Sweet Montana Christmas

by Casey Dawes

  It was good to have her friend back.

  But all kidding aside, being around her mother for three days was going to strain every nerve in her body.

  Sue Anne had hoped to have the time to sort through her feelings about Zach. There was a moment when they’d been hiking last weekend when she thought she’d finally reached him, gotten him to understand the possibilities in front of them were much more important than career advancement in some big airport.

  But their parting had been cool, and she hadn’t heard from him this week because of his shift. Or was that only an excuse? She was getting tired of their on-again off-again whatever-it-was.

  She had a feeling she deserved more from a relationship than Zach Crippin was willing to give.

  Chapter 14

  Zach caught his breath as the glacial lake came into view. Avalanche Lake was a pristine blue green he’d never seen before.

  “Awesome, isn’t it?” Pat said. “Worth the couple miles to get here?”

  “Definitely.”

  They walked the rest of the way to the lake, and Zach’s amazement grew. Smooth river rocks of green, red, and various shades of brown reflected from the bottom of the lake. Minnows darted around their shadows, and he thought he saw a larger fish in the distant waters. On the far side of the lake, granite mountains scaled the deep blue sky.

  “Thanks for suggesting this,” he said.

  “Well, I couldn’t believe you’ve been here all this time and never made it up to Glacier.”

  “I didn’t know it was this beautiful. I thought it was all hype.”

  “Nope. Not as grandiose as Alaska—and that’s not hype either—but a great place in its own right. And it’s a lot closer.” He pointed to a grassy spot at the edge of the lake. “Want to eat our sandwiches there?”

  “Sounds good.”

  The clomp of their boots echoed on the hiking trail gravel and reverberated in the expanse. A few voices interrupted the silence, but they were too far away to disturb them. Instead, there was the gentle lap of the water on the shore, ebbing and flowing from the push of the wind and the wakes of ducks near the reeds.

  Just like the ebb and flow of his relationship with Sue Anne. He’d told her they’d be friends, and now he wasn’t even doing that. His failure during the Alert 4 had rattled him, but not as much as the feeling of total contentment he’d had on the Bear Creek Trail.

  He couldn’t be falling for her, could he?

  “What’s on your mind?” Pat asked him when they’d settled down with their sandwiches and sodas.

  “Nothing.”

  “Ah. Must be a woman, then.”

  “I told you, it’s nothing.”

  “When a man says it’s nothing, it’s always a woman. Let me guess, the chocolate lady.”

  Zach made a show of taking another bite of his lunch and chewing slowly while he stared across the lake.

  “Ellen’ll be here in three weeks,” Pat said. “I can’t wait. She got top dollar for her business, too. Smart, good-looking, and she loves me. It doesn’t get any better than that.”

  Zach stayed quiet.

  “Why don’t you take the plunge? Take the chocolate lady out.”

  “I did.”

  “And?”

  Zach watched an eagle, sun glinting off its white head, make a pivot at the edge of the lake and head into the trees. Should he tell Pat his plans? No. He was better off like the eagle—keeping his secrets to himself.

  “We had fun,” he said. “And, man, can she kiss.” He leaned back on his hands, soaking in the sun. It was good to be outside again. Muscles he didn’t use while working out burned from the uphill climb, but in a good way.

  Sue Anne would enjoy this hike.

  He couldn’t seem to get her out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried.

  “Aren’t you seeing her anymore?” Pat pulled open his soda, a small burp whooshing through the air.

  “I’m still seeing her. Well, sort of. It’s complicated. I told her we’d just be friends.”

  “Wait. Let me get this straight. You’ve found a woman who’s fun to be with. Someone you like to kiss. And you told her you wanted to be friends?”

  “Like I said, it’s complicated.”

  “Doesn’t sound complicated to me. Sounds like you’re being an idiot. Or hiding something. You don’t have a wife stashed in Peoria or something, do you?”

  “No.” Zach shifted position again. “Where are you and Ellen going to live?”

