Her eyes narrowed, and the seething betrayal that stared back at him caused him to stop talking abruptly. Instead, he stepped away from Liz, and took a hesitant step toward the doorway. She still hadn’t moved, casting glances back and forth between the two of them as though trying to decide which to loathe more.
“Katie...” he tried again. This time, her eyes met his. She held his stare for what seemed like ages, the air becoming thick with his own fear. As though coming to some sort of conclusion, she gave him a curt nod.
“Goodbye, Chad.”
“Katie, please...”
“Don’t!” She held up her hands, her fingers moving to point at him in warning. “Don’t you dare!” She held his gaze for another second, just long enough for him to realize that tears were welling up in her eyes, long enough for him to understand that the last thing she wanted him to do was follow her, and then she was gone.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
KATIE
She had believed him. Maybe not initially, but doubt had infested itself into her mind and, for a moment, Katie actually thought that maybe she had been wrong about Chad and his feelings for her. In her truck, during the drive to the apartment, she’d convinced herself that she had put what little trust she had left into the wrong side of the story, that she never should have let herself get caught up in the web Liz and Jay had spun. She’d disliked Liz from the moment she met her—from the moment Chad had mentioned her, if she was being honest—but still Katie had somehow let that woman’s lies and insinuations overshadow her own judgment.
At least, that’s what she’d convinced herself of.
That all changed, however, when Katie had stuck her key in the door, realized that the door was actually unlocked, and had confusedly opened it, knowing full well the doorman in the lobby had just explained that Jay had left less than a half hour ago. She had intended to wait a little bit to see if he returned before she had to make her way back to get Mason off the school bus. It was, after all, still her apartment, and the fact that the doorman still greeted her with such genuine happiness made Katie want to spend at least a little bit of time in the apartment she missed so much. Her mind had been quiet in that moment, content to sit in silence and reflect on everything that had gone on around her while she awaited Jay’s return. So, when she had pushed open the door and come face to face with the tender embrace between Chad and Liz, the synapses in her mind struggled to catch up. Confusion morphed into bewilderment, bewilderment to shock, and then shock into a vicious sense of understanding. Damn you, Chad Kirkwood, she thought. Damn you all to hell. A dark shadow of betrayal veiled her mind, shutting down her ability to feel anything at all, and that darkness must have made its way into her eyes because she’d seen the way Chad had responded to it as well. He knew there was no getting out of it this time. Katie had heard the saying before: Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice... she wasn’t about to let that happen.
There would be no more Chad Kirkwood in her life. Maybe he and Liz’s rekindled romance would last this time. Frankly, she didn’t care as long as he stayed the hell away from her and Mason. The thought nagged at the edge of her racing thoughts that Jay was about to know how she’d felt when he left her without warning. It momentarily sickened her that she felt such a rush of satisfaction at that thought.
What kind of monster had her broken heart and tribulations turned her into? The Katie she’d been a few years ago never would have wished ill upon someone, especially not on someone she’d loved.
Damn you, Chad Kirkwood. And Jay. And Liz. Damn all of you! She climbed back into her truck and banged her palms against the steering wheel. Pain shot through her hands on impact, making the tears finally spill over her eyelids as she leaned forward and pressed her forehead against the warm vinyl of the wheel. There, at least her body and her heart were hurting equally.
***
The house somehow seemed emptier now. For a few months it had only been she and Mason who’d resided there, but Katie didn’t remember the space within those walls ever being so vacant and void of... anything. Great, Chad had ruined that for her as well. She wondered if Mason felt the same way as he stumbled along throughout dinner and then the rest of the evening, uttering very few words and interacting with her as little as possible. It seemed he was trapped inside his own mind, just as she was.
