“Wait.” He braced a palm on the door she was attempting to close on him. “I have a confession to make.”
She swallowed, looking at him, her mind whirring with possibilities of what his confession could be. Was he secretly married? Dating someone else? What was it?
“Oh?” It was all she could utter past the knot rising in her throat. Oh, goodie. She was back to monosyllabic conversation once more. The things this man did to her.
Jax leaned his hip against the doorjamb, his eyes as hot on hers as ever. “That’s not the only reason I stopped by.”
From the sudden, predatory change in his stance and expression, she had a feeling she knew why he’d stopped by. But he could keep his perfectly fitting jeans zipped this time around. She wasn’t biting.
She frowned at him. “If you stopped by for what I think you stopped by for, you can turn right around and go back to where you came from. I’m not that kind of girl.”
Jax hooked his free fingers into the belt loops of his jeans, drawing her attention down to where it shouldn’t be. His cock was an obvious ridge against his fly. She swallowed, knowing exactly how perfect that cock was, exactly how good it had felt inside her, in her mouth.
“What kind of girl?” he asked.
Get it together, Kassie. She forced her gaze back up to his, flushing when she realized he’d caught her ogling his goods. Damn it. “The kind of girl you can screw around with,” she elaborated, not bothering to sugarcoat it for him.
“I never thought you were.” His booted foot encroached on her territory, stepping up onto the threshold. “Can I come inside?”
“No.” It would be far safer for her sanity and her heart both if he stayed exactly where he was. Not to mention her panties.
“Jesus, Kassie. Don’t make me beg.”
Hmm. Now that had some definite appeal to it. She bit her lip, considering his request. “Somehow, I don’t believe you’re the begging type.”
His expression was serious. “Only if the situation warrants it.”
“So why did you come here, Jax?” She needed to know, couldn’t help herself.
“Because I had to see you.”
His voice was low, sending awareness sluicing over her along with the desire she’d come to know so well. His admission affected her. How could it not? It was exactly what she wanted to hear. Needed to hear. But it was about a week and a half too late.
“That’s nice,” she said airily. “Mission accomplished.” And then she tried to push the door closed again.
He wouldn’t let her, holding strong to his position halfway in her house, halfway out. She couldn’t help but notice that it was rather symbolic of his position in her life. Halfway in, halfway out. Close enough to drive her wild. Far enough away to make her wary.
“Please.” One word was all he said. His too-blue eyes were fastened to hers, pleading more than any words could.
Damn him.
“Fine.” She took a step in retreat, gesturing for him to enter. “You may as well come inside.”
He stepped into the entryway, closing the door at his back. It was too early in the morning for her to be engaging in this kind of conversation. That much, she knew. She crossed her arms over her chest in a defensive gesture and took two steps back. The farther away from her he stood, the better. No need to put herself into the danger zone any more than she already had.
“Well?” she demanded, discomfited by the way he was looking at her. It was as if he were devouring her with his gaze. And she liked it too much. She couldn’t afford to soften toward him. He had a lot of explaining to do, and she doubted very much that all the explanations in the world could offer enough reason for all the days he had allowed to fall between them.
“I’ve been avoiding you,” he said at last, startling her with his candor.
She’s expected charm, his hands on her, seduction. Not bare-bones honesty. She watched him, waiting. He raked his fingers through his hair and a pang of longing swept through her despite her firm determination not to allow herself to become susceptible to him once more.
“I’ve been a complete dick,” Jax continued, his expression distressed. He passed a hand over his face. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?” she asked, taking pity on him. Now that he was here, invading her house again, it was difficult to tamp down the feelings she had for him. She couldn’t help herself.
“Self-preservation,” he said simply, banishing any fear she’d had that he was simply using her. He wouldn’t have turned up like this, his heart on his sleeve, unless there was more to his story than she’d originally supposed. Than he’d originally told her.
But he needed to tell her first. She couldn’t read his mind. “Help me to understand.”
“I’ve been burned in my past. Badly. I guess I was afraid that what I was feeling for you was too much, too soon. That it wasn’t real.” He took a step forward, cutting the distance between them in half.
Something inside her melted. So much for her determination to keep him at arm’s length. Something about him wouldn’t allow her to do it. But that didn’t mean she was about to cave so easily. He had seemed so certain of her before, so ready for wherever their crazy attraction took them. She had to know what had caused his about-face. For the first time, a sneaking suspicion took root in her mind, one in the shape of a brother named Connor. Why hadn’t she thought of that before?
“What do you think now?” she asked, trying to keep her common sense close, to process everything he told her without letting her heart get the best of her.
“It’s real all right,” he said simply. “Being away from you was hard as hell.”
She felt that way too, but she wasn’t the one who had imposed the distance between them. That had been all Jax’s idea. She held her ground, watching him. “So why are you here now?”
“Because I can’t stay away.” The admission sounded torn from him.
