by Sam Herrera
KYLE
I watched my girlfriend sleep, envying her the peaceful rest she always enjoyed, no matter what. They’d had kept on at me for hours, showing me all the evidence they had gathered from my house. I knew none of it. I had no idea what they were talking about. God, I was shattered, truly shattered. I could have hugged my lawyer when he’d walked in and demanded they either charge me or let me go. My stomach was just crying out for breakfast. I patted it, hearing the first rumbles, and gently shook Sarah awake.
“Uhh,” she groaned, rolling on her back and pushing her hair back from her face. I smiled as I saw the pillow tracks on it and how her hair was the tangled mess she was always whining about. She was so beautiful.
“Want some breakfast?” she offered.
“Sure,” I smiled, “I’ll have some toast, lightly done, with margarine and butter and O.J. with coffee.”
“Of course, I’m running a goddamn diner these days, aren’t I?” she chuckled. Everything we were doing, the chit-chat and the good-natured ribbing, felt false, like we were dodging the stormcloud above us. We walked downstairs to the kitchen and I turned on the news out of habit, not wanting to miss any emergency that might come my way. “Must you watch that thing while we’re eating?”
“I wanna see what’s going on,” I told her. I flicked through all the news channels until I found what I was looking for. There was a house fire in Britain, a place in London, and people were trapped in it.“Gotta go, hon,” I told her as I zoomed upstairs to get dressed, instantly forgetting food and everything else. “Sorry,” I offered, pecking her cheek on my way out. I threw my coat on over my PJs and bolted out of the door.
“Oh, hey, Mr. Cooper,” I smiled at the old guy who lived next door. He had been bending down to pick up his paper when I’d come running out. I instantly put on my best yawning, just-got-up act while fingering the remote in my pocket. He was looking out, as most of my neighbors did, at the shimmering in the sky a few feet from the banister rail. It had become something of a game for them to guess what it was: heat waves, bad eyesight, St Elmo’s Fire. The guesses were as numerous as they were inaccurate.
“Are you okay, son?” he asked, a little alarmed at seeing me. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Since my interrogation, people had been treating me like a bomb that might go off at any moment. I was sick of it.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I snapped.
“I thought, for a second, that there was a fire.” There is. Go away.
“Nah, I’m good. Honestly.”
“Okay.” He hobbled back inside, seeming to take forever. Only when I was sure he was gone did I take out the remote, bring the Winter closer and lower the ramp.
*
I slammed my fist on the dashboard. Shit. Shit. Shit! I’d had to choose, yet again, between one life and another. Two girls, a dyke couple I suspected from their lack of family resemblance, had been trapped in the fire. One I’d helped make it out, the other I’d had to leave. There had only been one of me. I’d hoisted her up in my arms and lowered her gently to the floor once I was back onboard. I gave a sigh of relief as I saw, through the cockpit window, the firemen load the other one onto an ambulance. It had been a close thing though. The girlfriend on the metal floor, a tall redhead, stirred and groaned, raising a hand to her head.
“Hey. Hey,” I said, quickly getting out of my seat and, crouching down, handing over a water flask. She tossed it back, the water running down her chin. She wiped her mouth and stared at me and around the ship, her eyes wide and frightened. I removed the sinister gasmask and smiled reassuringly.
“Where am I?”
“You were in a fire. Your house burned down. Sorry.”
“Where’s my girlfriend?” Coughing and gasping, she got up and moved to the window, just in time to see the ambulance drive away.
“Wanna follow them, check on her?” She nodded uncertainly, still looking around, amazed, at all the suits and guns.
“Are you army or something?”
“Was. Look, it doesn’t matter who I am. Shall we?”
She took a seat in the co-pilot’s chair and watched as we landed, only a few minutes later, outside the hospital. Seeing her girlfriend being wheeled in, she jumped out of her seat and looked wildly around for an exit.
“Hold up,” I said. “I’m gonna fly us around to the trees outside, so no one will see, okay?” I did it without waiting for an answer then lowered the ramp. With one last disbelieving look around, she jumped off and ran for the building. I wasn’t unduly worried; she’d be just another crackpot going on about spaceships, and spacemen, and all that. She ran pretty fast, I mused, so there was clearly nothing wrong with her lungs or legs. If only her girl had been so lucky. If Mara had been here to help me, I thought suddenly, she would have been. I miss her, but I’m glad she has her own life now. I fished out my mobile, hearing it ring, and answered.
“Hi.” Speak of the devil.
“Mara, hey.”
“Are you a suspect?”
I sighed deeply. I was hungry, and tired, and filthy, and just didn’t want to discuss this right now.
“Yes,” I said shortly. There was silence for a little while.
“When you met Aunt Sarah how did you know?”I frowned, the question taking me by surprise.
“You just know,” I smiled dreamily, leaning back in my seat, glad she could read me so well. “You just meet someone and feel something for them and the feeling just grows and grows from there.”
“That’s exactly how I feel.”
