by Beck, J. L.
Continuing to thrust inside her, I extend her orgasm, and while sliding through her quivering pussy, my own release starts to build. My balls slap against her ass, and my chest heaves with each precise stroke. She feels like heaven and I know even before the moment is over that I’ll need another taste of her.
“Look at me. Look at me as I come inside of you,” I grind out. Those green eyes of hers flutter open and bore into mine and I swear I can feel every sliver of pain, every heartache, and every word I’ve ever said to her. She owns me in this moment, and as frightening as it is, I don’t look away. I want to see what I’ve done to her, feel it.
Pushing back onto my knees, I dig my fingers into her flesh and plow into her, over, and over, and over again until there is nothing but a cosmic wave of euphoric pleasure surrounding us. Then and only then as my muscles tighten and sweat beads down my back, do I allow myself to come, filling her tight cunt with spurt upon spurt of sticky salty cum. Her small hand lifts to my chest, pressing against the organ threatening to break free there. It thumps, like a feral animal, and I collapse for a moment on top of her, feeling as if I just ran a marathon.
That wasn’t sex. That was… I don’t even know, but I want to do it again. Pulling out of her, I roll to the side. She’s quiet, too quiet and as the lustful haze fades from my mind, I’m reminded that we have unfinished business from the night before to talk about. I meant to discuss it as soon as she woke up, but never got the chance, my cock having other ideas.
“Last night you said… you saw them. Who is them?”
Ava sits up, grabbing the sheet from the edge of the bed to cover up. “You know what I meant.” She fiddles with the edge of the sheet and I can tell she’s already uncomfortable with the conversation. That’s too bad.
“Actually, I have no idea what you meant by them. You’re talking in riddles and I don’t have the patience to read between the lines. So spit it out already.”
Her eyes flicker to mine, and she stares at me as if I’m a puzzle piece that doesn’t fit in its spot on the puzzle. My pulse races, anticipation of the unknown building. Nodding my head, I encourage her to keep going.
Thick brows draw together and her mouth pops open. “My mom. Your dad. I walked in on them fucking. You know that, right?”
The way she says it, so nonchalantly, like it’s actually true…I don’t know why but it’s almost like her tone of voice affects me more than the words she’s said. Opening my mouth, I plan to say something, anything but suddenly my tongue weighs ten tons and the words, they get lodged in my throat, clogged by an all too familiar anger.
Instead I gawk at her, waiting for her to tell me that she is kidding, lying, but all she does is look back, her expression wide-eyed, and on the cusp of shock. My heart sinks into my stomach, and my hands grow clammy.
“You know that, right?” she repeats, but I still can’t answer. This doesn’t make sense, why would my dad…no…this can’t be true.
She’s lying. My dad wouldn’t have cheated on my mom. He loves, or at least loved her back then and you don’t hurt people you love. Squeezing my eyes shut, I will the thoughts away. Lies, it’s all lies. It has to be. I can’t believe Ava, she’s a vile manipulator, she told my father that I threatened her, that I was using her to steal jewelry. My eyes open a second later and it must dawn on her that I don’t have a fucking clue as to what she’s talking about. When I don’t respond, she starts to explain the more.
“How did you not know about this? Why do you think my dad took me and my mom and left the state the next day?”
Ava asks, tears well in her eyes, but I can’t react. I feel… I feel fooled, broken, like I’ve fucked up and there is nothing that can make it better and I guess there isn’t.
“I didn’t lie to you, Vance. My mother and your father were having an affair. I told my father, even though my mother begged me not to, even though your father told me what I saw was wrong. I was young but not dumb. They were having sex. They were the reason my parents’ marriage fell apart. You can’t fix something that’s beyond repair, my father thought otherwise, and look at him now. He’s in rehab, while my mother sails the Seven Seas remarried and with the man she cheated on him with.”
“I…” What do I even say to that? All this time, I believed that my mother and father’s marriage had ended because of the financial strain of moving and my father losing his job. I placed all that blame on Ava, calling her a liar, lashing out at her, because I thought she caused all the problems.
But she didn’t… he lied. The man I looked up to my whole life lied to me. I open my mouth again to say something else, but the words never make it past my lips. The sound of the front door opening echoes through the house, followed by voices that I know all too well.
“Vance, Ava. Surprise, we are back from our honeymoon!” My father’s voice meets my ears and when I look to Ava, I see the horror of what she’s told me reflecting back at me.
“You… you really didn’t know?” she whispers.
“No...no I didn’t,” I croak.
38
Ava
Vance pulls on his boxers, grabs his pants, and races from the bedroom.
He didn’t know. Oh my God, he didn’t know. I can’t comprehend it. I can’t believe it. All this time I thought he knew… but there’s no way, the look in his eyes, the anger and sadness. I knew as soon as I saw it, he didn’t know.
Which leads me to wonder what he thought had happened? Why he was so mad at me? What did Henry tell him? Obviously it had something to do with me, but what exactly, I have no idea and right now, I have no time to ask him not with our parents back.
