“Hey! That’s Super-man to you, Little Zero.” Exe explains.
“I heard that! I’m not a zero.” Caleb laughs.
He has a soft spot for little man, you can see it. It deepens my reasons for staying. How could I take them away from here, all of this love and protection? I couldn’t.
“Hey, you ready for Avery’s birthday in a couple weeks?” Jack asks.
“Hell, yea. Inviting every Brother. All chapters. This is a big deal for all of us and her.” Ford answers.
“Where’s the old lady?” I ask Jack. Him and Melissa made it official as soon as she got released from the hospital two weeks ago. I’m happy for them.
“Work.” he huffs out. He hates that she works. They fight over her quitting, but she loves her job. It was always her dream to be a journalist. I wouldn’t quit it either.
“Where’s Avery?” I ask looking around the yard.
“Tech took her to see Colt.” Jester chimes in. She goes every week, sometimes more. She misses him. She hasn’t said much or showed any dysphoria. I’m thinking she is keeping it bottled in, and that worries me. But she won’t talk about it to me or anyone else. Always the same answer, ‘I’m fine.’
“She is doing better, don’t worry.” Ford says from beside me, his eyes still on little man and Boss Man. He always seems to be reading my mind. He can still read me like a book after all these years.
“I know.” I whisper. It’s cold here. Being late December, the snow has fallen, and frost covered the windows.
He kisses my head and wraps his arm around me tighter. I nuzzle in closer to him, enjoying his warmth. Our love was only delayed, and for that I’m grateful it didn’t disappear. I love this man with all that I am and all I have.
Looking back on everything we have ever been through, it only strengthened us.
It’s a day before Christmas Eve and snow is all over the ground. Caleb is so excited, this is his first real Christmas. Thanksgiving was nothing compared to this to him. He’s so happy. I had the guys get a tree and deck it out just for him. They were happy to do it, to make his first real Christmas a memorable one.
*******************************************
Christmas Day
“Uncle Tech!” Caleb screams at his gift from Tech.
“I’m gonna kick your butt in this game!” He screams. He is jumping up and down happily.
“You are going down, little dude.” Tech says. Caleb runs to him and gives him a huge hug.
“Glad you like it.” Tech says, ruffling his hair.
Jack hands him his large gift from him and Lissa.
“Uncle Jack, Aunt Melissa.” Caleb coos as he rips open his gift. It’s a tent.
“Mommy! Now we can have camp outs!” He chimes to Avery. She nods and smiles.
“Thanks Uncle Jack and Aunt Melissa!”
The rest of the guys go through all their gifts to Caleb. Only Exe and Eli are left.
“Here, Little Hero.” Exe hands him a mid-sized heavy box. Then, he hands him a long big box.
“Two, Big hero, Thanks!” He wastes no time ripping open the boxes. The mid-sized box is a game system—the newest version of some such.
“I love it!” He shouts as he reaches for the long box. He gets the box opened and he tries to lift it, out slips a large dog bone.
“Prez, this is perfect! I knew you wouldn’t forget Bronx.” He jumps and carries it to Bronx who is at my feet. Bronx is happy. Eli hands Caleb a tiny box. Caleb looks at him funny.
“Hey, big isn’t always better, little dude.” Eli said to him.
“That’s not what your girlfriend said.” Caleb answered him. We all look at him, stunned. Mouths open.
“Caleb!” we all yell in unison.
“Uncle Jinx told me to say it!” He points to Jinx. Jinx burst out laughing. They all laugh as Avery and I do damage control. Explaining why we don’t listen to Uncle Jinx anymore. Caleb mumbles an apology as he narrows his eyes at Jinx for getting him in trouble. He then climbs on Exe’s lap as we continue our holiday. He opens his tiny box and holds a set of keys up. We all direct our eyes to Eli.
“Its keys to a four wheeler, little man. No one worry, it’s kid sized.” Eli answers.
“I can’t wait to ride it, thank you, Uncle Eli.” Caleb sings as he jumps into his arms before returning to Exe’s lap.
“Your turn, Grandma.” Caleb says from Exes lap.
“Okay, buddy. Hand it to me.” I read it, it’s from Tech. The only one I didn’t get a gift from yet. My luck, it will be some kind of spy ware for my laptop.
I tear off the wrapper and see it’s a small wooden box that has Chinese writing etched in to it. I gasp at the sight of it. It’s a beautiful small box, a deep red.
I open the tiny box and cover my mouth and stare at Tech, he has a huge smile on his face and just shrugs.
“Well, what is it?” Exe asks.
“They are throwing stars.” I laugh out loud. All the brothers join in on the laughter; clearly, remembering my knife throwing skills at Abe.
“I figured you could use them, you know, when the Brothers get out of line.” Tech chuckles to himself.
Caleb got more toys and games. They have truly made this a great Christmas for him.
Avery got books, a laptop, an iPod, gift cards for many different stores. Boss Man got her a necklace with white gold angel wings that curved into a heart with a gold Colt .45 in the middle.
“It’s beautiful.” she mumbles to herself, mesmerized. She looks to Exe, with tears in her eyes.
“Will you put it on?” she asks. He nods. He stands and comes to her, sitting on the floor by the couch. He places it around her neck, locking the clasp. She turns to him.
“Thank you. It’s perfect.” She tries holding her tears back. Boss Man nods with a smile.
She excused herself. I know she was touched. We all were. That was a great way to remember Colt, for her. It made us all get watery eyes.
The day flew by, the good ones always do.
*******************************************
Ford
Life is fucking fantastic.
A Sneak Peak of ‘Tortured Love’
Subject is due to change.
