Vanni took a deep breath. “I’ve decided to bring Julian back into the band.”
“What? Why?”
He tried in vain to remember all the arguments he had crafted in the car. “It’s complicated,” he finally answered. “But I think it’s the best solution for everyone.”
Graham was clearly unconvinced. “By everyone, you mean Holly and Julian. I honestly fail to see how this could benefit you, Andy or…” he paused ever so slightly, “your child.”
“I fucked up, Graham. I know that. I really fucked up. There is no way I can make any of this completely right for everyone. I’m just trying my best to minimize the damage from here on out.”
Vanni looked so sincere, Graham nearly believed him. “So how does it help anyone to put a known criminal and conman right in the midst of your band? You do understand you’re tossing a lit match into powder keg, right?”
Vanni leaned forward, his elbows on the desk. “If we put him to work – honest work – maybe it’ll convince him to fly straight. Especially since his sister is going to have a baby. This isn’t some fake baby, this is real responsibility. He’s doing day labor now just to keep their heads above water. I mean, they didn’t even come to me for money when they got to L.A. They’re trying to do it on their own. That says something to me. This way he can actually make a living doing something positive. And you know how talented he is. Yael hasn’t wanted to go back to the way things were ever since he first played with the band.”
Graham nodded with a bemused smile on his face. “I can’t believe how naïve you’re being, Vanni. You’re honestly willing to bet your future on a couple of pit vipers on the off-chance they’ll change. People don’t change.”
Vanni could read well into that thinly veiled subtext. “People do change, Graham. When they have incentive to.”
“And what’s your incentive, Vanni?” Graham wanted to know.
“My family.”
“Which one?”
Vanni took a deep breath. “I know you don’t like me, Graham. That’s pretty clear. But think about Andy.”
Graham laughed. “How in the world does your throwing in your lot with Holly help Andy?”
“Holly is operating out of intense insecurity. The only reason she wants a family with me is because that will help her kid grow up in a better environment than she did.”
“That and your money,” Graham reminded.
“She can have my money. I don’t care about the money. I want to make sure my kid has a nice roof over his head and shoes on his feet and can go to school without being tailed by the paparazzi. Taking care of her materially isn’t the problem. It’s her emotional need that will drive her to do something stupid.”
Graham didn’t say anything for a long moment. Finally, “You seem to know an awful lot about what Holly feels.”
“I’ve been spending some time with her,” Vanni admitted.
“Does Andy know?”
“Yes,” he answered.
“Ah, yes. I forget. You have different rules. You can have a separate relationship with another woman, that’s in the game book. What, exactly, are you doing to make sure Andy doesn’t feel insecure?”
Vanni hadn’t expected the encounter to be easy, but he was damned if he’d take a browbeating. Especially from someone so clearly committed to thinking the worst of him. “Honestly, Graham, that’s none of your business.”
“My business,” Graham repeated. “Funny thing about my ‘business.’ Everything you do affects it because you are under my brand. You and your womanizing ways, your colossal public fuck-ups, your love-em and leave-em, baby mama drama bullshit – all that affects my business. Every headline your name is splashed across, every magazine you sell. Every lawsuit, every criminal charge - all of it… my business.”
Vanni’s jaw clenched but he said nothing.
“But what’s more my business is how your selfish, entitled, egomaniacal behavior affects someone I love. See, that’s more than business. That’s personal.”
“She’s not yours to protect,” Vanni reminded quietly.
“She is if you refuse to,” Graham replied. “As much as you have a choice on which family you’re going to go home to, she’s got a choice in whether or not to put up with it. She deserves way better than what you have ever given her, or even ever can give her.”
“But she loves me, doesn’t she? And that’s the part that chaps your ass the most.”
Graham’s eyes narrowed as he glared at the younger man. “Yeah. It does. But unlike you, this isn’t about winning for me. I want her happy. Even to the point I’d let her go. Can you say that? Have you ever been able to say that?”
Vanni leaned forward. “You’re right, Graham. I can’t let her go. She’s been under my skin since I met her in a dive bar in Philadelphia. In the last four years she’s woven herself into my heart. I can’t breathe without her. And you know what? She feels the same way about me. And that’s something you can’t say.”
Graham glared at him during a fierce stare-down. Finally Vanni said, “But I understand if you feel that having Julian would be a liability. In that case I’d like to formally ask for Dreaming in Blue to be released from our contract so we can find a new label.”
Graham sneered. “And just who do you think will touch you with a ten-foot pole?”
Vanni stood. “Maybe I’ll start my own label. Been thinking about it for a while. This way my brand is my responsibility only. And despite all the drama, the lawsuits and the gossip, I still have a whole lot of clout. After all, you made me a star. Fierce should keep that star on the rise. And you trained Andy well to run things as an executive at a record label, right? My wife and my right hand… has a nice ring to it doesn’t it?” He glared down at Graham, knowing his barb had hit its mark. “Think about it and get back to me,” he spat as he turned on his heel and left the office.
Graham grabbed the full cup of tepid coffee and hurled it toward the door. It shattered into a messy stain against the white door, which a very concerned Maggie opened. “Are you all right?”
