The dinner was already on the table when Tony lumbered off to take his ritual pee and wash his hands before dinner. She went into her own bathroom to soap and wash her hands, and came back to join him across the table.
He was already in his place, gorging himself on a rare steak like a cannibal. Picking at her own dish, she cast him a covert look that mingled both distaste and fear.
‘You’re giving me a lot of trouble, babe,’ Zecca said, chewing hard on his steak, then halting to clear a hiccup with a swallow of beer.
‘How?’
‘By being fucking absent all the time. I hired a cashier and wound up with a fucking prima donna. You’re costing me a goddamn fortune with all the part-time help I got to hire to replace you while you go running off to some goddamn doctor. The new girl at the register, the spic, is worse than the nigger one.’
‘Costing you what?’ she said, her annoyance surfacing. ‘You pay them almost zero. You’re using slave labour.’
She hated him, among other things, for his vicious references to blacks and Hispanics.
‘They steal from me, from the register,’ he growled, chomping at another piece of steak. ‘They’re all goddam crooks.’
Look who’s talking, she wanted to shout. She wondered how he’d ever survived Vietnam. She didn’t mean how he’d survived fighting against the Vietcong. She meant how he’d ever escaped being killed in the field by one of his fellow infantrymen, black or
Hispanic, that he’d abused with his racist remarks. But maybe when they had all carried equal weapons, he had kept his mouth clamped shut and his attitudes to himself.
‘They’re not all crooks,’ Nan managed to say.
‘What in the hell do you know? Anyway, thank Christ that’s coming to an end tomorrow. You see that you’re back on the job at nine sharp.’
T can’t, Tony,’ she said.
‘What?’
T have an appointment with the doctor.’
‘Goddamnit, no way!’ he roared, slamming his open palm on the table, making his empty plate dance. T told you that you could go to that fucking doctor one more time - one more shot and that was today.’
‘And I told you he has to see me for a week or two more. I told you that.’
‘Not on your life!’ Zecca bellowed. ‘Why is that fucker dragging you out to see him every day? To pile up more bills?’
‘Tony, stop it. I won’t have that kind of talk. This is one of the best gynaecologists in the profession. He has to see me a week or two more he’ll decide how much longer tomorrow - I’m still not in shape - ’
‘Meaning you can’t get in the sack with me tonight and do what any normal woman does?’
T can’t help it, Tony. I have to wait until I’m cured. I’ll ask the doctor - ’
‘No, you won’t,’ Zecca interrupted. ‘Me, J am the one who’s going to ask this doctor of yours why he’s fucking me around, and how long he thinks he can keep crapping me. When you take off to see this doc of yours tomorrow, I’m driving you. I’m going in with you to find out what that cocksucker is up to. What time you going in?’
Caught off balance, she spoke the first thing that came to her head. ‘Ten - I have an appointment at ten tomorrow morning. Tony, please don’t embarrass me. I mean, your coming in with me this is a woman’s doctor for female complaints maybe sometimes he sees a man and wife, but we’re not married, you’re not my husband - ’
‘How the hell will he know?’
‘I told him when I started. It’s on my application. I’m single -‘
Zecca was on his feet. ‘Not tomorrow, you’re not. Tomorrow you got your boyfriend with you. I’ll see you at breakfast, and we’ll go in to see your fucking doctor together. Now no more ifs and buts. Get your ass to bed and get some rest. I’ll let you off the hook tonight, because I’m saving myself for tomorrow night. Because tomorrow night I’m going to fuck you until your ears bleed.’
After he left the table, Nan pushed her unfinished food aside, and sat shivering, wondering what she could do.
Only when she had trudged into her dressing room, and changed into her nightgown, did the answer come to her.
He was already in bed when she reached her side. She crawled under the blanket and lay there, trying to think it out. Once he fell asleep, he would sleep like a log and not awaken until daybreak. She lay very still, waiting for him to sleep.
In ten minutes, fifteen, whatever time had passed, she heard rasping sounds beside her, and knew that he was snoring and would not awake until it was light.
