by Beck, J. L.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll just go lie down. You can finish the movie if you want.”
“Okay,” he says. I don’t know if I imagine it or not, but I think he sounds almost disappointed. For a split second, I contemplate staying just to make sure he isn’t upset, but then he shifts in his seat again. My eyes zoom in on his muscles flexing underneath the thin fabric of his shirt, and my mouth starts to water. Like literally watering, drool pooling in my mouth. I’ve got to get out of here.
“Goodnight,” I tell Seb and scurry away down the hall.
“Goodnight,” he calls after me.
Once I reach the room, I crawl into bed and cover myself with the heavy comforter. It feels cool against my heated skin at first, but not even a minute later, I feel like I’m burning up. There is a fire deep inside me, burning through my core, and I know there is only one way to stop the flames from burning me alive.
Glancing at the door, I contemplate going to the bathroom and using my fingers to make myself come, but I decide against it, knowing that I have plenty of time before the movie ends. No way will Sebastian walk in here any time soon.
Biting at my bottom lip, I trail a hand down over my flat stomach and into the waistband of my pajama bottoms. My fingers eagerly find my already swollen clit. I’m not surprised by the amount of wetness I find as they slide between my folds with ease.
Moaning softly, I start to rub small circles around the small nub. My hips lift out of reflex, and I spread my legs, wishing, dreaming that it was Sebastian’s fingers, tongue or maybe even cock there. Moving faster and faster, I can feel the heat in my core tightening, my moans growing louder even though I try to hold them in.
I want to come. I need to come.
I’m so close, so damn close… Grabbing the pillow next to me, I bite into it, hoping it’ll silence the screams that want to rip from my throat.
“Hey, you…” His voice crashes into me like a wave, toppling over my body, pulling me down, deep into the abyss. Pleasure courses through me as I come at the sound of his voice. It’s embarrassing and crazy. I’ve been caught, but in that moment, I can’t seem to care. Embarrassment has taken a back seat, while pleasure is driving me straight into uncharted waters. All I can feel is the euphoric bliss pulsing through me like a second heartbeat.
Slowly, like a feather, I float down from my high. I’m scared to open my eyes and look at him. Scared of what he might say or think or do. What if he’s angry? What if he’s disappointed? I can’t think about any of those things. Otherwise, I’ll lose it.
Remaining very still, I pretend that I’m not here. Maybe he’ll walk away, and we’ll never have to talk about what happened? Fat chance.
The bed dips, and my eyes flutter open all on their own.
Staring up into his hazel orbs, I can see it all. His want and need. The battle he’s fighting to keep himself in check. I can see the resistance there, it’s fading with each second, withering away. I pull my hand from my bottoms and wait for him to say something. Peeling the blanket back, his eyes collide with my fingers, fingers that are still glistening with my release.
Very gently, he grabs my hand and brings it to his mouth, his eyes darken so much that they appear almost black now. My body starts to tighten, like a spring-loaded coil, I’m seconds away from going off yet again.
Parting his lips, he sucks the two fingers I used to get off into his mouth. His eyes drift closed, and a groan that I can only describe as manly and deep—so deep—echoes through the room. He sucks on my digits, and I can feel that sucking motion in my pussy, and I want him there, tasting, feasting.
When his eyes pop back open, I know he’s let go of his restraint. His walls are down. All I have to do is give him the word, and he’ll take from me whatever I’m willing to give him.
“What did you think about when you were making yourself come?” He croaks, and I know this is where we fall together, where we break the rules and do the one thing we both said we wouldn’t.
“You…” The word has barely passed my lips, and he is on me, his mouth slanting against mine in a kiss that is both pleasure and pain, longing and passion, fire and ice. He shifts his body, so he is above me, hovering over me like a protective blanket. I couldn’t stop myself, stop this, even if I tried. One of my hands finds purchase in his hair while the other grips onto his shirt tugging him closer.