  “We’ll stay in my apartment until we can find a place. I’m not dumb enough to pick out a place on my own. That would truly piss off any woman.”

  “How’d you get so smart about women?”

  “Five sisters.”

  “And you were the only guy?” Zach asked.

  “Yep.”

  “God. There were three of us—all boys.”

  “Lucky guy.”

  “My parents were married pretty young,” he said. “I think they were in their twenties. We came along pretty quickly, my brothers and me. Yet, they’ve been pretty happy, at least as far as I’ve seen. They tried to raise us right.” If his mother knew how he was playing with Sue Anne’s feelings, she’d skin him alive. “How about yours?”

  “Not the same.” Pat started to gather up his lunch things and put them back in a plastic bag. “My dad found someone else when I was about fourteen. It ripped my mother up for a few years, but then she found someone, too. My stepdad’s okay, but we’re not close. He’s an office guy, and I need to be on the move.”

  He stood and brushed off the back of his pants. “Ready to head back?”

  “Wait a sec. We need proof we’ve been here.” Zach pulled his phone from his pack and stood by the lake. “C’mon. Get your ugly mug over here.”

  He snapped the selfie, then took a few more shots of the lake and the mountains. Colorado had the Rockies, too, but these seemed different, more solid and imposing. It was the kind of place that forced him to realize there was something greater than humanity.

  Probably a good thing.

  Too bad they’d wandered onto the topic of parents and families. Mom and Dad had their fights, sure, but they also laughed together and did things together, often without kids when he was growing up. He’d had a good model for a relationship—why couldn’t he seem to find it?

  Because he was acting like a jerk. He wasn’t making finding someone a priority, and he wasn’t being honest with himself. He wanted Sue Anne for more than a friend, wanted to see if the promises of her kisses went further.

  “You don’t think Ellen will distract you from work?” he asked Pat’s back.

  His teammate turned to answer.

  “Don’t think so. Ellen has her own life. It’s one of the things I love about her—she isn’t needy. That and her great bod, of course.” Pat grinned.

  “She doesn’t tell you you’re not giving her enough attention?”

  “Only when it’s that time of month.” Pat chuckled. “I enjoy giving her lots of cuddles and attention. Sometimes we’re out of sync—I want to be amorous, and she wants to talk about her business, but most of the time, it works.”

  Zach hadn’t done what needed to be done for a woman—either for Erin or Sue Anne. His jerk factor was creeping upward rapidly.

  “I take it that was one of the problems with your ex,” Pat said.

  “Yeah.”

  “Some women need it more than others. Ellen ran her own business, and she’s pretty confident. She had plenty of girlfriends. It’s one of the things she’s worried about coming down here. It’ll take her time to make new friends.” He scrunched up his forehead. “Hey, maybe the four of us could do something sometime. That is, once you get over this stupid idea that you and the chocolate lady are only friends.”

  Pat headed back down the trail.

  For someone he had once considered a rival, Pat was turning into a good friend. Zach couldn’t imagine talking about girls with anyone else.

  And he knew
Pat was right about Sue Anne. Zach was kidding himself. She could be someone significant in his life. If only he could find the courage to let her. But if he was leaving, that wouldn’t be fair to her. Friends with benefits was one thing. Leading her on to believe something significant could develop was something else.

  Was there a way to stay in Missoula and have the career he wanted?

  For the first time, a crack appeared in his resolve to move away from the life he was developing—one with friends, a good team, and a possibility for love.

  • • •

  Sue Anne scanned the airport as she wheeled her suitcase toward airport security. She didn’t see Zach anywhere, but one of the officers waved at her. Tony. That was who he was. What was up with Zach again? She’d texted him a few times, but he’d said he was busy.

  She really needed to stop pretending that he cared about her and let him go. She’d miss the friendship, but she’d make new friends, wouldn’t she?

  And someone else who could kiss like there was no tomorrow.

