Discoucia

by Nicholas Lovelock

  “That seemed easy,” said Arthur.

  “My sister is the most boring person on Alavonia; you’ll have no problem if you don’t do anything vaguely interesting,” replied Jo.

  “So from now on I’m going to refer to you as Alex, and you can refer to me as Jo. You should have no trouble calling me Jo, since you do anyway,” she said.

  “OK, Jo, and I’ll let you do most of the talking, since I’ve been in a monastery for ages,” replied Arthur.

  “Oh and Archie, if you could say Alex instead of Arthur, it would confuse a lot less,” she said, holding out her hand and the cloud and the piece of paper appeared.

  “Thank you for the tip,” she read.

  “What’s going on?” asked Alex.

  “Since she’s rectified it then I suppose it doesn’t matter,” replied Jo.

  “I think I’ve got the whole walking thing,” said Alex.

  “Good, then you go wait downstairs while I get ready,” she replied.

  “I thought since we were sisters I could stick around,” she said.

  “But then we would become inseparable,” said Jo, becoming very serious and moving closer.

  “Huh?!” said a now startled Alex.

  “You’re not the only one who can act, now get!” she shouted. Alex ran downstairs, and Corky was waiting.

  “Excuse me miss but have you seen Sir Arthur upstairs?” he asked.

  “I love it that you refer to me as Sir Arthur to other people, if you want I can refer to you as Cornelius?” she asked.

  “You do any such thing and I’ll set this ship to spin the next time you get drunk,” he replied.

  “Yes but on the occasion I have a night off like now, you have one too so we’ll both be in hell,” she replied.

  “Touché, so I can have the night off Miss?” he asked.

  “Yes, but don’t get too drunk since we’re flying to Illumination Island in the morning and I want to get there without any slight detours,” she replied.

  “Firstly, that happened once and we both know it was the monkey’s fault, secondly, I’ll only have a few and thirdly I’m just gonna come out and say it, why are you dressed like a Princess?” he asked.

  “Practice for Harrha, if you must know, and if anyone asks, you’re taking Princess Josephine and Princess Alexandra to Harrha tomorrow,” she replied.

  “Whatever, though if you gonna do anything…odd tonight make sure you close the curtains this time,” he said, and walked out.

  “I was curious and thought blonde was a good look for me, the rest just happened organically,” said Alex.

  Alex sat down on the settee and put her feet up on the table and started reading a newspaper. There was a portrait of Lilia on the front, and the headline read ‘Public Enemy Number 1!’ From the way Alex was sat you could see that she was wearing bright blue tights and had bright silver shoes on. “She always wanted to be the centre of attention,” said Alex.

  Jo walked down the stairs wearing a green dress, and had her hair down, and it reflected all the lights in the room. “Looks nice, now come on, I’m starving,” said Alex.

  “Me too, what do they have?” she asked.

  “I’m going to have the Sunken Seafood Platter, since it’s massive,” she replied.

  “As long as they have big portions, then I’m good,” said Jo. They left the ship and decided to take the lift, since Jo didn’t want to risk Alex having a mishap on the way down.

  “How are you doing?” asked Jo.

  “Fine, how are you?” she asked.

  “It’s you I’m worried about,” she replied.

  “You know, if you really want to know I am perfectly fine and I don’t see this as any different from what I normally do on a mission,” said Alex.

  “Honestly I didn’t think you would be this blasé about this, it takes the fun out of it,” she said.

  “I was fine when I did this in Chene, I just haven’t had a lot of practice” replied Alex. They reached the main square, which was full of people, and they saw that The 5,000 Fish Fingers of Dr Sea was open, and there was a queue outside. Jo walked right up to the front with Alex, and was instantly let in. They were taken to a special table next to an ornate fish tank.

  “Isn’t there a law against impersonating princesses?” asked Alex when the waiters had disappeared.

  “Daddy said it was fine and if anything happens which I hope it won’t, I’ll smooth it out,” she replied.