It warmed her. How could it not? But she was still guarded. If she’d expected some kind of declaration of undying love, it wasn’t forthcoming. Not from a man like Jax. But she was just fine with that. She wasn’t comfortable with going full speed ahead either. Still, she wished he had shared his past with her sooner. Rather than letting her go cold turkey for a week and a half.
“That’s not good enough,” she told him. After all, she’d been left hanging all this time, agonizing over what she’d done wrong. He couldn’t just waltz back into her life, handsome as ever, ready to set her panties on fire. As fun as that sounded, she was too old for playing games. He’d invited her to meet his brothers, and she’d thought that it was an important step. That it meant something. Now she still didn’t know quite what to think.
“I know.” His hands clenched at his sides, and he looked uncomfortable as hell. Sexy, but uncomfortable. “I’m sorry.”
Her last defenses bailed on her. He was too damn impossible to resist, standing before her unfairly good-looking and humbled. “Apology accepted,” she said softly. “As long as you don’t disappear on me again. Third time is not a charm.”
“God, you look sexy this morning.” His voice was a low, raspy caress to her senses. The intent expression on his face as he took another step toward her made her wet.
“Not so fast.” She forced herself to take yet another step back. “You can’t just show back up as if nothing happened. I spent the last week and a half thinking I did something wrong.” Damn, she hadn’t meant to divulge that.
He winced. “I’m sorry, darlin’. You were perfect. Too perfect. My brother Slade is halfway in love with you after that cake.”
She smiled. “But not Connor.”
He looked abashed. “How’d you guess?”
“He was definitely giving off the protective big-brother vibe,” she said.
“A nice way of saying he was a dick,” Jax summed it up, running his fingers back through his hair again. “Yeah, he was just being himself, unfortunately. I’m sorry about that.”
Kassie wa
s almost enjoying watching Jax squirm. “I’d say I understand, but I don’t have brothers.”
“Like I said, consider yourself lucky.”
“You love your brothers.” She knew that much about him at least.
“Sometimes.” He grinned, the dimples she loved back in business. “I have a few meetings lined up this morning, and it sounds like you’re busy too. What are you doing for lunch?”
You, she almost said but held her tongue.
“I’m busy.”
His grin faded, his expression going serious. “Please, Kassie. I know I screwed up big time. At least let me try to make it up to you.”
How presumptuous of him. To expect her to just jump back into his arms, into his bed. That wasn’t happening, no matter how much her baser instincts wanted it to. He’d said that he was willing to go slowly with her. It was time to put his assertion to the test.
She raised a brow. “I have a feeling lunch isn’t going to accomplish that.”
“Are you going to make me beg?”
She pondered that one. “It’s sounding more appealing by the moment.”
“Then I’m begging you. Please come with me to lunch. Can I pick you up at twelve?”
She frowned at him. “I’ll think about it.”
He just nodded, clearly not ready to take no for an answer. “I’ll be here. If you don’t want to see me, don’t answer the door. Otherwise, see you then, darlin’.”
* * * * *
“Do you make a habit of abducting all your dates?” Kassie asked.
Jax grinned at her. She was seated across from him at a picnic table at his favorite barbecue pit. He’d been half afraid that she wouldn’t answer the door when he’d stopped by her house again at noon, but she’d been there. She’d been ready, purse in hand. He’d been instantly relieved.
“You were more than willing,” he pointed out. “That hardly counts as an abduction.”
She scrunched up her face at him in that way that drove him crazy, telling him she was busy forming a retort. God, he’d missed her. Staying away had been the stupidest move he’d ever made. “Hmm. I didn’t have much choice.”
He supposed he hadn’t given her much chance to say no. But too damn much time had intervened between them. He’d thought about her every day since the dinner at his house. So many times, he’d picked up the phone, ready to call. And then Connor’s words had come back to taunt him. He’d been determined to give himself some time, some breathing room. To see if his need for Kassie would abate with a little distance between them.
It hadn’t.
If anything, it had only increased. She was all he could think about, day and night. He hadn’t been able to focus on work. He hadn’t been able to stay away. And so, he’d diverted his crew to another job site today intentionally. He’d lied to her about the deadline. There wasn’t one, at least not one that would force him to shuffle the crew away from her office renovation. But it was the only good excuse he could come up with for showing up at her place again. He’d been convinced she was going to slam the door in his face. Lord knew he deserved it.
He was damn thankful she’d decided to give him a second chance. Now that he’d begun to worm his way back into her good graces though, there was still something hanging over his head. He had never corrected her assumption that he worked for his business rather than owning it. He’d have to tell her sooner or later, and he hoped like hell that she wouldn’t be upset with him. He didn’t like the feeling that he was keeping something from her—it was a rock in his belly—but he knew now wasn’t the time. Not when he’d just lucked out enough to get her understanding about the last week.
He picked at his potato salad, a dish he ordinarily couldn’t eat enough of. Bartlett’s Barbecue was as famous for their sides as for their pit-smoked beef. It was the closest you could get to nirvana in your mouth this side of his mama’s cooking.
