His suit was pressed, he was wearing a powder blue tie, and his usual long, unruly hair was slicked back with gel. I giggled as I walked over to the door and opened it for him.
"Hey," he said, his voice shaking slightly.
Ah, my favorite...Nervous Colin. He was incredibly adorable.
Immediately, I went to work. I reached over and ruffled his hair, letting it fall free from the stiff gel. I pulled his jacket off, then reached my hand into the band of his slacks, un-tucking his shirt.
"Wow," Colin said, smirking for the first time that evening. "I haven't even made it through the door and you're already undressing me? Score one for Westwick."
I giggled, reaching for his tie and undoing it. I wrapped it around my waist, using it as a belt for my jeans. I looked down at his feet, admiring the fact that he was at least wearing Chucks.
"Very funny," I said. "You better be lucky Nikky and Nate are in the kitchen finishing dinner otherwise they'd break out the shotgun."
His eyebrow raised in amusement.
"Your brother owns a shotgun?" he asked.
I nodded, taking his hand as I walked him inside the house.
"Of course he does," I said. "Nathan has two daughters, a drop dead gorgeous wife, and two little sisters who are at the age where they're dating guys. If you were him, wouldn't you own a shotgun?"
I stared at him as he seemed to think about my question for a moment. It was amusing when he started thinking. He would nibble slightly on his lower lip, his eyebrows would rise, and his eyes would squint, as though it were causing him some form of physical pain to think about something in depth.
"Sure," Colin said. "A shotgun and a 9 mm. handgun, two hand grenades, and a Louisville Slugger in case some guy decided to step out of line with his man part."
I laughed, completely beguiled by his charm. I could only hope for my sake, and for his that my brothers took to him as easily as Daddy did. It would be damn near the end of the world if neither of them liked him--Nathan and Nikky's opinions weren't nearly as important to me as Daddy's was, but they were pretty high up on my list. I didn't necessarily need their approval, per se, but I did need their blessing to continue to see Colin, especially since I was getting the feeling that things were about to get serious.
Walking into the kitchen, you'd think that I had just escorted Colin to the electric chair for execution. You could cut the tension in that room with a fucking chainsaw. Nikkolas was leaning against the island counter, his shirt rolled up at the sleeves and stopping at his biceps. He looked as though he were trying to show that he had enough muscles to take Colin if need be, his arms crossed angrily in front of him. Nathan was sitting in a chair at the kitchen table, his head resting on his clenched fist, his eyes giving nothing away.
It was amazing how much Nate looked like Mom in that moment. He had her wide-eyed gaze, the same stubborn jaw that was the base of every scowl we'd ever gotten from her as children, and the same fierce glare that could make any person who came into contact with it drop to their knees in surrender.
"Nathan, Nikky, this is my boyfriend, Colin," I said, my voice shaking with fear. I was nervous to hear what they would have to say, and even more, I was nervous to hear how they would speak to him. I squeezed Colin's hand, smiling at him reassuringly, even though I was probably three times as nervous as he was. "Colin, this is my older brother, Nathan, and this handsome devil is my twin brother, Nikkolas."
Nikky stepped forward, offering his hand to shake, while Nate just nodded his head, a gesture I had come to recognize as the "don't bother me, I'm thinking" move.
"Pleasure to meet you, Nikkolas," Colin said. "I haven't really seen you around school yet, but I'm sure that'll change soon. I know being a parent is even harder than being a regular high school student, but from what Nic has told me, I hear you're doing better than most."
For a moment, I could see Nikky's resolve fading. He wanted to hate Colin, I knew he did--it was what we had always called twin telepathy--but when Colin started with a compliment, it was nearly impossible to feel anything but respect for him. I had to give him props--with any other guy, Nikkolas would have punched first and asked questions later.
"Yes," Nikkolas said, "well, that's mostly thanks to Nic here. She's always happy to take care of Em if Sarah and I are having a hard time. If it weren't for her, I probably would have dropped out by now."