But just in case, she must do what was to be done silently and quickly. Almost without making a sound, she turned back the corner of her blanket, and slipped out of bed. Ignoring even her slippers, she padded softly on her bare feet to the bathroom, shut it, left the light off, and made her way to her dressing room beyond, where she turned on a green-shaded dim lamp.
She found her suitcase, unlatched it, and set it open on her dressing-table bench.
With determination and haste, she dressed, then she began to gather together her sparse collection of clothes the few blouses, skirts, dresses, belts, hose, shoes, undergarments and packed them into the single suitcase. Inside one pair of shoes, she checked to see if the money was still there, her small savings from her cashier’s job and from what she had been able to save from her household shopping allowance. The total sum hoarded would not carry her far, or for any length of time, but it was enough to survive until she found another job. Then she closed the suitcase.
One act left. Tearing a sheet of paper from her scratch pad, she scribbled a hasty note to Tony, thanking him for all he had done for her but insisting that she had to leave to pursue her life on her own. Tony’s determination to interfere with her visits to her physician had been the last straw, an invasion of privacy that she
could not accept. She wished him well, and was sorry it had come to this, and good-bye.
With a piece of Sellotape, she affixed her note to her boudoir mirror.
Back at the bathroom door, her ear against it, she could clearly hear Tony’s uninterrupted snoring.
So far, so good.
Taking up her car keys and suitcase, she crept out of his house.
Once outside, she found that the night was chilly, but somehow more hospitable than the house.
Inside her secondhand Volvo, she started it, worrying about the noisy engine, and backed out of the garage and into the street.
Quickly, she drove away. Fast.
She was free, at last. She hoped. Freedom was frightening, but at least there was someone else who cared about her. She hoped.
In the kitchen of her small house, Gayle Miller finished preparations for the intimate dinner with Paul Brandon.
She was of two minds about the evening ahead. On the one hand she felt too pressured by haste, and would have preferred a more leisurely meeting. Seeing both Demski and Hunter in a single afternoon had been exhausting, although the progress made had been gratifying. After that, dictating two reports for Dr Freeberg had been time-consuming. She had rushed to a nearby supermarket to do her shopping for dinner, and then had busied herself preparing a meal she wished could be more sophisticated.
With her preparations for dinner done, she glanced at the kitchen wall clock. He wasn’t due for twenty minutes. Time enough to ready herself for him.
In her bedroom, she dressed with care. As a surrogate, she always underplayed the attire she wore for patients. It was her policy never to wear anything sexually provocative, lest the garments threatened her patients into believing demands were being made on them and they had to perform successfully.
But Paul Brandon was anything but a patient. He was an integrated human being, a man who functioned, a man she wanted to impress and excite, a man she desired very, very much. Therefore, for a private and personal date, she could behave as a female who might be in love.
Dress sexily, she told herself, and she did. A white low-cut silk
blouse that
partially revealed her breasts not covered by her half bra. To this she added a short tangerine-coloured skirt, ultra-sheer hose because her shapely legs were flawless, and high-heeled brown pumps. She went easy on the cosmetics, maybe a bit more lipstick than usual. By the time she was completely groomed, the doorbell rang.
Paul Brandon arrived carrying a dozen long-stemmed red roses for her.
Thrilled and pleased, she accepted the bouquet, hugged him with one arm, thanking and welcoming him with a soft warm kiss. Leading him to a chair, Gayle had almost forgotten how truly attractive he was. He had the gaunt good looks of one of those strong silent movie stars who won the West. He was wearing a grey cord sports jacket, tieless maroon sports shirt, and well-tailored charcoal slacks.
‘Let me put these in a vase,’ she said, indicating the roses. ‘Then I’ll get us something to drink. What’ll you have?’
‘Whatever you’re having,’ he said.
‘I’m having Scotch on the rocks.’
‘Make that two.’
After she served him his drink, and held her own, she sank on the sofa near him.
‘You know, Paul,’ she said, ‘I feel we’re practically strangers. We’ve dined together twice and yet I’ve learned next to nothing about you.’
