by Kim O'Cain
“Because I thought you’d realize after a few months that it’s not really worth it. So, you may not do exactly what you want, but it’s still architecture. And you don’t have any of the hassle of starting your own business. You just show up, and jobs come to you. Plus, your parents are going to flip. You don’t think they are just going to applaud and give you a medal for reneging on their plans? Do you?”
Ashlyn was confused and hurt that Derek had flip flopped. Was she making a huge mistake? Maybe she should just go through with the original plan. And then if she couldn’t stand it, she could make a change. Why would she rock the boat when she had everything being handed to her on a platinum platter?
“Don’t do it yet. Just wait until you’re done here. You still have a few months before school starts to really decide. Once you’re home again, you’ll see that I’m right,” said Derek confidently.
“Hey, Waters, good luck,” said Blake, as he passed by on his way out of the cafeteria.
Now Ashlyn was even more confused. She was so sure of herself just hours ago, and now she was scared and second guessing herself. What am I going to do? I don’t want to disappoint my family, but I feel so right in my decision to leave.
Ashlyn was headed to her yurt but decided to stop and meditate at her favorite tree. It took her awhile to calm her mind and be able to take deep cleansing breaths. She always felt so much better when she took time to just be alone and quiet. She wished she would do it more often. After several minutes she finally relaxed and cleared her mind.
When she woke from her deep meditation, she knew who she really wanted to be and what would make her happy. She ran to her bunk with excitement, picked up her phone, and called her dad without hesitating.
“Dad, I’ve decided to become a landscape architect and start my own business when I graduate. Please let me finish before you interrupt,” she said, without taking a breath to finish.
“I know this is not what you are expecting of me, but I know this is the only thing that will make me truly happy. I’ve gotten some experience here, and I love it. I don’t want to disappoint you and mom, but I hope that you will support me in this. It really means a lot to me.” Ashlyn blurted out, without even saying hello.
“Well, hello to you too, Ashlyn.” her dad said, trying to recover from the shock at hearing her news.
“I don’t think I heard you correctly. It sounded like you were reconsidering being a partner in our family firm. I’m sure I was mistaken, because we agreed on it years ago. Now, I don’t know what you’re doing there and who’s been influencing you. But it will stop now. You are going to be a partner in this firm. I have been grooming you since you were eight. I will not allow you to disrespect me and my father and his father. You will do as you’re told, Ashlyn. Now, no more of this. Would you like to speak to your mother?” asked her dad angrily.
“But, Dad. Please. I’ve thought a long time about this, and I’ve weighed the pros and the cons. I am sorry that this is hurting you, but I am not going to be a partner in your firm. I know what I want, and I’m going for it with or without your permission,” said Ashlyn, with complete conviction.
“You will not. You will not disobey me. You will do as you are told. When you come home we will discuss exactly what you are going to do. So, get this crazy idea out of your head now. Ashlyn, do you understand?” he replied, with equal conviction.
Ashlyn couldn’t speak. She didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t prepared for a scenario where he completely refused. The thought that her dad would put down an ultimatum never crossed her mind. He had always been so supportive of her interests. So, now what?
“Dad, please. I want this more than anything,” said Ashlyn, with tears streaming down her face.
“No. That’s final. Call me when you’ve come to your senses,” he said, angrily hanging up the phone.
Ashlyn ran out of the yurt to the parade grounds. She didn’t want anyone to see her. The second she was alone, she completely broke down.
When she had let it all out, she was able to look at the problem more clearly. How could she have been so stupid? Of course, her dad was going to flip. Derek was right. She had gotten so caught up in her dream. She wanted her dad to see how happy she would be, following her own path, that he would support her without any hesitation.
She had seriously miscalculated her approach to dealing with her dad. But she wasn’t ready to give in. She needed a new plan. She needed her mom’s help, but that might take some more time. Dana was on a cruise in France and wouldn’t be home for another week and a half.
