Never Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance #5)

by Melanie Walker

  "What the hell? Noah…?" She sound completely shocked that I am here and I feel bad interrupting her flow and shit. "What are you doing here?" I watch as Raleigh goes over and says something low in her ear then starts to clean the vanilla smelling syrup she dropped. I watch her wipe her hands on her apron as she comes closer. "What are you doing here Noah?" She asks me again, her tone no longer in surprise, but irritated.

  "I came to apologize. I acted like a complete dick and I'm sorry."

  She watches me with curiosity, but says nothing.

  "Can we maybe go talk somewhere not crowded?" I ask, knowing damn well that I could be spotted. I love our fans but sometimes it was hard to not get pissed when you had important shit going on and they don’t leave you be.

  "Why?" She asks and now is looking at me with both disdain and need. I relax knowing that. Anger on a hot female can make me hard and knowing she still wanted me, well, made me hard.

  "Well, because I was a dick. I would like to apologize and offer you your job back."

  She laughs but there is no humor in it. "You rich people are so entitled…" She is off on some tangent about rich people being arrogant, a fact I don’t disagree on, but I am distracted by her best friend rolling his eyes and imitating her nagging tirade. I can't help but laugh. "Are you laughing at me?" She asks with a high pitched voice border lining on a scream. I hear Raleigh groan.

  "Oh. My. God!" Raleigh said, accentuating every word with exasperation. "Will you stop with the 'I hate richies' bullshit? You are a multi-millionaire and a hypocrite Bright. Let the man apologize."

  This is news to me and I will ask about it when I am done laughing. This guy is awesome.

  "Raleigh, feel free to pack your shit too and come along. I may need you to knock her off that pedestal from time to time." He laughs and Bright looks like she may smack us both.

  "I wish I could hot stuff, but if she's gone I need to run the show." He exaggerates his pout and sighs for the full effect and Bright rolls her eyes.

  "This is as private as it gets, so take it or leave it."

  "Hey money bags, stop being so defensive! Fuck, I came here to say I was sorry and offer you the position. Stop being so entitled and you take it or leave it." I stood my ground and folded my arms. I wouldn’t beg her and if she said no I'd call that bluff and leave. She would learn real quick I didn’t pander to anyone.

  She had no clue who I was and what made me tick so her high horse and her bratty ass could both suck it. If she wanted to be a bitch well then I would let her, and then I'll leave.

  She is still eyeballing me and I am not budging. Based on Raleighs glee over this standoff I can't help but think I am winning.

  "I can't talk right now." She said after about two minutes under my glare. Impressive considering most cave much quicker, with the exception of Carrie and Candey. They'd have broke down after a day or two. She spoke low, but the tone wasn't shitty so I figured we had reached an stalemate.

  "Alright. How about you let me take you to dinner tonight?"

  The look she gives me is cold as winter. "I'm not going on a date with you Noah."

  "Oh no, really…?" The mock sadness in my voice didn't go unnoticed. I am a dick and I know it, so does she because she picked up on it immediately and rolled her eyes. "Good, because I didn't ask you on one Miss Conceited."

  Raleigh laughs and claps at my sarcasm and I honestly love this guy.

  "Well what do you want to go to dinner for then?" She folds her arms again and gives Raleigh a death glare. I swear to God I want to fuck the feisty out of her.

  "Well, as business ventures go, this one is tricky. I figured I could fill you in on what to expect living on a tour bus and constantly on the go. What to expect from the fangirls as well as get to know me and I you considering this is a sponsor/addict thing."

  She laughs arrogantly. "I never said I accepted."

  I roll my eyes and walk to the door. "You will though. Stop fighting me and just be here at seven." I ignore her jaw that's hanging open and look to Raleigh. "Help her see reason please?"

  He nods and laughs out loud in her face at my arrogance before blowing me a kiss goodbye.

