by Kim O'Cain
She sat and crossed her legs to meditate and clear her mind, or at least try. She started with a quick prayer of thanks for the opportunities she had and asked to receive the answers quickly and loudly. This time she decided to focus her mind on a bright pink rose. This usually helped her let everything else go as she thought about the velvety petals and the sweet smell. Within a few minutes, she was calm and letting her thoughts flow by like a river, taking the flower petals away.
When she opened her eyes again, it was like coming out of a deep and restful sleep. Everything in her vision was just a little blurry, but she felt calm and happy. She continued to sit and be in that moment surrounded by the beauty of the forest and the endless blue sky.
As she slowly walked back toward her yurt she knew that she wanted to be a landscape architect and that she had to tell her dad as soon as possible. She also knew that she wanted to continue to date Derek. Blake was so different from her. While she was attracted to him, she didn’t think it was anything more than a temporary crush. She felt great at having come to this realization so easily.
Just as she reached Birch, Blake shouted out to her, “Hey, Waters. Wait up.”
“Here’s your hat. I can wash it if you want,” replied Ashlyn, holding it out towards him.
Blake took it and looked at it intently, “Look, I’m really sorry for spilling coffee on you again and then just walking away. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
“It’s fine. Hey, do you want to go for a hike? I mean, if you’re not doing anything. I don’t want to go by myself, but I don’t really want to hang out in the yurt by myself, either,” said Ashlyn.
Blake smiled and said, “That’d be awesome. I could use some exercise and fresh air.”
They walked to the nearest trail in silence. Both in deep thought.
“Do you mind if I ask what’s on your mind? You don’t have to tell me. But I’m here if you ever want to talk,” said Ashlyn with sincerity.
“Uh. I don’t know. There’s just so much going on,” he said hesitantly.
After walking in silence for a few more minutes, Blake stopped and ran his hands through his hair which was sticking out at odd angles after he had removed his hat earlier. Ashlyn stopped and waited for him. He started walking very slowly.
“I thought leaving home would put some distance between me and my family. Give me a chance to put things into perspective and figure out what I was going to do. But I keep getting sucked into their problems. I really just want to do a good job here and start school and not deal with them for a while. Of course, I love my family but never mind. I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my boring life,” replied Blake, stopping again to look at Ashlyn.
“No, I do want to know. After all, we’re a team, right?” asked Ashlyn, nudging him to open up a little.
“It’s just that I’ve been taking care of my family since I was fourteen when my dad left. I’ve got three younger brothers. My parents got married young and started having kids right away. Neither of my parents went to college.
My mom’s been in a depression since he left and can’t hold a job longer than a few months. I worked two jobs in high school to help pay bills and pay for my brothers’ sports. Jeez, it’s been so hard. And I thought I’d get away for a little while. Come here. Prove myself. Learn some stuff to help me in college and get a great job that pays well. Take care of my family. Buy a house for my mom and really make things right.”
Ashlyn didn’t want to interrupt him. She could tell that the weight of the world was on his shoulders and that he needed to talk about it.
“But being away has made me rethink some stuff. I don’t want to go back. I feel like such a jerk for thinking that. I wish my mom could find a way to get better, to be happy again. I don’t really want to have to take care of her for the rest of my life. I know it’s selfish, but I just can’t help feeling that way now. I’ve gotten some freedom, and it’s really great. I’m afraid of what will happen to her if I leave for good.
No one else in my family is able to help. None of them went to college, and there’s not much work in town. There are lots of farms. Or there were but a lot are going out of business. They can’t compete with the big farms,” Blake said somberly.
Ashlyn was at a loss of what to say. She had no idea what it meant to go without, to work to support a family, let alone have two jobs. She felt very blessed for the life she had and saddened that Blake at just eighteen had so much responsibility.
“I shouldn’t have told you. I don’t want you to judge me or pity me. Look, just forget what I said,” Blake turned to head back.
Ashlyn grabbed his arm and once again a jolt of electricity shot through her body.