Trish was standing outside of the door when Ashlyn walked up to the yurt.
“What happened? You ran out so fast. I got worried. It’s almost 10:00 and you weren’t back yet,” asked Trish, looking relieved but still very concerned.
“I told my dad, and he didn’t take it very well. Actually, he didn’t take it at all. He hung up on me. Told me to get over my dream and get back to reality,” replied Ashlyn, still hurting from the rejection.
“Oh. I thought it was maybe something Derek did. Maybe your dad just needs a little time. We better get inside before Jefferies sounds the alarm,” replied Trish, trying to change the subject. She wasn’t very good at helping with family drama.
Ashlyn barely slept that night. She kept going over the conversation in her mind and trying to figure out what it would take to change her dad’s mind. She knew that he loved her. She always got her way with him. But her dad always got his way in business.
She decided to treat this like a business deal. Before anyone else was close to waking up, Ashlyn got her journal and jotted down bullet points for why getting a landscape architecture degree and opening her own firm were good ideas that benefited them both. She wrote those in an email along with a narrative and a request that he support and approve her decision. Ashlyn was already feeling better by taking control. She also decided to setup a business meeting with her dad. She’d call his assistant to arrange a date a few weeks later. She needed her mom’s input first. Dana had been married to her father for twenty-five years and knew exactly how to handle him.
It felt like years before Dana called Ashlyn after returning from her trip. Ashlyn was beyond happy yet hesitant to talk to her.
“Ashlyn, what were you thinking? You’ve never once talked about anything but being an architect and working with your father. What has happened to you? Is this Derek’s fault?” asked Dana, in disbelief that Ashlyn would defy her father.
“Mom, no, it’s not Derek or anyone else. I didn’t know that I wanted something else until I found it. I love working with plants and trees and building beautiful and functional spaces for kids to learn and grow. I’m not interested in palatial gardens,” replied Ashlyn, with passion.
“You can’t expect your dad to support this. He has kept this firm going and helped build it into what it is today. He, no we, expect you to do the same. You are a Waters and have a responsibility to this firm and this family. I’m shocked that you would even consider breaking from our family plan,” replied Dana angrily.
Ashlyn was shocked, too. She couldn’t believe that her mother was siding with her dad. Surely, her mom could see how much this meant to her.
“No, Mom, I’m not trying to leave the family. I just want a different career than what you and dad want for me. I don’t understand why you won’t support me. Please, Mom. I love you and Dad. I just want to live my own life. I’ve gotten a taste of that here. I don’t think I would make a good architect, because I wouldn’t be doing what I really love,” said Ashlyn, pleading with her mom to side with her.
“Ashlyn, I can’t support this. Your dad has done everything for you. Now, stop this nonsense. When you come home, we will have an adult conversation. I love you, but I will not support you in this. I have to go. Goodbye,” said Dana, and hung up.
Once again, Ashlyn was in disbelief that her parents did not understand what she wanted and did not support her in this decision. She had made he
r mind up and wasn’t going to budge. She reworked the email to her dad and hit send, then called to schedule a meeting.
For the next few days, she barely spoke to her teammates. She was focused on what she would say to her dad and played out different scenarios about his responses. Everyone gave her space at work. They could easily see that something very serious was going on with her.
That Friday, she had an appointment to talk to her father at 5:30 a.m. her time, which was 8:30 a.m. his time. She was a complete bundle of nerves and kept trying to breathe deeply and clear her mind.
“Hello, Ashlyn, I’m hoping that you’ve come to your senses. I read your email. Although you did a good job explaining your side, it doesn’t mean that I agree with you. So, what’s your decision?” he asked, with an edge of anger.
“Hi, Dad. I stand by what I wrote you. I am going to be a landscape architect and start my own firm. It’s what I love. And I’ll work hard and do a good job. I never want to hurt you or Mom, but this is my decision,” said Ashlyn, holding her breath waiting for her dad’s response.
