Seeing that I am still trying to figure them out myself,
But I’m asking you.
So, when you’ve lost all hope.
And your heart is black because of the pain you’ve been faced with.
And you’re trapped and drowning in your dark, clouded mind.
Who do you turn to?
I had lost so much: most of my friends, my hope, and most importantly my love, Spencer Ryan Stevenson.
Thinking about Spencer sent an invisible knife through my heart and I gasped at the actual pain it caused. I heard Michael and Maddie yelling inside the house, and I couldn’t help but hear my name in their conversation.
“Michael please,” Maddie begged. “I have let this go on too long, and I need to take a stand. You can’t hurt Sydney anymore. I’ve lost Clayton and Violet because of you, and I don’t want to lose Sydney too. This is her home, and you making her pay rent to live here is absurd! She’s only seventeen, Michael! She needs love and care, not abuse! I’ve seen what you’ve done to her!”
Wait—Maddie was standing up for me? I began to stand up so I could go and help her, but before I knew it, Michael’s belongings were being thrown out the window and Maddie began yelling at him again. She told him to get out and to never come back.
And then, Michael was suddenly outside with me. He came from behind, grabbed me by my shirt, and threw me back against the house. My head throbbed in pain and I screamed in fear.
“I’ve had enough of you, you little brat!” he yelled at me.
“Michael, stop!” Maddie yelled. “Now! Get away from her!” Michael turned around and punched her across the face. She fell to the ground unconscious.
Michael turned around and slapped me across the face. I screamed in pain.
“Look what you’ve done! Turning your mother against me!” He threw me to the ground and started kicking me in the stomach.
Michael pulled me up by the back of my shirt as I sat, coughing up blood. He shoved me against the house and pulled a blade out of his back pocket. He held the pocketknife up to my throat and cut it slightly. I screamed in pain and horror as he threw me again. That time, my head hit one of the glass windows, shattering it into tiny little pieces on the deck. Warm blood flowed down my face and I wanted to make him kill me. I wanted to die. I no longer wanted to live through the torture.
Michael pushed me to the ground as hard as he could and I heard something crack. I opened my mouth to scream but all that came out was a ragged gasp for air. My eyes were closed so I couldn’t see the attack but I felt the brunt of his foot, again and again. It wasn’t just abuse; it was torture from hell. Blood trickled from my mouth with each cough.
I hoped I would die. Then I wouldn’t have to hear the yelling anymore. Soon after, I heard Michael yell, but it wasn’t at me. His lethal barbs were now directed at someone else. But who?
Michael cussed and I heard smacks and punches being thrown. Like lightning and thunder.
What’s happening? I worried.
“Sydney?” A gentle familiar voice whispered.
My eyelids fluttered, but I couldn’t get them to open.
“Spencer?” I asked, recognizing the soft timber of his voice.
“Yes, I’m here. I’m so sorry. You’re safe. Everything’s going to be fine. Just hang on for a minute. I’m going to take care of you, I promise. But I have to take care of him first.”
“No.” My breathing heavied in horror. Spencer couldn’t fight with Michael. I tried to keep my heart beating steadily, and tried to stay awake. If Spencer was here, I didn’t want to leave.
“I’ll be right back,” he promised, his voice going deeper and deeper into my mind as I let go....
Chapter 15
HEALING HEARTS
I’m dead, was the first thing I thought as my head spun in endless darkness. My life is over, I knew as I stared straight into Spencer’s light brown eyes. But why would Spencer be in heaven with me? I wondered. I realized that I wasn’t dead when Spencer kissed me.
He kissed me with such happiness, that I couldn’t think twice about kissing him back. I didn’t know where we were, and I didn’t care. I was with Spencer, and that’s all that mattered. All I cared about was him. Him and me together. When I had to breathe, I ended the kiss.
