by Amber Garza
Mom steps out from behind the counter, her expression hard. “Need I remind you that I’m your mom? I know it’s always been the two of us, and sometimes you forget your role, but you’re my son. I don’t have to explain myself to you.”
Taking a step back, I recoil from her words. My mom has always demanded respect, but it’s rare that she talks to me like this. “So that’s it, then? You’re gonna just keep hanging out with the guy?”
“C’mon, Chris. Don’t make this into a big deal. He came to buy his mom a gift. Sometimes he does that.” She smiles at me. “Okay?”
“I’m sorry,” I mutter, feeling like an ass. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
“I appreciate that,” Mom says. “But you have to trust me. I know what I’m doing.”
****
My attraction to Emmy terrified me from the beginning. From the first day when I saw her in that damn red bikini. I was terrified of Cal finding out. Terrified I wouldn’t be able to hide my feelings. But mostly, terrified of having to watch her date someone else.
Emmy never dated. Unless you counted Miles in middle school, but I didn’t. I knew she never liked that guy. Emmy kept to herself, finding solace in school work and numbers. So I had hoped there was nothing to worry about. But then she started tagging along to the baseball parties with Ashley. That was when fear took root for me. Emmy dating anyone would be awful. Emmy dating a guy on my team would be hell.
Luckily none of the guys went after her. I had Cal to thank for that. None of the guys wanted to chance pissing off our star pitcher by hitting on his little sister. There was one party where Hayes talked to her for awhile, but Cal assured me that Hayes hadn’t come on to her. I was sure he wanted to, but I knew he’d never compromise his standing with Cal. As days passed, my chest expanded a little, my worry dissipating. I thought I was home free. I figured by the time Emmy dated someone I’d be away at college and wouldn’t have to witness it.
But then the unthinkable happened.
It was a random weekday. It started out like all the others. I dragged my sorry ass out of bed and went to school. Had I known what I was about to encounter, I might have stayed home. Stayed tucked into my warm covers, perhaps for all of eternity. But I didn’t. I marched right into the school hallway, a book tucked under my arm, my backpack strapped on my back. And that’s when I saw them – Emmy and Josh – lip-locked at his locker.
I almost dropped my book. I almost threw my backpack. I almost hit the guy in his face.
However, I knew I couldn’t do any of those things. Mainly because it would be irrational. I had no claim to Emmy. She was free to date whomever she wanted. Even though I wanted her to be with me, I knew that would be impossible.
But none of these rational thoughts made it any easier to see her with him.
And to this day, it hasn’t gotten any better. I still cringe when I pass them in the halls. My stomach still knots when I catch them kissing or holding hands. I still fantasize about punching him in the face about a million times a day.
And it’s only gotten worse since the night we kissed. Not just because of the way he treated her, but because that kiss ignited my feelings. It made the small spark of attraction I felt for her grow into a full-blown flame. And pretty soon I fear it will singe everything in sight.
Ever since Emmy and Josh have gotten back together, I’ve been watching him closely. No way am I going to let him get away with treating her the way he did at the bonfire party. And so far he’s been pretty cool. He wants everyone to believe he’s turned over a new leaf or something, but I know better.
The guy’s a dick. He always has been, and always will be. No matter what others believe, I’m not falling for his act. Not for a minute. It’s also why I’m not surprised when I catch him flirting with another girl in the hall before third period.
Regardless, I’m not letting him get away with it.
He’s leaning against the locker, all smiles and raised eyebrows, when I approach. His grin falters a bit when he spots me.
“What’s up, Joshy,” I say in my best condescending tone.
The smile on his face slips further. “Nothin’ much,” he speaks with an irritated edge to his tone.
“Who’s this?” I indicate the petite blond he’s talking to.
“None of your business,” he sneers.
“Really?” I raise my brows. “Well, then you won’t mind if I tell Emmy about her.”
His tone hardens. “Go ahead. She’s no one. Just a friend.”
The girl’s face falls, and I feel kind of bad for her. But only kind of. Truth is, I’ve done her a favor. Shaking her head, she stalks off.
