by Sam Herrera
*
I scowled as I saw the door slam shut behind them, feeling utterly baffled and helpless. They’d given me a warning and told me bothering them again would get me fined. It had provided great entertainment for Mara; she’d sat there, the whole time, biting her lip to hold back the sniggers.
“You really wanna stop drinking,” she told me, shaking her head and grinning. “I mean hallucinatings never a good sign, is it?”
“Uhhh!”Fuming, I walked away. I loved her, but I could have quite happily strangled her right then. Fuck. Me!
MARA
Ah, this is gonna be fun. Father had come home early to see what all the fuss was all about. Nice of him to notice.
“I gather there was some excitement while I was away?”
“Aunt Sarah got a little lit, that’s all.” She glared at me while I shook my head. “I keep telling her to stop drinking but she just won’t listen.” I fluttered my lashes at her while biting back laughter.
“Well, don’t worry, I’m sure the AA could help out there.”
“I am not going to fucking AA!” Sarah protested.
“Don’t swear in front of my daughter,” he said, his voice going soft as it always did when he was getting pissed off. “One way or another, you are going to stop drinking,” he told her. “I’m tired of it. I’m tired of hearing about you slobbering all over the couches and just generally being tiresome, lazy and embarrassing me in front of the staff.”
“How would you know? You’re never here.”
“I don’t have to be here to hear complaints. Isn’t modern technology wonderful?” he smiled. “Get your damned act together or get out,” he added, his smile vanishing. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve lost my appetite.” He walked away, leaving the two of us to face each other.
“Thanks, Mara,” she muttered bitterly. I sighed and went back to my meal without replying. It might have been mean of me to deny everything and leave her to face the music and it might have been mean of Father to put it so brutally, but this had been a long time coming. In all honesty, it had to be done; she’d kill herself at the rate she was going. Much like Kyle would. My smug smile faded as I thought, again, of him standing framed against the doorway, facing the fire. He’d just leapt in without a second’s pause, right into the flames. Does he want to die or something? I reached for a pen and my notepad; vivid, imagined scenes of him trapped in a fiery hell going through my mind, my fear suddenly needing expression. Once I’d written it, I took it upstairs to my bedroom and strummed for all I was worth, channeling my fears into my music, going for it like I was on fire. When I was properly into it, it was as though I was carried away into another world, watching myself as my fingers flew over the strings, summoning the music through this flesh-and-bone channel.
Fire. Fire. Fire!
I’m caught up in the pyre.
My throat is ablaze with blame and my very soul is aflame.
It rages and blazes on and on.
No water, no smothering will stop its path.
It will burn and burn till it’s done.
When it’s scorched its way, I’ll be left an empty hearth.
Fire. Fire. Fire!
I’m caught up in the pyre.
My throat is ablaze with blame and my very soul is aflame.
The flames reach high into the sky.
But the crowd is indifferent
To whether I live or die.
Where’s a fireman when you need one?
‘Cause I don’t think burning’s much fun.
Fire. Fire. Fire!
I’m caught up in the pyre.
My throat is ablaze with blame and my very soul is aflame.
I was brought back to earth with a bump. I looked up to see Andy hovering in the doorway.
“Dad wants to see you.” Dad? Of course, to him it was Dad.
“Well, I don’t wanna see him. Or his puppet,” I added as a mean afterthought. He scowled, but didn’t rise to it.
“He says it’s important.” Sighing, I got up and followed him out.
*
I stared at Father, stunned. Hardly able to believe what I was hearing. “Eng-land? What. Are. You talking about?” He sighed, annoyed at being distracted from his precious papers.
“You heard me, Mara. Pack your things and say goodbye to your friends. We leave in two weeks’ time.”
“Just like that?” I whispered.
“Yes.” I sat back in my chair, my mind reeling. England. A place I’d never been to and knew nothing about. And he was just uprooting me and taking me to live there?
“I… don’t…wanna go to England. My home is here. My school is here—”
“That will be all.” I glared at him in disbelief, my jaw clenched and my mouth hanging open, wishing I had Andy’s large biceps so I could punch his face in. Then I stormed out and slammed the door behind me, knowing how much he hated that.
*
I called Kyle the second I got out of the house, from the nearest phone booth a few yards down the road.
“Hey, Mara,” he smiled.
“I need to use the Winter,” I demanded.
“Oh, Okay. What’s wrong?”
I inhaled deeply, pulling at the neck of my shirt. I was suffocating and I needed to be alone, somewhere away from everyone. And, looking up at the cloudy sky, I had the perfect idea.
“Please, I really need to use it,” I added, remembering my manners.
“Okay, I’ll be there.”
“I’ll be waiting in the woods,” I told him. I hung up and walked back home. I watched, looking up, between the gaps in the trees, for the telltale shimmering. There it was. I had to strain my eyes to catch it against the bright sky.
“Hi,” Kyle smiled. He helped me up by the hand, onto the ramp. I plonked myself down in the co-pilot’s chair.
“Get me the hell out of here!” I scowled. Wide-eyed, he pulled the throttle.