‘We didn’t exactly dine twice, Gayle. We had coffee and whatever in a fast-food place. Hardly conducive to any conversation in depth.’
‘You’re right. Well, at least tonight we’re alone.’
Brandon sipped his Scotch. ‘Tell me about yourself. Do you have any family?’
Gayle shook her head. ‘Not really. My father died when I was little. My mother is alive, but she’s in a nursing home and prematurely senile. I see her once a month to make sure she’s being taken care of properly. Then I have an older brother in Toronto. He’s a computer whiz.’
‘Does he know what you do?’
‘Oh, we’re very open with each other in our correspondence and occasional phone calls. He knows, and understands, and sees nothing wrong with it. Because he knows what motivated me to
become a surrogate. I told you about that before, about how the fellow I was going with suffered from sexual dysfunction and eventually committed suicide.’
‘I remember,’ said Brandon.
‘I’ve remained single. What about you?’
‘Me … I’m very single, too deliberately so. I was married once …’
‘You were? What happened?’
Brandon shrugged. ‘A young actress in LA, originally from Oregon. Need I tell you more? Her real love affair was with herself, and her future. I’ll spare you the bleak details. Suffice it to say, she didn’t like sex in general, and I didn’t like it with her in particular.’
‘So you divorced?’
‘After a year,’ said Brandon. ‘But I remained haunted by a kind of guilt. Let’s say an uncertainty. I’d had affairs. She’d had affairs. But somehow we couldn’t make it good together. I was the one who was dysfunctional. But, in a sense, so was she. Anyway, I read about a sex encounter group that had a programme run by two psychologists down in La Jolla. So I enrolled. Actually, very enlightening. I found out my case wasn’t so unusual. Deep down I didn’t like the lady I was married to. I wanted to get away from her, and my body got the message before my head did. The experience stimulated my interest in sex education once more, and I returned to Oregon to resume teaching. When I heard Dr Freeberg was looking for a male surrogate, I applied. Here I am.’
‘Are you interested in it only as a way to make a living?’
‘Truthfully, I don’t know yet. I guess I feel now there’s more to it than that.’
‘I’m glad,’ said Gayle, relieved. ‘Do you have a family?’
‘No brother, no sister. In a sense, no parents. I have parents, but they divorced maybe ten years ago, and since then each has remarried, and mostly we’re out of touch.’ He appraised Gayle. ‘You can say I’m a loner like yourself. Not that I want to be. Obviously, that’s why I’m here.’
She met his gaze. ‘Why are you here?’
‘Because I don’t like being without you.’
She smiled. ‘Well spoken.’ She set down her empty glass and stood up, reaching for his hand. ‘Let’s have dinner.’
Brandon came to his feet. But instead of letting her take him into
the dining room, he pulled her firmly to him. She did not resist.
‘Dinner can wait, can’t it?’ he whispered into her ear.
‘Do you do you have something better in mind?’ she said weakly.
‘This.’ He brought his face down to her, and pressed his lips to hers, and kissed her hard. ‘I’m trying to tell you I love you’, he said.
Momentarily, she drew back. ‘Paul, I love you, too. Let’s stop wasting time …’
‘I was hoping you’d - ’
‘ go on from here? I can’t wait.’ She linked an arm in his. ‘My bedroom’s off the hall’
He followed her into a small but pretty room, with flowered chintz chairs and curtains, a pair of lampshades in pink, and a queen-sized bed, ready for occupancy.
Gayle stood silently as he undressed her, then himself. She watched him stiffen and felt herself grow damp.
He grabbed her, smothering her mouth with kisses, and slowly moved his mouth down to her breasts, tonguing and kissing each until the brown nipples were enlarged and firm.
She took him by the arm and led him to the bed.
‘I’ve been dreaming of this all day,’ she said breathlessly. ‘Even while I was working.’
As she dropped down on the bed, he said, ‘Working? Working with whom?’
‘First with the impotent patient from Chicago. It was very successful. I came.’