Katie tucked him into bed, hesitating once after the normal bedtime routine, offering up a moment for her son to question her about what was really going on. She couldn’t bring herself to mention it first, but she knew how perceptive and smart Mason was; he would undoubtedly have put two and two together by now. However, silence loomed between them, and Katie chose to give him a half-hearted smile and a gentle kiss on the side of his face. When he simply rolled away from her and pulled his blankets up tighter, her stomach tightened with sadness. All she could hope was that he didn’t blame her for this whole mess as much as she was blaming herself.
She left his bedroom door open a crack in case he needed her, but she was confident that sleep wouldn’t give her any reprieve from the pieces of her life she felt were scattered irreparably around her. It took only a few moments of standing in the middle of the living room, her expression as blank as her mind, to realize she didn’t know what to do next. She padded throughout the house barefoot, seeking out something—anything—to keep her from the thoughts she didn’t want to think about and the emotions she didn’t want to deal with. Unfortunately, she had been too efficient throughout the day, tidying the kitchen after each meal and picking up after Mason once he’d left for school. She thought of doing a load of Mason’s laundry now instead of waiting until the weekend, but she would have had to tiptoe back into his room to get it. Therefore, she did the only thing left to do. She poured a half glass of wine and slipped out the door to the porch, leaving the window of the screen door open so she could hear Mason if he called.
Two sips of wine later and a few minutes of watching the moths bounce persistently off the outdoor light, Katie knew she would find no solace there. Silence ceased to exist in the country thanks to the serenading crickets and the sporadic howls of the coyotes in the distance. Even the animals in the barn and other outbuildings did their best to fill in the quietness, shifting their weight on the crisp straw underfoot with the occasional whinny or snort of contentment, but the sounds of the outdoors tonight did little to aid Katie in battling the war that raged on within her mind. Katie sought clarity, a sense of strength that she would move past this turmoil and become stronger because of it. She, however, realized she wasn’t going to find that strength there, perched on the porch steps just as she and Chad had done so many nights before. She silently chastised herself for the fleeting desire that fluttered within her for him to appear there, to her right, sitting in the spot she’d become so accustomed to seeing him in, ready to chatter on about the day’s events over coffee or iced tea.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen, and it sure as hell wasn’t coffee she was drinking now. Instead, she was sitting there alone with nothing but a glass of cheap wine to console her, and she had no one to thank for that except Chad Kirkwood.
And herself. She’d believed him, despite knowing from the beginning that he was lying through his teeth about who he was. She’d known, and that made this just as much her fault as it was his. That didn’t change how much she wanted this to all be some kind of cruel joke, however. She wanted so badly to turn back time and still know him to be the Chad she’d believed he was the night they’d had the bonfire. The night she’d known clearly in her own mind that she wanted to be with him. The night she’d kissed him.
Without thinking, Katie rose from the porch steps and made her way across the gravel driveway and into the grass, the blades cool under her bare feet. Toting her wine glass in one hand, she used her other to toss sticks of kindling onto what was left of the makeshift fire pit Chad had constructed not so long ago. With only the harsh lighting from the outdoor light to work with, she used the stream of its faint
glow to fumble around and get the smallest flicker of a flame to ignite. It took a few tries—she wasn’t nearly as good at it as Chad had been—but eventually a little fire was blazing brightly in the pit, the heat from it warming her flushed cheeks. There, if that’s what it took to get a moment of clarity, to feel like she had even an inkling of a clue what to do next, then she’d sit out there and stare into the dancing oranges and yellows until she found the answers she needed.
The smell of smoke invaded her senses as the minutes rolled by. She stared into the flames, mesmerized by each flicker she saw and each crackle and snap she heard. So enthralled by the light show before her, Katie failed to hear him until he spoke to her, his voice loud and alarming in the calmness of the night.
“Mom?”
Startled by the sudden noise, Katie sprang up from her seat, turning to face him. “Mason! Honey, I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.” Her hand rose to her throat, convinced her heart was pounding visibly out of her chest. Thank goodness she had finished off her glass of wine, otherwise she’d have been wearing it.
