by Amber Garza
He keeps that stupid smug smile, but his face drains of color, and I know he got the message. Heard it loud and clear. I can tell Ashley does too by the way her eyes widen. When her gaze rests on me, my face hardens. I won’t hurt her, but I’m okay with her being scared of me. I don’t want her anywhere near Emmy either. They’re both poison in my opinion. Ashley cowers, latching on to Josh.
“And just so you know, I’m not the only person you should be scared of,” I add, looking pointedly at Josh. “You damage my mom’s shop again, and I’ll make sure my mom presses charges. Your dad may have talked her out of it this time, but no way will you get so lucky again.” I smile, glancing around at the crowd that’s gathered in the hallway. “But I heard you did a knock-out job of cleaning up your mess, so kudos for that. Maybe you can add window washer to your list of career goals. It’s gotta be a step up from your other skills.” Snickers circle us.
Cursing, he shakes off Ashley’s arm and storms down the hallway. Whimpering, she scurries after him, her high-heeled boots clacking on the linoleum. I knew that would piss him off. Mom told me how he spent all night cleaning the derogatory word off the window of the shop. Even though I don’t believe it was enough of a punishment, I’m still satisfied to know that he clearly hated it so much. Once they’re gone, I turn to Emmy, snatching up both her hands.
“You won’t fight him again, will you?” Her eyebrows raise.
“Not if he listens to me,” I say, wondering where this sudden desire to defend him is coming from. “Why? You don’t still care about him, do you?”
“No.” She shakes her head vehemently. “Not at all. Trust me. But I do care about you. And I don’t want you to jeopardize your place on the team for him. He’s not worth it.”
****
My stomach bottoms out when she opens the front door. I came straight from practice. I didn’t bother going home to shower even though I knew I should have. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want Emmy. And I’ve never felt like this before. Never missed a girl after only a few hours. Never thought about a girl nonstop, even while playing ball.
“Hey.” Lowering her gaze, she flutters her long lashes, pink rising on her cheeks. The shyness is new. It started after our first kiss.
Truth is, I kind of like it.
I don’t answer her. In fact, I don’t say a word. Stepping forward, I frame her face with my hands and crash my lips into hers. A surprised gasp sounds at the back of her throat. But then her hands are on my waist, her mouth responding eagerly. I grip her face tighter, my tongue parting the seam of her lips. I practically growl as her tongue slides over mine. She tastes like candy, and her fruity scent spins around me. Her mouth is hot, her lips moist and soft. I feel the warmth of her fingers through my shirt as her hands travel up my spine. Her touch is gentle and tender, graceful. Unlike mine which is manic and desperate. I try to temper it but I can’t seem to slow down. I’ve been fantasizing about this moment all day.
For the first time in weeks, I was on. Not one pitch got by me. And my arm felt better than it had in ages. It was all this pent up desire. All of this need flowing through me. But Emmy isn’t a ball. She’s not part of the game. She’s a girl. She’s beautiful and smart.
And mine.
Forcing my heart to slow a little, I soften my hold on her. I draw my mouth back from hers. But only temporarily. Only long enough to catch my breath. I don’t plan to stop kissing her any time soon.
“What was that for?” She speaks against my mouth, her breath tickling my lips.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” This time she’s the one who takes initiative. When her mouth clamps over mine, I clutch her so tightly our heartbeats mingle. As our kiss deepens, I hear loud throat clearing, and I flinch. Tearing my lips from Emmy’s, I spot Tim standing over her shoulder, watching us with a serious expression.
I release Emmy and swallow hard.
“Um…hi Mr. Fisher.”
He flashes me an amused smile. “Since when do you call me Mr. Fisher?”
“Uh…I don’t know. I just thought maybe now I should.” I have no idea why I’m acting like a bumbling idiot. This is Tim we’re talking about. He’s been like a dad to me for years. Everything feels different now though.
“Well, you thought wrong,” Tim says. “Your relationship with Emmy may have changed, but your place in this family hasn’t.”
