“I’m still ho… in Michigan.” Home, I had thought to myself, which was strange because I hadn’t considered this small town home in many decades.
“What are you doing there? I thought you were going out with us tonight.”
“No, I told you I would be gone for a few more days, and that I would call you when I was heading back. Don’t you remember our conversation? I uh… need to stay here for a while... take care of some things.” I rolled over to look at the time. One A.M. I assume he was just getting started for the evening.
“And I thought I told you that I needed you back here,” he said impatiently. “Besides, since when have you cared about your family? It’s not like you have ever given a shit about them, besides maybe that little tart of a sister you have. You’ve already spent a lifetime with them so why don’t you tell them to fuck off and get back here. There are lots of willing victims in this city, and no one will miss them. And I know your daddy doesn’t attend to your needs like we do here. ”
“You’re a little vulgar, you know that?” I don’t know if it was because it was the middle of the night, or if I was just realizing this about him, but he was grating on my nerves. Normally, I wouldn’t hold anything back about the “boring” time I was having here, but now his questions just seemed intrusive. I knew he would never understand why I would stay here. My time was up. His incessant calling was making that very clear.
“Never bothered you before. Maybe you should watch the news to see exactly what you’ve been missing. Last night was a big night.” I had been watching the news, as had my family. I knew what was happening in Chicago, but I didn’t know how I felt about that anymore. Chris would never understand that was part of the reason I needed to stay away. I needed time to clear my head and make a decision.
“Yeah, well. I’m still going to be here for a few more days.” This conversation was clearly going nowhere and was not helping me at all. “Don’t worry; I’ll let you know when I come back.” I clicked the phone shut before he could answer.
I sat up in bed and put my head in my hands, confusion surrounding me. Why did he have to call and bring this argument up again? It was making me doubt again. Maybe Chris was right. What was I doing here? A few days ago, all I wanted to do was go back to Chicago; go back to the life that I thought I wanted. But now, things felt different. I wasn’t totally sure what that was anymore. I could now see how my father and sister had found peace in this small town. When I was around Julia, things were very clear, but there were times like this when I felt the lure of my former life and I wanted to be back in Chicago. The only thing I did know was that my two worlds could not coincide. Eventually I would have to choose.
I rolled over and hid under my pillow, content to try to avoid figuring things out right now and instead, hoping for sleep. It felt like only a few minutes before my phone rang again, but I could see the dawn pushing through the windows and a glance at my clock told me that several hours had passed. Chris just wouldn’t quit!
“What?” I answered, trying to hide my frustration but failing miserably. I could barely contain the venom in my voice.
“Is this Will Bradley?” the voice answered. It wasn’t Chris again as I had suspected.
“Oh, hello. Yes, this is Will.” I sat up, interested in who was calling me.
“This is Mr. Mason. From the school.” Oh shit. My new boss. Had I done something wrong? Was I getting fired? My father would never let me live it down if I was.
“I have a favor to ask you,” he continued. “Have you met Miss Cavallo, the director of the school play?” Julia. If he only knew. I sat up straighter now, no longer half asleep at the mere mention of her name.
“Yes actually, I met her on Friday.” I couldn’t contain the smile that crept across my face.
“Well apparently, she’s in need of an assistant director for the school play. None of the other teachers want to do it, and I don’t like the idea of her being at school alone every night. It’s her first year. Do you know anything about theater or Shakespeare?”
“Well, I’ve never done any theater, but I did study Shakespeare.” Shakespeare had been one of my obsessions many, many years ago. You wouldn’t guess it just by looking at me, but I had read and studied every play and sonnet that he ever wrote. When you have lifetimes to look forward to, you look for different things to occupy your time.
“Great. Do you think you would be able to help her out? I know that I just hired you for odds and ends, but it would be great if you would do this instead. Rehearsal will go for 3 months. If you are still around after that, we can talk about other kinds of work.”
“No problem, I would be happy to help.” Working with Julia on a daily basis was more than I could hope for. I had answered without thinking.
“Excellent. Auditions start tomorrow night. I’ll let Julia know that you will help her out.” I heard the phone click and could barely contain myself. I would be able to spend so much more time with her. Then it hit me. I would be alone with her. Would my father approve? Did I really believe I had things under control? I would have to. If I couldn’t, it would give everything away, and I just couldn’t do that to my family… or to her. I could feel the strange heaviness in my chest again. I needed nourishment, but I knew that it was a feeling I would have to overcome if I wanted to be around Julia. Drinking donated blood would have to be the only answer. I didn’t want her to think . . . I didn’t know what I wanted her to think, but I knew I wasn’t ready to tell her the truth about who I really was.
I lay back down and threw my arms over my face, letting out a deep breath of air. No matter how much I tried now, I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. Eventually, I was forced to roll out of bed when the morning sun warmed my bare skin too much. I needed to find Celia and tell her my news. Maybe she would help me figure out what my next step should be.
The house was quiet when I made my way downstairs, but I knew Celia was up because her door was open and her room was empty. She was probably outside or out for a walk. A quick walk through the house confirmed my suspicions that she wasn’t here. Maybe I should just sit and wait for her to come back.
