“Because—” Aidan grabbed his clothes and got dressed hurriedly. “Because she’s crazy. She claims that she had a child. That the child is mine. I haven’t seen her in five years. I have no idea why she thinks her child is mine.” His look when he met her eyes was one of agony and despair.
Grace couldn’t breathe. She reached out to the drapes to support her as her knees began to buckle. His words cascaded over her, blocking her thoughts, filling her with disbelief and panic. A strangled cry emerged. “What are you talking about?” There had to be a mistake. Aidan and she couldn’t have children. All the testing proved that. She searched his face, seeking some sort of denial from him. “Tell me this isn’t true. This can’t be true. You can’t have a baby.”
“Grace, you need to sit down,” he said as he came to her, pulled her into his arms and led her to the sofa near the fireplace. “Let me try to explain what I believe is going on.”
“Did you have an affair with her?” she asked, her body shaking at the enormity of it all. Aidan in another woman’s bed. Aidan making love to another woman, his hands, his body on hers. The intimacy of the act, the love he was capable of making to Grace offered to another woman. “Tell me the truth!” she demanded, feeling sick to her stomach with anguish.
“Grace! I’m sorry. Really sorry.” He went down on one knee in front of her, his eyes pleading, his voice filled with remorse.
“Five years ago?” She heard a scream and realized it was hers. “You had an affair five years ago when we were trying to have a baby?”
“Not an affair. Not really.” He scrubbed his face with hands that shook. “You and I were going through a rough time.”
Her mind fumbled over his words. Her husband, the man she loved, had had an affair with another woman. He’d broken a solemn vow to her, one he’d taken before God. This couldn’t be true. But hadn’t he just admitted to it? “When? When did you do this?”
“I... Back when I managed our clients in Spartanburg. Before Lucas took over.”
“Is that why Lucas started going there? Is he aware of what is going on?”
“No. No one knows. It was just one weekend, and I’ve regretted it ever since.” He stared at the ceiling, then back at her. “I’ve never regretted anything more in my whole life.”
There were tears in his eyes, but it didn’t matter. No amount of tears could change what he’d just admitted to. “Regretted it,” she echoed. “You had sex with her and you regretted it.” She struggled to sort out her thoughts. This was all wrong.
“I swear I did not know she had a child. And I know it isn’t mine. I wouldn’t...couldn’t.”
“Stop! You just admitted to having sex with a woman who had a child. Your child.”
“No! Not my child!”
“You lied to me all this time. I didn’t lie to you. But you sure as hell lied to me. You had an affair with another woman.” She pounded his chest, grabbed his hair and pulled as hard as she could. “You destroyed everything!”
He winced. His eyes didn’t leave her face. “Grace, please stop. I don’t want to upset you.” He touched her bare leg.
“Upset me,” she seethed. “You’ve more than upset me, you bastard.” Suddenly she became aware that she was naked. Desperately wanting to cover herself, to feel whole and in control, she pushed his hand off her. “Get out of my way, Aidan. I’m getting dressed and getting out of here.”
“Grace. No. Don’t leave. Please let me try to explain. I realize that this is a huge shock for you. It’s a shock to me, as well.” Aidan reached for her again, but she pushed him away as she got off the sofa and moved across the room.
“A shock to you? Really?” she said, feeling the bitterness like a flush of acid seeping through her mind. Everything she loved and cherished had been swept from her life by his awful words.
He followed her as she moved around the room, gathering up her things. “I didn’t mean it that way. I mean getting the call and not knowing what was happening—” He lowered his head. “I’ve totally screwed up.”
For a fraction of a second, she almost went to him, to console him the way she always had.
But those days were dead and gone. She couldn’t let him touch her when she knew that he’d had an affair with another woman, and had lied to her about something so personal, so destructive that she would never trust him again. “If this is not your child, a DNA test will prove you’re not the father, won’t it?”
His expression filled with anguish, he glanced away.
Angry and disbelieving, Grace tried to remain calm. Struggling to get into her skimpy sundress and high heels, she hopped on one foot as she fastened her watch on her wrist. It seemed to be taking forever to get dressed. She just wanted to get out of here as soon as she could, away from the man who had destroyed her world.
A man, she now realized, she didn’t really know at all. “This woman you had sex with had the DNA test done, didn’t she?” She pointed at the phone, her voice rising. “That man. That lawyer wouldn’t be calling you if there wasn’t proof that you are the father of this woman’s child.”
“He says he has DNA proof. But I don’t believe it. We, you and I, can’t have children, and so this has to be some sort of awful mistake.”
Grace struggled to put on her earrings and finally gave up, throwing them on the floor. Aidan grabbed them from where they landed on the plush cream carpet. “I gave these to you,” he said, in a disbelieving tone. “They’re your favorites.”
“I don’t want jewelry bought out of guilt,” she said, striding into the bathroom. She combed her fingers through her hair, applied a little blush and gathered her cosmetics bag. She may just have been totally humiliated by her husband, but she was a Southern woman, and she would not leave the suite without looking in control and in charge.