My heart swells. “I appreciate that, sir…uh…” Damn it, what is wrong with me? Tim’s eyebrows jump up. I’ve never called him sir before. “I mean, Tim.”
Tim shakes his head, letting out a small chuckle. Then he points behind me. “You’re letting in the cold air, Chris.”
Emmy giggles, and I blow out a breath.
“Sorry.” I guess we’d gotten so caught up in each other we never left the doorway. Reaching out, I slam the door closed. When I turn around, Tim is gone. Emmy drops her head to my chest and laughs.
“Well, that was awkward,” she says.
“Little bit.” I chuckle lightly. “But at least he’s taking this well.”
“Surprisingly,” she says. “What about Olivia? Does she know about us?”
I nod. “Told her last night. She was cool with it, but I knew she would be.”
When she peers up at me, a strand of hair falls in her eyes. I swipe it away with my finger. Then I lean down and gently sweep my lips over hers. My earlier desperation has waned. I’m like an addict who got his fix, and now I can take things slower. This time I go easy on her. I kiss her softly. Once. Twice. Three times. I can practically see her counting, and it makes my heart skip a beat. Then I gently slide my tongue over her lips. When she opens her mouth, a gust of wind hits my back.
“Ah, hell no,” Cal’s voice startles me.
I pull away from Emmy. Her eyes widen.
“I may have said you two could date, but I don’t wanna come home to see that shit.” He covers his eyes with his hand and hurries past us, racing down the hallway. When he reaches his room, his door slams shut.
Emmy gives me a sheepish look. “Are you regretting this yet?’
“Never,” I assure her.
EMMY
Ashley and I haven’t spoken since the day she told me the truth about our friendship. A part of me still feels hurt by how everything went down, but mostly I’m angry. And honestly, the more time I spend away from her, the more perspective I have. Therefore, I have no desire to talk to her ever again.
However, I don’t get my wish because today Ashley chooses to break her silence. She has the perfect opening because our teacher is busy with Taylor, the new girl who just started today. Ashley sits behind me in class, and when she first leans forward to whisper in my ear I assume it will be about the new girl. When Mr. West introduced Taylor to the class the girl didn’t smile. Instead, she scowled at all of us. And the truth is, she kind of scares me with her ripped jeans, black shirt, dyed hair and array of piercings. We don’t have many skater girls around here, so I’m not sure how well she’ll fit in.
But Ashley doesn’t mention Taylor. In perfect Ashley fashion, she goes straight for the jugular. “I saw you with Christian today, and I thought I should offer you some friendly advice,” she whispers harshly.
Keeping my back rigid, I don’t turn. I know better. Ashley doesn’t give friendly advice. Anything out of her mouth is going to be poison, and I’m not interested in hearing it.
Too bad she doesn’t get the hint. Instead she whispers, “Don’t get too comfortable with Christian. I mean, I’m sure he’s making you a ton of promises right now, but you have to know it’s not gonna last.”
I bite my lip to keep from responding. It’s not like I owe her an explanation. We’re not friends anymore.
“Christian’s always had commitment issues. You and I both know that. But also, this is his senior year. He’s going away to college soon. You’re just a way to pass the time until then. And it makes sense that he’d chose you. Like I said before, you’re an easy target.
” Her chair creaks as she settles into it. I guess she’s finished.
Taylor moves down the aisle finding a seat near mine and lowering into it. A weird scent, almost like incense, wafts under my nose. Mr. West starts writing an equation on the board, but I can’t focus on it. Normally this is the class I can lose myself in. Numbers make sense to me. I find comfort in their order. I like how there is only one right answer, unlike English where it’s all conjecture and opinions, where creativity reigns supreme.