“This is a very sad day. You give me no choice but to cut you off. I can’t believe you are choosing this instead of your family and your duty to keep this business going. I’m very disappointed in you,” he replied, with both sadness and anger.
“What? You’re going to cut me off? What does that mean?” asked Ashlyn, nearly getting hysterical.
“Well, I told you that I would not accept this decision. You either change your mind or you will be cut off from me, from your mother, and everything—the money, college tuition, clothes, everything,” he replied, with disdain.
“Dad, you can’t just cut me off. Please let’s talk about this,” replied Ashlyn, trying to understand what was happening.
“No. I’ve already told you my decision. So, unless you drop this idea, you are on your own,” he replied, with conviction.
There was a long pause as Ashlyn absorbed the bombshell that was being dropped on her. She had never considered this scenario. Would he really do it? Was he bluffing? She didn’t know. She didn’t want to give in, but she didn’t want to lose everything. He couldn’t be serious. It wasn’t as if she had stolen all their money or beat up her mom. She only wanted a different job. Surely, he wouldn’t abandon her just for that.
“Ashlyn, I’m waiting. What’s your decision?” he asked impatiently.
She thought she would play his bluff.
“If that’s how you feel, then I guess I’m cut off,” said Ashlyn hoping he would acquiesce.
“I guess you are,” he said and hung up without even a goodbye.
Ashlyn’s stomach dropped to her knees, and she couldn’t breathe. Her heart was racing. She felt lightheaded, as if she was going to faint.
What had she done? No, this couldn’t be happening! Not to her. She was the apple of her parents’ eyes. She couldn’t do anything wrong. They gave her everything she ever asked for and more.
Did she really just give up her family and money to become a low-paid landscape architect? Did she really want this?
Ashlyn sobbed into her pillow. How could he do that? Derek was right. He knew her dad better than she did.
Trish jumped down from the bunk above and held Ashlyn in her arms. A few others turned on lights and gathered around Ashlyn’s bunk. Everyone was worried, but no one knew what was going on.
Eventually, the sobs turned to moans and then silence. Ashlyn opened her red, hurting eyes and saw all of the women on her team surrounding her. That sent her into more sobs. She was not alone, even if her parents had turned their backs on her. That gave her just enough strength to stop crying and face her new reality.
She thought about asking for a sick day, but she didn’t want her dad to win again. No, she would do her job alongside her friends. She would figure it out day by day. She wouldn’t turn back. She was going to live her dream.
During the day, she put all her thoughts and efforts into the task of removing invasive plants. It felt good to be outside with the sun caressing her face and arms. It was strenuous work, and Ashlyn was exhausted by the time dinner was served. She decided to skip it and go to her bunk. Ashlyn cried herself to sleep that night and for the next two. She couldn’t believe that her dad hadn’t called back and that her mom hadn’t called at all. He really wasn’t bluffing.
Trish was great. She knew what it felt like to be abandoned. It sucked. She took her under her wings and said all the right things. What a blessing she was. Who knew they would have so much in common after all?
Ashlyn couldn’t look at Derek or Blake. She felt like a failure. She pretended to be busy to avoid them both, but she knew that could only last a few more days.
On the fourth day, Ashlyn’s mom called.
“Ashlyn, I promised your dad I wouldn’t call you, but I just had to talk to you. Why are you doing this? You’re breaking your dad’s heart and mine. How could you turn your back on all that we’ve done for you? It’s not too late to change your mind. Don’t make this mistake. Your dad is serious about this.” Ashlyn was at first elated, then quickly deflated.
“Mom, it’s not what I want. I know what I really want to do. Please, know that I’m not doing this to hurt you. I just want to live out my own dream. I can’t believe Dad would do this. It’s completely absurd that he would just throw me out because I want a new career,” said Ashlyn, hoping to convince her mom to join her side.
“Look, Ashlyn, he is not backing down either,” Dana said, and then paused.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about your father and his family,” Dana continued haltingly.