Kassie hadn’t eaten much so far, but he had a feeling it had more to do with things weighing on her mind than on the quality of the spread before her. He didn’t want to dwell on their time apart. Instead, he wanted to make the best of the time ahead of them. He had every intention of making himself a permanent fixture in her life. Connor and his doubts could go straight to hell. He knew what he felt.
He gave his pride a backseat, knowing he had a long way to go, toeing the line, before she’d let him all the way back in again. “Thank you for coming to lunch with me,” he told her.
“I almost didn’t, you know.” Her expression was stubborn.
“I’m glad you did.” He reached across the table, covering her hand with his. She didn’t flinch away, and the mere contact of her skin on his was enough to give him half a hard-on. Damn. He cleared his throat. Time to stick to a safer subject. “So tell me, how’s work going for you?”
“Great.” She took a sip of her sweet tea. “I’ve been reading new submissions all morning.”
He had to admit that he was intrigued by her job. He knew very little about the publishing industry. Lord knew the closest they could come to anything like it in Atlantic was the free weekly newspapers distributed around town. Not much of a comparison. He wanted to know more. “What kind of books do you edit?”
Her expression changed, and unless he was mistaken, she blushed just a little bit. “Erotic romance, actually.”
He found himself grinning at her. He wouldn’t have suspected it, but yet it made perfect sense. His Kassie was a woman of passion. “Sounds like fun,” he drawled, thinking of her sitting in front of her computer, reading steamy sex scenes.
“I love it.” She slid her hand from beneath his and pushed a few strands of her long brown hair out of her face. “But that’s not what I really want to talk about at the moment.”
Oh shit. He’d opened himself up for that one and he knew it. He raised a brow at her. “No?”
Kassie shook her head. “No. I want to talk about you.”
Great. He guessed it was time to unload his baggage on her. He really did owe her an explanation. He sighed, tucking into his brisket’s burnt ends while he contemplated what to say, how much, before swallowing the delicacy down. “About?”
She gave him a look. “It occurs to me that you got me to share a lot about myself, but that you never reciprocated. It’s your turn to spill the beans.”
“You were engaged,” he began, trying to find his feet in this conversation. “I was almost engaged.”
“What happened?” She fiddled with her sweet tea, her expressive eyes locked on him.
“She left me,” he said simply. “She decided that I wasn’t good enough for her. Mandy wanted someone with a college degree, someone who could give her the life she thought she deserved, and that wasn’t me.” The familiar bitterness slid through him as he thought back to the ugly last exchange he’d had with Mandy. He’d already had a ring for her. She’d found someone else. I can’t be with someone like you, she’d told him. I’m sorry. I thought it could work, but it won’t.
Someone like him.
Yeah, that still pissed him off whenever he thought back on it. As if he wasn’t good enough for her. He’d been prepared to give her everything, his heart, the house of her dreams, a life of extreme comfort. But in the end, she’d left him for a man she’d met back in her college days. Jax would never know how long Mandy had been in contact with the man, how long she’d been cheating on him. He guessed it didn’t really matter anymore. She’d decided to leave Atlantic and go to law school with her old flame, and that had simply been that. He’d gotten rid of the ring and hadn’t offered his heart up on a silver platter to anyone since.
“I’m sorry, Jax.” Kassie reached back across the table, her small hand closing over his. “It sounds like she wasn’t good enough for you.”
“It’s okay. She did me a favor.” And she certainly had. Because he would have lost so much more had he actually married Mandy. In the end, they would have both been miserable. She wasn’t the kind of woman for him, and he would never be t
he kind of man for her. “She was headed back to law school and I didn’t fit in with her plans. Looking back on it, she didn’t fit in with mine, either. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished, and I wouldn’t want to share my life with a woman who was ashamed of me.”
Even though he was running a family business, Jax had done his own hard work to get himself into his position. He’d made his way through apprenticeships in two different trades, carpentry and electrical. He hadn’t been the kind to simply coast through life and reap the rewards of having a well-heeled family. He’d wanted his men and his customers to respect him, and he didn’t regret eschewing college. He’d taken his fair share of schooling, and that was nothing to sneeze at, even if a woman like Mandy would never understand.
“How could she be ashamed of you?” Kassie asked, her voice sincere.
Warmth hit him in his gut. Damn, but this woman found a way to scale every defensive wall he’d ever thrown up around himself. She was too sweet, too kind. Too perfect in almost every way. “You’d have to ask her that, I guess. But she’s long gone by now.”
“Good,” she said firmly, “or I’d be tempted to give her a piece of my mind.”
He laughed, imagining that for a minute. Mandy was the opposite of Kassie, blonde to her brunette, aware of herself at all times, forever on a diet. Kassie was beautiful without being restrained, driving around in a ramshackle car and going out in public in her pajamas and an old t-shirt. Mandy wouldn’t have dreamed of it. She was always in full makeup, never a hair out of place, and he didn’t think he’d ever seen her touch chocolate cake, let alone bake one. Mandy hadn’t cooked. In fact, she hadn’t done much of anything other than expect him to provide her with the lifestyle she thought she was owed.
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