‘You came?’ Brandon lowered himself on the bed, eyes on her. ‘How did it affect him?’
‘He got his first hard on. I mean, that’s the point, you know, no pun intended.’
Brandon frowned. ‘Then what did you do?’
‘I congratulated him. Wouldn’t you?’ Touching Brandon, Gayle said, ‘There’s just one thing, Paul. If I’m a little slow tonight, just have patience.’
‘Why? Did you also see your second patient today?’
‘The premature ejaculator? Yes, he’s on intensive.’
‘What did you do with him?’
‘The usual. I introduced him to the squeezing technique.’
‘How?’
‘Paul, for God’s sake, by squeezing his penis before he came, of course. It worked.’
Brandon remained very still. ‘You don’t have to be so graphic’
She was staring at his deflating penis. ‘I’m sorry, darling. Let me help you. Come here.’ She patted the bed beside her.
Shaken, Brandon obeyed her. ‘What do you intend to do?’
‘Relax you. Let me give you a facial caress, maybe a back caress, some pleasuring - ’
‘Hold on there. I thought this was purely social, not business as usual.’
Gayle was confused. ‘But it is. I only wanted to - ’
‘No, none of those damn exercises. I don’t want them tonight.’
‘Well, let me do something else.’ She sat up, taking his limp penis in her hand. She leaned down, began to bend her head toward it.
‘Hey, what are you doing?’
‘I’m going to kiss you there. I’m sure that’ll work.’
Brandon grabbed her hair and pulled her head back. ‘Kiss me there? Listen to me, I wouldn’t mind that ordinarily, but I just have a feeling this is something you do with your patients. Do you go down on them?’
She faltered. ‘I’ve never had to. Not once.’ She met his eyes frankly. ‘But if I had to, I suppose I might do it if it was necessary.’
He shook his head with disgust. ‘Shit, you are something, you really are.’ He rolled sideways and left the bed. ‘You’re on a power trip, that’s all. You don’t give a damn about love. You just want to show how great you are, how you can dominate any man. I think that’
s shit.’
Gayle was aghast. ‘Paul, are you crazy?’
He yanked on his jock shorts, and was pulling on his trousers. ‘Crazy to be here, to believe that a sex surrogate could be a real woman.’ He stuck his bare feet into his shoes, swept up his socks and shirt and jacket. ‘No way. You go down on your patients, or do anything you like with them but not with me. I should have known. With two sex surrogates zilch never the twain shall meet. Sorry, Gayle, my young pro. It won’t work. Good-night!’
By the time she had pulled on her robe and chased into the living room to explain it all better, to persuade him to calm down, it was too late.
The front door had just slammed. The living room was empty.
Seven
When Tony Zecca awakened in the morning, he was surprised to find that Nan was not in the bed beside him. This was unlike her, since she was usually asleep when he left for the restaurant. Although, several times, he remembered, she had risen before him to do some shopping for the house.
Zecca dressed hastily, without further concern about her absence, because he had arranged to be at his office early to interview two more applicants for the temporary job as cashier. Then he would return in time to take Nan to her doctor and have it out with the bastard.
Once dressed, Zecca had gone into the dining room, calling out to his housekeeper in the kitchen that he was ready for his breakfast.
Sitting down at his place mat, he folded the morning paper to the sports section while Hilda appeared with his orange juice and hot coffee. He was finishing his orange juice and reading the box scores, when Hilda reappeared with his eggs and bacon, and slices of toast.
Attacking the eggs and bacon, concentrating on the sports results, he asked Hilda absently, ‘What time did my lady friend have her breakfast?’
‘She didn’t,’ said Hilda, disappearing into the kitchen.
Zecca banged down his fork, then twisted in his chair. ‘Hilda, goddammit, come back here!’ He waited for his overweight German housekeeper to return. Seeing her materialise in the kitchen doorway, he barked, ‘What in the hell do you mean, she didn’t have breakfast? She never goes out with no breakfast.’
‘Who says she went out? I didn’t see her go out. She must be around somewhere.’
(1987) The Celestial Bed Page 18