  The flight was a smooth one, a tail wind speeding the jet along so they arrived a few minutes early at O’Hare. She navigated the busy terminal, picked up her luggage, then walked to the shuttle stop, already starting to sweat from the change in humidity. She missed the clear, dry air of Montana.

  She checked into the Best Western on Michigan Avenue, leaving a note and room key for her mother. With a few hours to herself, she caught up with her e-mail, then went to the exercise room to work off the stiffness of flying.

  Given the hectic schedule of the next few days, and her mother’s probable demands, this might be her last chance.

  Her mother was waiting for her when she got back to her room. In her late fifties, Margaret Devereaux was a few inches taller than Sue Anne, with a trim body, dyed blond hair, and blue eyes. She looked the epitome of a well-bred southern woman, which she was.

  “Working out?” she asked after the air kisses were complete. Her mother was awkward with physical contact, which is probably why Sue Anne craved it.

  “Good for you,” her mother added. “Since you’re delaying finding a husband so long, you’ll need to work extra hard to stay in shape.”

  And so it began.

  Sue Anne sighed. Her mother meant well, but her worldview was so narrow it made her want to scream.

  “Let me get a shower, and then we can go explore, okay, Mom?”

  “Of course. Take your time. I’ll turn on the television and rest a little.”

  Soon the room was filled with sounds of the Home Shopping Network.

  The water slid across Sue Anne’s back, cleaning off the sweat and weariness of a long day. Peppermint from her shampoo cleared her head, allowing her to focus. The next three days were going to be a whirlwind of vendors and networking. She hoped to pick other sweet shop owners’ brains to get some tips on expanding her business beyond the storefront. Opening was exciting, but she didn’t want to spend her entire day making chocolate and standing behind a cash register. A little of that went a long way.

  She clipped up her hair in a twist and applied her makeup with a light hand. Summer-weight slacks, low heels, and a crisp yellow blouse completed her city look. It wasn’t as comfortable as the jeans and flannel culture of Missoula, but she felt professional.

  And it should help keep her mother quiet.

  She left the bathroom and stopped at the foot of the bed. The remote had slipped from her mother’s hand, and her eyes were closed. Her slack face revealed lines Sue Anne hadn’t realized were there. Her mother was getting old.

  No wonder she was pushing so hard for Sue Anne to get married. Whether or not she agreed, her mother thought the most important step in a woman’s life was marriage, even if her own had been rocky.

  For the first time, she understood that her father’s absence must have been hard on her mom. She had been left to tend to everything herself. Granted, there was enough money to hire gardeners and cleaners, but the burden of maintaining a house and raising a child had fallen squarely on her shoulders.

  From what her grandmother had said, her mother had been poor growing up and had seen a man with a steady job and a good future as a promise she wouldn’t be poor in her future. She’d entered her new role as wife with vigor—maybe sliding too far over into becoming a society matron, but it had been different times.

  Maybe it was time for Sue Anne to stop being so critical and work harder on a closer relationship with her mom. If she got that relationship figured out, she might understand how to approach a man, someone who would provide the love and loyalty she knew she wanted.

  “Mom,” she said, gently shaking her mother’s arm.

  “What? Oh.” Her mother rubbed her eyes. “I guess I fell asleep.”

  “Looks like it.” Sue Anne chuckled. “I thought about letting you nap but figured it would mess up your sleep tonight.”

  “You’re right. Thanks.” Her mother got up and went to the vanity where she’d already laid out the tools of her trade.

  This time, instead of stifling a groan, she paid attention.

  “How do you get that line so straight?” she asked as her mother slid on eyeliner.

  “Practice. Like everything else in life, it takes practice and patience.” She turned to Sue Anne. “Here, let me teach you.”

  Sue Anne let her mother’s hand guide her as she added eyeliner, a light shadow, and mascara to the basic foundation. As her eyes brightened in the mirror, her spirits lifted. This wasn’t going to be too bad.