“I can’t sleep.” He took a step toward her, and Katie took in his wide eyes and wrinkled pajamas. He’d tugged along the fleece blanket that usually stayed folded at the foot of his bed, and Cash was stationed loyally beside him. The reflection of the flames within his uncertain eyes gave him the look of a boy who was pouting, but she didn’t mind. Taking her seat once again, she gestured to him to come closer.
“That makes two of us, Mr. Mase. Come sit down.” He was getting so big, but that didn’t stop either of them from attempting to curl up together on the chair. His legs, clad in Spiderman pajamas, might have been hanging almost to the ground, but Katie held him against her on her lap, comforted by the closeness.
“Chad’s gone for good, isn’t he?” His voice was riddled with apprehension, and Katie’s throat constricted as she recognized the tone of sadness in which he’d uttered the question.
“Yeah, he is. I’m sorry, baby.” She squeezed her eyes shut to block out the vivid colors of the fire, convinced she could block out her emotions the same way.
“I liked him, Mom.”
She nodded against his head, tucked securely under her chin. “Me too.”
“He left just like Dad did.” His words were mumbled, and Katie wondered if he’d meant to say them to her.
“Nah, Mason. It’s different, but it’s okay. We’re going to be okay.” Her voice cracked with emotion, and she despised herself for it. There was no time for her to hurt when her son was obviously hurting just as badly. She hugged him tighter against her.
“Is it because of my birthday party?”
“No, just a misunderstanding. You don’t need to worry.”
“It’s because of her, isn’t it? Liz?”
The sound of her name coming from Mason’s innocent voice made Katie’s skin crawl. “There’s just a lot going on, baby. It’s okay, though.”
“I should’ve never let Dad bring her. He asked me if he could. I should’ve said no.”
Katie sighed. “It’s okay, you did the right thing.”
“I messed up.” Mason lifted his head to meet her gaze, revealing his sad eyes brimmed with glistening tears that sparkled in the firelight. “If I’d said she couldn’t come to my party, Chad would still be here and you’d still be happy.”
It was Katie’s turn to feel the tears swelling up, threatening to cascade down her cheeks. “Oh, Mason, no. None of this is your fault. I promise. I swear it.” She pulled him to her then, wrapping her arms around him despite the fact he couldn’t possibly be any closer to her. Guilt ripped through her when she felt his little body convulse silently with each sob. She shook her head, her own tears splashing one by one into Mason’s hair. In a tangle of limbs, tears, and whispered apologies, Katie made a silent vow to her son.
Never again, she swore. From now on, I’ll do what’s best for you and only you, Mase. You’ve been through enough.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
CHAD
There would be no fixing his mistakes now. Hell, Katie hadn’t trusted him at all before seeing him with his arms wrapped around Liz, so he’d be damned if there was anything resembling a hope left for the two of them now. He’d left the apartment shortly after her, giving Katie a few minutes’ head start. She didn’t want to see him, he knew that, so he obliged, no matter how desperately he wanted to chase after her and plead with her to believe that nothing in this whole convoluted mess was what it seemed to be.
The universe was conspiring against him, it had to be. Every time he vowed to do something to make things right, it made things considerably worse. The hole he was digging himself into was getting to the point of being too deep to get out of. There was an excellent chance that he was already too far in over his head, and the notion made his heart sink. Where would he be if, after everything that had happened, he lost Katie?
He had been blunt with Liz, perhaps caustically so, and advised her that there would be no second chance at the love they’d lost. He loved her as all people continue to love their first loves—as a memory. However, they both knew his ways too well—Liz had once said his sensitive nature was the reason he could write ballads and love songs so well—and it was futile to think he would ever get over the way she’d left him. It was also impossible to think he would ever get past his love for Katie, especially knowing that they’d never really given their relationship a chance to even bloom. The thought speared his insides. They couldn’t possibly be over before they’d started. Even Liz had had the decency to apologize for the way things had gone down.
