“I don’t think it’s wise to risk it. It would be best to stay here.”
Frowning, he studied her profile. She was such a beautiful woman, even with her hair pulled back into a bun and a gray dress on. He wondered what it was going to take for her to wear a better color? Shaking his head, he brought his focus back to the conversation. “Sarah, is there a reason you don’t want to go to church? You didn’t go last week.”
“I was ill.” She continued to stare out the window.
“A headache. I remember.”
She nodded but didn’t say anything else.
Sensing something was amiss, he sat on the edge of her bed so they were only two feet apart. Leaning forward, he softly asked, “What are you hiding from?”
Blinking, she turned her large brown eyes in his direction, her vulnerable expression filling him with a sudden urge to protect her from the world and all of its problems. “Jim’s mother will be at church.” Returning her attention to the window, she spoke in a voice so soft he had to strain to hear her. “I know she has the right to see Luke, but I don’t want her to.”
“Why?”
“Because it means I have to see her. We never got along. I tried, at least in the beginning, but nothing I did pleased her.”
“She’s a hard person to deal with?”
“Yes.”
He could relate. Nothing pleased Cassie either, and after awhile, he gave up trying. It surprised him that he and Sarah shared so many things in common. He had sensed her loneliness when she moved in, but it seemed frustration, heartbreak, and sorrow also bonded them together. He wanted to hold her, to reassure her that she wasn’t the only one who suffered hard emotions but figured it wasn’t his place to do so.
The click clack of dress shoes echoed off the floorboards as someone ran up the stairs. Emily rushed into the room, her cheeks red. Straightening her coat, she exclaimed, “That snow is sticking together! I can make a snowman if it snows enough. Do you want to help me, Pa?”
Peering out the window, he took in the snow still falling. “We might get enough to cover the ground so we can roll up a large snowball or two.” He shifted his gaze to Emily and then to Sarah and sighed. He couldn’t solve Sarah’s problem, but he could do his part in giving Sarah more time to figure out how to handle her mother-in-law. “You know, Em, it might be too slippery to go into town today. I’m afraid we’ll have to skip church.”
“Yay!”
He frowned. “You’re not supposed to be happy about that.”
She put her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide. When her hand lowered, she said, “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to wait to play outside.”
“We’re going to do an extra devotion tonight to make up for missing church.”
“That’s fine, Pa. By then it’ll be too dark to play outside.”
He wasn’t sure what to make of his daughter’s comment. “All right. I’ll change out of my suit and then we’ll see what we can do out there.”
“Can I go out now?”
“Yes.”
Without hesitation, she sprinted out of the room and down the steps. The slam of the kitchen door notified him that she made her way outside.
Sarah chuckled under her breath.
He raised his eyebrow. “You just wait until Luke is her age. He’ll be doing the same thing.”
When she looked at him, mirth replaced the angst in her eyes. “I know. She really is a sweet girl...and honest. If she doesn’t like something, she lets you know.” She shrugged. “Then again. I suppose all children are natural truth tellers.”
“I can’t speak for other children, but Emily definitely doesn’t hold anything in. I want you to know that I appreciate the attention you give her.” He set his hands on his knees and straightened his spine. “As much as I teach her boy things, like hunting and riding a horse, I realize there’s a need for her to learn how to be a girl and, one day, a woman.”
“Since I’ve spent my entire life being female, such lessons come naturally to me.”
He laughed. “I don’t doubt it.”
A smile lit up her face. But too soon, before he had time to thoroughly enjoy watching her filled with joy, she returned to her glum state. “I understand that I can’t keep avoiding my mother-in-law. I also realize she has a right to see her grandson. At least I don’t have to live with her. Jim was taking me to her so I could stay with her for six months when we passed through your property.”
“That’s why you two were all the way out here.”
She nodded. Staring out the window, she whispered, “I am glad I met you. You’re the first person I met who actually listens to me. You know, without trying to mold me into someone I’m not.”