“What’s your problem, man?” Josh narrows his eyes at me.
“You’re my problem.”
Josh laughs. “Damn, you’re like a walking cliché, you know that? Like a character on one of those teen sitcoms, but not nearly as witty.”
“If we are on one of those shows, then I guess that makes you the expendable guy. The one who’s not needed. The one no one likes.”
“Oh, I think you’ve got that backwards.” he says. “By the way, how is your dad, Chris?”
“Watch it.” I grit my teeth, tired of his smart-ass comments. Tired of his crap. Tired of him. Reaching out, I grab the collar of his shirt and slam him up against the locker.
“Whoa.” He throws up his arms, glancing around at the crowded halls. “You’re not gonna throw down with me right here, are you? What would happen to our star pitcher if his favorite catcher got benched?”
I hate that he’s right. Grunting, I release my grip on him. “We certainly wouldn’t miss your sorry ass if you were out.”
He squints as if scrutinizing me, and steps closer. “What’s your real issue with me, Chris?”
“I want you out of Emmy’s life.” There. I said it.
“Too bad it’s not your call, man.” A small smile spreads across his face. “It’s
Emmy’s. And let me tell you, right now she’s calling all day long.”
It’s sick what he’s insinuating, and I want to wipe that smug look off his face. But it’s also the truth. That stings more than I’m willing to admit. “Not for long. Pretty soon she’ll see you for who you are.”
“Oh, I think she already does. And I think she likes what she sees.” He winks before strutting away from me.
Blowing out a breath, I slam my hand into a nearby locker. Pain shoots through my fingers, but I welcome it. The thought of that guy touching and kissing Emmy is too much to take. And no amount of punching lockers is going to make me feel better. I’m not sure anything will work right now. Well, anything other than Emmy in my arms. Emmy’s mouth on mine. Emmy’s hands on my body. Emmy curled against me, skin on skin. Groaning, I bang my head repeatedly against the locker. Stop it, Chris. Stop it. Stop it.
“Christian?”
I jump at the sound of Emmy’s voice.
“Hey.” My gaze flickers to the other students passing by throwing me curious glances. Then it shoots to the ground, the lockers, the wall, the floor. Anywhere but her face. I’m afraid she’ll see the desire in my eyes, read the thoughts in my mind. Sweat forms on my brow, my face heating up.
“You okay?”
“Uh…yeah.” Glancing up, our eyes collide, and my heart stutters in my chest.
She moves closer to me, resting her shoulder against the locker. “You sure?”
I open my mouth to answer when the bell rings out. A kid races down the hallway slamming into Emmy, and she jostles forward. Throwing out my arms I catch her before she topples over. My hands lock around her waist as her body slides against mine. I swallow thickly, my mouth dry, as I lower my gaze to hers. Our faces are so close if I bend forward our lips will touch. And it takes every ounce of willpower I have not to do that. Gripping tighter to her waist, I stare deeply into her eyes as if begging her to give me permission to keep holding her, to touch her, to kiss her. Hell, I wish I didn’t need permission. I wish she w
as mine. I wish I had the right to touch her like this.
But I don’t.
She’s not mine.
She’s his.
Shuddering, I step back and release her.
“Um…thanks.” She lowers her gaze to the floor. “I better get to class.”
“Yeah, me too.” As I watch her walk away, I breathe deeply to slow down the racing of my heart.
EMMY
Something’s not right.
Josh has been acting off all day. Actually, he’s acting a lot like he used to. Like the Josh before the bonfire party. He’s distant, and a little on edge. I keep asking if he’s angry with me, but he assures me he isn’t. Regardless, he’s no fun to be around. This morning he asked if I wanted to hang out this afternoon, catch a movie or something. Since the storm is still raging, baseball practice has been cancelled. And it did sound kind of fun earlier. Normally in the afternoons I just hang in my room doing homework and stuff. However, now that we’re at his house, all I want to do is take off.