Fire licks at my skin. There’s too much clothing, too much space between us. In a frenzy, I pull at his shirt, the kiss breaks and I tug it up and over his head. In return, he tugs on mine, and I let him take it off, exposing my bare chest.
His gaze moves straight to my chest, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. Without blinking, he cups my breast in his hand and leans down, taking the pebbled nipple into his mouth. He runs his tongue over it, licking it like it’s an ice cream cone before closing his lips around it and sucking hard. I moan loudly, arching my back, and pressing my breasts further into his face.
He releases one side just long enough to switch to the other, giving that one equal attention. I’m thrashing beneath him, withering in need. The feelings coursing through me are almost too much, and all he’s done so far is suck on my tits.
My hands explore his upper body, my fingers running over every muscle, every ridge and dip I can find. I want to touch every inch of him, to embed the memory of this moment in my mind, to paint a picture of us coming together because I know it will never happen again. There is no forever for us, there is only now, and that’s good enough for me.
Releasing my nipple with a pop that bounces off the walls, his hungry gaze works its way down my body. I’m still in my sleep shorts, but I figure it won’t be that way for long. Trailing his fingers down my body, he touches me with a softness I didn’t expect. I shiver. My stomach a ball of nervous tension. When he reaches the waistband of my sleep shorts, his fingers hook inside, and he looks up at me to make sure I’m okay with what he’s about to do.
With a slight nod, I lift my hips as he pulls my shorts and thong off in one swoop, leaving me completely bare and at his mercy.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs against my lips as he shifts above me, his lips pressing against mine tenderly.
“So are you,” I whisper back, reaching for him. He pulls back, and spreads my thighs slowly, almost as if he’s savoring his first glimpse of me completely naked.
Licking his lips, he says, “I’m going to taste you, eat you until I’ve had my fill and then I’m going to fuck you, punish you for driving me insane.”
He gives me no warning as he pushes my legs back toward my chest and dives in. A gasp catches in my throat at the first lick, and then I’m not sure what happens. All I know is somewhere between all the licking, sucking, and biting, I come again and again. He’s like a ravaged man enjoying his last supper.
When he finally comes up for air, sweat has formed against my brow, and my chest is heaving, my heartbeat whooshing in my ears. I watch him pull his shorts down, freeing his very large, very hard cock.
Looking down at me, he moves, his thick cock grazing my sensitive core and I groan at the sensation that ripples through me.
Gripping his erection, he gives it a couple pumps, and my eyes move toward the motion. I can’t look away. I want him.
“Are you sure you want this?” he asks, his voice husky.
Could I say no? Yes. Do I want to? No.
“Yes, I want this. I want you.” I answer as I reach for him, my fingernails raking across his chest. He hisses through his clenched teeth, and the muscles in his neck tighten at my touch.
“We shouldn’t, we fucking shouldn’t. We were doomed from the very start. All these rules, all this…”
I’m worried, he’s going to stop, that he’s going to break my heart all over again, but instead, he lines his cock up with my entrance and slams inside of me. One thrust of his hips and my virginity is gone. Tears spring from my eyes, and trail down the sides of my cheeks at the intrusion. Seb just stares down at me, his ga
ze burning into my flesh.
“Shit, did I hurt you?” he questions, a moment before I can see him put the puzzle pieces together. “You’re a…” His eyebrows pinch together as if he’s in pain. He moves to pull out, and I wince, wrapping my legs around him, holding him inside me.
“Yes, I am a virgin. Well, was. I was a virgin, but I’m not anymore. I want this with you. Please, don’t stop. I wanted it to be you.” Something happens then, it’s like a switch goes off inside of him. He grits his teeth and starts to move, very slowly. His muscles tense, and his body shakes as he does everything he can, not to hurt me. But I don’t want his kindness. I just want him.
Cupping him by the cheeks, I pull his face down to mine and press my lips against his. Then, I sink my teeth into his bottom lip and bite him. He groans, pulling out, before slamming back in. Pleasure and pain mix together, and with every thrust, the sting resides.