“You met someone?” I asked, my brows shooting up. Her long silence was answer enough. I wasn’t sure how I felt. Surprised certainly, but what else? Worried. One only had to look at the news to see how many relationships went bad and what happened when they did. And Mara was only fourteen When I asked for details it was like opening a floodgate. She sounded like a smitten schoolgirl. I couldn’t help smiling at her enthusiasm as she gushed about Caleb Grey of the dark curls and long lashes. Okay, he looked good, but so what?
*
“Where were you and…what are you wearing?” Sarah frowned, looking over my charred, sooty face and firesuit.
“Not now, hon. I need a shower.” I was on the first step when a wave of sudden dizziness forced me to my knees.
“Uhh,” I groaned, holding my head in my hands. She steered me to the couch and stood over me, shaking her head.
“Kyle,” she fumed, “when was the last time you ate? You missed breakfast remember?”
I gratefully tucked into the well-earned meal of English muffins, cold bacon and fried, rubbery eggs that Sarah slid in front of me, once she’d helped me to the table, not caring about its condition.
“You can’t keep doing this.” I looked up to see her standing over me, her hands akimbo and her eyes fixed on my burned hand. I’d tried to turn the knob of the girls’ bedroom door, as the flames behind me rose higher and higher up the stairwell and had scorched my palm.
“I have to; no one else can.”
“It’s too fucking much, Kyle. For anyone. I mean, the club brawls at night, housefires during the day. Look at yourself: you’re starving, you’re exhausted, you’re injured and you haven’t called your lawyer to defend you or anything. You forgot all about that, didn’t you?” she sighed, seeing my blank look. “I’m proud that you save lives, don’t get me wrong, but you’re not Superman. It’s only a matter of time before you get seriously injured or killed. And that’s assuming you don’t end up in prison.”
“I know I’m not Superman,” I assured her as she knelt to wrap my burn. “I take precautions, believe me: I put on my firesuit and everything, but accidents still happen. Anyway I need this distraction,” I added, reaching with my good arm to stroke her cheek. “I’m doing this because I need to, because if I do end up in prison forever, at least I will remember you and know you and the people I save are o
ut there, living life.”
She kissed the palm of my hand after smiling warmly at me, shaking her head a few times.
“I love you and I believe you are innocent,” she declared. I looked into her eyes and saw that was the gospel truth. “Promise me you’ll take breaks, go out for movies, relax on a beach sometimes and sleep at night. You know, take care of yourself.”
“I promise,” I nodded.
“I need you. We need you.”
“Who’s we?” I asked, frowning slightly.
“There’s another thing we have to think about.”
“What,” I asked.
“I’m pregnant.” I whipped my head up to stare at her.
“Come again?”
“You heard,” she smiled.
“Oh, my God,” I gasped. I jumped up to gather her in my arms and swing her around, covering her mouth with my own in a fierce kiss. I was so happy, yet so heartbroken. What am I going to do? How can I stay with you when I’m in the path of the whirlwind?
“Baby,” she murmured, running her hands through my hair.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” We kissed again and I put her down reluctantly.
SARAH
As Daddy was relaxing on the couch, letting his food go down and basking in a happy glow, I noticed something very strange: the Winter’s shimmering was gone. I slowly got up and walked outside. It was gone. I put my hand out to feel for it. It wasn’t there.
“What the fuck?” I whispered, squinting.
“What’s wrong, hon?”
“It’s gone.” We smiled reassuringly at some woman, who’d come out to see what all the fuss was about, looking at us like we were mad. I allowed Kyle to pull me back in.
“What do you mean it’s gone?” he hissed.
“What I say: it’s gone.”
“Shit. Goddamnit.” Somewhere out there, unsecured and fully armed, was the Winter in the hands of God only knew who.
MARA
I sat in the school classroom, surrounded by whispering, staring classmates. My history with Kyle was now common knowledge. I had never been that popular anyway. And now…?
I shook my head and focused on my work. I hated English spelling, I really did. All the small verbs and spellings I had grown up with were wrong around here. Things like ‘savor’ were now ‘savour’, and ‘jelly’ was now ‘jam’, and all that.
Needing some time to breathe, I walked out to the school grounds. It was nice here, all flowery gardens and creeping ivy, but I wasn’t thinking of the scenery right now. Was Kyle guilty? Had he done those horrible things? I honestly didn’t know. I had no idea.
“Hey, Kyle,” I smiled, answering my phone. “You okay?”
“Okay. How are you holding up?” I smiled fondly. He’s worried about me?
“I’m good.”
“They found a confession under my bed.”
“A confession?”
“Yeah, in my handwriting and everything. I’ve never seen it before in my life but tell them that.” I swallowed hard. I had never heard Kyle sound like this before. He was…scared.
“I wanna see it. Do you have it?”
“Yes, but I’m pretty sure you don’t.”
