“You’re looking well, Matthew, except for that arm being in a sling,” the chaplain said as he sat on the corner of his desk. “I sense something’s troubling you. Does it have to do with that injury?”
“I can’t hide anything from you. You know me too well.” Matthew shifted in the big easy chair, a chair he’d sat in a thousand times. “Seems like I should be able to visit you to just visit, but there’s always something.”
“Go on.”
He looked at his shoulder. “The injury is just part of it.” He turned back to the chaplain. “I feel so much anger so often. I try to channel it into positive energy, like you taught me, but I can’t seem to let it go lately.”
“Tell me, what are you angry about?”
“Everything. Being benched. Being passed over in favor of someone who isn’t as good a man as I am.”
“Is that for you to judge?”
Matthew reddened. He knew the chaplain was right. “No, sir. You’re right, it’s for God to judge. I know that. I’ve prayed about my anger and—“
“And?”
“It goes deeper. I’m still…I’m still angry at Michelle. I’m angry that I had faith in her. I put my whole future in her hands and I believed in us without question.”
“I remember. We call it blind faith.”
“Exactly. It still hurts sometimes that she didn’t feel the same. She wasn’t as committed as I was. Her heart wasn’t in it like mine was.”
“Tell me something, son. If she wanted you again, would you go back to her?”
Matthew slowly shook his head. “No. That’s a no-brainer. I don’t love her anymore. And I certainly would never trust her again.”
“Are you afraid you won’t be able to trust enough to be in a relationship in the future?”
“Honestly? No. In fact, I’ve fallen for someone. And I know she’s someone I can trust. But I’m struggling with it.”
“Tell me about it.”
He paused to collect his thoughts before starting. “Well, on the surface, she seems like someone who’s not my type. But little by little, she got under my skin and she’s all I ever think about. Well, besides football.” He laughed to himself at how shallow his interests must sound. “Father, I’m head over heels in love with her.”
“Then what’s the problem? What are you struggling with?”
He looked down and said, “The vow. Any time we get close, I can’t keep my hands off her. The struggle is keeping myself from letting go, from knowing her fully.”
The room went silent for a minute. Matthew wondered what the chaplain was thinking. Was he ashamed of Matthew? He intentionally omitted the fact they shared a bed on a regular basis.
Finally, the chaplain said, “And the young lady, does she feel the same about you?”
Matthew looked up and saw no judgment in Father Morrissey’s expression. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure she does. Except—”
“Except?”
He looked down at his bent arm dangling in the sling. “She went through something awful in high school, like the worst, and it almost happened a second time last week. I haven’t had any contact with her since then, and believe me, I’ve tried.” He looked up again. “She’s in New York with her family for Christmas and she hasn’t returned any of my calls. I feel like I’m losing her, Father, like she’s avoiding me. And I get it, sort of—I mean, as much as a guy can understand what it’s like to go through something like that. It’s just hard. I miss her…I miss her like I’ve never missed anyone and I want her so bad.” He forced himself to continue looking at the chaplain to gauge his reaction, but there wasn’t any. “I hope it’s okay to say that.”
“Are you here to ask my permission, son? Because how you proceed with this young lady would be between you and her and God.”
“I know. I get that. I just don’t know how I’ll know when I’ve fulfilled my promise. When I get married?” Thinking about the article Brittany left in his locker, he added, “I mean, there’s research that says waiting doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage.”
The chaplain got up and went to a file cabinet a few feet away. He rummaged through a drawer until he found what he was looking for. “Here it is.” Pulling out a file folder, he perused its contents as he walked back to his desk. He took an envelope from the folder and held it out to Matt. “Remember this?”
Matthew took the envelope and inhaled deeply. “My vow.” After agreeing to take the vow, Father Morrissey required each young man to write a letter of intent as a way to formalize their commitment to keep their promise. He believed it helped the boys to both think through their rationale for making the vow and understand its importance. Some guys changed their mind after writing the letter because they didn’t have a strong enough conviction. “Your vow,” Father Morrissey had said at the time, “is between you and God.”
Matthew stared at the envelope like he was expecting it to speak to him.
“I’ll leave you alone to review it. But I will say this, Matthew.” He waited for Matthew to look up at him. “People change. We all do. We evolve. We experience things in life that take us in directions we didn’t expect. And it’s okay to change. It’s okay to adjust and adapt. In fact, if we don’t adapt, we don’t grow, and that makes it harder to meet the next challenge in life. The only thing you can’t change—the thing you should never change—is your essence, who you are at your core.” He clutched Matthew’s shoulder before leaving the room.
Matthew slowly opened the letter. It was handwritten, dated two—almost three years ago now—during his senior year in high school. He pressed his fingertips to his forehead as he read it. The words seemed foreign, almost like someone else had written it. In his memory, the letter he wrote loomed much larger than this. The way he remembered it, the letter changed his life. Looking at it now, it wasn’t as big and scary as it seemed when he first wrote it. It didn’t have that same power. In fact, it didn’t have any. Matthew had all the power.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
After dropping her bags in her dorm room, she rushed back out to the administrative building. She’d made some decisions while she was back home and she was about to take the first step.