I blushed, stunned into silence by my brother's compliment. I had never heard him thank me for his success before--I was positive that that was a thank you in Nikky's terms--and it was honestly amazing to hear.
"I've seen a picture of Emerson," Colin said smoothly, his perfect crooked smile etched on his face. "She really is an adorable child--she looks a lot like Nickayla. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that she was."
Nathan cleared his throat, and I turned to look at him.
"Well, let's hope that there aren't any more Emerson's running around for a long while from Nikkolas, and especially not from Nickayla," Nathan said.
Colin shook his head, throwing it back in laughter.
"No," he said. "Nic and I will at least finish high school and get married before we even think about having any children. No worries here."
Oh. My heart fluttered hearing him talk about our future as though it were just around the corner. It was unnerving, but heartwarming at the same time. I loved hearing that I was part of his plan for the future, because I knew that he was part of mine.
"Well, that's good," Nathan said, resuming his silence.
Colin stared at me frantically, as though he were searching for something to talk about.
"Um, I saw a t-ball photo of your son Christopher," he said, looking to Nathan. "I wish I knew how to play, but I chose the guitar over sports--my dad will never let me live that down."
My oldest brother sat forward, intrigued.
"You play the guitar?" he asked.
I nodded, sitting down next to Colin and holding his hand.
"Yes, and he plays the piano, Nate," I said, grinning. "He's really spectacular, actually. Just the other day, he played my favorite Rascal Flatts song for me on the guitar. And in school, he's our music teacher's favorite pianist. Maybe when Hanna comes home, she could pull out her dad's old guitar and we can show you his skills."
Nathan stroked his chin--an imaginary beard, I'd wager--and then smiled his first smile of the evening.
"Yeah," he mused. "We can definitely do that." He turned to Colin. "You like kids, Colin?"
Colin nodded.
"Yeah, I do," he said. "Children are the best. I haven't gotten the chance to really hang around Emerson, Kenzie, Callie, or Christopher yet, but hopefully someday I will." He chuckled lightly. "I'm available if you and your wife ever need a babysitter."
Both of my brothers seemed to be in awe of Colin.
Join the club, boys, I thought.
He was mesmerizing. It was impossible not to like him, especially when he was surprising me at every turn. He had won over Naomi with cupcakes, Michele with his easy protection of me, my dad with flattery, and my older brothers--who weren’t easily swayed--with simple small talk. This man was honestly even more amazing than I'd originally thought.
I couldn't be happier that he was winning over the people in my life. It meant that I didn't have to hide or defend my relationship with him, and that was honestly the best thing that I could ever ask for.
"I really like him for you, Kales," Nathan said, his daughter, Kenzie sitting in his lap. "He's a smart, talented kid, and he seriously looks at you like you're the only person who exists. I don't know whether to be happy about that or worried by it. Either way though, you seem happy." He tickled Kenzie, smiling down at her. "Doesn't Tia Nickayla look happy, Kenz?"
My niece giggled, nodding frantically as she looked up at her father.
I smiled, excited about the fact that even my niece seemed to approve.
"Yeah, I think Nikky likes him, too," I said.
I looked over at
Nathan's wife Hanna, a gorgeous redhead with green eyes and freckles, as she smiled at me. I could see the question in her eyes, and I was desperate to find out what she thought of my boyfriend.
"Could you excuse us, honey?" she asked, standing up from the table and taking my hand. "Nic and I need to have a little girl talk."
I nodded, following her upstairs and to her room.
Even though Hanna was much older than I was, and she was my brother's wife--which should have made me hate her--she was like a second mother figure to me, except I didn't have to worry about her judging me for anything I told her in confidence.
We ascended the stairs, heading to hers and Nathan's bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed as she closed the door, kicking off her shoes. She stripped out of her clothes, grabbing a large t-shirt of Nathan's, and slipping it over her head. She crawled into the bed, smiling up at me as she crossed her legs.
"So, your new boo is adorable, Kales," she said, grinning. "He's sugary sweet, he is clearly head over heels in love with you, and you are falling hard for this one. Does he know about your bad spell last year?"