KYLE
“England?” I asked after a long pause.
“Yeah, England. No warning. No nothin’.” She shook her head. “This is so damn typical of him: showing up after years of invisibility, of being a fucking myth and just dictating to me.” I’d never heard her curse before, but I didn’t give her shit. I sympathized. Ron Hale sounded, more and more, like a controlling dick. In other words, more and more like my old man. I thought back to the last time the two of us had spoken, a few years before his death. He’d called me into his study and given me the usual lecture: why didn’t I quit the army and settle down? Why didn’t I join him in the glorious car industry? Did I want to worry my mother to death? Blah, blah, blah. The only thing original he’d come up with was how easily he could get me kicked out on some bullshit, trumped-up charge. I’d walked out, without a word to him, and had never come back. When I’d been kicked out anyway, because of the fight, he’d been long dead, Sandy had moved to another country and I’d had no family at all. Was that in Mara’s future? I feared so the way he was dictating her life. For a long while we didn’t speak. We were both too awestruck by the vast, luminescent bulk of the sun before us, lighting up the whole solar system. It was like a gigantic bulk of burning magma with its pulsating spots and whorls of fire. We were entranced. Hypnotized. “Y’know,” I said suddenly, “you could go. It wouldn’t make any difference to, y’know, the Winter.”
“But, my life is here,” she protested. “Everything I know is here. And now I’m going to have to leave it all behind. And for what, some shitty business deal?! Plus,” she sighed, “I hear England is real snobbish.”
“That’s a cartoon myth.” I said. “While I was serving, I met some English guys and they were alright. Good fellows,” I added, putting on an accent. Mara gave a small smile. “When are you leaving?”
“Two weeks,” she sighed, her smile vanishing in a split second.
“Would you like to be?” She frowned at me curiously.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Do you have workout gear?”
“Workout?”
“Yeah, y’know, joggin’ pants, gym shorts, shit like that.” She frowned, thinking awhile.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Good. Tomorrow morning, before breakfast, we’ll come here and you’ll get your chance,” I told her, flying back down to just over the woods and twisting the throttle so the opening ramp was facing the scenery.
MARA
“Whoa,” I whispered, looking around with a mixture of awe and confusion. This looked like some kind of huge national park, far from New York. It reminded me of the set of the Sound of Music. I pressed my nose to the window to fully appreciate it. The yellow, craggy mountains were capped with snow that covered the ground and the sequoia trees around us. In the center of them I could see a waterfall with steam rising in a billowing gray curtain from it.
“Yosemite National Park,” Kyle told me. It was breathtaking. Are we sightseeing on the way to gym or something? What is this?
“We were lucky in Tokyo. But you have no training and it’s been years since I practiced self-defense. We need to shape up if we’re going to start saving lives and making a difference.” I was only half-listening. I was more interested in looking out at the Narnia-like surroundings.
“Let’s go out there.” I didn’t care about the chill. I needed see all this. The ramp lowered and I went out to take my first peek around, my feet sinking into the crunchy carpet of pure-white snow. I walked up to the small, frosted trees growing in the middle of the clearing, my breath steaming around me, admiring the twisting, tangled net of bare branches, jet-black against the white icebergs piled on them. I turned around and stepped up to the bank of a frozen river next to them. I looked down, seeing my own reflection distorted in the ice. I was freezing, but I didn’t care. I looked up. The sun was shining with a bright, glaring aura and the sky was a clear blue without a cloud in sight.
KYLE
Mara beamed as she looked around her. She was dressed in a gray T-shirt and black joggers, her black Nike sweater flapping around her. I was dressed the same, in a polo neck and track pants the same color as hers. I felt a hollowness in my stomach as I gazed around. I felt like I was corrupting this awe-struck, innocent child. She did want to save lives and for that she needed training. “Mara,” I called as I reached into my waistband.
MARA
I turned around and stared, wide-eyed, at the knife handle being offered.
“Whoa, what?” I stammered, in no way taking it.
“Take it,” he told me. Slowly, hesitantly, I took it. It was very heavy. “It’ll get lighter as you get used to it,” he smiled, seeing my strain. “Attack.” I whipped my head up and gaped from the foot-long, razor-sharp blade to him. Are you serious?! “You’re not gonna hurt me, I promise,” he grinned.
“I know I’m not. I know I’m not gonna do it.”
“I’m your dad.”
“What?”
“Ya heard me. Right now, I’m your dad and I’m telling you how to live your life. I’m tellin’ ya you’re going to England and there’s nothing you can do about it.” I shook my head at him, my jaw tightening. Don’t. Do. That.
“C’mon. C’mon, I’m your dad and this is your chance to do what you’re dyin’ to do to me.” He smiled as he beckoned with two fingers. I took a tentative jab at him. Angry as I was, I wasn’t angry enough to risk hurting Kyle. The whole world tilted and I was on my back, throwing up a flurry of snow around me. It cushioned my fall somewhat, but it was still a hard knock. I was surprised I still had the knife. I looked up at him as he stood over me, chuckling and grinning. I got up, snow clinging to my back, and attacked again, with more force this time. It was as though he could read my mind. Ducking and spinning under my strike with the speed of a cobra, he came up and caught my neck and arm in a headlock. I froze, not daring to struggle as I felt the steely muscles clench. He let me go and I faced him as he bounced on the balls of his feet, ready for the next strike. I hesitated, a little scared.