  Bright

  After a heated battle of do's and don'ts with Raleigh I caved and had about forty five minutes to get ready. I lived above The Brew so I had time. By five to seven I rushed down the back steps and stopped short seeing Noah chatting up Raleigh. If I had to be one hundred percent honest with myself I could admit that seeing him accepting of Ral and not bothered by his flamboyance warmed me and softened me to him.

  I dressed casual in a long grey cashmere sweater and faded distressed jeans and my new black Prada botties. I would again admit to myself, that yes I did want to look good for this dinner, though I wasn't happy about it.

  Noah… oh Noah. It's so obnoxious how hot he is. Seriously, it is unfair to be that kind of man beauty and he totally knew it as did every woman in America. I watch as Noah says something to Raleigh that has him gut laughing, probably at my expense no less. The look on Ral's face says that Noah has the attention of gay boys too.

  Unlike me, Noah didn't go change. He was wearing the same clothes as earlier. Camo pants that were worn out perfectly, a grey T shirt and old black Chuck Taylors. He had so many tattoos it would take me a day to decipher but from a distance there was so much going on with his ink he looked like his shirt was long sleeved. Up close though it told a story of good and evil. The way the art was displayed meant there was depth behind it…and didn't that add to his brooding sexiness?

  I am pulled from my inner monologue with Ral snapping in my face. "Stop drooling baby, you look ridiculous."

  Ugh could he be more of a traitor?

  "I hate you." I say and look to Noah. "Ready?"

  "Ya know it's not like you're walking the plank Bright. Think you could melt the ice block on your ass so we don’t freeze in the rental car? I'll be pissed if I lose that deposit."

  "Oh please. Like you made the reservation for a Prius? I bet some poor girl with bad judgment and a lot of regrets that you call your assistant picked it for you." I smirk at my insult and he laughs.

  "George did. That's Tay's assistant. I don’t have one." He looks at me with a mock frown. "I'm just a bad ass bassist with an edge remember? Besides, Chad gets all the attention. You'll see." He opens the passenger door to his ridiculous car and I note the slamming of it once I was seated.

  "Ugh! Asshole!" I yell and hear him laugh. I watch as he and Ral talk a minute more but I can't hear anything. I lean over and lay on the horn, making them both jump. Feeling satisfied I sit back with an innocent smile as Noah gets inside.

  I watch his every move because I can't not. He starts a car with more sexual appeal than any one person should. Every move he makes is with intent and I equally loathe him and want him.

  While stopped at a red light and while I was busy looking at his long talented tattooed fingers that read SURVIVOR from right to left, he broke the silence. "So I figured some of what we will be discussing is intense and personal, add to that I rarely get privacy I thought we could do dinner on my bus."

  I roll my eyes. "How convenient."

  "It really is." He says with a smile and I want to punch his perfect mouth.

  "Let me be very clear. I will not be fucking you. Tonight or any night for that matter."

  He places his hand on his heart in mock suffering. "I'm crushed."

  "I bet you are." I say and smile knowing damn well he would not hesitate if I said yes

  "I can get pussy anywhere sweetheart. And I do. Your virtue is safe."

  "Ewe." I say and I am truly grossed out by that admittance. I have had a lot of sex, sadly I have also had a lot of partners so my being eeeked out by his comment is completely hypocritical of me.

  He just laughs and shrugs. "It's true though. I take advantage of that perk. It's something you need to understand too. This whole thing is ridiculous. I don’t like the idea of a sponsor I don’t know on the road w
ith me watching my every move for the next three months anymore than you do."

  I could hear the frustration in his voice as he spoke. "So why agree?" I ask and I really do want to know.

  "Can I be honest or are you going to keep judging and insulting?" I can see the guy I met in his eyes. The guy who assured me with kindness and had me trusting his word that my tattoo would be perfect. That is the guy that I could spend hours talking to and fight to help.

  "Are you going to stop teasing me?" I ask in return, just as serious.

  "Probably not. I don’t make excuses for who I am Bright. I'll tease when the moment calls for it and I'll be real when I need to be."

