart glowed. I had forgotten how she took such brisk care of people—especially me.
“Thanks, Kerry,” I said. “But please let me pay for it. It’s the least I can do. Really.”
She shot me a look. “How are you for cash, Brett? I mean, really?”
“Not good,” I said. I pulled a face. I had been okay, but with this recent payment and the doctor’s fees and now the hotel, I had hit more expenditure than I had anticipated this month. It didn’t seem promising right now.
I could do so much more if I could just sell that wretched house, I thought, annoyed.
The house.
In Florida, on the coast, up on a remote stretch of shoreline about fifty-five miles up from Miami city. It was perfect.
I couldn’t believe it! The solution had been staring me right in the face all this time!
“Kerry,” I said slowly. “I don’t suppose…could I ask you something?”
She frowned. “Sure, Brett,” she nodded. “What is it?”
“It… Kerry, would you run away with me?”
She stared at me. “What?” she asked. Her face was in utter shock but her eyes shone.
“Sorry, Kerry,” I said. “I know I probably shouldn’t ask, but…but I need to get out of town for a while. And I have a place to go. I was wondering if you could come down with me?”
She stared at me. Then, suddenly, she giggled. “Brett,” she said, “of all the amazing, crazy things! I would never have dreamed that you would ask me something like that…” she shook her head.
I smiled. “I’m sorry, Kerry,” I said again. “I just got ahead of myself, I guess. And I would worry about you, if you were here alone, I guess…” I shook my head. “Maybe that’s just me making excuses for myself. But I do worry that maybe they know where you are too now?”
She shook her head. “Oh, Brett. Don’t worry about me. How would they know about me? We’re always pretty careful, and it’s not like my apartment is exactly close to yours.”
“True,” I nodded.
Her work was closer to my apartment, though. I didn’t want to mention that. I was just being paranoid, I was sure. No point in worrying her. If she came with me, I didn’t want it to be simply because I convinced her into it.
“Well?” she frowned. Her eyes shone. “Where would we go?”
I laughed. “Kerry! You mean it! You really would?”
She was laughing too, now. “Brett, who would say no to something like that? An adventure! With you! Where do we start?”
I laughed again. Her face was lit with wonder and that sweet smile set a slow fire in the pit of my tummy. I wanted to push her backward, covering her with kisses. But I was in the middle of the cafe and we had an audience of people now—mostly pensioners coming in after church. They’d be horrified.
“Well,” I said, laughing delightedly. “I think we could probably do with seeing the police first. I guess if I disappear before I give them some sort of statement, then they’ll wonder what the heck I’m doing.”
“Yeah,” she nodded. “I’m sorry I called them when you asked me not to.”
I sighed. “No worries, Kerry. Really.”
“I was just frightened,” she continued, looking up at me from where she had been contemplating her fingers. “I was scared they’d kill you.”
I let out a long, full breath. “I know,” I said. “And it means the world to me that you cared so much about me.”
She looked into my eyes. The whole world could have stood still at that moment and I wouldn’t have been aware: all the pensioners, the waitress, the birds in the trees—they were all silent and distant and remote. I was with her and that was all I knew about.
“Of course I cared,” she said softly. “I do care. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
We touched hands. I took her long, pale fingers in mine. They were cool and I held them, warming them. When the waitress came, at last, to take our order, we were still silent.
“What will you like to drink?” she asked politely.
“Cappuccino for me,” I said. Kerry nodded.
“Me too, please. And, Brett?” she raised a brow at me.
“Um,” I paused, noticing that she was right. My tummy was grumbling, and I was really hungry. “You have breakfast?”
She chuckled. “I can do you eggs?”
“Please,” I said intently.
She nodded and wrote it down and went off.
While we waited for the coffees, I made some plans. Kerry cleared her throat.
“Where is it?” she asked. “This place?” I could hear the tension in her voice and I realized, hearing it, that it was excitement.
“It’s in Florida,” I said. “On the coast.”
“Oh.” She frowned. “Well, it’ll be hard to get down there.”
“It will,” I agreed. That was part of the problem I hadn’t considered. I could probably afford a flight out of the savings I had, but it would leave me with almost nothing. And I wasn’t sure about her either.
“You know,” she said, her eyes shining again after a moment’s thinking, “I think I could borrow the cash. My parents are in Miami, and they might—might—agree to pay for a flight if I drop in and see them.”
“You do?” I grinned ecstatically. “Oh, wow!”
She smiled, flapping a hand at me as if to shush my excited outburst. “Oh, Brett,” she said.
I laughed. “Well, this sounds perfect! We should check and see w
hen the next flights are.”
“Yes,” she nodded. “If we could go tomorrow, it would make sense, wouldn’t it? Oh, hell…”
“What is it?” I asked.
“What will I do at work?” she said, laughing, though she sounded miserable. “I can’t just walk.”
I frowned. “Well… if you stay there, neither of us have to pay rent.”
She laughed. “Oh, Brett! But what would we do with our apartments here? We can’t just run, you know! I owe a month’s notice on mine. Yours?”
“The same,” I nodded.
At that moment, our coffee appeared.
“Thanks,” I said to the waitress. She smiled and set it down on the table. I took a sip. Kerry took a sip too. I watched her pink lips press the rim of the mug and I felt a stabbing ache of longing in my groin. She set it down and smiled at me.
“Well, then,” she said. “I can afford to give a month’s notice, if my mom covers the flight. You?”
I frowned. “Maybe,” I said. “If I could sell my car it would help. But…” as I thought about it, I got an idea. “Dominic!”