I slip into my own clothing in record time, brushing through my hair with my fingers, and splash some water on my face in the bathroom before rushing downstairs. It feels weird to have Vance’s cum inside me as I walk down the hall and toward the staircase to talk to Henry and my mother.
Vance is already standing at the bottom of the stairs, chatting with our parents when I appear at the top of the stairs. Neither one of them notices how tense he is. How hard he’s trying to make polite small talk when all he probably wants to do is confront them. I don’t know why he hasn’t said something yet, if I was him, I would be coming unglued, bursting at the seams for answers. Not Vance, he’s cool, casual, acting as if he didn’t just find out the most tragic lie of all.
It might be pitiful, but even after all my mom has done, I still want her to spend time with me without fighting. All I want is my mom back, and bringing up what happened five years ago is not going to be pleasant for any of us right now, so even though I know Vance is dying for answers, I hope at the very least he waits until we leave.
“We didn’t know you guys were going to be here today.” I force a smile, even though I feel more like crying.
“It wouldn’t have been a surprise if we would have called in advance, would it?” My mom beams at me. “And for you, young lady, I have one more surprise.”
“You do?” I perk up even though I feel shameful about it.
“Yup, we are going to the spa! Just the two of us for the rest of the day. I felt bad leaving as soon as you got here, so I thought we could spend the day together.”
My mom gives me a genuine smile and now I feel like crying for an entirely different reason. This entire thing is a shit show. It’s hard to hate someone that gave you life, but it’s even harder to know that your life would probably be as it was supposed to be had that person not made a selfish choice.
“Yes, that sounds… it sounds great,” I tell her, but I can’t help it when my gaze moves to Vance. His body language all but screams the pain he’s feeling on the inside and the people that are the cause of that pain are right in front of him, and sadly they don’t even notice.
“I’m guessing you kids got along just fine while we were gone? Seeing as we got no phone calls, and you both are alive and well?” Henry jokes, slapping a hand to Vance’s back.
“Yeah, everything was great,” Va
nce grinds out.
“Good, good. Well, the ladies are going to the spa, we should go play some golf. What do ya say, son?” Henry asks.
Vance shrugs. “I don’t golf, but if you want me to go…”
“Perfect. I’ve got some calls to make, but we can meet up after lunch.” Henry turns to my mother and presses a kiss to her cheek. “I’ll be seeing you later,” he whispers, and then his eyes flick to mine. “Have fun, ladies.”
I stand motionlessly as my mother looks between Vance and me as if she’s trying to fit the missing pieces back into place to solve the puzzle.
Finally, after she’s flicked her gaze between us twice, she says, “I’m going to go and change really quick and then we can head out.”
I nod my head and watch as she walks away, leaving Vance and I alone all over again. That seems to be a reoccurring thing in this house.
Staring at him, I feel the need to reach out to him, to soothe him, so I do. I place my hand on his shoulder and let his warmth seep into me. It’s a simple touch, but it feels like I’m sticking my hand into the sun.
“I don’t know what to say,” he admits.
“You don’t need to say anything. I’m just glad you know the truth now.” I still want to ask him what he thought I lied about, but seeing how troubled he is already, I decide to bite my tongue. I can always ask him later.
His eyes are transfixed on mine for a minute, and a regretful shadow cloaks his face. Somehow, I get the feeling he wants to tell me that he’s sorry, but the words never come. I’m hyper-aware of him now, my body buzzing when in his presence. Having sex changed something between us, but it wasn’t just the sex, it was the truth coming out too.
“I’ll talk to you tonight, okay?” he finally says.
“Okay.” I smile. Giving in to the need to hug him, I throw my arms around him and pull him into my chest. He’s a good foot taller than me, but I make it work. He dips his head down and lets it rest on my shoulder, his arms snaking around my middle and coming to rest on my lower back. He’s holding me to him, hugging me back, and after that first night at the wedding, I was sure this would never happen.
We don’t hug for long, or at least it doesn’t feel like a long time, because I want to keep holding onto him. When we break apart, he looks a little calmer, some of the tension in his gorgeous face fading.
“Have fun with your mom,” he tells me. “I’m going on a drive to clear my head before going golfing with my dad.” Pulling out a pair of keys from his pocket, he heads for the door just as my mother calls out for me.
“You ready to go, Ava?”
With one last fleeting glance, he walks away.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
* * *
Spas are not my thing, let’s be real. Getting dolled up, doing my hair and makeup, also not my thing, but spending time with my mother is more important to me than my sanity for lack of girliness and since I’m desperate for even a little bit of interaction, I let her drag me along.
We do a full body massage that makes my body feel like goop, and get our hair cut and colored. By the time we’re finished at the salon I’ve got a growling belly and look and feel like a million bucks.
“Let’s go to lunch, and then we can do a little shopping. I want to get some stuff for your bedroom. Add some personal touches to it.” I smile, but can’t help but feel guilty. While I’m having a great time with my mother, Vance is stuck in the presence of his father, dealing with a truth that was hidden from him for five years.
Five years, he blamed me. Five long years.
We head into an Italian bistro at the mall, the hostess seating us right away.
“Are you okay? You seem…worried,” my mom asks, and for the first time in three years, I see my mom look at me with genuine concern. She’s not looking through me, she’s looking at me, and it feels too real, too much.
