Sarah smiled at her friend’s thoughtfulness. “I appreciate the offer. Really, I do. But I have a permanent place to stay now.”
“Oh. Where are you staying?”
She glanced from Caroline to Rachel, knowing her childhood friends could be trusted, but they wouldn’t understand why she willingly chose to stay with Neil and Emily. She didn’t understand it herself, but she wanted to remain with them. If she kept it a secret, then no one would have to know. Neil said she could stay with them as long as she wanted to, and Emily needed a mother. There was something in the child that reminded Sarah of herself. Maybe it was Emily’s longing for her mother’s love and Sarah’s longing for Jim’s love that made her feel close to the girl. They had wished for the unobtainable in others. Sarah felt it bonded them together. And she did like Emily’s inquisitive and fun nature. Despite the fact that her mother abandoned her, Emily kept her optimism. Her heart ached to be a mother to the girl.
“Sarah?” Rachel asked.
Sarah blinked and focused on her friend. “What?”
“Who are you staying with? It can’t be anyone from our church. We would have heard if that was the case.”
“I found a place outside of town,” she slowly responded. “I’m watching a child so I can stay there.”
“So you found another widow?”
Sarah’s hands clenched around her scarf as she offered a half-truth. “The person’s spouse is no longer with them.”
“How lovely,” Caroline said. “Well, not lovely that you and this woman lost your husbands but lovely that you two are there to help each other. You know what I mean?”
“I do.” And Sarah was content to let them assume this lie. She knew it was wrong to lie, of course, but it would be far worse to tell them the truth. “It looks like the preacher wants to start.”
The three friends grew quiet and huddled together as Preacher Amos began his sermon. She listened as he droned on and on about what a great man Jim was, but she suspected the preacher, along with other church members, were gossiping about Jim’s gambling when she wasn’t around. They would never approach her about it since she had been married to him. Oddly, this didn’t bother her. Perhaps if she cared for Jim, it would have, but she was glad to see the men lower the casket into the ground. The only thing that caused her panic was watching Jim’s mother cuddling Luke. As soon as the preacher dismissed everyone, she left Caroline and Rachel so she could get to the woman who was walking away from the grave with her two friends and her son.
“Mrs. Donner,” she called to Beatrice, not hiding her irritation as she ran after the woman. “I would like to have my son back.” She stopped in front of the woman and made eye contact, not wavering as she had in the past.
Beatrice shook her head. “I’m just going to take him to Milly’s so I can get acquainted with him.”
“You didn’t ask me if you could do this. Luke is my son and I demand you give him back to me.”
Beatrice gushed into a fresh round of big, fat crocodile tears. “I just watched my son get buried and now I am forbidden from seeing my only grandchild. The only grandchild I’ll ever have, I might add. What kind of daughter-in-law are you to grieve me beyond that which I can bear?”
Rachel and Caroline caught up to them.
“It is you who grieves me, Mrs. Donner,” Sarah snapped. “Ever since I married Jim, you have been a thorn in my side, and if you think I’m going to let you continue to prick me now that he’s not here to stop me, you have another thing coming.” She held out her arms. “Now, give me my son before I pull your hair out!”
A couple of men and women ceased their conversing to watch the showdown. Sarah ignored them, knowing very well that she gave them more ammunition for the rumor mill. But she would go to hell and back if it meant getting her son from that horrid woman.
“Mrs. Donner,” Caroline started, running her tongue across her lips. “Sarah will be at church this Sunday. Maybe you can see him there, and I’m sure Sarah will be willing to have lunch at my place after the service. You’re certainly welcome to join us too. You’ll get to see Luke again.”
“You mean, Jim. His name is Jim,” Beatrice insisted.
“No. His name is Luke!” Sarah was screaming but she didn’t care. She had as much of this woman as she could take. Truth be told, it was amazing she even lasted this long with being civil to the miserable old coot.
“Sarah, it’s not wise to make a scene,” Rachel whispered. Turning to Jim’s mother, she said, “My friend has offered to have you over for lunch on Sunday. Will you accept or not?”