It felt weird to be back on campus after the holiday break. It was cold and snowy up north, and in only a few hours, she was back in the land of sunshine, palm trees, and flamingos. Even in January, Orlando was still warm, and the temperatures got into the seventies most days. Aside from the weather, she felt butterflies in her stomach. She wasn’t sure what to expect now that she was back at school. Last time she was here, she had a prominent position on the cheer squad, was popular and respected by her classmates, and she had a hot quarterback for a boyfriend. Now she had none of those, and she felt a little lost.
“Brittany!” She looked around for the source of the voice that called her name and saw Janna rushing down the hallway toward her. Brittany was surprised to see the coach smiling after their last encounter.
“Um. Janna. Hi.” She greeted her hesitantly. “Um. How was your holiday?”
“Good. Great,” she said a little breathlessly. “We spent part of the time up north. Then we came back and did some packing and had an open house last weekend. Cross your fingers we get an offer on the house soon.”
She wasn’t sure how to respond to Janna’s friendly tone, but she smiled warmly and said, “That would be great. Good luck.”
Brittany started to turn away when Janna touched her arm. “Did you get the team text I sent? We’ve got our first practice of the year tomorrow.”
“I lost my phone. I submitted a claim form, but—” Brittany squinted. “Wait. Why are you telling me this? To rub it in?”
“What? No, of course not.” Janna’s brow knit. “Oh. You haven’t heard, have you?”
“Heard what?”
“There was an online petition that got circulated to get you reinstated. There were, like, a thousand signatures.”
Brittany’s jaw dropped. “I…I…what?”
“Well of course,” Brittany said without hesitation. “I’m just in shock. Who would circulate a petition on my behalf?”
“Who do you think?” Janna merely smiled without giving Brittany any other clues. “See you tomorrow at ten sharp. Oh, and if you’re still interested in that associate spirit director spot, it’s yours. We’ll need to spend some time getting you trained—”
Brittany gasped and pressed her hands to her mouth. “You spoke to the administrators? Even after everyone thinks I broke the rules?”
“What is it your Matthew would say at a time like this? ‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone’? Besides, they need to replace me fast, and we all agree you’ll do great.”
Brittany threw her arms around the older woman. “Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
After Janna walked away, Brittany couldn’t remember what she was doing there. She wandered out of the administrative building and onto the quad in a daze. Not only had she been reinstated, she was going to be an associate director after Janna left. It wouldn’t be exactly the same position Janna had, but it was a career path. For the first time, Brittany had a real career goal, and she felt wonderful.
∙•∙
In the airport shuttle back to campus, Matthew’s phone buzzed. His first thought was Brittany. But it wasn’t her. It was Coach Ryan telling him Coach Fairchild needed to see him the second he got back on campus. So they are going to suspend me after all.
“We’re heading into the championships after the holidays,” Coach Fairchild said matter-of-factly as he walked back and forth behind his desk.
Matthew was seated in a stiff leather chair across from the coach’s desk. “Right.”
“We should be the number one seed, but instead we’re number four.”
Matthew nodded only because it seemed like the coach expected him to. In reality, it felt like Coach was rubbing it in, literally adding insult to injury. Matthew couldn’t play football until his arm was in throwing shape. It was much better and he felt like he didn’t really need to keep it in a sling anymore, but it would be a long time before he got cleared to play. So why did Fairchild find it necessary to rub salt in that wound? Matthew was responsible for the two losses at the beginning of the season, and that’s why the Barracudas weren’t the number one seed. It was also the reason he got benched and Tony got the starting spot back. The team hadn’t lost a game since. Matthew already knew all that.
“If I didn’t blow the first two games of the season.”
“And if the kicker hadn’t missed nearly fifty percent of his field goals and extra points all season, I’d have more hair. We’d have won those first two games if it wasn’t for him. We need a decent kicker, I’ve known that all season, and I’ll be damned if you’re not that man.”
“Me?”
“Each of my coaches have come to me individually and told me how strong your leg is. We can work with you on your accuracy—”
Matthew leaned forward in his chair. “Coach, stop. With all due respect, I’m a quarterback, not a kicker.”
Coach didn’t respond. He merely looked at Matthew for the next minute, letting the young man’s words hang in the air. Matthew squirmed a little under the coach’s relentless gaze. Finally, Coach said, “I know it’s not your ideal job, Warner, but sometimes fate steps in and takes you in a new direction. You just need to be open.” Coach Fairchild was beginning to sound like Father Morrissey advising him about life and Tony advising him about Brittany.
Before Matthew could say anything, Coach added, “I’m not saying you’ll never be a quarterback again. But right now, your throwing arm is out of commission and so is our kicker. Or he will be when we bench him.”
Matthew leaned back in his chair and sighed. Coach had a point. It was like Father Morrissey used to tell him back at St. Peter’s. When God closes a door, he opens a window. Matthew slowly nodded. “How soon can I start practicing?”