  “How’s the dating going? Weren’t you going out with someone from the airport?” The mascara wand expertly danced around her mother’s lashes.

  “I was, but...”

  An ache in her gut told her it was going to take a while to get over Zach Crippin.

  “But what?” her mother asked.

  “He’s not into me.”

  “Well, then he’s an idiot. My daughter is a real catch.”

  A lump constricted Sue Anne’s throat.

  Her mother put her arms around her and gave her a hug. A real hug, with body contact and everything. She tensed for a moment, then put her arms around her mom like she had when she was a little girl, with all the love a child can feel for her parent.

  They were quiet for a moment, and Sue Anne felt her eyes dampen. When they finally released each other, she could see her mother’s eyes were misty as well.

  “We’ll ruin all our good work,” her mother said, and gave her one more squeeze. “It’s time to do up the town.” They both blotted their eyes and left the hotel. After an hour or so exploring the shops of the Magnificent Mile, Sue Anne was ready for a glass of wine. She spotted the Eno Wine Room.

  “Let’s go in,” she said to her mom. “It says they have wine, cheese, and chocolate.”

  “What more could you want?” her mother asked. “Although, I’m sure they’re not as good as your chocolates.”

  After stuffing their shopping bags under the table, they ordered a cheese platter and wine.

  “Tell me about your store and your plans,” her mother said.

  “You really want to know?”

  “Yes.” Her mom leaned forward. “I know I haven’t been as supportive as you wanted me to be, but I grew up in a time when many women chose to stay home. That was what was expected. And after I met your father, that’s all I wanted.”

  Listening carefully, Sue Anne heard a tinge of sadness in her mother’s voice. She’d been as dismissive of her mother’s ambitions in life as she believed her mother was of hers. Understanding was needed on both sides.

  The waiter set down their drinks and cheese.

  “It must have been hard having him gone all the time.”

  “It was. I suppose I could have gotten some training and looked for a career, but there was you. I didn’t want you to be a latchkey child.” Little lines appeared around her mother’s mouth when she smiled. “I made the right choice. Look at you now. Big, sweet, plans. Tell me.”

  Her
heart swelled with her mother’s approval as she explained her ideas for expanding the number of stores and building her brand. They were on their second glass of wine when her mother deftly brought the topic back to Zach.

  “Why isn’t the airport guy ... what did you say ... into you?” her mother asked.

  “He’s got other plans—wants to work at a bigger airport. Missoula’s only a stepping-stone for him.” She shrugged. “We’re just friends.”

  Her mother frowned. “I’ve never seen that turn out well.”

  “Well, it’s all he has to offer.”

  Her mother stared into her wine glass for a few seconds.

  “I’m not sure you want my advice, but I’m going to give it to you anyway, okay?”

  “Sure.” Nerves fluttered deep in her chest.

  “Communication is the heart blood of a relationship. Even though your dad and I were far apart, we made sure we were in touch in some way every day. Of course, it wasn’t as easy as it is for you kids now. We made it work. Remember when he came home, and you had to go stay with your Grandma?”

  “Yeah. I was so mad at you for taking him away from me.”

  Her mother laughed. “We did it to keep our marriage together. That’s when we had our in-depth talks. And our fights. We never wanted you to be exposed to our difficulties. That time made us stronger as a couple.”

  What did this have to do with Zach?

  “I miss him every day.” Her mother’s voice was a whisper.

  “Me, too.”

  They were quiet for a few moments.

  “Anyway,” her mother said. “The point is, you need to make sure you are clear with this guy—”

  “Zach.”

  “—with Zach what your feelings are.” She looked pointedly at Sue Anne. “And to do that, you need to be honest with yourself.”

  Was she being honest with herself? When they’d hiked together, Zach shared the magic of nature. He was willing to explore new things with her. And truthfully, her hormones went into overdrive whenever he was near. Life seemed duller when he was away.

  Not exactly the feelings of someone in “like.”