Beatrice’s mouth formed a thin line. “I accept.”
“Sarah? It is only fair to let the grandmother see her grandchild,” Rachel softly added.
Sarah swallowed the lump in her throat. It didn’t occur to her that having a baby meant she would have to deal with Jim’s mother. She assumed that once Jim was dead, she was free from her. Now she felt trapped. Trying to remain cordial, she said, “I won’t leave Omaha to live with you, Mrs. Donner. I like it here.”
“Of course, you won’t,” Caroline soothed. “No one expects you to leave everyone you know.”
Beatrice frowned. “I don’t recall offering you a place to stay. I merely wanted to visit with my grandson, little Jim.”
Sarah’s hands tightened into fists. “His name-”
“Very well!” Caroline clapped her hands. “So it’s agreed. Mrs. Donner, I look forward to having you as my guest on Sunday.”
Rachel eased the baby out of Beatrice’s arms and handed him to Sarah who clutched him to her bosom, feeling like a mother bear protecting her cub. Luke squirmed in her arms, so she relaxed her grip.
“Sunday,” Mrs. Donner remarked, her expression cool.
“Sunday,” Rachel and Caroline replied in unison.
Sarah stared straight ahead at the trees, wondering if Neil had returned yet. She needed to get out of there.
“It can’t be helped,” Rachel said, her voice soft. “It’s not right to keep her away from Luke.”
Gritting her teeth, Sarah closed her eyes. “I hate her. I do. I really hate that woman.”
“Sarah, you don’t mean that,” Caroline admonished.
“Yes, I do.” Sarah shook her head. “Forgive me for snapping at you. It’s just that I could never please her, and she spent all of her time with Jim while ignoring me. She can’t even accept the name I gave my son. I know all she wants is to see Luke, and she couldn’t care less if I’m there or not.”
“Oh, Sarah. That’s not true.”
“Don’t tell me what is true and what is not true. I was there all those times Jim and I went to visit her, and she sent me to do all the chores so she could sit and talk to him. Jim never once defended me, no matter how many times she criticized me. He said it was my duty as his wife to make his mother happy and comfortable.”
“Why didn’t you tell us this before?” Rachel asked.
“Jim was always around,” Sarah replied. “Or if he wasn’t around, he’d find out about it. We had many terrible fights because of her. I didn’t wish to make the situation worse.”
Caroline sighed. “Well, that doesn’t change the fact that she is Luke’s grandmother. If you didn’t get along with Luke’s wife and Luke died, would you want his wife to forbid you to see your grandchild?”
Sarah’s cheeks grew hot. “I wouldn’t be rude to my daughter-in-law. If I don’t like something she does, I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
“How can you be sure you’ll do that?”
Frustrated, she struggled to keep her words clear so she wouldn’t stammer. “Because I refuse to be miserable. I know what it’s like to be miserable. Married to a miserable man who had a miserable mother. There was absolutely no joy in my marriage, and I’m sick and tired of living with people who have nothing good to say or do for other people.”
Her friends gasped, and Caroline brought her hand to her mouth. “Oh Sarah, you don’t mean that!”
“She
can’t,” Rachel insisted. “It’s the devil himself talking through her.”
Sarah’s body shook with anger as she noted all the familiar people who were staring at her. “Don’t you all have something better to do than to be in my business?”
“It’s the grief talking,” Rachel said. “Sarah, maybe it’s time you went home. Take some time to work through your feelings.”
Angry but not knowing what to do about it, she nodded and stormed off, aware of the murmurs going on around her. More gossip, more humiliation, more judgments. If they knew what Jim was really like, would they insist on adding to her misery? By the time she reached Neil’s buggy, she had cooled down enough so she could manage a smile in his direction.
He returned her smile and held his hand up. “Just a moment. I want to show you what I got for you.”
Startled, she stopped and watched as he took out a bag.