  “While I end up looking like a complete dope, will ‘Daddy’ come to my aide then?” said Alex, looking at the menu. It kept slipping out of her hands and Jo saw that Alex had no experience with silk gloves.

  “Grip it in one place with your four fingers and thumb while propping it on the table,” said Jo.

  “These things were not designed for this,” said Alex.

  “Well of course not, we’re women and we’re expected to look nice not actually do stuff,” replied Jo.

  “Oh I’m sorry, I shouldn’t worry my pretty little head about it,” said Alex sarcastically.

  “I don’t know, what’s the biggest thing they have?” asked Jo.

  “There’s the Shipwreck Special, which is all you can eat so it should fill you up,” replied Alex.

  “There’s something that I should warn you about, Alex; when it comes to food I get a little, um, ravenous,” she said.

  “Don’t worry, there’s nothing you can do that would possibly embarrass me,” said Alex, sipping a glass of Blue Champagne and trying to stop the glass from slipping.

  After about ten minutes, Alex’s dinner arrived and they also came with a large plate for Jo, and told her to go up to the buffet table and get all the food she wanted. Jo left Alex sitting at the table, and she stuck as much food as she possibly could n the plate and returned to the table.

  “You’re not possibly going to eat all of that,” said Alex.

  “Is that a challenge?” she asked.

  “No, it’s just not very ladylike,” replied Alex.

  “And that’s coming from you,” she said.

  Alex watched in disbelief as Jo demolished the plate of food, and then went up for seconds. “I wonder if I should tell her that she’s got barbecue sauce all around her mouth,” thought Alex.

  Jo came back, with the same size plate stacked with just as much food. “Problem?” she asked.

  “No, not at all but when you said you were ravenous I didn’t expect that you would be that hungry,” replied Alex.

  “To be honest, as far as people are aware, I’ve only eaten in The Seven Wonders and so have you,” she said.

  “Good point, but thankfully Chene has a lot of places to get take away food,” said Alex.

  “So what are we to expect in Harrha?” asked Jo.

  “I have no idea, to be honest; I haven’t ever been there, it’s the one place in Discoucia I have never been,” she said.

  “How old is your sister?” she asked.

  “Same age as me, 210,” she replied.

  “She’s done quite well in that time,” said Jo.

  “Yes, she was always the mathematical one, where I was the outgoing one,” she said.

  “Though from what I read in the Green Library in Evermore, the one thing that doesn’t make sense is how all the buildings were made in a year considering that obsidian is hard to mine; and from the looks of it, she managed to build it in record time,” said Jo.

  “I think you should have clarification here, you see, it wasn’t Lilia who built the fortifications on Harrha, it was our father. Though the thing that no one knows is how he died of old age when he was only 560,” she explained.

  “Some people just go, I suppose,” replied Jo, finishing her second plate.

  “I don’t know, you see my father wasn’t one for giving up so easily,” said Alex.

  “I’m done and I’m tired, I want to go back to the ship,” said Jo, who had difficulty getting up. Alex was getting better at walking in heels and they both left the restaurant.r />
  “Oh my god Ally?!” shouted someone. Alex froze up as did Jo, and a young girl ran up to them.

  “Please don’t call me that,” said Alex.

  “Would you prefer I called you Your Royal Highness Princess of All Discoucia?” came the reply.

  “Evelyn, what are you doing here?” asked Jo.

  “I was having dinner with Sir Arole, he feels terrible about what happened and wants to see you again,” she replied.

  “Well I don’t want to see him, it was because of him that I swore off relationships in the first place,” said Alex, making most of this up since she was petrified.

  “Your Majesty, I’m sorry but I just had to come and see you, please join me outside,” said a man who Alex assumed was Sir Arole. Jo was pulled away by Evelyn before she could stop what was happening. Alex was pulled out onto the moonlit balcony overlooking the ocean while Sir Arole delicately held her hand not knowing whose hand he was really holding.

