He continued to sing, his voice cracking on some words, showing me that he was barely keeping his emotions in check. He continued to sing, his fingers plucking at string after string as he closed his eyes, losing himself in the music, in the feel of the guitar in his hands, in the words that he was singing oh so beautifully. He paused, looking up at me, his eyes ablaze as he inhaled deeply, never releasing me from his fiery gaze. When he sang the final lyrics of the song, I knew I couldn't hold back any longer.
I didn't applaud for him, didn't scream my praises. Instead, I stood up and walked over to where he sat, guitar in hand, spent, his eyes on mine, hopeful and guarded. His breathing was ragged and I climbed the stage until I was standing next to him, and we were inches apart.
"Did you like it?" he asked softly, his voice small and full of anticipation.
I nodded, kneeling in front of him. He stumbled off the stool, kneeling in front of me and taking my hands. Tremors shook his entire body, and his eyes searched mine. I couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness as I regarded how tense he was.
"I did," I said, smoothing my knuckle over his cheek softly. He moved his face closer against my hand, closing his eyes. "And Colin, I will. I will follow through, I promise."
His eyes opened, widening in shock as he registered what I'd just said. They were wild for a few moments, and then they softened, finding mine. I ran my hand along his cheek, noticing with a stab to my heart that he tensed at my touch.
So many things had caused him so much pain, and the only thing that I wanted was to take all of that pain away from him. His entire body was still, unmoving, and guarded.
Oh, my sweet, sweet boy. The silence between us was unbearable, but I couldn't bear to break it. He'd brought me here to show me his place, his own personal safe haven, his home away from home, something that was as meaningful and sentimental to him as the lake house was to me. Yet...and yet he'd shown me so much more. He'd shown me the fears and the hopes that lay deep within his heart, and he'd shown me how much implicit, unconditional trust he had in me to even open up and share that part of himself with me. He'd shown me his pain, and his brokenness, but even more than that, he'd shown me what it would take to put all the small, fragile pieces of him back together.
"The last person who told me that was Mads," he said, breaking our silence, his voice laced with reservation and pain. "But your words...they just mean so much more. You really don't know the effect you have on me, Nickayla."
"I think I have some idea," I whispered softly.
He reached for me then, his arms ready to envelop me in a hold that I knew would nearly incapacitate me just as it always did. Instead of succumbing to his embrace, I pulled away, shaking my head.
"Don't," I said.
I reared back, resting on my heels, as I looked down at the stage floor. I could feel his eyes on me, could feel how without knowing it, I'd delivered him a blow that was unexpected. I looked up at him, registering the anguished flash of his brilliant emerald eyes, and I forced a smile.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean that. It's just...I kind of have something personal to show you, too."
Colin blinked, then breathed a sigh of relief.
"Oh. Okay," he said slowly. "What is it?"
I grinned, reaching for my jean jacket pocket.
"Excited, are we?" I asked.
I watched as he nodded swiftly, adjusting so that he was sitting with his legs crossed. He gazed up at me through his eyelashes as I unfolded the small piece of paper.
I inhaled deeply, staring down at the words that I'd written earlier. "Something personal right?" I asked.
He nodded, and I gazed up at him through my lashes, suddenly overwhelmed by anxiety. It occurred to me that sharing a personal piece of yourself with someone that you loved was much easier said than done. I hadn't gone with Colin under the idea that I'd show him what I'd written, but in the spur of the moment I'd promised something to him, and there was nothing in the world that could make me go back on my word.
"I've journalled since I was ten years old," I said. "And well, today, I started your journal. I've never shared my writing with anyone, but I want to share it with you." I paused, flashing him a smile. "Don't think or judge, okay? Just listen."
I closed my eyes, then looked down at the paper.
"Throughout my days, weary in soul,
I was thrown off track.
Then you came alone and stole my heart,
but I don't want it back," I read as I stared at Colin, and I could see that he was holding his breath, his eyes wide as he watched me read to him.
I could tell that my words touched him on the same level that his song had touched me. Even if the words weren't his, I knew that he meant them, and that was more than enough to set my heart on fire.
"I'd locked away my broken heart
And thrown away the key.
I never thought someone like you
Could possibly fall for me.
I always knew you were special
Right from the very start,
And after countless deliberation,
I let you inside my heart.
Every moment with you is one I cherish,
And I know I always will.
No matter where this life takes us,
I will always love you still.
When I wake up in the morning,
I think of you and smile.
If my thoughts waver for even a moment,
I'm dazzled again in a little while.
My thoughts are consumed with you
Throughout every passing day.
From the very moment you stole my heart,
You've meant more to me than words could ever say."
I blinked rapidly, trying to fight off the tears. I didn't know why I was on the verge of crying, but even so, Colin pulled me into his lap, cradling me in his arms. He rocked me gently, kissing the top of my head. I wasn't upset, I wasn't hurt, but even so, that movement soothed me. I'd given him something that was irreplaceable--I'd given him yet another piece of my tainted, haunted soul, and I hoped that he held that piece of me for safekeeping and never let it out of her sight.