We’re sitting on the couch and Josh is scrolling the movie times on his phone. “There’s nothin’ good showing.”
“That’s okay. We don’t have to see a movie.”
“Really?” He turns to me.
“Yeah.” The way his gaze roams my body, I can tell he thinks I’m giving him an invitation to do something else, and that makes my skin crawl. There’s no way I can make out with Josh this afternoon. It wouldn’t be right. Not when I’ve spent all day fantasizing about someone else. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the way Christian held me in the school hallway earlier, about how good it felt when his hand slid against my waist. About how much I wished he would kiss me. When Josh’s face nears mine, I scramble off the couch. “Um…I really should get going anyway. I have a ton of homework.”
Ashley texted me earlier to see if I wanted to hang out this afternoon. I contemplate heading over to her house after this, but I don’t know if I’m up for Ashley either. I think I want to go home.
Josh grunts, shaking his head. “Whatever.”
Irritation blossoms inside of me. I’m tired of Josh and his attitude. Truth is, I’m tired of the whole relationship. If we can even call it a relationship. At this point I’m only using him as a way to get over Christian, and it’s not even accomplishing its goal. I need to call the whole thing off. The sad thing is that when I do, I doubt Josh will even care. Half the time I’m not sure he likes me.
“Josh,” I start, but he waves away my words.
That’s when I notice his phone buzzing. He brings it up to his ear. “Hey, man. What’s up?” He pauses. “No way.” Another pause. “That’s dope.”
I roll my eyes. It’s the most enthusiasm I’ve seen from him all day. With my hand on my hip, I wait while he talks to who I’m assuming is either Chase or Nolan. They’re the only people who elicit this much excitement from him. But as the conversation drones on, I get bored. He doesn’t even seem to notice I’m still here.
Oh well. Shaking my head, I pick up my purse and stalk to the front door. Once outside, I hurry toward my car, jump inside and head home. As I drive, I decide that the next time I talk to Josh I’m breaking things off. This entire thing has gone on long enough. Even if I can’t have Christian, I don’t want to be with Josh. Being alone might scare me, but it can’t be worse than being in this kind of relationship.
When I turn onto my street, I spot Ashley’s car parked in my driveway. That’s weird. I know I told her I was hanging out with Josh. I wonder if maybe she forgot. Or maybe she talked to him and he told her I left. I park along the curb and cut the engine. I’m not really in the mood for Ashley, but I guess I have to be now. And that’s kind of how it goes when you’re her friend. She likes to show up unannounced. It’s sort of her thing. Cal says it’s because she has no idea how annoying she is, but he doesn’t know her like I do. Her home life is pretty sad. I think a lot of her behavior is to mask how lonely and unhappy she is.
With that in mind, I trek up the driveway and unlock the front door. When I step inside, I expect to see Ashley pop out, squeal, and wrap me in one of her perfumed hugs. But instead silence greets me. I do detect the faint smell of her perfume, though, and I follow its trail. As I near my room, I assume she’s waiting for me inside. Probably perusing my closet or going through my CD’s. My door is closed, so I pop it open. It’s empty.
Perplexed, I drop my backpack on the floor.
That’s when I hear Ashley giggling, and it’s coming from Cal’s room. Great. If she’s bothering him I’m never going to hear the end of this. Groaning, I race toward the sound. When I reach his room, the door is ajar and I press my palm to it, opening it the rest of the way.
Then I inhale sharply, my eyes widening. What the ---
I don’t know where to look.
Everywhere my eyes land seems wrong.
Cal’s lips…on Ashley’s lips.
Ashley’s hands….under Cal’s shirt.
Cal’s fingers…tangled in Ashley’s hair.
Their legs…woven together so tightly it takes me a minute to decipher which ones are which.
Gasping, I take several steps backwards until my tailbone hits the opposite wall. Cal’s head swivels in my direction. His face pales, his mouth dropping open. “Emmy!”