In the bedroom, she shoved the remainder of her things into her suitcase. So many thoughts were crashing around her mind, each delivering yet another blow to her self-esteem. Her husband had had an affair and a child by another woman. “If this is true, it means that I’m the one who can’t have children, doesn’t it?”
“Grace, we’ve been over this dozens of times before. The doctors told us it was no one’s fault that we couldn’t have children. That some people simply can’t conceive. Please don’t do this.”
“I have no choice. I’ve waited our entire marriage for a baby, and now I learn that you are a father.”
“Grace, honey, I recognize this is hard for you. I wish I didn’t have to bring it up,” he said, his head lowered, his expression downcast.
“But you did and now I have to deal with it. How could you do this? To cheat on me, on us, is unbearable. And the fact that you didn’t recognize how hard this would be for me, to know you had a child when I couldn’t. You have destroyed everything.”
“Please, Grace, don’t say that. It’s not over between us. It can’t be. We love each other. I’ve hurt you and I will make it up to you somehow. I should have told you about the weekend with Deidre, but I didn’t want to hurt you over nothing. And it was nothing. Just a mindless fling because I was feeling so isolated and alone in our marriage. But that’s no excuse. I broke the promise I made to you. Please understand I never meant to hurt you. You, of all people. I love you, Grace.” His face was ashen, his eyes pleading.
“A mindless mistake showing your total disrespect for me, for our marriage, and I’m to believe that it’s as simple as you making a mistake? How stupid do you think I am?”
“I don’t think you’re stupid. I’m the stupid one for ever having anything to do with the woman.” Aidan stood still, misery an almost tangible aura around him.
“Well, it’s too late now. You can’t go back and undo what you did. And because of what you did, there is a child and you’re the father. Is it a girl or a boy?” she asked, feeling nothing, as if her body were floating off somewhere, that none of this was real.
“How old is she?” Grace demanded.
Aidan glanced around the room his hands shoved deep into his pockets. “I guess she’d be four or so.”
“What do you intend to do about her?” Grace asked.
Aidan gave a long sigh. “I don’t know. I figured it would get cleared up tomorrow.”
“If you’re so sure the child is not yours, maybe you should take our lawyer with you,” Grace said, trying to sound reasonable and in control even as her heart crumpled in her chest.
Her husband had fathered a child with a woman he’d had a weekend hookup with. That hurt in the worst way possible. All those times they’d hurried to make love while she was ovulating, only to be disappointed. All those times...the heartbreak she’d had to face...while he’d sought the attentions of another woman.
“Grace, I need to learn what I can about the situation. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should take our lawyer, but first I’d like to see for myself what is going on.” He rubbed his palms together. “I know it’s asking a lot, but would you go with me to Spartanburg?”
She was halfway to the door when he said the words. She stopped and turned around so quickly her overnight bag banged into the back of her leg, delivering a stinging blow. “Me? You’re asking me to go with you? You destroyed my faith in you, and now you want me to help you solve a problem all of your making.”
“I have no right to ask this. And you have every right to refuse me.”
“You got that right. For now, all I can think about is how you deceived me and slept with another woman while we were trying so hard to have a child of our own... Or, at least, I was trying,” she said, her voice failing her as betrayal and anguish swept through her. Without warning, humiliation burned her throat. Her head swam. “I don’t understand how you could have done this to me, to us,” she cried. “But you did. You destroyed our marriage.”
Instantly, he was at her side. “It was a stupid mistake. I was feeling as if the life we wanted together would never happen. I wanted a child so much. I wanted our life to be complete. I thought that you would be happy if only we could have a child. Then I started to feel trapped by all the doctor visits, the appointments, the expectations.”
She stepped away, her back straight, her eyes boring into him. “I don’t want to hear your excuses. Not ever again.”
“Grace, please listen to me. I was in Spartanburg working with a client, working hard and wishing I could be home with you, instead.”
“A client? You mean this Deidre MacPherson person?” Grace asked, trying to decide how much longer she could stand to be near him, knowing what he’d done to her.
Aidan held her shoulders, his touch gentle and kind, the way he always behaved when he wanted her to understand something going on with his work Without warning, the time he’d come to her, telling her they’d have to mortgage their home in order to meet a loan payment flashed in front of her. The threat that they might lose their home had been one of the worst moments of her life. To lose her home meant she would lose the place she dreamed of raising their children.
“Yes, it was Deidre MacPherson’s business. She had just landed a major contract and we were providing technical support. I had to stay over the weekend with my technicians to get the system up and running. We went out to celebrate and something happened. I never saw her again or had any form of contact. I swear—”
“I don’t want to hear it!” She glared at him, gritting her teeth.
He stepped back. “I didn’t mean to remind you... All I want you to know is that I have nothing to hide where she is concerned. And that includes whatever this lawyer has in mind for us. There is simply no way I am the father of that child, but this Larry Knowles isn’t going to let it go. He has to do what his client laid out in her will.”