A heat rose to his face that had nothing to do with physical desire. It was something altogether different, and it was the most wonderful feeling he ever experienced.
Luke squirmed and scrunched his nose.
She looked at Neil and grinned. “I think he’ll be complaining if I don’t feed him.”
He stood up. “I should go see what kind of mess Emily’s managed to make out there. She has a tendency to throw snowballs at the horses.”
Gasping, she turned to him. “Oh, she does not.”
“She’s a good aim too.”
“Why, she acts too much like a boy. It’s a good thing I’m here to teach her better manners than that.”
Chuckling, he made his way to the door. “She’s also a good shot, you know.”
“You’re not helping at all. She may be a smart girl but what man wants a woman who can beat him at shooting?”
He didn’t hide his wicked smile. “You’d be surprised. Some men find strong women appealing.”
She huffed. “A man still likes to be the one to protect and provide. And that’s not submissiveness talking. It’s just human nature. It’s how we’re made.”
“True. You win this argument.”
She blinked. “I wasn’t aware we were fighting.”
Shrugging, he replied, “Then we’ll call it a debate. And you still win.”
Before she could respond, he closed the door to give her privacy. His heart light, he skipped down the steps to find Emily.
***
The following Sunday, Sarah took a deep breath to settle her nerves as she lumbered to the church. The bitter wind blew against her face but her hat held her hair in place. Luke grunted and snuggled closer to her bosom. She wrapped her coat tighter around him and pressed forward.
Caroline and Rachel were the first to see her. Breaking from the crowd gathering outside the church before the service, they rushed over to her.
“Oh Sarah, we worried that something horrible happened to you,” Caroline said.
Rachel nodded. “And since we don’t know where you’re staying, we couldn’t come by to check up on you.”
Blushing, she tapped her foot on the ground. “I didn’t feel well, but I’m fine now.” That wasn’t exactly true, but she didn’t feel like listening to them defend Beatrice again.
“Were you sick like my family was?” Caroline asked.
“Not as badly as your family but it was enough to make me queasy.” That much was true. Jim’s mother had that affect on her.
“We looked everywhere for you,” Caroline continued. “It’s as if you dropped off the earth. No one knows where you’re staying.”
“Oh, that’s because it’s a ways out...there,” Sarah vaguely replied. “It sure is cold. We should get into the church.”
Without waiting for them to speak, she brushed past them and stomped up the steps, aware of the constricting in her chest. Just as she entered the building, Jim’s mother blocked her entrance.
“Well,” the woman snapped, hands on her hips. “I was beginning to think I’d never see my grandson again.”
“I-I’ve been ill, M-Mrs. Donner,” Sarah stammered.
“Then it’s most fortunate I plan to stay for awhile.”
“You are?”
“You needn�
��t act like that’s a bad thing.”
“I’m sorry.” Sarah gulped the nervous lump in her throat. “I’m still not feeling well.” That couldn’t be considered a full lie since she felt as if she was going to throw up. “I have to sit down.”
Caroline and Rachel caught up to them.
“Sarah, you should have waited for us,” Caroline said. “Oh, hello, Mrs. Donner.”
Jim’s mother narrowed her eyes at Caroline. “I trust your lunch offer is still good. Who knows when Sarah will bless us with her presence again? It seems the poor thing has taken ill after my son’s untimely demise.”
“Losing a husband can be hard for a woman,” Caroline replied, her hand on Sarah’s arm. “Surely, you can understand that.”
“And not seeing one’s grandson, Jim the fourth, is also hard.”
Caroline looked to be at a loss for words for a couple of seconds but quickly nodded her consent. “I didn’t mean to imply it wasn’t, Mrs. Donner.”
Beatrice straightened her coat and pursed her thin lips together. “Then I will join you and my grandson after the service for lunch, as we’ve been doing when Sarah chooses to attend her Sunday obligation.”
Caroline glanced at Sarah. “Do you feel up to it?”