“Fuck me, Sebastian,” I demand.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He grunts, moving slow.
Panting, I say, “You won’t. It doesn’t hurt anymore. Please, I need this. I need you.”
Swallowing, he nods and pulls away again, sitting back on his knees, he grips me by the hips, impaling me on his length. My mouth pops open as he swivels his hips, the head of his cock touching some place inside me that feels like heaven.
“Oh...oh…” I start to cry out, bucking my hips to meet his hard thrusts. In this moment, it’s just us. Two souls healing each other. Two souls finding the will to keep going and becoming one somewhere along the way. Using his thumb, Sebastian draws tiny circles against my clit.
“Come for me, Lily. Milk my cock, take from me.”
“Shit…” I scream as he drives into me again and again. The headboard bangs against the wall with each thrust.
Like a rocket, I go off, and I swear fragments of my body, my heart, go with me. Every muscle tightens, and I clamp down on his cock, squeezing the life out of him. The contours of Sebastian’s face look pained, but I can’t tell because his grip on my hips turns bruising as he buries himself deep inside of me, again, and again.
Two more thrusts and he closes his eyes, throwing his head back, he lets out an ear-piercing roar, that I’m pretty sure everyone in a five-mile radius can hear. Then he stills and starts to come, his sticky seed filling me. It occurs to me then, as warmth radiates through me that we didn’t use a condom.
Damnit.
He must realize it too, because when he turns his head back to me and opens his eyes, they are filled with shock, even within the aftermath of his climax.
“Shit, we didn’t use a condom.” Panic seems to grip him, replacing the calm, relaxed demeanor, that masked his face a short while ago.
“It’s okay… I mean, I-I should be okay. I just had my period. So, it’s unlikely that I would get… you know…” I stumble over the words before trailing off, unable to even say the word pregnant.
Sebastian shakes his head, “It’s not okay. It was a reckless choice. One that could end up hurting both of us.”
I know he is right, and that he didn’t mean it in a hurtful way, but I can’t help feeling the sting from his words. It’s like he slapped me with them. He regrets what we did, and that part probably hurts the most.
Immediately, I’m reminded of what we are to each other and how wrong this was for us to do. Nothing will come of it. I’ll never get to be his girlfriend. I’ll never be more than a dirty little secret to him. He’s the Dean. I’m just a student. Never mind the other things stacked against us. We were fated for this. Fated to never have a chance.
Without thinking, I crawl from the bed and find my shirt and sleep shorts. I tug them on, wincing at the uncomfortable state of my body. Seb stares down at the bed where I was just lying. I can see the wheels turning in his head.
“We… this was…” He stumbles, trying to find the right words to say, but I know what he is thinking… a mistake. He wants to say this was a mistake, and I can feel my heart breaking in my chest. The only thing I can think to do is break his heart before he can break mine. I’m tired of always being the one who gets left behind.
“If you’re going to say this was a mistake, then you’re right. This was a huge mistake.”
“I… I don’t… fucking Christ, Lily, that’s not what I meant.” He reaches for his boxers and slips into them. Suddenly, the room feels smaller, colder. He’s taking up all the space inside my heart, and I can’t risk getting attached, wanting more, because he will never be able to give that to me. Stupid. I was so stupid.
“I’m not sorry for what just happened between us. I’m just… I’m confused right now. I forgot the condom, and it was your first time and…”
I can’t do this.
Swallowing down a sob, I shake my head, and hold up a hand telling him I’m done listening. “It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry it happened. It was a mistake. All of this has been a mistake. Me staying here. This. Us.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I will it all away.
“Lily,” he calls my name, his voice is soft, and floats through me like wisps of smoke, and the overwhelming need to cave for him is consuming, but giving in will only lead to more pain, and I’ve hurt myself enough tonight.
“No, just, please go… actually no, I’ll go, this is your place after all.”