But today I find no comfort in any of it. The numbers are like a jumbled mess on the board, all running together like an impressionist painting. I know I shouldn’t let Ashely’s words get to me. She’s just being mean. Spewing her poisonous venom. Only I know there’s some truth to what she said. Christian is going away to college. He and Cal both are. It’s why Cal was dating that college girl in the first place. He said it was because he doesn’t want to get tied down to some high school girl only to break it off with her when he leaves.
And as much as it pains me to admit it, Ashley’s right about me being an easy target for Christian. I practically threw myself at him. And it’s no secret that I’ve had a crush on him for years. As well as I thought I’d hidden it, I realize now that I was actually pretty obvious. Everyone seemed to pick up on it.
Did Christian already know it too? Probably.
When Mr. West calls on me, I scramble around trying to give him the correct answer, but I get it wrong. He furrows his bushy brows, clearly confused. And I don’t blame him. I never get the wrong answer. When my gaze flickers over to Ashley, she smiles smugly, and I feel sickened. She knows she’s rattled me.
One. Two. Three. Four. I pull in deep breaths, but it’s no use. My heart still beats out of control, my nerves still frayed. Nothing is working for me today.
The minute the bell rings, I bolt out of the class. I have to get away from Ashley and her knowing stare. As I barrel out the door, I run right into Christian. His arms come around me.
“Whoa. Where’s the fire?” he says.
“Sorry.” I glance behind me. “I just wanted to get to lunch fast, I guess.” Man, that makes me sound lame.
His eyebrows knit together. “Hey.” He clutches my arm. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I lie. “Fine.” I lower my gaze, staring hard at the toe of my boots.
He doesn’t look convinced. “Did something happen in class? You normally love math.”
I shrug, knowing I have to give him something. “I just got a problem wrong and it rattled me a little.”
He smiles, stealing a quick peck on my cheek. “My little perfectionist.” Satisfied, he threads his fingers through mine and guides me down the hall. My chest expands with each step, and I feel lighter by the time we reach the cafeteria. But as we sit down at the lunch table, I can’t help but shake the feeling of impending doom. I try to imagine what next year will be like when Cal and Christian are gone. It’s not like I didn’t know they were leaving. But I hadn’t thought much about it until Ashley said something.
I’ve lost my only friend. Cal and Christian are all I have. Once they’re gone I’ll be alone.
Again.
“Em.” Christian’s finger tucks under my chin. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah.” I force a smile.
“Cause you seem off.”
This is the only part of dating Christian that’s going to be tough. I can’t mask my feelings around him. He knows me too well. When Josh and I were dating, I could be so furious I was on the verge of tears and he wouldn’t notice. Christian notices the slightest change in my behavior. In some ways I find it comforting. In other ways it can be problematic. A part of me wants to tell him what Ashley said, but I know it will make me sound stupid on so many levels. One, because I should’ve been prepared for Christian to leave for college. He filled out applications at my house, and my family has discussed college plans with Christian for years. And second, because I shouldn’t still be letting Ashley get to me. I mean, how many times am I going to allow that girl to railroad me?
“I’m not,” I say simply. Then I reach into my backpack and pull out my lunch. After grabbing my bottled water out, I unscrew the cap and pour liquid down my parched throat. When I glance back up, Christian is watching me, wearing a pensive look.
Ashley saunters past us, her gaze resting on me for a moment. It’s a quick glance, but Christian catches it, and his eyes flash.
“You two have math together, right?” he asks, his tone hard.
I stare at the clock on the wall. One. Two. Three seconds.
“Emmy?”
My gaze snaps to his. “Yes.”
He can see right through me. “What did she say to you?”
I hesitate.
“I know she said something, so you might as well tell me.” He grabs my hand, stroking my flesh with his fingers. I shiver. “C’mon. Spill. Was it about me? About us?”
I nod. He frowns. I don’t want to upset him, so I wave my hand in a nonchalant way. “It was nothing really. She was just trying to get under my skin.”
“Seems like it worked.”
My chest tightens.
“I want to help you, Emmy. But I can’t if you keep things from me.”
“Okay.” I exhale. “She just made some snide comment about how you’re just using me until you leave for college.”