“Sydney.” Spencer was crying with happiness, and holding my face in his hands. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I should have believed you from the start. I’m sorry. I can’t believe that I thought you would…I should have known…Sydney, please forgive me. I love you so much, and can’t stand to be away from you any longer. I can’t take it.”
I kissed him again, as a sign of my forgiveness. I was speechless because I was so happy. I was with him. I was his again. He was mine. I would never have to be taken away from him again.
“I love you,” Spencer told me when the kiss ended.
I tried to find my voice. “I love…you, too,” I whispered. Spencer smiled his gorgeous smile.
“What happened?” I whispered. I was so confused.
“I saw what your stepdad did to you…” He trailed off.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. I couldn’t talk any louder. I was still finding my voice.
“Why are you sorry?” he asked.
“Because I didn’t tell you that I was being abused.”
“Sydney, I’m the one who should be sorry, for so many things.” He shook his head. “I should have known that you were in pain…I should have helped you.”
“I never told you. You wouldn’t have ever known.”
There was silence for a few minutes before I whispered, “What are you thinking about?”
Spencer sighed, and then replied, “I’m trying to think about where I went wrong. What could I have done to make this right? What could I have done to change the fact that you are lying here, in pain and broken…you almost died, Sydney. What did I do wrong?” He hung his head.
My right arm was in a cast. I lifted my left hand, IV tube dangling, and lightly put it on Spencer’s face, comforting him. He took my hand and held it in his.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t believe you when you told me that Matt had kissed you. I should have known that you would never ...” He didn’t look at me. He just stared at our hands, now entwined. I was crying, and I think he continued crying, too. My tears were from happiness that Spencer was there with me. I’m not sure what his were from.
“I’m sorry, Sydney.”
“Don’t be.” I finally found my voice. “We’re together. That’s all that matters…you and me. I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’m sorry that I ignored you.” Spencer finally looked at my face, and I could see the sadness in his eyes. “I’ve missed you, too,” he added.
“How long has it been?” I asked, not sure how long I was asleep at the hospital.
“What?”
“How long have I been here?”
“It’s been about five days. It’s Tuesday today. What happened…it was on Friday. It’s been days of torture for me. The doctors told me that you might not…that you might not make it…that you might leave me…forever.” He was definitely crying.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered. I couldn’t leave him, I wouldn’t.
“You don’t know that. They said you have internal injuries and they would do their best but they can’t make promises. You might…” He didn’t say anything else.
“Don’t say that. Do you want me to die?” My voice broke as I tried to be stern.
“Hell no! What kind of person do you think I am?”
“Don’t swear Spencer,” I demanded. “And if you keep being negative, then I might just die. You have to be positive.”
“Spencer?” I asked. He didn’t look at me. He kept his eyes on our connected hands.
“Spencer Stevenson, look at me...please.” I told him. I wouldn’t have him believe that I would die. He slowly lifted his head and looked into my eyes.
“Spence, I’m not going anywhere. I w
on’t leave you. I’ll be fine.”
“I love you,” he said again.
“I love you, too,” I replied. “Just be positive, Spence. I’m not leaving you, ever. I never will. You need to believe that I’ll be fine.”
He nodded. “Thank you for everything.”
“I love you, Spencer Stevenson. I really do. Nothing is going to tear us apart, I promise.”
“I know.” He chuckled and smiled the smile I loved, the smile I couldn’t live without. The smile I wouldn’t have to live without.
“I couldn’t believe it when I saw it.” Spencer said. “What happened, I mean…but everything sank in…the excuses for cuts and bruises…all of it just sank in. I rode in the ambulance with you, and I couldn’t even believe what I was seeing. The doctors wouldn’t let me see you, or your mom, and my uncle came by and stayed with me for three days. I would go into the chapel every night and pray that you’d be okay…I don’t think I’ve prayed since the accident…but I felt the same way, you know? I felt like I was losing my family again. I couldn’t lose you, Sydney. I just couldn’t. I know we took everything fast with our relationship, but I trusted you. I knew that you were special. When they let me in to see you, I didn’t leave your side, but I couldn’t believe that I’d put you in danger—”
“Spencer,” I tried to stop him.