  “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know that I deeply regret what happened,” he said, trying to look into her eyes but she was looking elsewhere.

  “I’ve had a lot of therapy lately, what exactly did happen?” she asked.

  “When you believed that the pretentious weirdo Sir Arthur was sending you all those letters, it was actually me,” he said.

  “So let me get this straight, because of you I hate Sir Arthur Pageon who’s just a little miss-understood and not weird?” she asked.

  “What difference would that make, look I’m sorry for what I did,” he said.

  “Frankly I would forgive you for sending me explicit letters but your sheer venom in the way you talk about others is enough for me to say that this conversation is over,” said Alex, and she left him on the balcony while rejoining Jo.

  “Come on sister I’m paying!” she shouted, walking out into the foyer.

  “So you have an account at every restaurant in Discoucia?” asked Jo.

  “Yes, I visit them all the time and I hardly touch my account in Gard,” she said.

  “How much money do you have exactly?” she asked.

  “Enough, but I’d rather not think about it; plus for every successful mission your father pays me so it just keeps getting bigger and bigger,” she replied.

  “Our father Alex, our father,” said Jo.

  “Right, still working on that. Anyway I fooled a whole restaurant so I’m ready for Harrha,” she said. They got to the Sky Port, and Alex did something a little strange from Jo’s perspective. She picked Jo up in her arms and carried her up the stairs.

  “What are you doing?” said Jo, smiling and laughing.

  “Proving that I can walk up stairs in heels,” she replied.

  When they reached the top of the stairs Alex put her down and they climbed up to the ship. “I know I should have mentioned this earlier, but why are there hand prints on the banister?” she asked.

  “I had a little accident this morning,” replied Jo, turning red.

  “Oh, as long as it was you and not anyone else,” replied Alex.

  “Now I’m going to bed, are you going to sleep?” she asked.

  “No, I’ve got a better idea and I’ll tell you about it tomorrow,” replied Alex.

  “Oh okay, goodnight,” said Jo.

  “There’s one thing I need to get from the wardrobe,” she said. Alex ran upstairs and came back down with a mirror.

  “What do you need that for?” she asked.

  “Never mind what I need it for, I’ll see you tomorrow,” said Alex.

  “OK” said Jo, slightly perplexed. She left her ‘sister’ downstairs, and went off to bed.

  Mirror-Phone Line

  Alex propped the mirror on the desk and she sat on the chair staring out it. “Archie, I need your help” she said. The mirror changed colour, and it danced with hundreds of different colours, and Alex saw Archie’s face appear.

  “Yes, what is it Alex?” she asked.

  “You can call me Arthur now, Jo’s gone to bed,” he replied.

  “Oh good, then what is it Arthur?” she asked.

  “I’m worried, once we get to Harrha I have no idea what I’m going to do,” he explained.

  “Before you carry on, how was dinner?” she asked.

  “Jo overeats, and I was perfect at being a princess for an evening,” he said.

  “Out of context that would sound a bit strange but carrying on, what do you think you would do?” asked Archie, who was eating an apple.

  “I would go to her study in the Obsidian Castle,” he replied.

  “Right, that’s a step in the right direction; what are you going to do in there once you are in?” she asked.

  “That’s where I’m stuck. You see she has a massive army and the High King hasn’t mobilised anything, what does he expect me to do, dismantle the whole army by myself? I don’t have a hundred years of time, right?” he asked.

  “Yes that’s true, but considering every Lord and Lady in Discoucia was sent a message that offered them something irresistible then his only course of action was to send you,” said Archie.

  “So, you’re saying that I’m the only hope?” he asked.

  “You and Jo, there are two of you remember,” she replied.

  “What can two of us do?” he asked.

  “Usually as the God of God only knows, I’d give you a big speech about how the two of you can beat this but then you won’t really believe it, will you?” she asked.

  “Could you please come here?” he asked.

  “I’ll make a deal with you; I shall appear only to you for one day, and then after that you must go on without me until we meet again without any use of power,” she replied.