  "I accept that." I say with a genuine smile aware I don't have a choice. Relaxing slightly as if we made a silent agreement to be real for the time being he nods. "I accept it without a fight because my band is my family." He stops talking to put in the address of the venue where his bus is at. Part of me is completely floored that I am doing this.

  Aaaaaand even more shocked to learn that yeah, I am gonna do it.

  "I know that my definition of family is way skewed, but uh, I thought family supported one another?"

  He looks at me with a soft smile. "Why is your definition skewed?"

  "Well…" I blow out a long breath.

  He laughs and in a gesture of friendship he places his hand on top of mine. I am not normally the type to get butterflies from something so simple, but this was Noah and he had a way about him that through all logic out the window. In such a short span of time, I knew he would matter. "I can guarantee you that whatever it is, it made you stronger for having survived it."

  I smile in kind, remembering what little Carrie told me about their childhood and I feel somewhat guilty boobing about it to him. "My parents weren't bad to us, they weren't good either. My sister Brittany and I were raised by staff. We saw our parents on holidays and a few days here and there."

  "Where were they?"

  "Oh all over. My dad made his first million in his very early twenties. He went out and found an arm trophy to marry and have kids with. By the time I was five and Brit was three we were listed as one of the richest families in America. When I was sixteen Forbes did an article of the richest heirs and heiresses in the world and Brit and I were in the top twenty."

  I don’t tell him the behind the scenes version and that by the time I was thirteen I was partying and having sex. I also don’t tell him that by the time I was twenty two I left it all behind with only guilt and money to show for the suffering. Or that it's been over five years since I saw my parents.

  "So Brittany was the younger? No other siblings?" He is genuinely interested and I am reminded of why I never spoke of these things. In the past when guys showed interest in getting to know me, I would shut them up with my body and ride the high until climax.

  "No just us."

  "Little sisters are a pain in the ass." He says it jokingly and I know he is referencing his sister, but I feel that vacant dead part of my heart that mourns Brittany every day. She is why I am here, trying to help him.

  "She passed away five years ago. I would give anything to have her here driving me crazy." I don’t know why I tell him. It isn't like it’s a secret he would learn it eventually. Hell he could Google my name and learn it. I never talk about her though so it undoes me knowing I did so easily.

  "Death blows." He says, and he does so in such a final way that its touched him somehow.

  "You say that like you know on a personal level?" As I say it, I can remember Carrie saying someone had died but couldn’t remember who.

  "My fiancé died a little over a year ago." I can hear Carrie in my mind telling me this just last week and I feel awful.

  "I knew something like that happened but I wasn't thinking before I spoke. I'm sorry Noah."

  "Jesus please tell me Tay didn't give you a file on me?" I cringe and most likely look guilty as hell and I know he knows she did. "Fuck man… I try to not be pissed because I put them all through hell… but she doesn’t get how violating that is." He stops then and rolls his window down handing a card to the guard and I realize we have arrived at the venue. "Ya know, if you knew me, you'd understand my resentment."

  I lay my hand over his in the same gesture, delighted that I could tell it affected him to feel my touch. "Then tell me so I know you. And BTW, I didn't read the file. I didn't think it was okay for me to know your secrets without you trusting me enough to give me them."

  He gives me an odd look and I want to apologize if I said something wrong. Before I can though I see Sully and can't help but smile as I follow Noah out of the car.

  "How was the drive?" Noah asks and pats Sully on the shoulder in that half hug man thing that guys do.

  "Relaxing." He says and shrugs his shoulders. "Worked most the trip on some custom pieces I have coming up."

  "You won't be on the bus with us?" I ask him and feel a little bit of a blush for wishing he would have been. Noah is as untouchable as the sun… Sully however is nice and funny and seriously not hard to look at. Having him along with us I thought would help break the tension.

  "I will be, from time to time. Don’t worry pet, Noah's bites are gentle." Noah laughs and walks away shaking his head and Sully winks at me before he chuckles. "I'm kidding pet. You guys will be fine. Give him a chance. There are very few people I know with a heart like Noah. He had a shitty fucking start in this world and still has the ability to treat others as they deserve. We all just want him to have a happy ending." He winks at the double entendre.