Our bookshelves had always been well stocked, as we had always been a family of readers. I could see a few new titles had been added as I ran my fingers along their spines. Finally, I just grabbed one — some new crime novel that I hadn’t read yet, and sat in the comfy chair my father often sat in to read. Within the first few pages, it was clear that I wouldn’t be able to focus. The words before me blurred on the page and I found myself having to reread every other paragraph. With a frustrated sigh, I shut the book and tossed it on the table next to me. Who was I kidding? I couldn’t sit still right now. My body felt electric, and I knew that I would be better off just trying to find Celia myself. In less than a minute, I was out the door.
I briefly glanced down the street in the direction of Julia’s house. The neighborhood was quiet, other than a dog barking a few houses away. I started down the garden path figuring I would try around the house first. It was a warm autumn morning so I shouldn’t have been surprised to see her sitting under the gazebo reading.
“Hey,” I tried to sound casual. “I wondered where you went off to. The house was quiet this morning.”
“What’s up?” she said, closing her book and placing it next to her. “You look like you have something on your mind.” I leaned up against the railing and looked at her.
“Well, Principal Mason called to talk to me a few minutes ago,” I started.
“Um, you didn’t do anything wrong, did you?” A look of horror crossed her face for a second before she composed herself again. It always bothered me that my father was constantly jumping to the wrong conclusion, but I didn’t expect Celia to question me. She had always reassured me that she believed in me. Maybe they were both waiting for me to screw up, despite what they said, and I couldn’t say anything to dissuade them. I probably deserved it, considering my behavior over the last few decades.
> “No, it was nothing like that. Actually, he called to offer me a different job.” I waited for her response, but continued talking when she didn’t answer. “He wants me to be the assistant director of the play.” Again a pause. “With Miss Cavallo.” I smiled lightly, trying not to show how happy I was.
I could see her turning over the phrases in her mind, trying to find the significance, until it finally dawned on her what it meant.
“Really? Oh Will, that is great! I am so happy for you! I mean, this is wonderful for you. This is just what you need! ” She jumped up and grabbed a hold of me so forcefully that I nearly fell.
“Yeah, I think so too. I know now that there is something about her. Something that draws me in. I just can’t explain it, but I feel that I’ll be able to find out if I work with her every day.” She released her hold, and I stepped away, sitting on the bench across from her. “I mean, I’ll be able to see her, get to know her, unravel the mystery.
The happiness on my sister’s face began to fade. Without a doubt, I knew she was thinking of my own worst fear.
“Will, will you be able to handle it?” she asked quietly. “I mean, do you think that you are strong enough for this much contact? You’ve barely been here a week, and our world is so different from the world that you live in. This is just so soon! I know that you want this. Hell, I want this for you, and I see that you have already started to change. I’m sorry that I even have to ask, but… will you be… okay?”
I rested my hands on my knees and looked up at her. Her concern was genuine. Not just for Julia’s safety but for my well-being. It was a question I had been asking myself over and over. I couldn’t be angry with that.
“Thank you for your concern, Cee. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit worried myself, but I really believe that I’ll be okay.” I stood back up and walked toward her, my arms hanging limply at my sides. Suddenly, the conversations with Chris came back to me, and what I wanted was crystal-clear. “I have been thinking a lot, and I really want this. I want to change who I am, and for the first time in my existence, I feel like I have a chance to get away from the monster I’ve become.”
“Oh Will, that’s what I have always hoped for. I just want my brother back.” She hesitated for a moment and then scrunched up her brow. “I think we should keep this from father, just in case. For a little while, at least. Prove to him that you have changed before asking him to accept it. We wouldn’t want to give him unnecessary concern.”
I had thought that we should tell him right away, but Celia’s logic prevailed, and I decided she was right. The fewer people that knew about this, the better. Maybe after a week or so, I could tell him. He wanted this life for me so much; it would be so great to show him my choice, once I was really strong.
“Alright, thanks for the talk, Cee. I guess that I had better go study up,” I said as I turned to walk back inside.
“Study for what?” she called after me.
“Shakespeare, the play is by Shakespeare.” I could hear her laughter echo after me.
The next night, I arrived at school early. I walked instead of taking my motorcycle, needing to get rid of some excess nervous energy before I would be around her. Besides, school was close enough. Julia was on the stage at the piano, exactly where I hoped she would be. Cautiously, I walked down the aisle, slowly stopping when I was about halfway. I did not want to scare her away this time. We needed to work together, after all.
The music came to her easily tonight. It was as if she were a conduit for a higher power. When she finished, she sat there gently resting her hands on the keys and sighed. I clapped lightly to make my presence known.
“Jesus, you scared the crap out of me.” She jumped up, the piano bench scraping loudly against the floor. She nervously tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear. As usual, I was struck by her beauty; her cheeks were flushed and her eyes, a storm of emotion.
