Chapter Ten
After cheer practice a few days later, Brittany was the last girl in the locker room. She had just taken her street clothes out of her locker so she could change out of her uniform when Janna burst in. “Oh good, you’re still here.”
Brittany stopped what she was doing. “What’s up?”
“Coach Fairchild just asked me for a favor. It’s big.” Brittany cocked her head out of curiosity. “He said the guys are tense and tight and making mental errors and he needs our help loosening them up before tomorrow’s home game.”
“I don’t understand,” Brittany admitted. “They’ve been winning.”
“And getting injured. They’ve got four players on injured reserve.” Janna paused before adding, “So tag. You’re it.”
“Excuse me? It what? How do we help them?”
“With dance routines. Something to limber them up,” Janna explained.
“Oh. Seriously? They want to learn some of our routines?”
“Something simple. Real basic,” Janna clarified.
Nodding slowly, Brittany remembered teaching Allison the basics over the summer. “That shouldn’t be a problem. When do they want to start?”
“Now.”
“Now? Like right now?”
“They’re about to start their practice, and short of giving everyone muscle relaxants, me and Coach came up with this idea. So, you ready?”
Brittany shrugged. “Um. I guess.”
“Come on.”
Brittany put her clothes back in the locker and followed Janna into the gymnasium. The guys were sitting in the bleachers in uniform, minus the pads and helmets. Her eyes immediately landed on Matthew and she smiled inadvertently. He gave her a little wave.
“Hi guys,” Janna said, her voice echoing off the gymnasium walls. “You all know Brittany. Brittany is going to teach you all a dance routine.”
There was a chorus of groans with one player shouting, “We’re not cheerleaders, you know.”
“Of course, you’re not,” Brittany’s voice echoed. She could have predicted the negative reaction. “You’re athletes, really good athletes.” She strolled to the center of the court. “Lookit, we’re just gonna do a few moves to loosen up. I want you to form three rows.” When no one moved, she gave Janna a look.
“You heard her,” Coach Fairchild’s voice boomed above the grumbling players. “Form three lines!”
Matthew was the first one off his seat. He approached Brittany and said, “Where do want me?”
She bit her lip. “That’s a loaded question, but right where you are will have to do for now.” She thought she saw him blush as the other players fell in line. “You guys are awesome,” Brittany said with a smile of encouragement. She liked feeling in charge and being the voice of authority. “Now I’m gonna face away from you and I want you to follow my steps. Do what I do, okay?” She got some half-hearted nods and guessed that was all she was going to get. Okay, so maybe she wasn’t as in charge as she thought, but she enjoyed teaching dance routines. She turned around and began calling out each step.
∙•∙
Matthew stood in the middle row, trying to follow Brittany’s steps. Looking around, he saw Coach Fairchild from the sidelines watching the team like the nuns used to watch his Sunday school class. He liked Coach well enough. The man was tough—scary at times—but he was fair. Still, it felt weird to be on display this way. On the field was one thing, but dance class was another.
His eyes returned to Brittany before he had the chance to miss a step. It was easy to lose his concentration when watching the nubile cheerleader. She was stunning from every angle. He glanced at the other men in his row and felt disgusted by the way they seemed to be leering. Anyone watching him watching her may have thought he was just as bad as the rest, but it was different for him. He knew her in ways they didn’t.
He was the one she confided in about her feelings for Philip. He was the one on whose shoulder she slept during the bus ride from Bradenton. He was the one who massaged her soft skin with sunscreen. And he was the one whose hotel room she shared.
His heart felt heavy as he continued watching her. All at once, he found himself hungering for her in a way he hadn’t felt in years. Until this minute, he didn’t realize how much he wanted to know her, know her in every way possible. He was sure the other guys only wanted her for the short term. He wanted more. He wanted to make her his. For the first time ever, he wished he’d never made that vow.
Chapter Eleven
In her design fundamentals class a few days later, Brittany was holding some examples of mixed media artwork the professor passed around the classroom. She enjoyed this class because she had an eye for visual arts and loved creating attractive things, whether she was decorating her dorm room, adorning a baseball cap with studs, or applying makeup to herself or customers at the salon. As she looked at the impressionistic work of art, her mind wandered to the discussion she and Matthew had at the beach about her future. He implied that her goals were impractical. Was he right? She wasn’t sure, but she got the feeling he was trying to help her think through her decision about declaring a major. He was a serious man and he seemed to care about her. But if that was the case, why hadn’t he tried to get in touch with her in the week since their trip to Siesta Key?
She was pretty easy to find. Her contact information was on the team’s intranet. He promised to rectify the fact she didn’t have his phone number, but the days passed without getting the info. She wanted to believe he forgot, but maybe he just plain wasn’t interested. They’d had an impromptu date, it ended without a kiss, and there’d been no post-date call…or contact, other than a brief exchange in public when she taught the team some dance moves. Did she really need a hammer to hit her over the head? No, it was pretty clear he didn’t feel the same about her as she did about him. She was beginning to think he did, but she was obviously wrong. Her lip quivered a little at that thought. She was well on her way to falling for him and she liked the feeling. Matthew was the first guy in forever who meant anything to her. She’d have to figure out a way to get over him. She didn’t even want to think about what might happen at this weekend’s away-game overnighter.