"Nickayla," he said quietly, placing his hands on either side of my face. "Those words say everything...those words mean everything. Thank you so much for sharing this with me." He kissed me on the lips gently, a small fire burning deep inside me. He tucked one of my wayward curls behind my ear as he gazed into my eyes. "Something personal, eh?"
I nodded, giving him a small smile. I placed my hand on his chest, cradling myself against him. His eyes remained fixed on mine, not letting me slip away from that moment of trust, of clarity.
"Thank you for all of this, babe," I said, smiling up at Colin. "I have a feeling tonight was the start of something pretty damn special."
Colin placed a hand at the small of my back, holding me closely as though he was afraid to let me go.
"Yeah," he mused. "There's something about tonight. I feel like we've just done something that we can never go back from. Are you okay with that?"
I grinned slightly, resting my head against his neck.
"Of course I'm okay with it," I said. "I'm in this place with you now and I don't think that I ever want to go back from this. I'm just excited now for what else is yet to come."
Nineteen.
"I can't believe you just serenaded me," I said, watching as Colin fiddled with his guitar, plucking string after string in a seamless stream of musical notes.
He smirked, winking at me and holding my gaze, his eyes never leaving mine.
"I can't believe you have an entire journal dedicated to me," he said, a playful smirk rising into his features. "I'm pretty sure that's as romantic as it gets."
I shoved him slightly, watching as he stumbled. He placed his guitar on its stand, then opened his arms for me. I scrambled over to him, climbing into his lap and burying my face in his chest. He kissed the top of my head, wrapping his arms around me. I inhaled that
sweet scent that was so naturally Colin, closing my eyes as I lost myself in the feeling of him.
"So I'm a hopeless sap," I said against his chest. "Sue me."
He chuckled, his entire body shaking with a fit of laughter. His arms wrapped tighter around me, enveloping me in a hold that I never wanted to escape from.
"Nah," he murmured. "I like that you're a hopeless sap. It totally makes up for the fact that I don't have a romantic bone in my body."
"Oh, please," I countered. "That's not true in the slightest."
He pulled away from me, but only about a fraction of an inch, taking my chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing me to look up at him. His emerald eyes bored into mine, holding me in that embrace, in that moment, not letting me go.
"You say that like you know me," he said darkly.
"I don't know you as well as I think I do," I said. "But I want to."
He shook his head, placing another hand at the small of my back as he cradled me against him. "Oh, Nickayla, you know me better than anyone else."
Colin planted a soft kiss on my lips, and when he did, I felt as though something had shifted between us. It wasn't like before. We weren't just in high-school, teenage, puppy love. When Colin had subconsciously expressed his fears to me, and when I had given him a piece of me I'd never given anyone, we'd graduated from that. We'd moved forward into something bigger than ourselves, something bigger than we ever could have imagined, and things were serious. I knew it, and from his gaze, I could tell that he knew it, too. If something happened that tore us apart, it would nearly cripple the both of us. I'd given more of myself to Colin than I'd ever given to anyone, and he'd done the same with me.
"Mmm," I said, staring at him as I leaned forward, giving myself up to another one of his sweetly intoxicating kisses. "I'd say that same thing about you. The things I've told you, I would never dream of telling anybody else. I've told you nearly everything there is to know about me."
He laughed.
“Is that so?" Colin asked, planting a kiss along my jaw line. "Because a little birdie told me that someone's birthday is in two weeks. You certainly didn't tell me that."
"Yeah," I said slowly, dragging out the entire word. "It must have slipped my mind."
His eyebrows rose in amusement, and I could tell that he so wasn't buying that excuse. "Oh, really?"
I nodded.
I wasn't going to budge. I didn't want to tell him the real reason that I hadn't told him when my birthday was.
"Don't make me tickle it out of you, Nickayla," he warned, waggling his fingers at me.
"You. Wouldn't."
"Oh, I would."
He advanced on me, his fingers finding my waist and fingering my stomach lightly, and I wriggled away from him, yelping a high-pitched laugh as I tried to escape his torturous hands. He tickled my neck lightly, making me cry out with uncontrollable giggles, and I smacked at his hands, trying to get him to ease up on me.
"Okay!" I screeched as his fingers tickled under my arms. He raised his hands again as though he were going to continue his torture, curled into a ball, trying to shield myself. "I'll tell you! No more tickling!"
He dropped his hands, scooting toward the edge of the stage and letting his feet dangle off it. I followed suit, sitting next to him and taking his hand. I didn't know why or when I'd become accustomed to small gestures like that, but I felt like I needed to touch him.
"A little birdie told me that you tend to be...extravagant when giving gifts," I admitted. "I didn't tell you when my birthday is because I don't want you to get me anything expensive. Your dad already hates me, and I don't want to give him another reason to. I don't want him to think I'm only with you because you've got money or something. I know that it's stupid, but that's the reason. I don't want to get on anyone's bad side."