“I do,” I insisted. I almost cried, swallowing a lump that almost choked me. It looked exactly like his handwriting as he’d said. And as for the content…
Dear Sarah,
I am writing you this letter so there will be no misunderstanding. I killed those people and I feel nothing for them, not the slightest shred of remorse. I feel nothing at all, haven’t for a long time.
Why did I do it? Well, as I look across Cielo’s car park at all the pukers, drunks and human wastes, all I can think is: why not? Maybe life has lost its savour for me, its allure. It’s become like a maths equation that has no real answer.
How can I feel that way when I have you? I don’t know, but it’s true. I have a rage in me that I’ve always been fighting down. Now, though, it just can’t be contained any longer.
I hope you will acknowledge my last request and honour it: take care of yourself and remember me.
Yours with love, what little love I have left,
Kyle.
There followed a few moments of awkward silence. What was to say?
“I…I heard about what you did in Britain. Nice job.” I felt a stab of pride as I said this. He had forgotten all his own troubles and did what he did best. You’re no killer. This letter is bullshit. It’s just not you.
“Thanks.”
“How’s Sarah?”
“She’s good. She’s starting a job as a waitress at my club.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, and she’s chucked all the booze away and everything.”
“Good for her,” I smiled, impressed and glad. She’d been drinking for as long as I could remember. It would seem Kyle was a good influence for a serial killer.
“Yeah. Listen, the Winter’s gone.”I froze.
“What?”
“It’s gone. Someone has stolen it.”
“Who? Who the hell could have done that?”
“That’s what’s fuckin’ with me: I have no idea.”
“Shit.” I had no idea what to say. I had missed the Winter a little. But I hadn’t really thought much about it. My life was here now.
“Well, that…sucks.”
“Ssssucks?! Are you even listening to me? It’s out there and it’s fully armed.”
“Right. What do we do?”
“I have no idea what we can do.” There followed a long silence. “Guess what anyway?”
“What?”
“You’ve got a cousin comin.’”
“No shit,” I grinned.“Really?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Oh, my God!” I gushed. “I’m gonna call Andy, and Aunt Sarah, and Caleb, and everyone.”
“I’m pretty sure Sarah already knows,” he chuckled.
“Oh, yeah, of course. My God, this is awesome. Congratulations.”
“Yeah, thanks. I wonder what it will be.”
“I can’t wait to find out. Let me know, huh?”
“Sure, will do.”
“Um, so are you two getting married or what?”
“Mara...”
“C’mon, why not? I mean with a kid on the way…”
“I gotta work. I’lllll talk to you soon.”
“Oh, okay…Bye,” I said, somewhat nonplussed. He’d sounded hurt. When I hung up, I realized what I had been doing: laughing, and joking, congratulating him on an impending child and asking if he was going to marry. When, if things went on as they were, he might never see that child except through glass. Nice going, shithead.
*
I put away my phone and took out my notepad, feeling like crap. I thought suddenly of sex-ed class the few times I had attended. I recalled the warnings they gave us in there about diseases and such. Caleb seemed above all that, though I had to admit I hardly knew him. Why was I so keen to though? Why did he seem to fill my every waking thought? Would we ever have children together? Don’t talk shit, Mara. Like you said, ya hardly know him. Frustrated and fed up, I turned away from the other students gathered on the lawn, glad of the short breaks between lessons, and began to write, grinning at the lyrics. When I was finished, I took it home with me, picked up my guitar and began to sing:
“I feel so very strange when I think of you.
Everything is in our way, saying it’s not true.
But still, the feeling is as fierce as ever.
Do I want to let go? Never.”
“I know I’m only flesh and blood
And that you’re a sexy stud.
I know I’m a strange anomaly and that
You’re all you’re crac
ked up to be.
I know that we’re wrong for each other but I refuse to yield
Even though it feels like a walk through a minefield.”
“My life has been as strange as I am and often
Beyond belief. And I know I carry my own grief.
But if you can see past this, and give us a chance,
I promise to ride, wildly, your great lance.”
“I know I’m only flesh and blood
And that you’re a sexy stud.
I know I’m a strange anomaly and that
You’re all you’re cracked up to be.
I know that we’re wrong for each other but I refuse to yield
Even though it feels like a walk through a minefield.”
“I can’t get you out of my head; you’re in there for good.
But that’s okay, I feel as happy as I could.
You make me feel and desire what has never existed before.
You fill my every thought; I can’t want you more.”
“I know I’m only flesh and blood.
And that you’re a sexy stud.
I know I’m a strange anomaly and that
You’re all you’re cracked up to be.
I know that we’re wrong for each other but I refuse to yield
Even though it feels like a walk through a minefield.”
“I think the world of you. You own my soul.
Even though we’re like diamonds and coal,
All I desire is you. Please, desire me too.”
“I know I’m only flesh and blood
And that you’re a sexy stud.
I know I’m a strange anomaly and that
You’re all you’re cracked up to be.
I know that we’re wrong for each other but I refuse to yield
Even though it feels like a walk through a minefield.”
“Can we go anywhere, you and I? I don’t see how it can be