“Give her time, Chad.” Liz had touched his arm gently, a gesture to dissuade him from following Katie the way he wanted to. Her words sent his thoughts into a tailspin. Time? Did he and Katie even have time to make things right again? He’d swiftly pulled his arm away from her after that, but did nod to signal he understood her. No words were uttered between them when he left the apartment and, surprisingly, he was okay with that. He’d save his words for when they really mattered, for the one who truly mattered. There was still time.
There had to be.
Chapter Thirty
KATIE
Katie awoke with a sore neck and the sharp scent of bonfire smoke still lingering on her clothes and hair. A reluctant groan escaped her lips as she peeled herself away from the arm of the couch she’d used as a pillow. Thankfully, poor Mason had drifted to sleep on her lap outside, wrapped snugly in his blanket, and Katie had been able to carry him back inside and tuck him into bed without waking him. At least one of them had gotten a good night’s sleep. Struggling to sit up, she stretched dramatically, willing her joints and muscles to wake up even if her mind wasn’t.
The muffled sound of giggling reached her ears, and Katie paused in mid stretch, her arms still raised toward the ceiling as she turned in the direction of her son’s unmistakable voice. Through the cedar trimmed doorway, she could see the back of Mason’s head bobbing up and down as he sat perched on one of the kitchen chairs shoveling what was undoubtedly rainbow colored cereal, the only kind he would eat willingly, into his mouth. Who was he talking to, though? It wasn’t like Mason at all to be awake and not wake her up as well. Then again, she couldn’t remember the last time he had been awake before she was, and she hoped it wasn’t later than she realized. Judging by the sun just beginning to peek in through the east-facing window, she would wager a guess that Mason was up earlier than usual.
She rose from the couch less than gracefully, her body stiff and sluggish from the lack of rest. Her chest tightened at the thought that it might be Chad in the kitchen with Mason, and Katie didn’t know what she would do if it was. The last thing she wanted was Mason to bear witness to any more drama, and she would make that very clear. However, it wasn’t Chad’s face she saw when she cautiously rounded the corner.
“What are you doing here, Jay?”
Mason wheeled around at the sound of her voice, grinning from ear to ear as a drop of milk dribbl
ed from his chin. He waved his spoon at her, unable to greet her properly with his mouth full.
“Good morning to you, too. I made some coffee.” Jay got up from the table and poured coffee into the cup that was set out on the counter. He held it out to her, and Katie stared from him to the steam that floated from the mug and back again. There was a sense of eagerness in his steps that she couldn’t quite place.
“Thanks. I didn’t know you were coming by today.” The heat from the mug was soothing on her chilled fingertips.
“Dad wants to take us on a plane ride!” Mason blurted the words out, sputtering droplets of milk onto the tabletop. Katie’s eyes immediately narrowed, her gaze set firmly on Jay.
“A plane ride? Is that so, munchkin?” She searched Jay’s features for some kind of answer, but only a small, amused smirk greeted her in silent confirmation, and Jay held his hand to his mouth casually to partially cover it.
“I guess the cat’s out of the bag now.” Jay waved his hand dismissively, as though the idea of taking the family he’d all but abandoned away on a plane was no big deal. “At least let your Mom devour that coffee before we tell her what we’ve got planned, okay, Mase?” Jay grinned fully then, reaching out to pat Mason playfully on the head.
“I’m really not in the mood for games this morning, Jay, so I think we’re going to have this conversation now. No need to wait for the caffeine to enter my bloodstream.” Katie’s attempt to sound humored was minimal at best. She knew Jay well enough to know that, whatever plans he had cooking up in his mind, whatever plans he’d already told Mason about, they were going to change things. Considerably.
Jay, however, didn’t seem concerned by her unenthusiastic response. He set his own mug of coffee down, his eyes flitting from her to Mason and back again. It may have been easy to make promises and plans with their seven-year-old son, but he was well aware that convincing Katie of anything would be a much more difficult feat. “I’m hoping you’ll let me take both you and Mason back to Nashville with me in a few days.”
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