“Your dad didn’t have a choice, either. Did you know your dad wanted to be a Navy pilot and fly helicopters? Did you know that he secretly took lessons when he was in high school so that he could get into the Navy? He was accepted, but his dad had the orders reversed and made up a lie that he had horrible eye-sight, which meant he could never fly for the military or anyone else.
Ashlyn was, once again, in disbelief. She had no idea about any of this. No wonder her dad overreacted.
“Your dad did not want to be an architect. He did not want to be a partner. But he did it, because it was the right thing to do. He could have left years ago, but he saw the honor in carrying out family traditions. It was not easy for him. It’s still not easy some days. He wants you to be part of this family legacy. It’s an honor,” said Dana. Ashlyn was having a hard time digesting all of this. But it also made her angry that her dad was doing the same thing to her, even though he knew what it felt like. Why hadn’t he said anything to her?
“He’s reacting this way because the little kid inside him is still hurting and wanting to be a pilot. He’s taking it out on you. But he really does love you and want you by his side at work. He knows how amazing you would be at the helm of this business when he’s ready to step down. He doesn’t want you to throw that away. He just can’t say it,” Dana replied, with love in her voice.
“Ashlyn, please reconsider. I can’t talk anymore. I hear your dad in the hall. I do love you, and I know you’ll make the right decision. Bye,” said Dana and hung up.
What just happened? Am I being completely selfish or is my dad just playing a power game with me. He didn’t have control, and now he wants to take mine away. This is so much more complicated than I thought. Jeez, now what?
She really wanted to talk to someone. She hadn’t told anyone but Trish and Derek. But she didn’t want to share anymore personal family history. She felt alone and hurt and sad.
That night Ashlyn dreamt of Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of prosperity and success. Ashlyn was sitting on a beautiful deserted beach, looking toward the horizon when a stunning Indian woman rose out of the water, wearing a bright reddish-pink sari that sparkled in the bright sunlight. She raised her arms, and Ashlyn rose in awe. Without words, Lakshmi communicated that she was in the right place doing the work she should be doing. She would be okay if she followed her passion and love. Love is the greate
st gift and must be shared.
Ashlyn woke the next morning with such determination and courage that she felt as if Lakshmi may have actually visited her and given her the strength she needed. She had no doubts that she would become a successful landscape architect and that her family would support her eventually. She got up with renewed energy and joyfully got ready to face the new day.
“Well, I’m no longer afraid to talk to you. The last few days you looked like you would bite my head off if I said anything to you. Glad you’re back, Waters,” said Blake.
“I would have bitten your head off. I talked to my dad, and it didn’t go over so well. That’s an understatement. But I’m not going to let that stop me. I know he’ll come around some day,” said Ashlyn with a huge smile on her face.
“What’d he say?”
“He cut me off. No more money. No college tuition. Nothing unless I go to school and become his partner. I just can’t do that.”
Blake’s mouth dropped open, and his eyes bulged out.
“You gave all that up? Ashlyn, I don’t know if you’re crazy or courageous. I don’t know if I could have done that. You have no idea how hard it is to have nothing and try to just survive. What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. But I just know that it will work out. I could use a little more support here. I just gave up everything to follow my bliss,” said Ashlyn.
“No, I’m proud of you. That took real guts not to crumble. You must really want this. I’ll help you any way I can. But it may not be much. Besides, you’ve got Derek. What does he think about all this?”
Ashlyn started blushing and couldn’t stop.
“What do you mean? Derek is just a good friend,” she replied trying not to give away her secret but knew she was doing a horrible job of it.
“He knew what my dad would do and thought I should keep the peace and my dreams to myself. You don’t know what it’s like to be under that kind of control and expectation. I almost didn’t go through with it. I came very close to caving in—to become my dad’s partner. But I knew I couldn’t and had to be true to myself. Thank you for the support. I’m sure I’ll be coming to you for more help. What’s the order of the day, Boss?” asked Ashlyn, trying to change the subject.