“Our first practice is tomorrow. You’ll be working with Coach Harrison.”
He left the coach’s office in a bit of a daze, adjusting his jacket with one hand while walking from the sports complex toward the quad. The last thing he expected was to be back in the game as a kicker. It wasn’t his first choice—still, it felt like a bit of a gift. Matthew snapped out of his daze when he saw a girl who looked a lot like Brittany coming out of the administrative building. “Brittany!” When he called her name, she looked in his direction. It was her!
∙•∙
“Brittany!”
Brittany looked around to see who was calling her. Funny, she’d been back on campus for only a half hour and was already getting more attention than she had the whole time she was in New York.
She did a double take when she saw Matthew. He was rushing across the quad toward her, his arm in a sling. When he got closer, he took his arm out of the restraint. Instead of stopping in front of her, he wrapped his arms around her, lifting her in the air and whirling her around. As soon as he set her on her feet, he held her cheeks and kissed her lips. Brittany’s eyes widened at first before she succumbed to the kiss, grasping his biceps to keep her balance.
He leaned away without letting her go. “Where’ve you been? I’ve been trying to reach you. I called you a hundred times. I thought you were angry at me since you didn’t return my calls or texts.”
“No, I’m not mad, like at all. Why would I be?”
“I don’t know. I just thought maybe you were since I didn’t hear from you.”
She gazed into his eyes, eyes she thought she’d never gaze into again. “I sent you a message from Sofia’s phone. Didn’t you get it?” He shook his head no, and she said, “I lost my phone so I borrowed hers. And here I was thinking…I thought you were done with me.”
“What? Why would you think that?”
“Because I do nothing but cause you trouble.” She glanced at the scarf hanging from his arm. “How’s your shoulder?”
“It’s fine. It was just a sprain.” He pulled the sling off over his head and stuffed it in the pocket of his jacket. “I mean, I can’t throw a ball for a while, but it’s healing.”
“It doesn’t hurt?”
“Not nearly as much as being apart.” He pushed a strand of hair off her face. “And as for causing me trouble, well, if that’s trouble, don’t ever stop.” He paused for a moment before adding, “I missed you like crazy, angel.”
“I missed you more,” Brittany said quietly. That comment prompted Matthew to smile and kiss her again, this time even harder than before.
He looked into her eyes and ran his hand through her hair. “Let’s go somewhere we can be alone. I want to tell you something.”
“We can go to my place. Jamie won’t be back until tomorrow.”
Matthew took her hand in his and kissed it. “Lead the way.” As they started down the path to the dorm, Matthew asked, “When did you get back?”
“Just a little while ago,” she answered without emotion. “I dropped my luggage at my dorm and came right back out. I wanted to schedule an appointment with the school psychologist. I think it’s time to chase my nightmares away once and for all.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“I also wanted to see if there’s a spot left in the martial arts class this semester.”
“Martial arts?”
“Yeah, I need to learn self-defense. I refuse to be a victim ever again.”
“I’ll protect you,” Matthew said with a squeeze of her hand.
“That’s sweet, but I can’t expect you to come running to my rescue all the time. I need to protect myself.”
He nodded slowly. “In that case, I’ll support you. So did you sign up?”
“There was no one around. If I can’t get in, I’ll take lessons at one of those storefront schools. There’s one in a strip center not far
from the salon.”
“Maybe I’ll join you. It couldn’t hurt.”
“Really?”
“Why not?” He glanced at his injured shoulder. “I could probably use a refresher.”
Brittany smiled and ran her hand down his arm. “I ran into Janna in the admin building. She told me what you did.”
“What did I do?”
“You circulated a petition to get me reinstated on the squad.”
“Oh, you weren’t supposed to find out about that. I mean I didn’t want you to know I did that. I wasn’t sure it would help.”
“Well, guess what? It worked.”
A huge smile erupted on Matthew's face. He stopped walking and pulled Brittany into a hug.
She leaned against his chest. She felt like she was dreaming. When she left campus before Christmas, she thought she lost everything, and now by some miracle, she had everything back. “Thank you.”
“No problem,” he said quietly as he stroked her hair. She took his hand and they continued walking.
“I have news too. I’m going to be playing in the championship games.”
“Matthew, that’s amazing. We have to celebrate!”
“Yeah, well, don’t get too excited. Tony’s still QB. I’m gonna be the kicker. It’s not my ideal job, but I’m really excited about getting back on the field.”
“Kicker? Wow. You know I’ll be cheering you on,” she said with a squeeze of his hand. When they reached her dormitory, she slid the key card into the lobby door. “Let’s take the stairs instead of the elevator. I ate too many cookies and didn’t get nearly enough exercise at my parents’ house. Three flights. You up for it?”
“I’ll race you.” He nudged her arm with his elbow. He got a head start and took the stairs two and three at a time.
“No fair,” she called. “You have longer legs.”
Matthew slowed down at the second floor. “Sorry. Being competitive is a habit.” He stopped and waited for her to catch up.
Pass Protection (Quarterback Sneak Book 3) Page 17