“Let me finish,” he said. “I couldn’t believe it, but I knew I would do anything to have you back.” I saw another tear run down from his eyes. “I love you,”
“I love you, too.” I told him as I took his hand.
* * *
The doctors said that I would have to be in the hospital for about two weeks. I didn’t like that, mostly because I would have to be away from Spencer for that long, but he said he would see me almost every day when he didn’t have his baseball games.
I was updated daily about Michael and Maddie. Michael was arrested for child abuse, and would have a trial in court for his sentence. Maddie was treated for cuts and bruises and was sent to a rehabilitation center for alcoholism. Lillian, Rebecca and I would now be living with Aunt Megan, our new legal guardian. We would all live at Grandma’s farm together.
On May first after school hours, Jeremy, Jacquie and Spencer came to visit me.
“Sydney!” Jacquie screamed as she got into my room and ran over to me. “Oh my gosh! Are you okay? I feel so bad for you! Jeremy called me and told me what happened, and I felt so bad. Oh my gosh! Are you okay!?”
“I’m fine,” I replied. “Thanks for coming, Jacqs, Jeremy.”
“Hey, Syd,” Jeremy said. “I’m really sorry that we all ignored you. We just thought…”
“I know. You don’t have to apologize.”
“Yes, we do. We didn’t mean to be rude. Oh, we have some homework for you. The teachers said that you don’t have to do it all, just to do what you can. Spence wanted an excuse to come see you, so he said he’d bring all your schoolwork, but you’ll have a tutor come for a few hours every day.” He chuckled and looked over and Spencer, who was standing behind him, smiling. Jeremy reached into his backpack and took out my Biology and History textbooks and handed them to me.
“Thanks,” I said, putting them in my lap.
“You’re still wearing the ring.” Jacquie noted, looking at my right hand, where the ring that Spencer had given me for our one-month anniversary was in its place on my third finger.
“I’ve never taken it off,” I said. “Not even when Spence and I were…fighting.” I didn’t want to think of the time I’d been away from Spencer.
“It’s still as beautiful as she is,” Spencer finally spoke and winked at me.
“Hey, did you ever look on the inside?” he asked.
“Um, no. Why?” I tried to take the ring off, but the cast on my arm made it impossible for me to move. Spencer chuckled, and took it off for me. I looked on the inside of the ring where the two words, Taking Chances were inscribed.
“Spence…it’s amazing,” I whispered.
“I didn’t want it to be just some old ring. I wanted it to symbolize something.”
“It already does. It symbolizes our love.”
Spencer smiled, and leaned down to kiss my forehead carefully so that he wouldn’t hurt me.
A moment later, Jacquie’s cell phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Oh…yeah…no, I’m at the hospital visiting Syd. Yeah, I guess I could…yeah…I’ll be there, bye!”
We all looked at her.
“Annie wants me over at her house in an hour to practice our dance for the talent show next week,” she explained.
“I completely forgot about that,” I said. “I was going to sing “Taking Chances” by Celine Dion. I guess I can’t do the talent show now,” I said sadly. I realized that I would be in the hospital for at least two more weeks.
“I’m sorry, Syd,” Jacquie said.
“It’s okay. I would probably chicken out anyway.” I laughed.
“I know I would,” Jeremy said.
“Well, Jeremy,” Jacquie asked. “I need to go, so do you want to stay here for a little while longer, and ride home with Spence? Or do you want to leave with me?”
“I think I’ll stay a little while. Is that alright, Spence?” he replied.
“Yeah,”
“Okay.” She kissed Jeremy. “I’ll see you later. I love you.”
“Love you, too,” he replied.
“I’ll see you later, Spencer. Bye Syd! I hope you feel better!” Jacquie left the room. Spencer looked at me, and then at Jeremy, and then said, “I need to talk to Jacqs really quick before she leaves. I’ll be right back.” He left, leaving Jeremy and me alone in the room.
