by Amber Garza
“Fine.” I shove his hand away, but he grabs my arm and pins it behind my back. A tiny yelp escapes through my lips. “Let go,” I speak through gritted teeth.
“You know what you have to say.” Cal grins.
“Oh, please. I’m not saying it.”
“Then I guess you don’t like your arm as much as I thought.” He grips me tighter. I writhe around, trying to loosen his fingers. But it’s no use. It never is. No matter how many times I struggle, he always wins.
“Okay.” I exhale. “You’re stronger than me. You’re the greatest. You’re the winner,” I rattle off the words with no inflection at all.
“It doesn’t sound like you mean it.”
“I don’t,” I snap.
“Wrong answer.” He doesn’t let up. His fingers hold me in place.
“Cal!” The word bursts out in a frustrated grunt. “It’s been a long night. I don’t want to play your stupid games.” I may be younger by over a year, but sometimes it feels like I’m the older one. Dad says it’s because boys mature slower than girls. But I really hope Cal catches up one of these days.
“What’s going on?” Dad appears in the doorway of his bedroom at the end of the hall. He’s wearing a wrinkled white t-shirt and plaid pajama pants. What’s left of his salt and pepper hair is sticking up all over his head.
“I was just reminding Emmy that I’m the stronger one,” Cal responds proudly.
“Well, can you wait until morning to show her? We’re trying to get some sleep,” Dad answers dryly.
“Sure thing.” Cal releases my arm and flashes dad an A-okay sign. He’s such a cheeseball.
“Good night, Dad.” Grateful to be free, I slip into my room and flick on the wall switch. The bright light almost blinds me.
“Get to sleep, you two.” Dad’s bedroom door clicks closed.
I glare at Cal. “You heard Dad. Go get some sleep.”
“I’m not tired.” He leans against my doorframe. “Tell me about tonight. How was the party?”
The entire night plays like a movie reel in my mind, and I suddenly feel exhausted. Perching on the edge of my bed, I rub the back of my neck. “Nothing really to tell.”
“I don’t buy it.”
I throw up my arms. “Why don’t you just say whatever it is you want to say? Clearly you’re fishing for something.”
“Why did Chris take you home?” He pushes off the doorframe, making his way into the room. His gaze is fixated on me, and I feel his eyes piercing my soul.
I swallow hard. “I told you. Ashley was drunk and couldn’t drive me.”
“The truth, Em.”
He must have seen me and Christian kissing, but he’s not going to say anything until we come clean. And I suppose it’s better coming from me than from Christian. I gather up all my courage before opening my mouth. “Well…” I start, but Cal cuts me off.
“Why didn’t Josh bring you home? Did something happen between you two?” He sits next to me, the bed creaking beneath his weight. The mattress slopes underneath me. I scoot further up onto it so I don’t fall off.
Ah, so this isn’t about Christian. It’s about Josh. “Um…” My fingertips skate over the buttons on my jacket. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. “No. He had been drinking so he couldn’t drive me either.”
“Yeah, that guy never misses an opportunity to party.” He chuckles bitterly, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“I seem to know someone else like that.” I elbow Cal in the side.
“Hey, I’ve settled down as I’ve gotten older.”
“Ah, yes, you’ve mellowed out in your old age,” I tease.
“Sweet of you to notice, sis.” He smiles.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“That’s not what Melissa says.” He waggles his eyebrows.
“Oh, I see. So this newfound maturity is because of your older girlfriend?” Recently Cal started dating a college girl, and he likes to throw it in all of our faces constantly. As if that proves his manliness.
“Maybe.” Bumping me with his shoulder, he winks.
“How was your date tonight?”
“Fun.”
“That’s it? Just fun?” Cal and I have always been close, but rarely does he share much with me. I sometimes wonder how different it would be if he were a girl. I imagine girls share more. I mean, I know I’m much more talkative than Cal. He reminds me of it all the time.
“It’s about as much as you gave me about the party.”