“I didn’t mean to startle you again, but I was afraid if I spoke sooner, I would disturb you.” I didn’t know how to proceed as she was eying me suspiciously from behind the wall the piano created. Hesitantly, I began to walk toward the stage, my hands up as in mock surrender.
“No… it’s okay. I just didn’t think anyone was… I thought I was still alone.” She stumbled over her words and looked down at her hands.
“I’m assuming that Principal Mason spoke with you about why I’m here tonight.” I continued walking down the aisle to the first row and then sat directly across from her. “He thought you needed the help. I don’t have theater experience, but I do know Shakespeare. Don’t worry, though, I won’t get in your way.” I smiled warmly.
“Thanks. That would actually be nice. I could use an extra person here. Everyone I thought would help has pretty much backed out.” She paused, as if she was struggling to form her next sentence and then tensed up. “Listen, I wanted to apologize for my rudeness the other day. I didn’t mean to up and leave. Sometimes I’m not very good with people. Your questions just surprised me, that’s all.”
“No it’s my fault for being intrusive,” I apologized. “I’ve been told that I can be a little forward. I am sorry.” Her green eyes carried the hint of the sadness that still eluded me. She situated herself back on the bench and turned to play.
“So, you are Celia’s brother? She said you were home from grad school or something.” Small talk. Her hands were busy on the piano keys, but I could still see them shaking slightly. Was it from being startled or did it scare her to be alone with me? I really hoped it was the first. I never wanted to frighten her.
“Something like that. I’ve been gone for a while. I don’t get much time to come home.” I tried to sound casual but didn’t want to go into my life too much. She didn’t need to know the real reason that I was here. She would run screaming in the other direction. Then again, that would be the smarter thing for her to do, even thought I was convinced that I would bring her no harm.
We sat without talking for a moment, the music floating in the air between us as her full attention turned back to her song. I leaned back and closed my eyes deep in thought, letting the music run through me. The ever present ache subsided when she played. That much I knew. It was like I could breathe again, relieved of the pain. Whatever it was about her, her music soothed a part deep within me. When she finished playing, I sat there taking a few moments before I reopened my eyes.
“You really do play well, you know.” My voice was barely above a whisper. She was slumped tiredly over the keys when she turned to look at me; any barrier I had imagined existing between us was gone. I looked at her, trying to read the sadness within her eyes, all the while being drawn to it. Our eyes locked for a moment and I felt a deep stab in my gut. Finally, she turned away.
“Thank you.” She folded and unfolded her hands in her lap. “I guess that we had better get things together. The students will be here any minute.”
She stood up, straightened her shoulders and began to walk across the stage, our moment over. I watched her surreptitiously as she gathered her things. We moved chairs and set up the stage in silence, ever aware of each other’s movements. Within minutes, the auditorium was buzzing with excited students ready to go. A few quick introductions and instructions about the process and we were ready. I sat down, leaving a seat between us, giving her some space and trying not to seem too eager. She glanced over at me smiling as the first student took the stage and I could no longer pretend that she wasn’t all I needed.
“Okay great, Andrea. Call backs will be posted tomorrow afternoon outside my room. Good luck.” The gangly girl walked off stage, a nervous smile on her face. She was the last audition of the night. I had tried to forget about the person sitting next to me all evening, but I was ever aware of him. I stole a glance sideways and caught a glimpse of him biting a pencil in concentration. I just couldn’t figure him out. Where did he come from? Why was he here? One thing was for sure. He seemed to know a thing or two about theater… or at least Shakespeare. I turn
ed toward him, deciding to be the one to break the silence. He was still taking notes about our last audition and I could see the muscle in his jaw flex in concentration.
“So, what did you think?” I tried to sound casual. “Do you think we have a chance at a good show? I mean do you think we have some talent?”
“Well, this is no Globe Theater, but I did see some promising actors.” He flashed a grin at me and swallowed me whole with his steel grey eyes. I had to turn away to compose myself and hide the embarrassing blush.
“I suppose we should talk about who we would like cast.” Try to stay on task I kept telling myself. I could not let his looks distract me.
We sat and talked about who we wanted to see come back. After a few minutes, it was clear that he was not only familiar with Shakespeare, but was an expert with the Bard. This, of course, just heightened the puzzle that surrounded him. He knew the characters almost too well, and knew exactly who would be best for each role. We agreed with each other on who to call back for tomorrow. On the surface, our conversation was about Shakespeare but really, it seemed to be about so much more.
“Well thanks a lot for the last minute help. This is my first show, so I really appreciate it,” I said, as I gathered my things. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
I started to walk down the aisle when his voice stopped me.
“Julia, wait. Let me walk you out to your car.” Within two strides, he was at my side.
“You don’t have to. I’m sure you need to get home, and I need to turn out the lights.”
“It’s not trouble, I can wait.” He flashed that charming grin again and my breath caught. “Besides, what kind of gentleman would I be if I left you here alone?”
I laughed in response and began walking back to the stage to shut the lights off.
“Alright, well I guess I can’t argue when a knight wants to save a damsel in distress,” I joked. “I’ll only be a moment.”
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