Funny how I’d spent three years with him and I’d never seen this side of him. Well, I had, and I hadn’t. I’d seen the authority, the power, but I’d never realized where he’d honed those skills or what brought him true pleasure. He was in control of his entire life, but I feared that was because he refused to let people in. Here, in this room with us, he was in control because he wanted to be.
“I want you to go to Chicago with us, Clarissa.” The words came out strong, but a hint of emotion rang through. “Do not open your eyes.”
Too late. She already had, but she quickly closed them, squeezing them shut. I smiled to myself as I continued to slide my hands over her calves.
“Before you try to get your two cents in, hear me out,” he continued.
Clarissa didn’t speak, but I could see the denial she’d been about to lay on him.
“I’m going to head up there for the week so I can work through the logistics with the partners. I know you’ve got a life here, but I’d like you to give me one week. This week. I want you there as my submissive but also as my girlfriend. And—”
“And your employee?” she interrupted, a snap in her tone.
Where that had come from, I didn’t know. Clarissa’s insecurities seemed to be rearing their ugly head. I replayed the last few minutes in my mind and I couldn’t understand what had put her on the defensive.
Trent cleared his throat and a frown marred his forehead. “I’d be honored if you’d review the contract with me, but if that isn’t something you’re willing to do, I can certainly find someone else. But that’s irrelevant. I would pay you for your consulting, as anyone should. I want you there because I want you. And I think this is a good opportunity for you. It’ll give you a chance to explore the city, see if you’re interested in taking the job they’ve offered.”
I wanted her there with us as well, but I got the feeling Master had something specific in mind. He seemed different than when he’d abruptly called a halt to our playtime in the club. Calmer, as though he’d had a chance to think things through. This wasn’t necessarily the Dom speaking. This was Trent, the man. Surely Clarissa saw that, too.
My phone buzzed on the bar.
“That’s probably the pizza,” I told him.
“Please grab some clothes and go down and get it. I need to have a few words with Clarissa.”
“Of course.” I shifted Clarissa’s legs off my lap and got to my feet.
As I headed out of the room, I hoped that whatever conflict the two of them were dancing around, they managed to work it out. At this point, I found myself invested in the two of them.
And I wasn’t sure things would be right without Clarissa with us.
TWENTY-TWO
Clarissa
“BREATHE FOR ME, SUNSHINE.”
Trent’s words caressed my skin as I fought to keep my eyes closed. I heard the door open, then shut with a soft click. Troy was going down to get the pizza and now I was left alone with Trent.
“If you don’t want to go with us, I’ll respect your decision,” he said, his hands grazing over my skin, sending chills dancing along my nerve endings. “But I need you to know what I want. How I feel.”
I could hear the sincerity in his tone, and honestly, I wanted to tell him I would go with him. More so because I wanted to spend more time with him and Troy. While I’d been kneeling, I had attempted to figure out what went wrong. The only thing I was sure of what that I had failed him.
However, I was also in self-preservation mode. Probably had been since the second I saw Trent at lunch that first day. The man scared the daylights out of me. Not because I was worried he would physically hurt me. I feared I was falling for him and I would inevitably end up with my heart shattered and broken. I didn’t want to go through that. It was the reason I’d been so standoffish with the Doms I’d played with in the past. It had gotten even worse when I watched the pain my mother suffered when each of her husbands had cheated on her.
And I couldn’t forget the fact Trent had disappeared on me both times I’d spent the night with him. Waking up in an empty bed was not how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I already did that without him in my life. Why would I settle for that?
“Do you know what went wrong tonight, Clarissa?”
There was something in his tone that had me opening my eyes. He was staring back at me, a frown on his face and real concern in his pretty blue eyes.
“No, Master.” It was true. I didn’t have a clue. I’d done everything he’d asked of me. Everything. Right down to teasing myself with a vibrator. And no, I hadn’t come. But in my defense, he hadn’t told me to.
“Do you understand what it means to top from the bottom?” he asked.
I grinned. “Of course I do. It’s when a submissive maintains control through their actions, despite what their Dominant is doing.”
“Not only do you know the meaning, you’ve also perfected it.”
That had me jerking in his arms as I sat up quickly. “I do not. I’ve never topped anyone in my life.”
His big hands curled around my biceps when I attempted to get away. He held me in place, still sitting on his lap, although now I was facing him.
“Oh, sunshine, you do. You most certainly do.”
No way. I didn’t buy that for a second. “I am a submissive,” I argued. “Always have been, always will be. I don’t want to be in control.”
“I disagree. You’re only willing to feel what you want to feel,” he continued, his tone even. He wasn’t nearly as defensive as I was. “You follow instructions ridiculously well. In a physical sense. Other than that, you might as well not even be in the room.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Tonight wasn’t my fault. I did everything you told me to do.”
“Did you?”
“Yes,” I snapped. “I followed you around. I didn’t speak. I signed your stupid papers. I undressed Troy like you wanted. I stripped off my own clothes. I took the toy, I pressed it to my clit. I watched Troy.” I swallowed hard as emotion bubbled up in my chest. “I did everything you asked of me.”