He pulled out a light green cotton cloth with white polka dots on it. “This is for your dress.” Then he showed her a barrette and a matching ribbon. “The ribbon is for your hair or for the dress. It’s your decision on what you want to do with it.”
Dumbfounded, she said the first thing that came to her mind. “I don’t wear green.”
“I know but you should. Green will go well with your blond hair and fair complexion. But if you don’t like green, I also bought yellow and purple.”
She saw that the lavender fabric was a solid color while the yellow fabric had small white flowers on it.
“Yellow and purple will look good on you too. I did get purple and yellow ribbons to match.”
As he put the items back into the bag, she didn’t have the heart to tell him that she wouldn’t be making a dress from any of those fabrics. He seemed proud of himself for buying them for her, and she couldn’t fault him for being generous.
“Thank you,” she finally said as he helped her into the buggy.
“You’re welcome.”
Once he sat next to her and picked up the reins, she asked, “Did you mean what you said about my being able to stay at your place for as long as I wished?”
He glanced at her before he urged the geldings forward. “I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. Life’s too short to mince words.”
“Well, that’s good because, as it turns out, I won’t be going to live with my friend after all.”
Never mind that she made a conscious decision to stay with him and Emily. She chose to let him think that her friend changed her mind rather than tell him the truth, that she found joy in being near him and Emily after spending years of misery in being married to Jim. She did like Caroline. But something about Neil and Emily drew her to them.
Neil nodded. “Then I’ll tell Emily when I bring her home from school.”
“Emily’s a wonderful girl. You’ve done a good job of raising her.”
“I hope so. I tend to second guess myself. But a girl definitely needs a woman around.”
Feeling better about her and Luke’s future, she breathed a sigh of relief and enjoyed the ride back to her new permanent home.
Chapter Ten
A month later, Neil shook hands with Dan Adair. “So I’ll meet you at the bank in a month.”
“Looking forward to it,” Dan replied. He turned to the pasture where Neil’s prime cattle chewed the grass. “Yep. Those will make good steaks.”
Neil waited until Dan headed out on his horse before he rode his horse back to the house. Once he arrived at the barn where Jacob, Cal, and Ben waited for him, he broke into a wide grin. “Dan Adair said yes. That means I can give you all a raise.”
“Wahoo!” Ben threw his hat into the air.
Jacob shook his head at Ben before he turned to Neil and grinned. “You won’t hear any complaints here.”
Neil chuckled at their enthusiasm. It felt good to raise their wages. They certainly deserved it. “Go out and celebrate. I can handle the rest of the day by myself.”
The men didn’t argue. Instead they said, “Yes, boss,” and scampered to get their horses.
Neil hastened to the house. Doing business with Dan, one of the wealthiest people in Omaha, was no small accomplishment. Dan was very selective when it came to choosing cattle to purchase since he prided himself on buying the best of the best. Neil’s careful breeding and pasture selection enabled his cattle to thrive, but it was the help of his farmhands that got the tasks done.
As soon as he opened the kitchen door, Sarah turned from the dough she was rolling out on the work table. “How did it go?”
He took his hat off and put it on the hat rack. “Good. Dan said he’ll buy the cattle.”
She smiled widely at him, her eyes twinkling. “That is good news! Your hard work has paid off.”
It made him feel even better that she shared in his joy. “I learn as I go.”
“Well, congratulations.”
He glanced at the clock. He had another half hour before he had to pick Emily up from school. Looking at Sarah who had returned to the dough, he noticed that she was wearing a plain gray dress and had her hair pulled back in a bun. “Have you had time to start a new dress?”
She stopped rolling the dough for a moment before continuing. “No. I’ve been too busy with everything else.”
She did work from the moment she woke up to the moment she retired for the night. He couldn’t expect her to do everything. He decided to make it easier for her. “I’ll get a seamstress in town to make the dress for you.”
“No!”
He blinked at her quick response.