  “Deal,” said Arthur, and Archie’s face disappeared from the mirror.

  Arthur looked around for Archie but could not see her. “Archie?” he called, getting up from his seat and looking around.

  “Right behind you miss,” said a voice.

  “Oh, there you are,” replied Arthur. Archie was sat in the chair that Arthur had just got up from. She was wearing the white tuxedo that Arthur had seen in the caves of Elowe.

  “So you’re a girl now?” she asked.

  “And you’re dressed as a guy so in conclusion this is a very strange situation,” replied Arthur.

  “I could switch my clothes if you want?” asked Archie, who faded away, and changed to a more feminine appearance, and wore the same dress as she had done in Yellow Coven.

  “To be honest, I think it makes more sense for you to be in that form, since you’ve been like that longest,” replied Arthur.

  “So you’re worried about the future, who isn’t?” she asked.

  “I see what you mean, but I don’t think the whole of the kingdom is at stake for most people,” said Arthur.

  “You just need someone to talk to, right?” she asked.

  “Don’t be patronising,” he replied.

  “I’m not, why else would you want me here? You just need a friend and from the looks of it, you haven’t had one in a while,” she said.

  “Yes I suppose I do, not that I like to admit it,” he replied.

  “Nobody does,” said Archie, sitting on the settee.

  “What’s the problem, tell your new pal Archie,” she said.

  “Firstly, just to get this out I’m not comfortable with…this,” he said, pointing at himself.

  “There’s nothing you can really do about it, so just run with it,” she replied.

  “Okay next thing since you’re a people person, does Jo like me,” he said.

  “Sorry Arthur but you’d have to be blind not to see that,” she replied.

  “So far so good, the last thing is can my sister change?” he asked.

  “Everyone can be reached, just do what you think is right and everything will turn out how it will,” said Archie.

  “What, how it will for me or not?” he asked.

  “You see this pebble?” said Archie, taking it out
of her pocket.

  “Yes, what about it?” he asked.

  “I’m going to throw it at your mirror,” said Archie, who threw the pebble. It sailed at the mirror, and just in time Arthur grabbed it before it could smash the glass into thousands of pieces.

  “Why would you do that?” he asked, the pebble slipping out of his hand, due to the silk glove.

  “You see the pebble hitting the mirror was a possible outcome, you could have stayed there and let it hit. However you stopped it from hitting thereby changing the course of the pebble and also changing history at the same time,” she explained.

  “Oh I see, but that was my mother’s,” he replied.

  “I know, that’s how I knew that you would catch it,” she replied.

  “Right, so what else are we going to do tonight?” he asked.

  “That sounds like a vague euphemism but were going to kit you out for a mission, which I believe you have forgot to do,” said Archie.

  “What would you suggest?” he asked.

  Archie clicked her fingers and they both disappeared from the sitting room and reappeared in the wardrobe. “Are you mad, she’ll hear us!” said Arthur in a loud whisper. Archie sighed, and clicked her fingers again, and the walls lit up with a pale purple light, and then the light disappeared.

  “There, the room is now soundproof, so you could play Moby Dick on the drums and she wouldn’t hear you,” said Archie.

  “That sounds rude,” he said.

  “I assure you it isn’t,” replied Archie.

  “So what do you want to do?” he asked.

  “Hold on, I just realised that my name, it’s Archie,” she said.

  “Huh?” he asked, confused.

  “Sugar sugar… ohhh honey honey…You are my candy girl…” sang Archie, oblivious to everything around her.

  “I don’t understand what’s going on,” he said.

  “Right, I’m back with you, let’s get you ready for Harrha,” she said.

  “What first?” he asked.

  “Take that dress off and put another one, or find one you want to wear to Harrha and we’ll use that,” said Archie.

  Arthur found his old blue dress that he wore to the Harem in Chene before it was closed down and became the Paradise Hotel. “This one has a pair of exploding, umm, you know,” he said.