He was trembling with anger. Of course he wasn’t all right. “I really hate that man,” he gritted through his teeth.
Maggie closed the door and inspected the mess. “So I see.” She bent to pick up the broken ceramic cup.
He sighed as he watched her, once again, clean up his mess. “I’m sorry, Mags.”
She leveled her troubled blue eyes on him. “Me, too. I hate to see him get to you like this. You’re too good of a man to sink to his level.”
“What can I say? He’s not just an asshole. He’s a fucking carrier.” He stood and rounded the desk, where Maggie had risen to meet him eye to eye.
“Then let him go,” she said softly. “Let them both go.”
He sighed again as he looked into her earnest face. “If only it were that simple,” he said softly as he stepped around her and headed out the door.
He didn’t stop until he reached Andy’s office. She was going over something with Kelly on the computer, so he cleared his throat to get their attention.
“Hi, Graham,” Andy greeted. “Did you need something?”
“Yeah,” he answered. “I needed to talk to you. Privately,” he added with a quick glance to her assistant.
Kelly looked down at Andy, who remained seated at her desk. Andy paused only for a moment before she nodded her head. Kelly grabbed some folders from her adjoining desk, and then left them alone. Graham shut the door.
Andy didn’t like the look on his face. She knew him well enough to know that he was upset. “Is there a problem?”
“Yeah,” he said again, this time as he sat down at Kelly’s station. “There is.”
Now she was alarmed. “What?”
He looked at her directly in the eye. “I want to know if there is even the slightest chance the baby you carry is mine.”
She sucked in a deep breath. She hadn’t expected him to broach this topic, especially since she had made it clear when
she was due. But it was clear that he had been tortured with the idea their lovemaking could have produced a baby she’d be passing off as Vanni’s.
There were tears in her eyes as she shook her head. “No, Graham. I got pregnant in New York. On my birthday. Before…” she trailed off, unable to speak the words.
Graham gulped hard. “Are you sure?”
She nodded. “I’ve had two ultrasounds, Graham. Both confirmed gestational age. It was weeks before… before Thanksgiving.”
“I see,” he said softly.
“I’m sorry,” she said, more for his anguish than anything else.
He shook his head. “No, I’m the one that should apologize. To think you would ever be the kind of woman who would lie about something like that.”
She reached for his hand. “To be honest, I almost did,” she said. His eyes met hers. “It would have been easier. At the time I thought Holly was pregnant with Vanni’s baby and this pregnancy would complicate so much. It would have been simpler if I had been pregnant with your child. I knew you would love and take care of it… and of me.”
A tear formed in the corner of his eye as he listened. He grabbed her hand, warmed by her touch. He could have given her whatever future she wanted. The only problem was she wanted a future without him.
“It just wouldn’t have been fair to Vanni. Any fairer than telling him he was that dad if you had been. I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t do that.”
“Andy,” he said softly.
“Besides, it’s just better this way. A part of me will always belong to him, right or wrong. This way I don’t have to hurt you any more than I already have.”
“You’ve been worth it all,” he whispered. “I still love you, Andy. And if you ever change your mind, I’ll be there for you. And your child.”
She smiled. “I know. And I love you too much to ever ask you to be.” She brought his hands to her lips and kissed his fingers. It was her way of setting him free, which was the last thing he wanted.
“Andy,” he said softly. “Does Vanni know about us?”
Her eyes met his. “No,” she finally answered. “He never asked and I never offered. Just seemed best to leave it in the past.”
“Funny how his past keeps coming back to bite you in the ass, isn’t it?”
She sighed. “Graham…”
“Tell me it isn’t true. Tell me it doesn’t tear at your soul every time he runs off to play house with Holly.”
She gulped. “He’s doing what he thinks is right for the baby.”
Graham grabbed her hands in his. “Think about what you’re saying, Andy. You’re marrying a man who got another woman pregnant within months of getting you pregnant. Is this honestly the man you want to entrust with your life? With your child?”
Andy pulled her hands free. His words cut her deep. So she used a few harsh words of her own. “The only reason he was with Holly at all was because I left him to be with you.”
Graham was aghast. “Are you saying that this is my fault?”
She shook her head. “No, of course not. It’s nobody’s fault. That’s what I am trying to tell you. Everything was fucked up for a long time.”
“It’s still fucked up,” he told her. “And you know how I know? Because you can’t tell him the truth about us. You know that if he knew we’d been lovers he’d be out the door. You’re still selling your soul to be with this man.”
A tear raced down her cheek. “We do crazy things for love,” she said. “We hurt other people… we make mistakes…we try to manipulate fate. I’m not blameless, Graham. Maybe if you could finally be angry with me, you could move on.”
“You want me to be angry with you?” he demanded. “Fine.” He stood to his feet. “Tell your fiancé he can put Julian back in the band if he wants… but under his own goddamn label. I’m through. With all of you.”
He left her in stunned silence.
He didn’t even tell Maggie he was leaving. She didn’t need him for a ride and he really wanted to be alone. He was so frustrated he couldn’t see straight. Andy wanted him to be mad at her? Fine. He’d be mad. He’d be furious. She’d played with his heart for years, only to go chasing after that egomaniac whenever he had an itch to scratch. But Vanni would always move on to greener pastures, and then she’d be clawing back at his door, only this time with a baby in tow.