“No.” Sebastian’s authoritative voice cuts through the air, and my eyes open at the sound. That beautiful face of his is twisted with agony, he’s staring at me like I’m a puzzle he can fix, or figure out, but he can’t. “Stay. I’ll leave. I’ll go stay with Remington but let me tell you this now. We are not over, Lily Kline. What happened tonight, was meant to happen, it was inevitable, and you know it. There was no escaping us coming together. I just…”
“Please go,” I whimper, feeling the tears sting my eyes. I will not cry in front of him. I won’t. He stands there for another long second, maybe thinking I’ll change my mind, but I won’t. When he realizes that, he gathers up some clothes and a few other things, before going to the door. He stops there, hovering, waiting for me to tell him to stay, but I won’t. I can’t. Sebastian Miller was never meant to be mine. He was always hers, and he always would be.
77
Sebastian
“Are we going to talk about why you showed up here last night at eleven or…” Remington’s voice trails off. There’s a pounding behind my eyes that seems to get worse with each word that comes out of his mouth.
I don’t want to talk about last night. About how amazing it was. About how I fucked it all up by opening my stupid mouth.
“What happened, Seb?” Jules asks next as she sits down at the table, a cup in her hands.
“Not you too.” I sigh and thread my fingers through my hair in frustration.
“If you would just spill the beans, we wouldn’t have to gang up on you.”
I let my hand fall to the table. “Can’t I just come over without there needing to be a reason?”
Remington rolls his eyes, “You can come over whenever you want. It’s just you don’t, and then randomly you show up late at night, out of the blue, annoyed and cranky. That’s not normal, and since I’m not a complete asshole, and I care about you, I want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. I’ve told you that ten times now, and yet you keep pushing.” My gaze collides with Remington’s. He looks like he doesn’t believe me, probably because I’m lying, but that’s none of his business. None of this is.
Jules interjects probably sensing a fight brewing. “Because deep down, you aren’t. What’s going on, Seb? Is it Lily?” Every muscle in my body tightens at her name. My thoughts swirl with images of us from last night. Her beautiful flushed face, the way she came to life at my touch. It was amazing, it was forbidden.
Rem notices the knee jerk change in my temperament and grins, “Yup, definitely Lily. What happened?” He leans in, perching his chin on his hand, staring intently at my face.
“Seriously? It’s not some so
ap opera episode. I’m not hiding anything exciting. Lily and I had a fight. She was going to leave, and I told her I would leave instead. Then I left. End of story.”
“If it’s not that exciting, then why don’t you tell us what the fight was about?”
Swallowing thickly, I reply, “It’s nothing.”
“Doesn’t sound like nothing.” Rem’s grin widens, and I know he’s just goading me, trying to make me mad but I’m already pissed off at myself. I don’t need to be lectured further by my brother, who isn’t exactly the best at making choices.
Still, I feel the overbearing need to speak about what happened. I have no worries about them telling anyone, so why haven’t I said anything? Cause I’m a coward.
Sucking in a sharp breath, I say, “We had sex. Then I made the mistake of saying something without really thinking.”
“Was it I love you?”
“No,” I growl, “It wasn’t. It was something else. Something that I feel she took out of context.” Jules reaches across the table and places her hand against mine. Her touch is comforting, it always has been. Since the beginning, Jules has been like a little sister to me.
“What did you say? What happened?” she asks, with real concern etched into her features. Staring at her, I wonder how my asshole brother got so lucky. Jules is one of the kindest, sweetest people I know.
“I was… my emotions were running high and well, I didn’t know that I was her first until it was too late, and to make matters worse… after that, I started to say something about us being a mistake. I stopped, but it was too late.” I pause, a horrid pain slicing through my chest at the memory. “She gave herself to me, and then, I opened my stupid mouth and all but pushed her away.”
I didn’t sleep a wink last night, and not because I wasn’t tired. I was fucking exhausted, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Lily, about the hurt in her eyes when I said those words. When I opened my mouth after the best sex, I’d ever had in my life.