“Perhaps the commandment, Honor thy mother and father, ought to ring a bell?” his mother inserted, her voice sharp.
“I can’t!” Sarah shook her head. “I have to leave right after the service.” Neil would be expecting her. She couldn’t let him and Emily sit out in the cold, waiting for her to show up. And who knew how long Jim’s mother would keep her at Caroline’s house? The last time she endured the lunch, Neil and Emily sat in the buggy for a full half hour because she was late. She couldn’t do that to them again.
“Can you make it into town for supper?” Caroline asked Sarah, looking uncertain.
Beatrice waved her hand and gave a curt nod of her head. “There’s no need to go through all this hassle. If you just tell me where you’re living, I’ll go there.”
Seeing little option, Sarah’s shoulders slumped. “I’ll be at your house at five, Caroline.”
Caroline looked relieved. “Then it’s settled.”
“In the meantime, I’ll hold little Jim during the service.” Beatrice held her hands out.
Realizing she had no choice, Sarah gave Luke to her, ready to remind the woman that his name was Luke. But it wouldn’t do any good.
Beatrice took the child and went to the other side of the small church, causing Sarah to experience a wave of panic. She wouldn’t run off with him, would she?
“I guess we’ll sit over there today,” Rachel said. “Let me gather the children and I’ll join you.”
“I’ll do the same,” Caroline added.
Sarah watched her friends hurry to perform their tasks, grateful for their support. But the doubt lingered in her mind that they wouldn’t rush to help her if they knew she was staying at Neil’s place.
***
It was a little after six and Sarah finished washing the dishes with Caroline after the supper. She glanced at the clock, wondering how she was going to slip out of there at seven. All through the meal, she tried to come up with an excuse to leave that wouldn’t arouse suspicion as to where she was living. She managed to avoid the questions so far, but she worried she couldn’t keep it up much longer.
Wiping her hands on the towel, she laid it on the back of a chair and followed Caroline into the parlor where Caroline’s son played the piano. Sarah glanced at Beatrice who cooed at “little Jim”. Sarah clenched her hands under the skirt of her dress, hoping no one detected her growing anger.
Caroline’s husband, Hubert, read his newspaper while Caroline went over to fluff the pillow under his feet. She patted him on the shoulder and went to sit next to Sarah on the couch.
“Caroline,” Hubert began, not glancing up from his paper, “I’m thirsty.”
Caroline, still out of breath from cleaning the kitchen, exhaled as she stood up. “Would anyone else like some coffee?”
Beatrice kept on cooing at Luke, so Sarah eased herself off the couch, wishing to get away from all the comments that Beatrice kept making about how adorable “little Jim” was.
“I’ll come with you, Caroline,” Sarah said.
“No, Sarah. You’re my guest. Please sit and relax.”
“But I want to help.” And I don’t want to be near Jim’s mother.
Beatrice cleared her throat. “Actually, I could use a cup of tea. Caroline, why don’t you work on the coffee, and Sarah, why don’t you work on the tea?”
The next half hour was filled with similar demands. Beatrice wanted Sarah to get her a blanket for “little Jim,” refill her cup of tea, put sugar in the tea, and heat the tea up again since it was too cool for her liking.
By the time Sarah returned with the heated tea, Beatrice groaned. “I must say, it’s amazing my dear son didn’t perish under your care, Sarah. You take forever to do anything.”
Sarah resisted the urge to pour the steaming tea on the woman’s head, and the only reason she managed that feat was because she didn’t want to harm Luke. Biting her tongue, she placed the cup on the table and sat next to Caroline who squeezed her hand, sending a comforting message to her. Sarah offered a thankful smile at her friend.
“Can I play?” Caroline’s daughter, Jane, asked.
“No,” Hubert replied.
“Why not? I’ve been watching Stephen, and the last song he played was simple.”
“I said no, and that’s final.”
Jane huffed. “I can do it. I know I can!”
Hubert frowned at her. “A girl needs to know her place, and you are to be the audience.”