»»•««
On the charter plane to Athens, Georgia, on Friday, Brittany brought up the subject. “Sofia,” she said after clearing her throat. “Can I ask a favor? It has to do with you and Derek.”
Sofia gripped Brittany’s arm. “I’m so glad you mentioned that. I’ve been meaning to thank you for putting up with us. You are so sweet to give us privacy. It’s really the only time we get to be together since we both have roommates on campus, and my roommate happens to be the resident assistant on my floor. She doesn’t let you bend the rules even a tiny bit, let alone break them,” she rambled. “I mean, I know it’s an inconvenience for you and all, but since you like Matthew anyway, it’s not like it’s a punishment, right?”
“Well, that’s just it.” Brittany nervously played with her necklace. “I don’t think our relationship or whatever is going anywhere. It would be kind of awkward for me to go over there tonight.”
“What are you talking about, girl? This is the perfect opportunity for you to get closer to him. You said so yourself.”
“Yeah,” Brittany said hesitantly. “That was before.”
“Since when do you give up so easily?”
“When it’s clear it’s a lost cause. Or when the guy gets engaged. Whichever comes first. But Matthew is different. He doesn’t much appreciate being pressured.”
Sofia pursed her lips and waved dismissively. “That’s just because of the purity thing. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
Leaning away a little, Brittany squinted. “You have? How does he look at me?”
“Like he wishes you weren’t such a knockout. It would make it easier for him to resist you. I think he’s just conflicted is all.”
Brittany thought for a moment. She’d like to think Sofia was right, but she ha
d her doubts. “I don’t know, Sofia.”
“Well I do know. Keep it going, Brit. You’re chipping away at his wall. Tonight might just be the night you penetrate it.”
Brittany looked askance at Sofia. She wasn’t completely sure if her friend was being sincere or self-serving. Sighing, she gave in. “Okay. We’ll see.” But she didn’t have a lot of confidence. Butterflies started floating around in her stomach at the prospect of visiting Matthew tonight. She didn’t feel comfortable about it and she wasn’t sure he’d be happy to see her. If she was lucky, he’d be asleep when she got there.
Chapter Twelve
Right on cue around midnight, Derek arrived. They didn’t even bother pretending anymore that Brittany was going to try and sleep through their hookup. Derek simply handed Brittany his key card and she headed off to Matthew’s room.
He was indeed sleeping when she got there. She heard him snoring softly as she got into bed and pulled the covers over her. She looked in his direction, feeling kind of sad and wistful that he wasn’t awake. She had told herself it would be better if he wasn’t, but now she felt differently. Since he never called, the away games became her only chance to talk to him. Sofia was right about one thing. Whenever they were together, he softened toward her. She just needed more time. It didn’t look like she was going to get that time, not tonight anyway. She settled into bed and closed her eyes.
∙•∙
“Stop. Get off me.”
Matthew sprung up in his bed and looked around.
“Leave me alone!”
It took him a minute to realize what was going on. Brittany was talking in her sleep. He hadn’t heard Derek leave or Brittany arrive. Switching on the nightstand lamp between the two beds, he got up and gently shook Brittany’s shoulder. “Brit, wake up. Hey.”
Brittany’s eyes flew open and she blinked several times. “What? What’s going on?”
“You were talking in your sleep. You were yelling at someone to stop it.”
“Sorry I woke you,” she said groggily. “Go back to sleep.”
“I didn’t even hear you come in the room.”
“I know. You were sound asleep.” Brittany threw back the covers and headed for the bathroom.
He sat down on his bed. “You want to talk about it?” She didn’t answer him, so he waited until she returned to ask again. “You okay?”
“I’m fine. Forget about it.” She climbed back into bed and pulled the covers up to her shoulders.
“Brit, come on. This isn’t the first time you’ve had nightmares, and it’s not like I’m even with you every night.”
She rubbed her eyes with her fingertips and forced a smile. “I’d be up for changing that.”
“Brit.”
Taking a long, deep breath, she nodded. “Okay. Okay, I’ll tell you.” She sat up against the headboard and held the blanket to her chest. “Lookit. I don’t have these nightmares all the time. I really don’t. In fact, I didn’t have them for a long time and then a few weeks ago, they started up again.” Matthew looked at her intently but said nothing, allowing her to continue. “The nightmares are about something that happened to me three…almost four years ago. I was um—I was sexually assaulted.”
∙•∙
Matthew’s eyes widened and a pained look crossed his face. Brittany thought she saw tears in his eyes. “I was sixteen and—” She thought for a long minute before continuing. If she confided in Matthew, if she were to tell him the whole story, she would never be able to take it back. He might not react well, and she could never untell him.
“It’s okay,” he said quietly, as if he knew what she was thinking. “You can tell me.”