“No, please don’t go. I’m glad you told me. I’m not judging you. I was thinking how blessed I’ve been. How I’ve taken that for granted my whole life. I know that I shouldn’t. I’m sorry that you are struggling. If I could help, I would.
But you know I’m feeling kinda the same way. Not that I have to financially care for my family, but my family has dictated my entire life. Since I’ve been here, I’ve felt that freedom too. I want to make my own choices and live my life the way I want it. It’s scary and exciting at the same time. I don’t think my parents will understand. That’s what keeps me from really thinking about the possibilities. But I don’t want to live their dream or be forced into a life that’s not mine,” replied Ashlyn empathetically.
“You can’t compare our situations, Ashlyn. You can do anything you want. You can go to any school, buy any house, travel the world. I can’t even afford to pay for my brother to get braces. It’s not the same,” said Blake defensively.
Ashlyn looked directly at him, “You’re right, Blake. We do come from completely different worlds. I can do those things, but on their terms—not mine. I think we are in the same position right now. Do we live for them or do we live for us? I never thought I had a choice until now. But I want to choose me. What about you? What do you really want?”
“I want it all. I want a great education, a killer job and to care for my family but not be trapped by them,” replied Blake.
“Good, then go for it. What is stopping you from really doing that? Your mom will probably have a really hard time at first but you’re not leaving her all alone to fend for herself. You can go to school, work, and help her out. But you can do it with boundaries. Who knows? Maybe she’ll see that you are okay, and that might give her the strength to get the help she needs,” replied Ashlyn excitedly.
“What do you want to do for work?” she asked curiously.
“I want to be an engineer and work at CERN on the Large Hadron Collider. You know, the machine built to find out how the universe started by colliding particles at the speed of light. I want to get married one day and have kids. I want a big modern house with a pool and land to go fishing and hunting,” replied Blake.
Ashlyn was taken back. She assumed wrongly that Blake was some backwards guy from the country that wanted to farm or hunt for a living. That he was here to just get a paycheck and tuition for some outdoorsy type thing or maybe join the military. He was a good leader, and she could see him ordering some troops around. But this was way beyond her imagination.
“Wow, that’s incredible. So where do you have to go to school to be able to work at CERN?”
“MIT. I got a partial scholarship, but I can’t afford to go without some huge loans. Even then I’m not sure I can afford it. So, that’s why I’m here to pay for school,” said Blake.
“You got into MIT? Blake, that’s amazing. Congratulations,” said Ashlyn in shock.
“Didn’t think I was capable of that, huh?”
“Well, I’m learning that I make way too many assumptions, and most of them are wrong. But I do know that you’ll be successful. You make a good leader, too. I know it wasn’t easy for you to tell me this. I’m glad that you did,” replied Ashlyn.
“You won’t say anything to anyone, will you?” asked Blake.
/> “No, of course not.”
“Let’s make a pact to stop assuming things about each other. Deal?” he said and stuck out his hand.
“Deal,” replied Ashlyn, taking his hand and shaking firmly.
“So, what’s the deal with you and Derek?”
“We’re just good friends. You know we went to camp together as kids. Our families know each other. He’s a really nice guy. I think you’d like him. So, why were you in New York?” she asked, wanting to change the subject quickly. She didn’t want anyone to know the real story about her and Derek, although she assumed most people could see what was going on between them.
“Columbia. I got accepted there with a full ride. I was checking it out. I quickly realized New York was not the right fit for me. Too much noise and too many people. I was trying to figure out how to get to the subway when I ran into you,” he replied, shaking his head at the thought.
They were both smiling and continued on their hike. It was so quiet without the other members of the team. They walked in silence, once again absorbed in their own thoughts. But this time they were both thinking about the future they wanted and how they were going to make it happen.
Ashlyn kept going back to Blake’s acceptance into MIT and wondering what other secrets he kept to himself. That’s impressive. I hope that he can figure out a way to make it happen. If I could help him, I would. He really deserves it.