“Except enjoy it.”
“I enjoyed it just fine,” I countered.
“Did you come?”
“No. But I would have. Eventually. If you had told me to, I would have.”
“So, you’re saying you would’ve come because I commanded it, not because you wanted to.”
“Yes. I mean no. That’s not what I’m saying.”
One eyebrow rose slowly. “The other night, when I had my mouth on your pussy, did you want to come even though I’d told you not to?”
“No, of course not.” It was only a small lie. “You told me not to come. I won’t disobey your instructions.”
“And you tried to accomplish that by disengaging, did you not?”
“No.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Absolutely. If you tell me not to do something, I won’t do it.”
“And if I don’t specify, you won’t do it, either, right?”
“That’s my job,” I countered. “I’m only to do what you ask of me.”
His eyes darkened, this time with what I assumed was anger. “I told you to forget everything you’d learned from Shane Gibson. Did you follow my instructions?”
“That’s different,” I bit out. “As a submissive, it’s my job to please my Dom. The things Shane taught me were only to benefit a Dominant. It allows me to be a better submissive.”
“To whom? Which Dom wants a shell of a woman who’s going to do everything he wants? Only what he specifies? Tell me because I want to punch that bastard in the face.”
I inhaled sharply at the anger I heard in Trent’s tone.
He continued, “Because I don’t know a single one who wants a doll to play with, Clarissa, one who’ll pose perfectly, spread her legs when she’s asked. That’s damn sure not what I want.”
“You’re looking for a submissive you can punis
h,” I told him. “Is that it? You want me to defy you so you can punish me? Well, I’m not that submissive. I will never do anything to earn your punishment.”
“You already have, sunshine.”
My eyes widened. It wasn’t what he said but the way he said it. “What does that mean?”
“You’ve defied me all night long.”
“What?” I tried to pull away, but he didn’t let me get far. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Tell me one of your hard limits, Clarissa,” he commanded, his voice dropping another octave.
The man was going to give me whiplash with his constant subject changes. “I don’t have any,” I admitted.
“None whatsoever?”
“No.”
“Not a single one?”
“No.” God, was he dense? “I trust the Doms I play with.”
He barked a laugh. “You trust me implicitly? You trust that I know everything that goes on in your pretty little head? All your worries, your fears? That I just know what not to do when it comes to playing with you?”
“It’s about pushing boundaries,” I told him. “I don’t expect it to always be comfortable.”
“All right.” He relaxed slightly, leaning back on the sofa.
How could he be so calm? I was fuming from the inside out and he seemed unfazed.
“I’ve actually got several Doms waiting downstairs,” he continued. “I told them we were going to share you tonight. Since it’s not one of your hard limits, you won’t mind if I have them take turns with you then?”
The thought was horrifying and this time I did jump up from his lap, desperate to put several feet between us. “That’s disgusting,” I hissed. “I don’t have any desire to be fucked by a bunch of Doms.”
“No?” He didn’t seem convinced. “It’s not one of your hard limits. I figured it was a safe bet.”
This man was crazy. “I’m looking for a Dom who wants me. Not one who shares with his friends. Clearly, we don’t want the same thing.”
“How would I know that? You didn’t list it and you damn sure don’t talk to me.” He spoke as though he wasn’t at all affected by my outburst. “After that, I’ve asked a couple of submissives to stay behind because I want to watch you fuck them with a strap-on.”
That was even worse. “You’re disgusting. That’s not what a Dom does.”
Trent was suddenly on his feet, his hand in my hair as he tugged my head back and forced me to look up into his face. He wasn’t hurting me, per se, but for a moment, I was stunned silent. His eyes were so hard, so intent it was all I could do to maintain eye contact.
His voice was significantly lower when he spoke. “So, as long as you’re not ordered to do something you don’t want to do, there are no hard limits? Is that how it works?”
I couldn’t speak. The sheer disappointment on his face stole my breath. “I didn’t say that.”
“But you did. If I wanted to share you with every fucking Dom in this place, you would defy me. Because it isn’t what you want. And if I asked you to strap on a fake dick and fuck some submissives, you would run out the door.”
“I don’t want those things,” I admitted.
“Neither do I. But I would’ve never known because you claim you have no hard limits. There’s no one downstairs, Clarissa. And the thought of sharing you with anyone who isn’t Troy has never crossed my mind. But I think you get my point.”
I swallowed hard as the reality of what he was saying hit me.
I wasn’t a submissive. I was a failure. It was the reason no Dom had ever truly wanted me. They’d played with me because I was convenient, but none had ever wanted anything other than to share a couple of scenes at the club.
Was that why he didn’t stay in bed with me? Had I failed him on those occasions, too? Was he eager to put distance between us?
What was I even doing? I shouldn’t be here.
When Trent released my hair, I stood up straight. “I need to go home,” I insisted.
“Clarissa…”
“No,” I snapped. It was that or cry. And I would not cry. “We’re done here. Clearly, I can’t be what you need; therefore I see no reason in continuing this.”