Avery
Six months later...
I put on my happy face every morning and take it off at night. I know crying myself to sleep every night doesn’t mean I’m letting go and moving on. I know this is keeping me from my true happiness. I can’t do it, I don’t know how to move on without him. Memories flood my mind every night, taunting me.
“Avery, I’ve never loved anyone the way I do you.” Colt whispers into my hair as he hugs me goodbye.
“I...” I can’t bring myself to say it. How do I say it? I don’t know what love is, how it feels.
“Shhh, it’s okay. I know, I know, baby girl.” Colt says to my silence. I know I feel something, he makes my heart jump every time I look into his eyes. He causes my palms to sweat and my words to stutter.
Shaking the thought from my head, I go to take a shower. Standing under the water, my mind floods with him again. As the water coats my body, the tears streak my face.
“I got you something.” Colt comes strolling into the infirmary with a grin that makes my heart sputter.
“What is it?” I ask, nervous to have him so close to me.
“Here.” he hands me a flat, large device. I look at him with question.
“It’s a Kindle. You can buy books on here. So you don’t have to carry around a book everywhere. It’s connected to my account. Buy all the books you want, baby girl.” He explains to me. The small glint of gold in his brown eyes makes me stare deep into them.
“Thanks...” I say low not knowing how else to speak. I’m lucky I got that word out.
He leans down and kisses my head, causing goose bumps to cover my body. I close my eyes and enjoy the closeness.
Caleb’s voice jerks me out of my thoughts.
“Mommy, are you gonna read me a s
tory?” He asks.
“Yea, baby boy. I’m coming honey.” I quickly wipe my eyes and finish my shower. Exe built the new club after the explosion. It’s nice; Caleb and I have our own mini apartment.
I picked up a job at the local library, putting books away and cleaning. I got my license a couple months ago, and dad was so proud of me for moving forward that he bought me my first car. It’s a 2002 Chrysler Cirrus LXI. It’s cute. It’s good for me and Caleb. So, now I drive myself to work and to see Colt. I’m throwing myself out into the world head first. Am I scared? No. Am I excited? Yes. Colt told me he wanted me to experience every bit of the world’s beauty and what it has to offer. I plan to do just that—for him, myself and Caleb.
Reading to Caleb, he falls asleep in his bed along with Bronx by his side. From living in hell to being spoiled so fast, he hasn’t let any of it go to his head. As long as he has this big family, that’s all he needs—all we both need.
I feel so lost most days, but always having my poker face on. No one knows my pain or the hole inside me. When I close my eyes, my mind floods with Colt and my dreams are taken over by demons—Colt by day and demons by night.
By looking at me doing so well, no one can tell I’m being constantly tortured in my mind.
My eighteenth birthday was five months ago and that was the worst. Colt had said,
“Your birthday, your mine.” I knew he meant it—I wanted him to mean it.
I spent most of my time with him when he and dad rescued me. As soon as I saw him untying me from that bed that night, he was my rock and had been ever since. I miss him so much it hurts. He promised to explore the world with me. To show me all it’s magic. And now I’m here and he isn’t; all to save me once again.
I feel so guilty, it eats at me daily. It’s my fault he’s gone. If I only had enough strength to leave, I could have hunted down my parents eventually. I could have saved Caleb years ago, instead of him going through all the pain he had. It haunts me to think of what we went through.
It only causes me to push more to do the things Colt wanted us too. At the same time it eats at me.
I place ‘Brother’s Grimm’ on his night stand and tuck him in with a kiss to his head. I make my way to our little living room and plop onto the couch with my kindle from Colt, another piece I have of him. I refrain from buying books unless I’m desperate to see some kind of sign of him, even though it isn’t him. Buying a book it says,
“Thank you, Colt. For your purchase.”
I save those five words for my worst days, when I want to feel connected to him.
Clasping my necklace from Exe, I rub it between my fingers as Colt floods my mind.
“I promise, we are going see the world. You, me and Caleb.”
He tells me. I wish to see all of the world, the everyday things that people walk or drive past and don’t think twice. I want to see that little magic. I was held in hell and anguish since I was fourteen. Almost eighteen now, I want to see all of what the rest take for granted.
“I’d love that. We both would, Colt. Thank you.”
The moisture on my face from crying brings me back to reality—a painful reality where Colt isn’t here.
He lives in my memories and flashbacks of us.
Knock, Knock...
A knock at the door pulls me out of my self-pity party. I let go of my necklace and wipe my eyes. Setting my kindle down, I go to answer the door.
Knock, Knock...
“Coming.”
I rush to the door, whoever is on the other side is eager for me to answer. It’s after 9 p.m. Who in the world could that be? No one ever bothers me after Caleb is in bed.
I turn the knob and pull open the door.
I gasp.
“Exe, What are you doing here?”
I try and ask him what he is doing here. But he gives me no answer. Just stares at me, with glazed over eyes.
“Are you drunk?”
I ask him. He still doesn’t answer me. I think something is wrong, I need to get my dad. He’ll know what is going on or at the very least know how to handle a situation such as this.
“I’ll get my dad.”
I say, moving to step around him, he grabs my arm. I freeze. My skin is on fire underneath his touch.
“Exe.”
It comes out more of a whisper. Less kick than I intended for it to have.
Colt.
Colt flashes through my mind. I can’t do this.
I instantly jerk my arm back from Exe’s hold. I take several steps back needing as much distance as possible between us. He stands there, staring at me. We eye each other for a long moment, then he turns and walks away. Leaving my door way empty and my mind racing.
Delayed Love Page 23