Setting the rolling pin beside the dough, she took a knife and began cutting into it. He couldn’t be sure, but he thought her movements were stiff and anxious. She shook her head and a few stray strands of her fine golden hair tumbled from the bun. He thought it made her look softer. Not that she wasn’t soft to begin with, but he rather fancied her hair best when it was down. Startled at his thoughts, he directed his attention to what she was rambling about.
“I mean, I can do it myself,” she continued in hurried sentences. “I like to make my own dresses. I’ll start it tonight.”
Surprised that this should cause her alarm, he held his hand up to silence her. “I’m not trying to rush you. You can start whenever it’s convenient.”
Her shoulders relaxed and she turned back to the dough. This time when she cut into it, she took her time, carefully tracing the edges of her squares with the knife. “I know you’re helping me. I appreciate it.”
A movement from the bassinet caught his attention. He smiled. He looked forward to coming home to a baby. “I see Luke is awake.” He sauntered to the corner of the kitchen and knelt in front of the boy, swaddled in a blue blanket, who seemed to be content to look around the room. He laughed, enjoying the baby’s open curiosity about the world he was born into. “Hi there, Luke. How are you doing?”
The boy peered up at him and gurgled a response.
“I see his eyes are getting lighter,” Neil noted.
“Yes,” Sarah replied. “I don’t expect them to stay blue. Neither Jim nor I had blue eyes.”
“What color eyes did your husband have?” Not that he cared but he thought it would be rude if he didn’t ask.
“Brown.”
“And so do you. I’d say that this little man here is going to have brown eyes then.”
Luke snorted.
Neil chuckled. “Well, I didn’t say that life was fair. You’re stuck with the cards you’re dealt, mister.”
Sarah turned from the dough and placed a hand on her hip. “And what is wrong with brown eyes?” Though she sounded offended, her slight grin betrayed her humor.
Neil shrugged. “Nothing if you like boring.”
“Boring?” This time a hint of laughter laced her voice.
“Yes. Brown is a boring color.”
“Well, you have brown hair.”
“Brown hair is fine.”
She shook her head. “This is a fine example of hypocrisy.”
She gasped and reached up to touch her bun, as if making sure it was still in place. “Neil Craftsman, you are bold.”
He picked Luke up and focused on him so that she wouldn’t detect the heat running up his neck and coloring his face. It’d been a long time since he talked to a woman that way. “Granted, I am bold. I confess that I enjoy looking at a pretty woman who also happens to be nice.”
He hadn’t thought an attractive woman could be a friend, but she was proving him wrong on that. His initial impression of her had turned out wrong. She was sincere and kind. He envied Jim. Jim lucked out when he married her.
A foul odor took his mind off the intrusive thoughts of Sarah and her late husband. He looked in her direction. “I think Luke’s given you an unpleasant surprise.”
She took a moment to respond. When she did, she wiped her hands on her apron and came over to him. “I’ll change him.”
“I’ll do it. I used to change Emily. I think I still have a clothes pin upstairs I can use to plug my nose. Why don’t you finish up whatever you’re cooking? Then, with any luck, you can get started on that dress. I’d like to see you in a better color than brown, gray or black.”
Without waiting for her answer, he climbed the steps to change Luke.
***
Sarah managed to finish making supper, but she had a hard time concentrating. Neil had a way of unnerving her, and to her surprise, she liked it. She picked her son up and sat in the rocker with him so she could nurse him while the meal cooled. Neil would be returning with Emily soon, so the stew, potatoes and freshly baked biscuits would be ready when they got home. For the moment, she had the house to herself.
Gazing down at her son, she caressed his cheek while he suckled from her breast, relieving the fullness in it. She learned that if she didn’t nurse him on a regular basis, her breasts became uncomfortable. It wasn’t something anyone told her. She got lectures on how to raise him and how to maintain the balance between her husband and child. But no one told her the basics in caring for a newborn. She realized that Jim’s mother would have been the one to do this, but she was glad to have Neil’s mother teach her instead. It wasn’t difficult to change diapers or bathe Luke, but she worried if she performed her tasks correctly. Feeding him was easy since nature took care of that.
His Redeeming Bride Page 9