“Maybe we should just go home, huh, little girl?”Little girl? You dickhole! I attacked, fury giving me wings. Again he flowed under and came up, putting me on my back by tugging down on the scruff of my neck and gently kicking me in the back of the knees. Every single time I came at him, he ducked, swayed and twisted out of reach. I grew angry, properly furious, seeing his grin and hearing Father’s words echoing in my head: “That will be all, Mara.” The hell it will! I came at him with a deafening screech and all the power in me…and just ended up on my ass, yet again.
“Never advertise where you’re comin’ from and never attack in anger. That’s how you lose. Again.” I got up and attacked. He ducked under the swing and, coming up, grabbed the knife from my hand, taking it from me as if I were a child with a candy stick.
“Never hesitate. Never get up too slow.” He tossed the knife back at me but I dropped it. “You’ll catch it soon enough. Again.” He kept me at it for hours until all my fury and energy were spent and I just sank to the leafy floor, resting my cheek on the cool, wet grass, breathing like a steam train.
“Okay, kid, okay,” he smiled, crouching down and patting my shoulder. I felt warm and sweaty and the snow looked as though a pair of wild buffalo had had it out in it. I still felt some small spark though, some little voice in the back of my mind that said, you could still keep going.
*
I sank to the shower stall floor, feeling as though my legs were made of jelly. As always. It was the fifth day Kyle and I had been at this and the guy worked me until I dropped. I just told Father and Andy I’d joined the gym. Close enough. Kyle seemed to have hidden stores of insane energy and no bones, just lengths of sinewy muscle. He’d had to carry me to my bed where I passed out, utterly exhausted. I had woken up that morning, absolutely dying for this shower. I sat on the floor while the water rained down and the steam billowed around me, feeling sore all over. I felt good though and looked good, I saw as I wrapped a towel around myself and gazed into the mirror. My biceps and triceps showed some new tone and definition. I gave a low whistle as I let the towel fall and examined my entire naked body, seeing it had some harder tone on the legs and that my stomach was definitely shrinking. I grimaced as I walked back into my room and saw the sweat from my body had made the duvet and sheet transparent. Shrugging, I took a seat on my swivel chair. I was still naked and I smiled, looking down again at my new, muscular frame. Cool. I hated him during but I loved him afterwards.
KYLE
I had to carry her to the Winter as she claimed her legs were now useless. It was the week before she was due to leave for her new home. She was getting better, showing more stamina and speed. In many ways she reminded me of myself when I was on the air force assault course. As big an asshole as my sergeant had been, even he’d had to admit I kept getting up and going for it, just as she did.
“I’m okay,” she told me.
“You sure? You just told me you were done.”
“I think I can do a couple of steps.” I pushed the ramp button on the remote and we both watched it lower. She pushed away and I watched her too, ready to steady her in case she stumbled. Wiping sweat out of her eyes, she leaned one hand against the Winter, running it all along the hull. I’d done the same thing after I had first flown it just to reassure myself it was real, not a dream. But it looked like she needed it for support.
She sighed deeply.“I wish I didn’t have to go back. I wish we could just fly away and leave everything behind.
”
“So do I sometimes,” I nodded. “But, then where would we get food and money? How would we make a living?”
She nodded, knowing I was right.
“Okay.” She tried to take her hand away but then something jerked her back.
“Kid?” I turned around and started forward as she began to pull and pull on her hand.
“I’m stuck!” she called out in alarm. I quickly ran to her and grabbed her around the waist, pulling as hard as I could. By the yellow light of the ramp doorway, I could see her whole hand had somehow flowed under the surface as though it had suddenly turned to water. But you could easily get your hand out of water and, like she’d said, she was stuck fast. I heaved and heaved but it didn’t matter. I began to panic. We both did. If I couldn’t get her loose…I didn’t know what I was going to do. Finally, with one last heave, she came loose and we collapsed back onto the snowy lawn, breathing hard.
MARA
What. Was. That?! We just lay there for a while, weak with relief. I slowly got to my knees and checked my freed hand. “Kyle.”
“Yeah?”
“Look!” He looked. We both looked. Holding my hand out, away from me, as though it might explode at any moment, I walked up the steps, into the doorway and the bright lights, with Kyle following. I was hoping I was seeing things, had had a knock on the head or something. No, it was real. My white, flesh-and-blood hand was gone. In its place was a hand that I could move just as easily, but that was entirely made of silver; a perfect quicksilver mold of a hand without a single hair, or line, or nail, or anything. For a while the two us just stood there, side-by-side, not talking, just staring at the thing cradled in my lap. With my other, real hand, I kept touching it and stroking it. I could feel the cold metal on my flesh fingers but I couldn’t feel anything else.