I realized that Jeremy and I had never really talked to each other, even though we were close friends. I mean, we talk, but we’ve never had a one on one talk. He walked slowly towards me and said, “So, um…how are you feeling?”
“I’m fine, thanks.”
After a minute of awkward silence, we both started laughing. Well, I couldn’t really laugh because my throat had stitches, but Jeremy was laughing.
“This is a little weird,” Jeremy said.
I nodded.
“We don’t talk much, do we?” he asked, still laughing.
“Not really.” I giggled.
Spencer walked in and saw us laughing.
“What’d I miss?” he asked, walking over to my bed.
“Nothing.” Jeremy winked at me, and I smiled.
“Okay?” Spencer said, confused. I looked at his eyes, and they were filled with questions. I would have to tell him later.
The next thing I knew, Spencer was kissing me. He obviously didn’t care that Jeremy was in the room. Or maybe Jeremy had left to give us some privacy. I kissed him back, wrapped my free arm around his neck, and tangled my fingers in his soft, auburn hair. I pulled him closer, not wanting to let go.
He took my face delicately in his hands and kissed me more eagerly. It was interesting, the way his lips moved with mine, mostly because he was leaning over me because I couldn’t really move. He didn’t really seem to care.
He kissed me so eagerly that I knew he would never want to be apart from me again. Our kissing ended when Jeremy came back in the room.
“Spence,” Jeremy asked. “Do you want me to leave again so you can have a make-out session with your girlfriend?” He laughed.
“Maybe…” Spencer chuckled, still holding my face in his hands.
“Okay…have fun. I’m going to go get something to eat.” Jeremy laughed and walked back out of the room.
Spencer kissed me again, and soon after, I ended the kiss, breathing heavily. He smiled and said, “I guess I have to go.”
“No,” I whispered.
“I’ll be back tomorrow.” He released my face from his hands and walked toward the door.
“Come back, please. Just for a minute.”
He sighed and brought one of the room’s folding chairs over to my bed, sitting down and re
sting his head on his arms. I played with his hair.
“I don’t want to be away from you,” I explained.
His eyes closed, and he sighed under my touch. “Neither do I. If I could be here every second of the day, I would.”
“Hmm.... “ I sighed, leaning over as far as I could to kiss the tip of his nose.
Spencer chuckled. “What were you and Jeremy laughing about?”
“We were making the awkward silence less awkward.”
“Oh, that’s all?”
“Yes. It wasn’t much. We just realized that we weren’t used to being alone together much, and he just started laughing to break the silence.”
“That’s Jeremy for you,” Spencer chuckled.
“I don’t want you to leave me,” I whispered after a minute of silence.
“I won’t. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Stay with me, please. I know I’m being somewhat selfish and demanding, but I don’t want to be alone tonight. Last night I had nightmares of Michael.” I winced, feeling emotional pain, as I remembered the physical pain he’d caused.
Spencer looked at me with caring, sensitive eyes. Then, I saw him look over to the soft couch about five feet away from my bed. “Let me go talk to Jeremy really quick, and then I’ll figure out what’s going to happen tonight, alright?”
His fingertips lightly stroked my cheek as I nodded. He got up from his chair and walked out the door.
“Sydney!” Aunt Megan called as she entered my room a few minutes later.
“Aunt Megan?” I asked.
“Sweetie, I’m so sorry! I knew the whole time something weird was going on, but I didn’t know it had ever gone this far. I’m sorry I didn’t investigate it further. Oh, sweetie! I came by when you were still asleep when I first heard, but I haven’t been able to come back until now…I’m sorry.” She took my hand as she sat down in Spencer’s chair.
“It’s fine Aunt Megan. It’s not your fault.”
She was crying. “I’m so sorry.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be. It’s just like I told Spencer, it’s not your fault.”
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