“I missed you,” I blurt out. “I really missed you.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Her eyes fill with tears and I have to bite my bottom lip to keep myself from crying. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I missed you too. I’d have called more often…and visited you. And the worst part is that my excuse for not doing so, is selfish. I’ve made many mistakes in my life, I’m not too proud to admit that, but not being there for you for the last three years was the biggest mistake of all.” She pauses to wipe an escaped tear away with her finger.
“Every time I did call you, I was reminded of everything I’ve lost, and that hurt. It was easier not to call altogether. I told myself that it would be easier for you too, but obviously I was wrong, and for that, I am very sorry.”
I didn’t even know that I needed to hear her say those words until she said them. For so long, I was wondering why she didn’t call me, why she left without coming back. I often thought to myself that it was me, that she didn’t want me. So many times, I asked myself what I could have done wrong, so to hear her say that I didn’t do anything wrong at all, it took a huge weight off my shoulders.
Fidgeting with the napkin in my hands, I say, “I thought maybe it had something to do with me so—”
My mother cuts me off, “God, no honey. It had nothing to do with you. I know what I did was selfish and I’m sorry for that, truly I am.” And for a moment I wonder which part she’s admitting to being selfish about...having an affair or being a shit mom.
“Now tell me, how are classes going. Did you and Vance really get along while we were gone?” she asks while clasping her hands under her chin.
“Classes are good, and everything was fine. No fights, nothing.” I don’t dare mention the fact that we fucked in my bedroom just moments before they came home. Somehow I don’t think my mom would enjoy hearing that little tidbit. And I don’t tell her about Vance’s house party or any of the petty things he did like share my cell phone number with the entire campus.
“Good, good. I know the situation wasn’t ideal.” She frowns. “And that I had to bribe you a little to get you out here, but I hope it hasn’t been too bad.”
Thinking about it, it could be worse. I could be homeless, living in my car, while looking for work instead of going to college. Dealing with Vance’s taunts, and verbal bullshit was something I could handle, as long as I had somewhere to rest my head at night. The only person I worried about now was my father.
“It wasn’t that bad, and I’m enjoying being here with you even though we haven’t been able to spend much time together.”
She smiles, her eyes getting misty. “Awe, honey I don’t deserve a daughter like you.”
No, you don’t, I want to say, but don’t. Then the waitress comes by the table and takes our orders. We make small talk about the design of my bedroom and how she wants us to do something together each week to make up for lost time. And because I’m desperate for her affection and love, I agree.
Once our stomachs are filled with more carbs than a human should be allowed to consume, she calls for the check. Our day together is coming to an end and the reality of what awaits me once we get home falls heavily on my shoulders. Being with my mom was an easy distraction from the chaos, but I know once we get home, shit is going to hit the fan.
I bite my tongue, stopping myself from asking her anything about it. Maybe she doesn’t know that they told Vance something different than what happened. She probably wouldn’t care anyway, and only tell me to move on, to get over it, that it’s in the past and can’t be rewritten.
But is it really the past if it’s affecting your future?
“You look lost in thought, is something bothering you?” My mother’s voice rings in my ears and for a moment, I forgot where I was, becoming so wrapped up in my thoughts.
I clear my throat drawing myself back to the present. “I was just wondering why Vance’s parents got a divorce.” I try not to sound too eager, mainly just curious.
“Why…” My mother blinks slowly. “Why would you ask something like that?” Suddenly she seems nervous.
“Oh, no reason rea
lly. Just looking for something else to bond with Vance over. He’s a hard nut to crack.” I smile, but it’s forced, and I hope she can’t tell.
“Ahh, well truthfully...I do not know. Henry and I never talk about his and Meg’s marriage. We’re beyond in love. Why worry about the past anyway?”
I want to scream at her...to tell her that Vance and I are currently living in the past because of her and Henry’s selfishness, but I don’t. What’s the point? She doesn’t care, and if she does know something, it’s obvious she isn’t going to tell me. The only way to get the answers that I want and need is to go to Vance.
“You’re right. Let the past be the past, right?”
My mother smiles, and it’s dazzling, happiness filling her eyes. “That’s right. Continue forward, not backward.”
I can’t help but think about the fact that both of them got what they wanted, they ruined two families, and still ended up happily together and that’s the lesson here, I suppose. If you shit on enough people, you’ll always find a way to come out on top.
What kind of person shits on their family though?
39
Vance
Somehow we make it through a whole game of golf without really speaking. I mean it’s not like we just stare at each other or anything, but he doesn’t ask me how I’m doing, or how it’s been with him gone.
He’s changed.
It wasn’t really noticeable before, but since Laura came into his life, he’s almost pushed me out of the picture, only dealing with me when he feels he has to. All my life, I’ve looked up to him, wanting to be like him, but now it feels like I’ve lost my compass, and I don’t know which way to go. I can’t look up to a man that’s lied to me for years, that’s responsible for my anger, my pain. Fuck, I can’t even imagine how Ava must feel right now. She knows now that I had no idea, but that doesn’t mean I can take anything back.