The warmth of Aidan’s body mingled with his cologne, filling her nostrils, and for a few pain-filled moments she wished they could simply forget everything that had happened and go back to bed. Feeling deflated and faced with the anguish in his eyes, she relented a little. “Oh, Aidan, you have ruined everything. Everything you and I ever wanted or needed is gone for good. I don’t know you anymore.”
“Please don’t say that. I’ve gotten us into a terrible mess. And I will find a way out of it, if only you’ll give me a little time to make things right,” he said, his voice shaking.
Aidan looked into her eyes, into the depths of her, her heart and her soul. They had always had this connection, this one-to-one sensation whenever they spoke about those things close to their hearts. She wanted to reach out to him, to soothe him, but the agony of what he’d done left her feeling so betrayed and angry she could barely breathe. She couldn’t touch him knowing that another woman had touched him, probably in much the same way. “I don’t want to deal with this, any of this.”
“Neither do I, but this man won’t stop trying. And it might be better if we faced this head-on, like we would with any crisis in our lives. What do you think?” He held his breath. His gaze searched her face.
“What if we go and he has irrefutable proof that it’s your child?”
Once again, his hands reached for hers. She hugged herself, not letting him touch her.
“Grace, that’s not possible. The more I think about it, the less likely I think it is that it’s true. In my experience, she was always meticulous in her dealings with people. If I was the father of her child, why didn’t she tell me? I can’t help but believe that she would have wanted me to know, to share the responsibility for the baby, the cost of her education, all the things that are needed to care for a child. I can’t imagine that she wouldn’t have insisted that I help out. What woman wouldn’t?”
“What will we do if it is your child?” Grace asked, as she kept waiting to wake up from a bad dream, cry out and be cuddled by her husband, the way it had happened after other nightmares.
The thought that a child would come into their lives in such a destructive, personally tragic way was almost beyond believing. “If this child is yours, you’ve hurt an innocent child because of your careless behavior while destroying our marriage.”
Aidan stood perfectly still. “I realize that, Grace. And I have no idea how I’ll make it up to you, but I will. As for the little girl, we owe it to her to talk with this lawyer and see what proof he thinks he has that I’m her father.”
If she was to keep her marriage as God intended, and rebuild the trust they’d always shared, she had to work her way through this horrible mess. But she couldn’t do it without proof that Aidan was serious about making amends. “There is only one way I will consider being involved with you in this, and that is if you tell me everything. If I find out you’ve been lying to me about this woman, about your time with her, our marriage is over.”
“I have told you the truth. And there is zero chance that this is my child. You and I have been trying to get pregnant for years, and every doctor we went to couldn’t find the cause. I simply won’t accept without further DNA tests, that I could have fathered a child so easily. Not after all the times you and I have made love, all the procedures we went through. It’s as simple as that. From my point of view, this is a mistake on someone’s part. I want to get it straightened out so that you and I can go ahead with adopting a child.”
“Adopt a child? How can you even think of such a thing when our marriage is in so much trouble? Didn’t you just tell me that you’d had an affair, that there might be a child from that affair? You think that this will simply be over by you admitting to what you did?” she asked, shocked and angry.
“I didn’t mean right away. I meant after this is over.”
“Aidan, this won’t simply go away. The fact that you had an affair is bad enough. The thought that you had a child with this woman makes everything impossible. C
an’t you see that?”
She stood with her hand on the door, her head pounding, and watched her husband’s face. A face she loved, had loved most of her life. And now, because of one phone call, it might all be over. “Well? Aren’t you going to say something?”
“Grace, I’m begging you to go with me. You can’t imagine how terrible I feel for the pain I’ve caused you. I want to make it up to you by being totally honest about all this. From now on, wherever this takes us, I want you with me.”
She heard the sincerity in his voice, saw the expression of remorse on his face, and her determination to walk out slipped from her. Whatever he’d done, however much he’d hurt her, she was still his wife and she had to allow him to make this right. Maybe he couldn’t, and she would have to live with that. But whatever came out of this, she didn’t want to end up regretting what she’d done, how she’d behaved.
As she stared at him, memories of their life flashed before her eyes, all the good times they’d had together would end up being for nothing if she acted too rashly. Deep down inside she wanted to believe that, despite everything, they might still have a chance.
“I don’t know if I can do this, any of it. You’ve hurt me in ways I could never have imagined. Right now I hate you, and I can’t imagine ever getting over what I’m feeling.”
“Grace, I’m so afraid,” he said, his hands working at his sides.
“Would you be willing to go for marriage counseling?” she asked.
“Of course. All I want is you, Grace. I want us to find each other again, to feel what we’ve felt all these years.”
She looked at the man she’d married ten years ago, at the light dusting of freckles on his cheeks, the way his eyes seemed to see straight through her. Was it possible she might have feelings for him again? That somehow their marriage would survive this? Love didn’t die easily. She’d seen her parents’ marriage and the trouble they’d gone through, the loss of faith when her dad’s gambling problem had nearly bankrupted the family. She had to believe that her marriage would survive this, that marriage counseling might help them regain the trust they’d lost.
Bringing Emma Home Page 3