My dad’s company has a non-profit that provides scholarships. He’s only given them to students attending Blythe University. Maybe I can get my dad to make an exception for Blake. But would Blake accept that from me? I’ll have to tread lightly on this one. I don’t want to lose his friendship. It’s already fragile.
By the time they got back to camp, several people were returning from town and the camp buzzed with activity. A game of Yahtzee was going on at one of the picnic tables, and a game of corn hole was being played in the middle of the parade grounds. Everyone was enjoying their time off and so was Ashlyn. She was startled when her phone buzzed. It was Derek, letting her know he had arrived at his friend’s safely.
She had been so deep in her thoughts about her career and Blake’s news that she hadn’t even thought about Derek. But she was glad that he kept his promise to text. He was a good guy. And he really liked her. She smiled and gave thanks for having him in her life. Once again, she felt so blessed.
Blake challenged her to a game of corn hole, and she eagerly accepted. They both had a competitive streak and took it very seriously. Blake won three out of five games. Ashlyn challenged him to a rematch the next day.
Ashlyn and Blake spent the afternoon together and ate dinner with a diverse group of people from other units that had decided to stick around. The atmosphere was light and easy going.
She went to bed that night surprisingly happy and eager for the next day. She and Blake made plans to hike a trail in Fire Canyon they hadn’t explored yet. It was said to be the most beautiful hike in the park with water falls and pools and a deep canyon of ferns.
Ashlyn woke to thunder and pouring rain, immediately putting her into a funk, because her hiking plans were now off the table. She got up, took a shower, put on some sweats and a hoodie, and headed out to breakfast in her oversized olive-green rain coat.
She was cold and shivering by the time she got to the cafeteria and went straight to the coffee machine. Blake was already sitting down eating and motioned her to join him and Matt.
“Guess we’ll have to take a rain check on our hike. It’s not going to let up today, and the trail is going to be trashed,” said Blake unenthusiastically.
Ashlyn sat and took a sip of coffee before responding, “Yep, this sucks. Our day off and we’re stuck inside. What are you up to, Matt?”
“Oh, I’m helping with the Gathering. I’m co-chairing the committee. Why don’t you join me? We’re having our first meeting at 9:00 today. I could really use the help,” replied Matt expectantly.
“Why not? I don’t have anything else to do,” replied Ashlyn.
“Great. Blake, you up for some excitement?” asked Matt.
“Why not?” Blake responded.
“Thanks, guys. I’ll meet you back here at nine,” said Matt, and then left them alone.
“Do you really want to help?” asked Ashlyn.
“No, but Matt’s a nice guy.”
“Well, I may get to boss you around for a change. I might get used to that,” she replied jokingly.
“Funny. I can still make your life miserable, Waters,” Blake said with his lopsided smile.
“Well, this will be fun. I’m going to grab breakfast to go, and I’ll see you back here shortly,” Ashlyn jumped up and left Blake alone at the table.
At nine o’clock sharp a group of seven team members from different units gathered in the cafeteria, along with one of the lead rangers, Emma. The team worked out the details within two hours, and everyone had their assignments. With the thunderstorm still raging, they all stayed and played cards and board games until late afternoon.
Sunday came, the sun was bright, and the air, crisp and clear from the recent rains. Trish asked Ashlyn to go to town with her and do some shopping. Ashlyn jumped at the offer. They had breakfast and jumped on the camp bus heading to town.
“So, what’s up with Derek? Do you think this is serious?” asked Trish, with real interest.
“Yeah, I do. We have a lot in common. He’s funny, and he treats me well. And he’s not bad to look at,” replied Ashlyn, with a huge grin.
“He’s one of the hottest guys here. I’m glad that he’s good to you. I hope it works out for you, really. Do you think Blake and Kate are a thing? They spend a lot of time together.”
“I think so, but I’ve been wrong about a lot of things lately. They act like it. Don’t they?” asked Ashlyn.
“Yep. He’s another hottie. And Kate’s pretty, too. They make a good couple,” replied Trish.