I shake my head. No way. This can’t be happening. He doesn’t even like her. He tells me all the time. Unless he only said that to keep me from finding out. How long has this been going on? Heart hammering in my chest, I flee down the hallway and run to my bedroom. Then I slam my door closed with such force that one of the pictures on the wall falls to the ground. It’s of Ashley and me, so it seems fitting. I almost fling it across the room. But I don’t want to risk cutting my skin on glass.
“Emmy.”
I flinch when Cal pounds on my door.
“C’mon. Open up.”
I think about how I felt so guilty when I kissed Christian. It’s funny how I was worried about Cal’s feelings when clearly he’s not worried about mine. Then I realize I’m being unfair. I kissed Cal’s best friend. He kissed mine. How is that different? Maybe they really like each other. Perhaps they’ve been fighting their feelings for my sake. Maybe that’s the real reason Cal always says he hates her.
One. Two. Three breaths. I open the door.
“Hey.” Cal steps inside. “I’m so sorry.”
“How long has this been going on?” I ask.
Ashley appears behind him. I expect her to appear ashamed, but instead she looks smug.
“Not very long,” Cal says.
“Oh, c’mon, Cal.” Ashley runs her fingernails up Cal’s arm. “Don’t lie to her. We’ve been messing around off and on ever since you and I started hanging out.”
My jaw drops. And neither of them ever told me?
“Grow up, Em,” Ashley says in that condescending tone of hers. “You didn’t think I hung out here all the time just for you, did you?”
Her words are like a sucker punch to my gut. I feel so betrayed. By my so called best friend and my brother.
“Just go!” I say to both of them. I can’t stand to look at either of them. I need space. I need time to process this.
However, only Ashley listens. She spins around and sashays down the hallway. But not before mouthing, “Call me” to my brother. Is she for real?
“Em, what can I say? I’m a guy,” Cal says after Ashley leaves. “Ash may be annoying, but she’s hot. And she was always throwing herself at me.”
“So you don’t even like her?” This is nothing like what happened between Christian and me. At least not on my end. I feel sick wondering if this was how Christian saw me though. Did he only kiss me because he thought I was throwing myself at him?
“We were just having fun.”
It’s the last straw. I glare at him. “Go to hell, Cal.” I’ve never spoken to my brother like that, but I’ve never been this angry before. I feel so betrayed. I feel so angry.
I feel so alone.
CHRISTIAN
Finally there is a break in the rain, so I head to Cal’s. I texted him earlier, but he didn’t answer. However, he told me he was hanging out at home this afternoon, so I’ll catch him there. See if he wants to throw around the ball. I’m sure he’s missing it as much as I am. It’s muddy outside, but that’s not going to stop us. We can take a little dirt.
I don’t see Cal’s car outside, but I know that he sometimes parks in the garage. Besides, Emmy’s car is here, so I figure if he’s not home I’ll hang with her for a little while. I tell myself it’s purely innocent, but my palms moisten at the thought of being alone with her.
Mustering up all my self-control, I head to the front door. I knock several times before Emmy opens it. Tears streak her face, pain ravaging her features. All the air leaves me like a deflated balloon. Seeing her like this breaks me open, tugs at my heart. I’ve been trying to keep my distance, but all bets are off now. I tug her into my chest, my hands sweeping up her back. “What happened?”
She doesn’t answer immediately. Instead, she peers up at me and sniffles.
“Did Josh hurt you?” Anger surges through me. I’ve imagined pounding Josh’s face in for months. Now it seems like I’ll get my chance. I pull back, holding her by the shoulders. “I swear if he did --”
“No.” The word slices through mine. Pushing away from me, she wipes the tears from her face. I long to be the one to do that for her. What I wouldn’t give to touch her skin, to run my fingertips over her flesh, to comfort her. “Not him.” She walks away from the door, shivering. “Come inside. It’s cold out there.”
After firmly closing the front door, I follow her into the family room where she sinks down onto the couch.
“Then what’s going on?” I sit next to her.
“Did you know about Ashley and Cal?” She shakes her head. “Who am I kidding? Of course you did. He tells you everything.”
Not this. “Are you saying what I think you are?”