“Why?”
“Because boys are better at these things than girls.”
Sarah gasped.
Hubert looked in her direction. “Do you have something to add, Mrs. Donner?”
“Girls can play a piano as well as boys can, Mr. Jones,” she replied, her heart pounding fast in her chest since she’d never argued with him before.
“That’s preposterous! Girls aren’t as blessed as boys are.”
“You are in error. I know a little girl who can hunt and ride a horse just as well as a boy can.”
He grimaced. “What parents are permitting their children to do! How will that girl ever know her place in the home if she acts like a boy?”
“She’s not acting like a boy!”
“Sarah,” Caroline whispered, “calm down.”
“No. I will not calm down.” Sarah straightened her back. “God made men and women equal, so it stands to reason that boys and girls are equal too.”
“Blasphemy! Is this what Jim’s death has done to you?” Hubert threw his paper on the floor and glared at her. “May I remind you that the Good Book tells women to submit to their husbands?”
“Submission doesn’t mean she is to be a slave, nor does it mean she has to forgo the things that are interesting to her. I believe the Good Book also tells men to love their wives, and love doesn’t forbid what is good for the other person. No harm will come if you let Jane play the piano. She might even be better than Stephen.”
He laughed. “A girl being better than a boy. That’s rich! You would do good to remember your place, Sarah. The preacher won’t like hearing such rebellion from your lips. The man is to lead. The woman is to follow.”
Shaking Caroline’s hand off her arm, Sarah bolted up. “The woman is not to blindly follow the man. She is to use her judgment.”
Snorting, he shook his head. “Judgment? Don’t be foolish. If it weren’t for men, women wouldn’t know how to function in society. Why, even balancing the budget is too much for them.”
Sarah couldn’t take it anymore. She turned to Beatrice. “I’m leaving. Give me my child.”
“But my time isn’t up,” her mother-in-law protested.
Caroline stood up, wringing her hands. “We should relax. I know. I’ll bring out cake.”
“Come on, Sarah. Will you help me?” Caroline asked, her voice taking on a pleading tone.
“No, Caroline. I’m not staying.” Sarah held her arms out to receive Luke.
Beatrice held onto the baby. “Leave if you like, but I’m going to visit with my grandson.”
“You have no right to withhold my child from me!”
“And you have no right to dishonor Jim’s mother,” Hubert snapped.
“I’m keeping him,” Beatrice added.
Sarah’s body shook with rage. “You like tea? Well, here it is!” She grabbed the cup and dumped the cooled tea in the demanding woman’s hair.
As soon as Beatrice loosened her hold on Luke and screamed, Sarah snatched her child and ran to the door.
“Don’t you dare follow her, Caroline!” Hubert yelled.
Caroline remained at Sarah’s heels. “Sarah, I’m so sorry. Apparently, this whole idea was a mistake.”
Sarah grabbed her coat and opened the front door.
“Caroline! Get in here right this minute!” Hubert ordered.
“Good night, Sarah,” Caroline told Sarah before turning to the parlor entrance where Hubert stood, arms crossed and a scowl on his face. Caroline shook her head at him. “I will not go in there, you...you...man!” Caroline fled up the staircase.
Taking that as her cue to leave, Sarah shut the door and raced down the street.
Chapter Twelve
Two weeks later, Neil went to town. The April air felt warm on his skin. He did enjoy Spring. Soon, he’d be planting beans. But today, he was about to make a good profit for selling his best cattle.
Before he had to go to the bank to meet Dan Adair, he wanted to pick up a bow that Emily mentioned liking last time she stayed with her grandmother, and he thought Sarah might like something pretty to go with the green dress she was making. He wasn’t sure what happened that night she went to visit her friend Caroline, but she started the dress that night. It also marked the last time she went to her church. Any attempts to find out why were expertly avoided by comments regarding Luke or Emily. Deciding it wasn’t his business, he gave up and acted as if nothing happened.
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