For a second, I thought he would argue, tell me I was wrong, but his expression went blank instead. “Fine. Go get dressed and I’ll have Troy take you home.”
“Zeke can take me home,” I demanded.
His face pinched. “I said I would have Troy take you home. Quit fucking arguing with me, Clarissa.”
I stared at him, my heart breaking in two. I should’ve known it was too good to be true. When I needed it the most, the man wasn’t even going to fight for me.
Snatching my clothes from the table, I hurried down the hall. I knew there was a bathroom somewhere. I would get dressed and pull myself together. Once I was home, I could reevaluate my life and figure out what I really wanted.
Because this was obviously not where I was meant to be.
Trent
TO BE HONEST, I HADN’T seen the outcome of our discussion going that direction.
I thought for sure Clarissa was going to talk to me, open up, perhaps come up with a good defense. She was a lawyer, after all.
This had been an opportunity for both of us, but somewhere along the way it went horribly wrong. And yet, I wasn’t going to do anything to try to change her mind. We both needed time to think this through, to figure out what it was we could do to put us back on the right track. I had no doubt we could, provided Clarissa was willing.
Troy returned to the apartment with the pizza. He set the boxes on the counter, then scanned the room as though expecting Clarissa to be hiding somewhere.
“I need you to take her home,” I told him, keeping my tone flat. I fought the urge to rub the ache in my chest. “She’s insisting, and I’m done arguing.”
“What about Zeke?”
“He can follow in his car.”
He nodded briefly. I could tell he had questions, but I was grateful when he opted not to voice them. I didn’t want to talk about this right now. I was too riled up and I knew it would take little provocation for my temper to get away from me. The last thing I wanted was to take it out on Troy when he didn’t deserve it.
Clarissa appeared a few minutes later, wearing the clothes she’d come to the club in, which wasn’t much of anything at all.
“Do you want one of my shirts?” I offered. I couldn’t let her walk out of the building wearing only that.
“No. But I need to get my coat and shoes,” she said softly, not looking at me.
I turned my gaze to Troy and silently urged him to take care of her before I turned and headed toward my office. A couple of minutes later, the front door clicked shut and I knew Clarissa was gone.
That ache in my chest intensified. My heart physically hurt at the thought of her walking out on me. Truth was, I’d never expected it from her. So many people had done it over the years, I thought I’d grown immune to it. Those who had waltzed into my life with high expectations only to rush right back out when they figured out I wouldn’t give them whatever it was they wanted.
Clarissa was supposed to be different.
I had my doubts as to whether she would come back to me eventually. She was a headstrong woman, and while I hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true, I saw the moment she realized it, too.
While she had a deep desire to submit, Clarissa had stopped submitting to anyone other than herself for a long time. I suspected Shane had seen the same thing, but since Xander had said they weren’t in a real D/s relationship, he obviously hadn’t felt it was necessary to address.
I dropped into my desk chair and stared at the walls. I was tired, but I knew I wouldn’t sleep until Troy returned. I probably should’ve been the one to take her home, but I knew it wasn’t best for the situation. We would’ve been trapped in the awkward silence. At least this way, perhaps Clarissa would open up to Troy.
That was what I was hoping
for, anyway.
Troy
A LITTLE AFTER ONE IN the morning, I was in Master’s Cadillac Escalade driving Clarissa back to her house, Zeke and Ransom following in the car behind us. It wasn’t at all what I’d seen myself doing tonight, that was for damn sure.
I had no idea what had happened during the few minutes I was downstairs getting the pizza. Something horrible based on the fact Clarissa was ready to bolt. Why else would she insist on going home in the middle of the night? I’d seen in Master’s eyes that he hadn’t been the one to make the suggestion. So, when Master asked me to drive Clarissa home, I didn’t argue, hoping I’d be able to talk to her a little at least.
“Are you all right?” I asked, glancing over at her as we pulled out of the parking garage and onto the relatively lonely streets of downtown Dallas.
Clarissa was staring out the passenger window, her arms wrapped around herself. She’d put on her coat and closed it up tightly around her. More as a shield than a protection from the elements.
“No,” she said bluntly. “I’m not. And I doubt I ever will be again.”
“If you want to tell me what happened, I’m more than willing to listen.”
I saw her head turn and I cut my gaze to her quickly.
“I’m not the submissive Trent needs.”
“Really?” I didn’t buy that at all. “Did he say that?”
“Not in so many words.” She turned her attention toward the window again. “He didn’t have to. He said I’m topping from the bottom.”
“Are you?” I’d read that somewhere, so I had a good idea of what it meant. I knew it wasn’t a positive thing.
Clarissa shrugged.
“Okay. Say you are,” I said. “Hypothetically, of course. You don’t mean to do it, right?”
“Of course not.”
“Do you think it’s true?”
She sighed. “I don’t know. I think Trent’s trying to shift the blame.”
Their Famous Dominant (Office Intrigue, 4) Page 39