Two can play at this game. “Fine. You want to hear about tonight? Here goes.” I lie back on my bed and take a deep breath. “Ashley came over and we were talking about what we wanted to do tonight. She wanted to go to the party. I wanted to go see that new chick flick. You know the one about the guy who goes away to school and falls in love with that super pretty girl. What’s the name of the actress who plays her?” I snap my fingers. “Man, I can’t remember her name. Gemma something, maybe. No, Jenna, I think. Oh, why can’t I remember her name? I really like her. Do you know her name?”
Cal throws me an exasperated look. “No. But I know what movie you’re talking about. It looks stupid.”
“Not to me.” I sit up. “I totally want to see it. But Ashley already went with Heather and Talia last week. Which was totally rude because they didn’t invite me. I was kind of mad at first, but then I let it go.” I wave away the words with a flick of my wrist. “So I figured if we couldn’t see the movie then I might as well go to the party with Ashley. But you know how Ashley is at parties. The minute we got there, she went in search of alcohol, so I went to look for Josh. When I found him he was standing in front of the fire pit with Chase and Nolan. Also, there was this weird group of girls standing off to the side giggling. You might know them. Two of them were brunette and one was blond--”
“Oh, please, make it stop.” Cal leaps up, pressing his hands to his ears.
I giggle, flashing an I-told-you-so look.
“Okay, you made your point.” He turns away. “Good night.”
“I thought you weren’t tired.”
“I am now.”
“You’re the one who asked,” I remind him.
He shakes his head and heads out into the hall. “I won’t make that mistake again.”
Mistake. The word rings in my head, over and over like a song on replay. I ponder the mistakes I made tonight, starting with crashing that stupid party and ending with kissing Christian. What hurts is that the last thing shouldn’t be a mistake. It should be the beginning of something special. But clearly Christian doesn’t see it that way. He sees it as something we need to keep secret. Something he obviously wishes never happened. I’d like to see it that same way too, but I don’t. As hard as I try to tell myself it was a mistake, I know that deep down I want it to happen again.
****
I have no idea how Ashley manages to show up at my house at eight-thirty Saturday morning looking like she’s ready to step onto the runway after being so drunk she could hardly stand less than eight hours before. Sure she acts like she threw herself together, stating that her hair is in a bun and she’s wearing sweats. But I know from experience that Ashley spends a lot of time getting the perfect messy bun. And I’m not sure that her pink Juicy Couture sweatpants and tight sequined shirt can be categorized as lounge wear. I, on the other hand, look like I’m the one hungover with my wrinkled, torn shirt and stained flannel pants. Not to mention that my hair is knotted and matted to my head. Longingly I stare at Ashley’s perfect bun, and wonder why I can never get mine to look like that. She flutters her lashes. Even though they’re void of mascara, they somehow still look thick and black. Yawning, I move away from the door and allow her to enter the house. My parents must have already taken off. They’d mentioned yesterday that they had plans all day today. I can’t remember what. I’m guessing Cal is still asleep since he never answered Ashley’s incessant knocking, and his door is shut.
“Come in,” I say groggily.
“Someone
’s grouchy,” she says in her high-pitched voice.
I wince. It’s a little early for Ashley’s tone. “I’m surprised you’re not.” As I close the door, I marvel at how well Ashley holds her liquor. I never drink. Cal and my parents have warned me against it so much that I’ve never had the desire. But if I did, I’m sure I wouldn’t handle it the same way as Ashley. I haven’t seen very many people who can keep up with her.
“Oh, I’m fine.” She shakes her head. “I didn’t have that much to drink.”
As I guide her into the kitchen, I remember her sprawled out in the backseat of Christian’s car singing some song I didn’t recognize. “Yeah, okay,” I say sarcastically.
“Oh, shut up, little Miss Stick in the Mud.”
“All right, Miss Drunk off her Ass.”
“Hey,” she feigns offense, but then giggles.
“You’re just lucky your parents were out of town.”
“If not, I would’ve just had to crash here,” she points out. “Anyway, that’s why I came by. I need you to take me to pick up my car.”