"Nickayla," Colin groaned, turning to face me. "Listen, I don't really care what my dad thinks about you. Nothing he says or thinks change how I feel about you. It won't make me fall out of love with you." He paused, squeezing my hand and placing another hand on my thigh. "Yes, I tend to be extravagant when I give gifts, but it's one of the few ways that I show affection. I know you don't like being spoiled, but God, Nickayla, you deserve to be. You deserve to be showered with riches and covered in silk, you deserve to have flower petals at your feet, and you deserve to be adored." His smoldering emerald eyes bored into mine. "But listen, if you don't want me to do something extravagant, if you don't want me spending too much money, then all you have to do is tell me. Communication is key."
I nodded knowing that he was right. Of course he was. We had just met each other a few months ago, and we hadn't been together very long. Although we knew some of the biggest, ugliest, most important things about each other, we had failed to share small, intimate details about ourselves to the other person, and that could be solved simply with communication.
"Okay," I said. "I don't like extravagant things. I don't need you to shop at Cartier or Jared's for me. If you want to get me jewelry, something small and inexpensive will suffice. If you want to get me clothes, let me warn you that I am a bargain shopper. I shop the clearance racks at Forever 21 and I buy my jeans from Walmart. I don't do name brand clothing. Same thing with shoes: I'd be happier with a pair of Target's Exhilaration or Mossimo brands than I ever would be with a pair of Uggs or Louboutins." I stopped for a breath. "If you're going to get me a gift, get me something that shows me that you know me. I'll be happier with that than anything else."
Colin pulled me into his lap, nuzzling into my neck as he embraced me.
"See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" he asked, laughing. "And for the record, I seriously was considering Cartier and Uggs, but I'm glad you stopped me from making a complete fool of myself." I stared up at him, an astonished expression on my face. "I'm just kidding, love. But for the record, I do have something incredibly romantic planned, and two of your gifts are already purchased."
I smiled, satisfied with his answer. If I knew anything about Colin, I knew that he was romantic beyond explanation. If the night he asked me to be his girlfriend and tonight were any indication, my birthday was going to be a night I'd never forget.
"Well, whatever they are, I'm sure I'll love them," I said, taking his injured hand and bringing it up to my face as I kissed it. "By the way, you never told me your birthday."
"August 26th," he said without even an ounce of hesitation.
"Wow, you don't hold anything back do ya?" I asked, teasing.
He chuckled softly.
"Nope, not from you."
I sat on the edge of my bed, waiting for Michele to text me and say that she was outside. After a wonderful night with Colin, I needed some girl time with my best friend. We hadn't spent much time together without the boys in so long, so it was definitely overdue.
I'd known Michie pretty much all my life, and ever since she got with Brody and I got with Colin, it seemed as though we were spending less and less time with each other. What she'd said after my showdown with Kyle had haunted me: she didn't really know me all that well anymore. That bothered me more than I cared to admit, and that was why I'd left Colin's early and arranged to take Michele to dinner like we used to back when we were single and didn't care about boys. She'd agreed happily and without a hint of reluctance, so all I had to do was wait for her to show up.
I peered out my window, looking for her small Honda, hoping that she'd hurry so that I wouldn't get suckered into spending time with the family on a Monday night. I glanced at the clock that sat on my dresser, exhaling sharply as I rocked backward and forward on my heels.
I reached for my phone, about to call her when I felt it vibrate incessantly. I looked down at it, smiling at the sight of her name on my caller ID and answered it swiftly.
"It's about damn time!" I exclaimed, staring out the window as I watched her car pull in to my driveway.
"Shut up and get your skinny ass outside," Michie countered.
I giggled as I hung up my p
hone, grabbing my purse and rushing out of my bedroom. I sprinted down the stairs and out the door, getting to Michele's car and peering inside the window.
"Hey little mama, let me get them digits," Michie said, nodding at me and winking her eye.
"Open the door, Michele," I said, rolling my eyes as I tried to fight back the giggles.
I heard the audible click of the doors being unlocked and I hopped inside her small car, buckling my seatbelt. I gave her a once-over, examining her outfit. She was wearing a pair of skinny jeans, blue platform pumps, and an off-white peplum top with black lace accents. Her hair fell over her shoulders in smooth waves, and she wore little to no makeup.
"Well don't you look lovely," I said, smirking as I turned on the radio. "Got a hot date?"
Michie flipped her hair, smiling as she started the car.
"You bet your cute ass I do," she said. "With only the hottest girl at Valley-PHASS." She blew me a kiss as we pulled out of my driveway, pulling onto Willis Boulevard and getting on the freeway. "So I was thinking we could go to Little Sicily. We haven't been there since last summer, and Brody said Vitali added some new entrees and desserts to the menu."
"Sounds perfect," I said, watching the road as Michie drove in the fast lane. "Please tell me Vitali added fried ice cream to the menu."
Michie's aunt, Caroline, married into the Gallodoro family, the family who owned Little Sicily, and we'd been going there ever since we were old enough to travel on the VTA by ourselves. It was one of the hottest spots in Harlow, and Vitali Gallodoro loved Michie and me like we were his grandchildren.
"Of course he did, Nic," she replied, pulling into the far right lane to exit the freeway. "We've only been begging him to do just that for the past six years. I can't wait to try it, actually."
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