I knew that she was referring to how depressed I got after what happened with Kyle. I refused to eat, I barely slept, I was taking too many pills for no good reason at all, I couldn't be trusted to stay home alone, and I was altogether a basket case. I'd pushed away all of my friends, but I had never told anyone what was wrong with me. The turning point came when I took one too many of my mom's old prescription pills during a particularly depressing day and was rushed to the emergency room to get my stomach pumped and was placed on a72 hour watch under a 5150 hold. I was nearly forced to be placed in an inpatient rehabilitation center, but after lots of cooperation, Mom and Daddy agreed to let me have outpatient treatment.
No one in my family talked about it, but Hanna did. She was the one who found me after all, and got one of her doctor friends to convince my parents to sign me up for outpatient therapy. She was the one who took me to all my appointments and made sure I was on my meds, and negotiated with my doctors when one of my medications was making me too loopy or giving me terrible side effects. She was the only one that I felt safe talking to, and she never pestered me for information about why I was so severely depressed. She was like a journal. I trusted her with lines upon lines of the fuckery that went on inside my head, and she never judged, never criticized. She just took it all in, as though it were no big deal, and as though it were her job to deal with it all.
Whenever she brought it up, she called it my "bad spell". She didn't want to call it depression because she didn't want to sound like a doctor, and she didn't want to call it my suicide attempt because that would make me sound crazy, and she knew that I wasn't. Given all that, though, she talked about it because she knew that in some severely fucked up way, it helped me.
"Yeah, he knows," I said. "He doesn't know why I had my bad spell, but I plan on telling him someday soon. I think he deserves to know, and I don't want to keep it from him. I'm just scared that he's going to judge me." I sighed. "I haven't told anyone, to be quite honest."
Hanna nodded, as though she understood exactly what I was saying.
"Tell him, but in your own time, Nickayla," she said. "Yes, he does deserve to know, especially if you're as serious about him as I think you are. However, you also deserve to hold that secret for yourself until you're completely comfortable with sharing it. Do you understand me? Don't let anyone pressure you into telling them. It's your secret, and it's yours for a reason."
I shook my head.
"Colin's not like that," I said. "He's sweet and understanding. He knows that something big happened last year, and he knows that it has something to do with Kyle, but he also knows that I care about him deeply and I'll tell him when I'm ready."
"Good," Hanna said. "You've really found a good one, and I'm happy for you." She paused, laughing slightly. "I'm even happier that the hubby was able to put aside his overprotective side for one night and actually get to know Colin."
I laughed as well, knowing that my brother wasn't usually so receptive of strangers.
"Yeah, I'm happy about that, too," I said. "When I walked into the kitchen with Colin, I was sure that one of them had the shotgun, ready to shoot."
Eleven.
It had taken two weeks for me to agree to double date with Michele and Brody. The last thing that I wanted was to subject Colin to too much too soon, but he was okay with any and everything I had suggested. What I found interesting--or rather, unnerving--was that he'd met every important person in my life and they all loved him. However, when it came to the people he loved, I'd only met his parents and his sister, and so far, only one of the three actually showed me that they liked me.
I sighed, frustrated at the notion. I loved Colin, and I wasn't denying it. The best part about being in love, though, was being able to share it with the people you cared about. At least some people approved of us. My mom always told me that you shouldn't try to please everyone, because in the end, you'll only be making yourself unhappy.
Michele and I were getting ready at her house—thankfully, her mom was at work for at least three more hours--and the boys were meeting us at the lake house.
"I cannot believe my little Kales is falling in love!" Michele exclaimed as she curled my hair around her wand. "I mean, seriously, Nickayla, this is huge!"
I nodded, a laugh emerging from my lips.
I was sure that Michie was more interested in my love life than I was. Colin was an accident. I hadn't intended on meeting him, on trusting him, on falling in love with him. Somehow, though, I had fallen deeper in love with him than I ever could have imagined. He was my love, my future. He was mine. It was scary to say the least, but in the best way possible.