“How did you get here?” I ask, confused.
“Walked, silly. You’re not that far.”
Ugh. She already went for a walk this morning. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. “Let me just grab some coffee and change, and then I’ll take you.” My gaze lands on the coffee maker, and I smile. Thank god Mom and Dad made coffee before they left. The dark, aromatic liquid practically calls my name. I open the cabinet above the coffee maker and yank out a mug. “Want some?” I ask Ashley.
“No thanks. I already had some.”
Seriously, how long has she been awake? I would still be sleeping blissfully in my bed if she hadn’t shown up. Thinking about it makes me long for my fluffy pillow and warm comforter. After pouring myself a cup and adding a generous helping of creamer, I turn toward Ashley and lean my back against the tile counter.
“So, are you ever planning on telling me about what happened last night?” she asks sourly.
“What are you talking about?” I spin around, my heart stopping.
“C’mon, don’t play dumb. I know everything already.”
My lips buzz, the memory of Christian’s kiss coming alive. “From who?”
Her eyes widen. “From everyone. My phone’s been blowing up all morning.”
“Everyone?” Furrowing my brows, I glance down at my bare feet. My dark blue polish is chipping at the corners, and I curl them under so Ashley won’t notice. How did everyone find out?
“Yeah, and I can’t believe you didn’t call me. I can’t believe I had to find out from other people. I mean, this is big. Really big. Like huge.”
I inhale sharply and nod. “It is. You’re right.” But I have no idea how she understands the magnitude of it. I’ve always kept my crush on Christian to myself.
“C’mere.” With a look of concern, she steps forward and draws me into a fierce hug. When my head collides with her chest, I catch a whiff of her floral perfume, and it’s a stark reminder that I’ve yet to even brush my teeth. I pull back and press my lips tightly together. “I just can’t believe you and Josh broke up.”
I freeze. “We what?”
“You broke up,” she repeats slowly, staring at me warily. “Didn’t you?”
My momentary relief that she doesn’t know about Christian and my kiss is replaced by anger. “Well, I wasn’t exactly sure how we left things. I mean, we got in a fight, and he kind of eluded to not wanting to be together, but he never actually said the words.”
“Are you okay?” She asks.
No, I’m not. But I also don’t think it has anything to do with Josh. The truth is, I’m more upset about the rejection from Christian than from Josh. However, I’m pretty pissed that Josh has already spread it around that we broke up. He told other people before he even told me. Jerk.
“Hello.” Ashley waves her perfectly manicured fingers in front of my face. “Earth to Emmy.”
Snapping out of it, I take a sip of my coffee. It’s a little hot and it scalds the tip of my tongue, but it seems fitting. I’ve been burned so many times this weekend I’ve lost count. “Sorry. I’m just not sure what I feel. I mean, I guess I’m confused.”
Ashley hops up into one of the barstools in front of the kitchen counter. “Okay, tell me everything that happened last night.”
I know she’s talking about what happened between Josh and me, but as I slide into the barstool next to hers, I can’t help but think about Christian. Never before have I been kissed like that. I always thought Josh was a good kisser, but I never had much to compare it to. Before dating Josh I’d only had one other kiss. It was with Miles Henry at the eighth grade dance, and it was a disaster. A slobbering, messy disaster. With Josh it was sometimes sloppy, but not disastrous. Still, I never knew a kiss could be like the one I experienced last night. I’m not sure what made it so great. Maybe it’s simply the fact that I’ve wanted it to happen for so long. But whatever the reason, I need to stop thinking about it. Christian made it clear that it will never happen again, so there’s no use replaying it. Besides, there’s no way to think about it without remembering the way it ended, and that’s too painful right now. Wrapping my hands around the ceramic coffee mug, I recount the events at the party. I stop when I get to the part where Christian showed up.
Ashley cringes. “Yikes. That’s harsh.”
“Yeah,” I agree.
“But you’re right. Josh never actually broke up with you.”
I sigh. “Not that it matters. Clearly it’s what he wants if he’s telling everyone.”