She wanted to call herself his friend… she wanted to sell this idea that she cared about him deep down. That she loved him, even if she wasn’t in love with him. She could slip into his bed, take him into her body, seal every physical promise between a man and a woman and ultimately it didn’t mean a fucking thing to her.
Again he was reminded that she was his Vanni. She was the one he’d chase after, the one that he’d always make excuses for and the one he’d never fully be able to let go. He would always love more than he loved. She would always be just out of his reach, even when she was right in his arms.
When had he lost his balls? When he had he given up his spine?
He was livid by the time he pulled into the drive. He stomped into the house, stopping only at the bar. He didn’t even bother with a glass as he took a whole decanter of scotch and headed for the guest bedroom she had called home.
He stayed in there until the sun went down, drinking straight booze as he lay on the bed. He thought back to the very first moment he brought her there, and what great hopes he’d had to begin something amazing with her. She had no idea how much he would have turned the world upside down to please her. She had been unimpressed by it all. He wasn’t a long-haired rocker with more swagger than substance. He was just a man who paid his bills, built his business, and truly loved and respected his women.
That was clearly not what she wanted. She wasn’t set aflame by his touch. Every time he held her close she was thinking of someone else.
He remembered walking in on Vanni and Andy in this very room. He saw her respond to Vanni in a way he could only fantasize about. He watched their mouths swallow demanding kisses, their hands gripping at each other as if they would have died if either had let the other go.
She’d never felt that way about him.
No woman had ever felt that way about him.
Had that been the driving force behind his pursuit?
He poured more alcohol on the hurt. He swallowed every painful thought, every cursed memory. He was frustrated, angry and intoxicated when Maggie found him hiding in the dark, oblivious to the world around him.
She entered the room soundlessly, and took the crystal decanter from his hands before he spilled what was left on the bedspread. It was still the same pattern as the first time he’d brought Andy to stay, when he was trying to make her feel comfortable to stay in his home without any demands.
“No pressure,” he had said.
Maybe he should have pressured her. Maybe he shouldn’t have been such a damn gentleman. Maybe she really did want the caveman who took what he wanted whenever he wanted it. He practically growled at Maggie when she turned on the light.
“Oh, Graham,” she said softly. “What are you doing to yourself?”
“She wanted me angry with her,” he slurred. “So I’m angry.”
“Good,” Maggie said. “Long overdue.”
“You know what else is long overdue?” he asked. Before she could shake her head he grabbed her by the hand and pulled her down onto the bed. His hand snaked behind her neck as he pulled her close for an angry, deep, and probing kiss that tasted of scotch. Her hands that reached up to push him away stalled at the muscled wall of his chest, which felt like heaven under her touch. He was so solid… so real… so much better than the Graham of her fantasies. He met this submission with more demands. His hand grasped a handful of her fiery red hair, and she didn’t fight him as he pushed her back down on the bed and covered her body with his own. His weight was delicious as it pinned her down. His hands were everywhere as his tongue pushed between her lips.
Color and light exploded in her bra
in as he took possession of her mouth. She felt his unmistakable desire, and just for a moment she gave into it. It had been so long since she had been held… since she had been wanted. It was as though she was a virgin – his virgin. Her hungry response to his kiss was enough to spur him on as he groaned deep in her mouth. His fingers slid up her shirt across her bare skin, then slid into her bra. His fingers circled the pert nipple, which made her gasp.
The more he touched her, the more she craved. She had wanted him for so long… long, lonely months as she watched him pine for someone else. It had been torture, but now he was in her arms and he was kissing her, touching her… and just a few garments away from making love to her.
She ached for it within every inch of her body. His body was hard under her hands, which explored him as liberally as he explored her. “Graham,” she whispered.
“Say it again,” he demanded against her lips. “Tell me you want me,” he pleaded. “Tell me you want only me.”
“I want you,” she finally whispered aloud. “Only you,” she added as she nuzzled his neck. “Only you,” she kept repeating.
“Oh, God,” he groaned against her as his hand disappeared between them to unzip her jeans. She helped kick them free before she turned back into his embrace. His hand cupped her breast possessively as his knee parted her legs. “Oh, Andy…”
The word hit her like a splash of cold water, and Maggie turned to ice in his arms. She wriggled away and hopped off the bed, trying to catch her breath. She didn’t look back at him, and he was too drunk and too far gone to even recognize his blunder. “What’s wrong? Where are you going?”
“I’m sorry, Graham. I can’t,” she said as she stooped for her clothes and bolted from the room. She didn’t stop running until she was safely behind her own bedroom door. He never came to find her, and when she emerged from the bedroom sometime around midnight, she found Graham sprawled across the guest bed. With a sigh she turned on the light and entered the room. From the looks of it he passed out right after their encounter. He likely wouldn’t remember any of it.
Lucky bastard, she thought to herself. She could think of nothing else. For one brief moment she had everything she’d wanted. And in a split second, Andy Foster’s ghost had stolen it all away.
The Complete Groupie Trilogy Page 69