His hand curls around mine and squeezes tightly. “But you know that’s not true, right?”
I want to answer yes, but the word gets lodged in my throat.
“Emmy?” He leans in closer, his eyes piercing mine. “I thought you trusted me?”
“I do,” I breathe. “But I trusted Ashley, and I trusted Josh.” Moisture fills my eyes, but I blink it back. “They were both using me.”
“They never cared about you like I do. You know that,” he says firmly.
“Yeah, I know, but it’s not just them.” I stare deeply into his eyes, needing some of that wisdom right now. Needing him to see me. “They’re not the only ones who cast me aside like I mean nothing.”
His eyes soften, and he reaches out to touch my face. “Your mom loves you.” He pauses. “She just has a different way of showing it.”
I snort. “Yeah, you can say that again.”
“But I’m not her either.” His thumb grazes my cheek. “I have no intention of casting you aside. You mean a lot to me. You always have.”
I nod, knowing he’s being truthful. No matter what happens next year or the year after that, I know Christian cares about me. At this moment, he wants to be with me. Not in the way that Ashley or Josh did. This is not the same. How could I ever have doubted him? Leaning forward, I seal his words with a kiss.
“Oh, no.” Cal groans. “Don’t you two ever take a break?” The bench squeaks when he sits down.
As we draw back from each other, we both chuckle.
“Not if I can help it,” Christian jokes.
“Dude, watch it. That’s my sister,” Cal banters back.
Christian looks at me, touches my shoulder, and then swings his legs around. “I’ll be right back.”
I freeze. “Where are you going?”
He smiles, but doesn’t answer. His gaze lands on where Ashley stands in the middle of a cluster of her friends. They used to be my friends too, but they don’t speak to me anymore. Not that I’m surprised since they were always more Ashley’s friends than mine. He’s reached her before I can stop him, so I sit in stunned silence and watch from the bench.
“What’s going on?” Cal asks me, sensing my tension.
I shake my head, trying to hear what’s being said.
“You and I need to talk,” Christian says, pointing to Ashley.
She smiles. “Wow, it didn’t take long for you to realize you needed a real woman, huh?”
Her friends giggle, and my stomach sours. Cal shakes his head in disgust and throws me an apologetic look. I know he feels bad about his part in all this, but I don’t blame him. I’m the one who
brought her into our lives.
“I didn’t just realize that,” Christian answers deadpan. “I’ve always known that, and that’s why I never went for you no matter how many times you came on to me.” He glances at Ashley’s friends. “Which was a lot.”
Ashley’s face pales, and she purses her lips. “What do you want, Christian?”
“I want you to leave Emmy alone.”
Her eyes find mine. “Oh, did I upset her today?” She shakes her head. “I was only trying to help.”
“Cut the shit, Ashley. We all know you weren’t trying to help. Don’t pretend you were ever Emmy’s friend,” he says, stepping closer to her. “You never fooled me. I could always see right through you. Emmy’s too good for you, and you knew it. You’ve been jealous of her from the get-go. That’s the real reason you’re doing this.”
“Jealous of her?” Ashley scoffs. “Yeah, right. What would I have to be jealous of?”
“She’s everything you’re not,” Christian says evenly. “But everything you wish you were. She’s the real deal, not some fake imitation like you.”
Ashley recoils like she’s been slapped, and red spots stain her cheeks. I’ve never heard anyone talk to her like that, and I can tell she hasn’t either.
“Just remember that Emmy has me. I won’t let anyone hurt her. Do you understand?”
“I don’t want anything to do with her.” Emmy turns her nose up at Christian.
“Good. Then we shouldn’t have a problem.” With that, Christian spins around and heads back to me. Ashley is still watching him when he grabs my hand, hoists me off the bench, and kisses me firmly on the lips.
CHRISTIAN
Eighteen.
Finally an adult. Able to make my own choices. To stand on my own two feet. To be a man.