“I don’t think it was him. I think it was his friends.”
“Still. They weren’t with us when we had our fight, so he had to be the one to say something.”
Ashley bites her lip, her forehead scrunching as she mulls over my words. From behind her back, Cal shuffles into the kitchen, his head down. His hair looks about like mine, and he’s wearing nothing but his boxers. I clear my throat loudly, but it’s too late. Ashley has already turned around and spotted him. Her gaze travels up and down his body, her eyebrows raising.
“Well, good morning there, sleepy head,” she says.
He groans. “What are you doing here?”
Ashley giggles as if Cal’s teasing is meant in a friendly way. And that’s because she truly believes it is. Cal is sort of known for being sarcastic with his friends. But I can tell the difference between “sarcastic Cal” and “annoyed Cal”. Ashley clearly cannot. She thinks Cal’s constant teasing of her is because he likes her. But it’s really because he doesn’t.
Cal’s dislike of Ashley is funny to me, because Cal is actually the reason the two of us became friends. I’d known of Ashley since middle school. Everyone did. She was the most popular girl in our school. Since I was sort of a book nerd, our paths never crossed. We had a couple of classes together, but I doubt she even noticed me. I kept to myself a lot back then.
But then at the end of last year we both attended one of Cal’s baseball games. Ashley was dating one of the guys on the team, so she’d come to watch him. I can’t remember now who it was. She’s been through many boyfriends since then. Ashley changes guys as often as other people change socks. That day Ashley ended up sitting next to me on the bleachers, and we struck up a conversation. I was surprised by how much she knew about baseball. Hanging out with Cal and Christian had forced me to learn the game, but rarely did I meet other girls who knew it that well. The more we talked, the more we liked each other. I realized she wasn’t the stuck up snob I’d always assumed she was, and she realized I was cooler than she had anticipated. And pretty soon we were besties.
“I came to console my best friend,” she says.
Inwardly I groan. Why does she always have to open her big mouth?
“Console her?” Cal’s eyebrows shoot up. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I say firmly, throwing Ashley a cautionary look.
She catches it and presses her lips tog
ether, finally shutting up. Unfortunately, it’s a little too late.
“Ashley?” Cal leans over the counter, pinning her with a stare. “What’s going on?”
She appears close to crumbling, so I rush to explain. “Josh and I got in a little fight last night. It’s no big deal.”
Cal pushes himself off the counter. “I knew something happened last night.”
My face heats up. Yeah, a lot happened last night.
“Do you need me to kick his ass?”
He’d love that, wouldn’t he? I slug Cal in the arm. “No.”
“It sounds like a good offer. I might take him up on it,” Ashley chimes in.
“That bad, huh?” Cal’s gaze sweeps over me. “Tell me what happened, Em.”
“I told you it was nothing.” My ring tone floats down the hallway from my room. My head bobs up. “Hold on.” Before leaving the room, I point my index finger at Cal. “No beating anyone up. I’ll be right back.”
“Ashley may get on my nerves, but I’d never hit a girl,” Cal quips.
Ashley sticks her tongue out at him. “Very funny.”
“Whatever.” I shake my head and race down the hallway. When I reach my room, I head to my dresser where my cell sits on top. Josh’s picture stares back at me from the screen. My heart pounds in my chest. Why is he calling? To break it off officially? While I’m having my mini freak-out session, the phone ceases ringing. The silence reverberates through my body. I stand perfectly still, wondering what my next move is. Do I call him back or freeze him out? What would a non-needy girlfriend do?
The phone vibrates and a text appears. I pick it up and read it.
Josh: I’m sorry about last night. I was drunk and stupid. Don’t ignore me.
As I’m reading it, another one comes through.
Josh: Please?
“Who is it?” Ashley materializes in my doorway.
I flinch.
She flicks her gaze over her shoulder. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, but I had to get outta there. Your brother was totally irritating me.”
“It’s okay. Come in.” I wave her inside, and then flash the phone in her direction. “What should I do?”