She nodded. “Our basketball team had just won a big game and a group of us—the cheerleaders and the players—we went to a local bar and grill to celebrate. The older guys were drinking, you know, the ones who were eighteen, and the ones who had fake IDs. We stayed late. In fact we pretty much closed down the place. I was one of the last ones to leave. I was going to call my dad to come get me, but one of the guys from the team, the star point guard, a senior, he offered to drive me home. Well, we never got out of the parking lot. He started hitting on me and I kind of flirted back—at first. Then he got pushy and I told him to just take me home. He started pawing me and I slapped him.” She paused and looked upward to keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks, but they spilled out anyway. She touched her cheek. “He hit me back, and he—” Her words trailed off and a sob escaped her throat. “I screamed at him to stop but he was so much bigger and stronger than me.”
Matthew’s eyes were filled with concern and compassion, making it even harder to get through this than she’d expected. “Eventually the bar owner and his wife came out. I guess they were leaving after closing up, and they saw the lone car in the parking lot and knocked on the window. I blurted out he raped me and he said I seduced him. He claimed I cried rape to get back at him because he told me he had a girlfriend after I had sex with him. Oh my God!” She covered her face with her hands. “I reported him to his coaches, and you know what they said? They asked why I wanted to cause trouble. Why did I want to ruin his career? His career!” She uncovered her face and stared at a spot on the wall behind Matt. “Everyone believed his side of the story instead of mine because he was the team’s star player. Every word he said was a lie. He lied to make himself sound like the victim. He turned the whole thing around.”
“Did you go to the police?”
“No.” Her voice was thick with tears. “The school resource officer said it would be hard to prove. He acted like he was on my side, like he was advising me, you know? He said they’d subject me to a physical examination and all it might prove is that I had sex with someone. It would still be a he said-she said situation.”
“Dear God, Brittany. I can’t believe that was the advice they gave you.”
“Yeah well, the school and even the small Long Island town I lived in, they were rabid fans of the team. It didn’t take long before I got ostracized. People threw garbage on our lawn and sent my parents hate mail and someone painted the word slut on our front door.” She shivered at the memory and pulled the covers closer. “It was the worst time of my life. The only people who stuck by me were my best friend and my parents. My parents wanted me to transfer to a private school, but my dad was between jobs, and really, they couldn’t afford it.”
“So what did you do?”
“I finally gave up and recanted.” She looked downward, embarrassed at her cowardice. “I couldn’t put my parents through that anymore. It was as hard on them as it was on me.”
“Oh Brit.” When Brittany looked up, Matthew squeezed his eyes shut. He opened them and asked, “What happened, to him I mean?”
“He graduated and I spent the next semester with a scarlet letter on my forehead.” She looked upward again to keep the tears from overflowing. “I was only sixteen and I got labeled the town slut. I mean lots of girls sleep around, but they don’t get dragged through the mud in public.”
“You weren’t sleeping around, Brit. You were assaulted.”
“I know that,” she said bitterly. “That’s not the point. The point is what everyone else thought. I resolved that I was going to leave Long Island as soon as I could and go to an out-of-state college where no one knew me, so I doubled up on my classes to graduate six months early. And once I was out of there, I swore I’d never be a victim again.”
“Damn. Brittany, I don’t know what to say.”
She got quiet for several minutes. That was the first time she ever heard Matthew say the word damn. He never cursed, no matter how mild the expletive. “You know, when I started EFU, I was naive enough to believe it was all behind me. Boy was I ever wrong. I went out with this one guy named Blaine on the Barracudas basketball team and when I didn’t want to go out with him a second time, he spread some rumors about me being a sure thing.”
“Why?”
She shrugged. “Macho pride I guess. The other guy
s on the team sort of harassed me.”
“Did you report them?”
“I couldn’t. Not after what I went through in high school. Seemed like all guys were jerks and they were always gonna be jerks. Then I met Philip Mason and I realized that there actually are nice guys in the world. That’s when I decided I’m not going to sleep with anyone else until I fall in love for real.”
“Your version of a vow of celibacy?”
“I guess you could say that,” she said with a shrug. “Anyway, I begged Janna to trade me to the football cheer squad so I could get away from the bastards on the basketball team.”
“And to be near Philip?”
“Maybe,” she answered with a small smile. “Keeping that vow has been pretty easy considering I haven’t had a date since I transferred to the football squad. The guys who want to go out with me are creeps. And the guys I want to go out with don’t seem to—” She stopped herself mid-sentence and wiped the tears off her cheeks. She drew a halting breath. “Sorry. I really unloaded. I didn’t—”
“Hey, don’t apologize,” Matthew interrupted. “I asked and I’m glad you told me.”
“Why?”
“It helps me understand you.” When Brittany squinted at him, he held his palms up. “I’m not judging, I swear. Now I know what you meant when you told me you didn’t earn your reputation. So, um, that asshole, the point guard from high school—whatever became of him?”
“Oh, you know. He got taken by a professional basketball team in the draft last June. He declared as an underclassman and got drafted early. Big fat contract and all.” Her tone was more sarcastic than bitter. “You know how it goes in this business. You can be a criminal and still get rewarded with a multi-million dollar contract and a signing bonus.”
“So, um.” Matthew looked down at his hands. “What did you say his name was?”
Brittany squinted at Matthew again, wondering why he was asking. “Why?”
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