"Yes, doofus, I'm falling in love," I said. "It's scary to be honest."
I gazed at her reflection in the mirror, catching her eye as she smiled at me.
"Yeah, I can imagine, especially with what happened with Kyle," she said.
Now that she knew my secret, it was something that we talked about freely. It hadn't gotten easier, not in the slightest, but it did help me exponentially to be able to talk to someone about something that had been haunting me for half a year. Michele reassured me, and she comforted me in a way that I hadn't known since it happened.
"Yeah," I said, unsure of what else to say.
I watched as she grabbed a wide-toothed comb and began teasing the ends of my hair so that the curls looked fuller.
"What does Colin think of that anyway?" she asked, spritzing hairspray on my hair. "I can't imagine how he hasn't kicked Kyle's ass yet, because I sure as shit want to."
I cleared my throat, suddenly nervous. I knew that the conversation was going to come up, but I hadn't expected it to be that soon. I caught her eye in the mirror once again, and then looked down, unable to keep eye contact with her. She dropped the piece of hair that she was working on, then swiveled my chair around so that I was forced to look at her.
Her expression was stern, her thin lips stretched into a tight line. Her eyes were wide with semi-horror, and I knew that talking about this wasn't going to end well, at least not for one of us.
"You haven't told him, have you?" she asked, sitting down on the bed and crossing her legs.
I shook my head, unable to speak.
This was what I feared. What was going to happen when or if I decided to tell Colin what happened with Kyle last year? Would he hate me? Would he think that I was dirty? Would he break up with me? Would he think that I asked for it? Would he label me a slut, much as I'd labeled myself since that night?
All the questions circling in my mind were too much to bear. No, it was better that Colin didn't know yet. It was better that he wasn't able to see just how ugly I was on the inside. He loved Nickayla, the beautiful, smart girl who had a small purse full of emotional baggage. Would he still love me if he knew that I actually carried a giant trunk of fuckery and he'd signed on for it without even knowing it?
<
br /> "How could you not tell him Nic?" Michele asked, her tone heavily laced with bewilderment. "He deserves to know!"
I paused, sighing as I ran every single question through my mind once more, trying to convince myself that this was a secret that was worth keeping, at least for a little while longer.
"Michie, I can't tell Colin about Kyle," I said, my voice breaking slightly. "He already hates him with a passion. If I thought Brody would kick Kyle's ass, Colin would murder him." I sighed, shaking my head. "And what will he think of me, huh? He thinks Kyle was just an ex-boyfriend. He thinks Kyle only broke my heart. He doesn't know that I walked into that room one person and walked out someone totally different. I couldn't stand it if I lost him over this. I really do love him, Michele."
My best friend's eyes widened as she shook her head. If I knew Michele at all, I knew that she wasn't going to join my pity party. She was going to tell me exactly what she thought, no sugarcoating, and I had to brace myself for the truth, no matter how cold or harsh it was.
"Nickayla, that boy is in love with you. He thinks the sun shines on your ass!" she exclaimed. "And I'm totally serious here--have you even seen the way that he looks at you? He's like a blind man, opening his eyes for the first time and seeing nothing but beauty in the world. That's what you are to him." She stood in front of me, crossing her arms in a way that was supposed to make her look superior. "He has told you damn near every secret of his, whether it was ugly, uncomfortable, or just flat out heartbreaking. And you can't even tell him one? Do you even realize how fucking stupid that is? If you can't tell Colin the one thing that broke you, you've already lost him. You're broken, Kales. Anyone can see that. Colin wants to fix you, and you need to stop being so fucking stubborn and let him."
"It's not that simple," I tried to say, but my voice came out sounding more like a pathetic croak.
I looked up at Michele as she started pacing back and forth. Oh, shit. I'd known Michele Taggaro since birth, and I knew that she only got restless when she was about to fucking blow, and there was going to be no way that I could stop her. The best that I could do was sit there, try, and mentally prepare myself for the inevitable eruption.
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