  "You're all perves aren't you?"

  "Oh hell yes pet. Of the worst kind." He puts his arm around me and guides me to the door of the bus.

  ***

  Noah

  I had asked Sam to hang back while we had dinner. To be present without his presence. I wanted, more than anything, to make sure Bright knew she was not here for anything other than dinner. I opened the door when the food arrived and set it on the table.

  I grab two beers from the fridge and set one in front of her. She looks at me with shock. "What? I have wine and some Vodka if you prefer?" I pick up the beer and set it back in the fridge. I grabbed the Moscato I keep for Tay and the bottle of white zin I keep for Carrie.

  ”Noah… should you be drinking?" She whispers and imitates a drunk with a beer in his hand.

  "Why are you whispering? My parents won't be home for hours." I mock and laugh when she rolls her eyes.

  "You're an addict. Drinking." The obvious went unsaid but I still laugh at her.

  "I am addicted to heroin Bright. Not beer."

  "A vice is a vice Noah. I mean, is it worth the risk?" Oh hell she can be annoying.

  "What did you read a book on addiction too seriously? What risk? It's a beer and I can't remember the last time I got wasted just to forget. One it doesn’t work or get me high and two if I am gonna be dumb enough to risk it I would go broke and buy some top of the line black."

  "Jesus Noah, go dark much?" Sam asks and steals the beer I just put back in the fridge before looking at Bright.I docked my phone and put the Jar of Flies album on low in the background.

  "Typically, yes most people with addictive tendencies can't have liquor, drugs and most give up smoking. Noah is a case all his own. He still smokes weed, he doesn’t do any other drugs than that and only ever did heroin. Oh and he smokes Camel filters. There's no protocol here Bright. Our goal is to help him not feel weak when faced with after parties and fangirls looking to party with Americas bad boy."

  "So I'm a glorified babysitter?" She asks and she looks defeated. I gotta be honest, I don’t really understand the do-gooder types but hell I like her.

  "Oh if Tay could have her way then it's exactly what you are." I say and I can feel my irritation grow thinking about it.

  "And if you have your way?" She asks and I smile when she cringes and blushes by her question. I fuckin' love messing with her.

  "Want me to answer that?" I ask and laugh harder when she
goes a shade darker.

  "Stop…" She wines but laughs and it's so pretty on her. I love a woman who can take a joke and laugh, ten times hotter when she can throw shit back and Bright throws a lot of shit my way.

  We sit to eat and I watch every move her mouth makes, the tendons as she swallows and I want to groan. My nuts are heavy and straining and I don't know how I am gonna get through this 'just friends' bullshit. I know I am a masochist, but come the fuck on this is extreme.

  "So you never answered my question from earlier." She takes a sip of her wine, then clarifies. "I asked why you put up with this sponsor shit if it's not what you want?"

  I think on how to answer it without sounding like a pussy, or weak. "They suffered the most by my addiction. I owe them." It was as simple as I could make it.

  She nods in understanding. "I get that. Our loved ones take the brunt of or brash bullshit."

  "Addiction is the only disease out there that puts you in the center of everyone you love while you fling your shit all over them repeatedly. Then ask them to forgive you just to do it again and again."

  "Well put. Graphic but to the point."

  "Why didn't you read my bio?" I ask, swapping subject because I want to know something, anything that tells me why she wants to do this.

  "That's simple. I want you to tell me because you trust me."

  I laugh at that. Absolutely no humor in my tone. "It ain't that easy doll."

  She nods again. "It can be…" She looks hopeful and I feel bad for that hope because it's useless. "I know trust is earned and that we all ended up in shit creek for the loss of that innocence whatever it may be."

  "Tell me something." It isn't a question and I know I sound like a pissed off asshole. I confirm that by the stunned look on her face. "What all did my sister and Tay tell you?"