Ashlyn felt a pang of jealousy which was disconcerting. She quickly dismissed the feeling and steered Trish down the block toward Target. She’d never shopped there before. She quickly fell in love with all the home goods and displays. She and Trish went down every aisle, enjoying time away from camp, and amusing each other with stories.
There was a packet of glow-in-the-dark stars and planets that Ashlyn picked up, then put down and picked up again. It was corny but she really wanted to get it for Blake.
“Scared of the dark and need some night lights?” asked Trish.
“Yep. I mean no. It’s for my younger cousin. He, uh, loves astronomy. I think I’ll get these for him,” replied Ashlyn hesitantly.
Trish luckily didn’t pick up on it or at least she chose to ignore it. Ashlyn was glad that Trish had become a friend. They got along very well, which continuously surprised Ashlyn.
They spent the afternoon together having lunch and handmade ice cream before boarding the bus for camp. They arrived at the same time as Derek. Ashlyn wanted to run and jump into his arms when she saw him. She walked as fast as she could and hugged him briefly.
He smelled like cigarettes and booze and he stumbled forward almost knocking her down. “Hey, Babe,” he slurred.
“Derek, are you drunk?” asked Ashlyn, annoyed and embarrassed.
“No, just a really bad hangover. Didn’t sleep at all. I’m going to,” he couldn’t even finish his sentence and swaggered to his yurt, leaving Ashlyn behind and pissed.
“Unbelievable. What was he thinking? Showing up here drunk. He’d better hope the Rangers don’t catch him. I don’t know what they’ll do,” said Ashlyn.
Trish was laughing under her breath and said, “Well, well, well. Looks like Mr. Nice has a naughty streak.”
Ashlyn was so angry and started to storm off to her own bunk, then stopped. Why let his actions ruin her evening? This weekend had been so good even though it hadn’t turned out the way she planned. He didn’t do this to her, and there was no reason she should take it personally. He’s an adult and responsi
ble for his own actions. In that instant, she decided to continue having fun.
“Come on Trish, they’re playing Twilight in the Auditorium. Let’s go see it.”
“Seriously? Do I have to? It’s so bad,” said Trish.
“You’re not into vampire love? Oh, come on.”
Ashlyn and Trish spent the evening watching the movie and eating stale and overly buttered popcorn and candy. Ashlyn was relaxed and enjoyed the much-needed down time.
The next day Ashlyn tried to find Derek, but he wasn’t at breakfast or lunch. She started to get worried and asked a few of his teammates. They said he was sick and wasn’t on duty that day.
Well, serves him right, she thought. It wasn’t until the next day at lunch that she saw him. He waved from across the cafeteria and still looked like a mac truck had run him over. Maybe he was sick, not just hung over.
She saved him a seat, and he joined her without getting any lunch.
“Hey, how are you? I’ve been worried about you. Are you okay?” asked Ashlyn, concerned and looking at him intently.
“No, besides a grueling hangover, I got the flu or stomach poisoning. Not sure which. I’m feeling better but not great. I just came to get some juice and soup. I’ll see you around. Sorry,” Derek said, and then left.
“He looks like death. Is he sick, sick?” asked Trish.
“Yep, poor thing. I hope he feels better soon. But there’s a little part of me that thinks he deserves to feel that bad,” said Ashlyn.
Ashlyn was so busy the next several days that she couldn’t have seen Derek even if she wanted. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to see him. She was still holding onto some resentment and anger at this behavior.
The thunderstorm had created a flash flood in one of the remote areas of the park causing a mudslide on the main road to the ranger’s outpost. Birch Unit was assigned to remove debris and repair the roads along with the help of the Sycamore Unit. It was grueling work, but it felt good to be active and know that it was to help the rangers.
It was so surprising to Ashlyn how manual labor didn’t bother her as much as she thought it would. She loved being outdoors. It gave her a chance to look at the plants and trees and test herself on their names and characteristics. She had borrowed some books from the camp library and voraciously devoured all she could about landscaping.