by Beck, J. L.
I nod, “Yeah, we’re together, and it’s serious, and we don’t have to worry about hiding it or someone seeing us.”
I can’t believe how much better I felt once Lily dropped out, not that I would’ve cared if she had stayed, college just wasn’t something she ever wanted to do. Painting was her dream, and I was going to do everything I could to help her achieve her goals. But I’m not going to lie, being able to kiss her in front of everyone, being able to touch her and say this is my woman, it’s been amazing.
“I can’t believe you’re boning your dead girlfriend’s sister,” Lex says, careless to Amy’s memory. I try not to let it bother me, he doesn’t understand, and he’s going through his own shit, but it hurts a little.
“Don’t be a dick,” Rem grumbles, staring Lex down.
“Sorry,” Lex says a moment later, “my heads all over the place. I didn’t mean to be a dick. I’m happy for you and Lily.”
“Thanks, brother. Now we just gotta find you a woman.”
“Yeah, no.” He shakes his head and takes a drink of his beer, “Women are too much fucking work, and right now the only thing I need to be working on is myself.”
“Right, but I don’t think I’ve seen you with a girl…” Rem taps at his chin, “Well, I haven’t seen you with a girl in forever.”
Lex rolls his eyes, “Don’t need a girl.”
“Oh, wait, there was that one girl, what’s her name, Tina, Talila?”
“Taylor, and she’s not my girl. She’s Shawn’s little sister, and I wouldn’t touch her even if I knew her brother wouldn’t chop my balls off for doing it.”
Rem smiles, “That sounds like interest, or at least like you’ve thought about it.”
“Seriously?” Lex’s face turns serious, “I like my balls too much.”
“Yup, definitely sounds like you’ve thought about screwing her, doesn’t it, Seb?” Rem asks, trying to sway me into this teasing argument.
“No comment,” I mumble while grabbing a slice of pizza from the box in front of me and take a bite. Being the middle brother always means I’m the one to break the tie or break up the argument between the two of them.
“Come on, Lex, just admit it. Just once.” Rem’s voice rises with each word.
“No.”
“Yes.” Rem mocks.
Lex squeezes his beer bottle and looks like he’s grappling with his thoughts, “Okay, okay. I have. But I’ll never cross that line. I value my life too much, plus Taylor is young, a little naive, and way too good for an ass like me.”
“Lily’s ten years younger than me, but that hasn’t changed anything.”
“It’s not happening, and I only admitted it so he would shut up.” Lex points to Rem who is smiling like a kid on Christmas morning.
“I wouldn’t admit anything to him, especially if you want him to shut up, because all he’s going to do now is talk, talk, and talk.”
“For fuck’s sake, seriously?” Lex growls with frustration.
“Yup, now you have to explain.” Rem settles into the couch, staring up at our older brother like it’s storytime. I swear now that he’s settled down with Jules and let go of all his anger, and pain he’s more of a kid than an adult. Sometimes, I wish he would go back to being the lost kid that needed guidance. Sometimes.
“There is nothing to explain, Rem,” Lex’s face pales, and we can tell right away that he’s hiding something. Before Rem or I can say anything, the front door opens, and Jules walks in, a couple shopping bags in her hands.
Her big blue eyes land first on Rem, and then on Lex and me.
“Shoot, it’s guys night,” she mumbles under her breath as she closes the door behind herself. “Sorry, I totally spaced it. I’m just going to go crawl into bed.” An apologetic smile appears on her lips, but she looks too exhausted to look happy.
“You’re welcome to join us, babe,” Rem offers, getting up off the couch. She lifts a hand as if it’s a stop sign.
“No, no. I’m not feeling well, and I wouldn’t be very good company. You boys have fun and drink some beer for me.”
When she disappears down the hall, I turn to Rem, “Is she okay?”
Rem’s jaw clenches, his eyes fall closed for a minute, and he looks like he might be contemplating something.
“Yeah, she’s okay, she’s just…”
I stare at him, waiting for him to spill the beans.
“Well?” Lex says with the same level of impatience.
Rem leans in like he’s telling us a secret, “She’s pregnant.” Shock is the first thing I feel, followed by excitement, and then shock again.
“We don’t know when she’s due or anything yet. She’s just been really tired, and suffering from some pretty bad morning sickness.”
“Well, holy fuck, you’ve been chipping away at me looking for secrets when you’ve been holding one in all night.”
Rem shrugs, “You never asked, so I had no reason to tell you anything.”
“You’re such an idiot,” Lex laughs and throws his pizza crust at him. “Is Jules okay with you telling us?”
“I hope so, if not, then I guess I’m in trouble.” He shrugs. Holy shit, my little brother is going to be a dad. I never thought the day would come.
“How do you feel about becoming a dad?” I ask, seriously curious about what’s going through his head right now.
“Honestly, I don’t think it’s hit me yet. It’s so surreal, I don’t really know what to think. I always thought you and Lex would have kids first. I always envisioned myself being the cool uncle for a few years before I had my own kids, but now… it’s just crazy to think I’ll have kids before you guys.” Rem shrugs, a grin growing on his face, “I guess it was meant to be this way. I’ve always been better at everything, even at making babies.”
I roll my eyes at his statement, what a typical Rem saying. “If you haven’t told Dad, then you need to do that asap.”
“Yeah, I know. I was gonna call him tonight but then you two idiots showed up.”
“That sounds like our cue to get out of here. Come on, Lex, we’ll leave Jules and her baby-daddy be,” I motion for Lex to get up before looking back at Rem, “You call Dad, and then go rub Jules’ feet or something.”
I get up, and Lex follows suit. We say our goodbyes and head out. The whole way home, I let the news sink in. Rem and Jules are going to have a baby. A freaking baby, a little human that Rem is going to be responsible for. Thank fuck he has Jules. I can’t imagine him raising a baby on his own.
Dropping Lex off at his place, I watch him stumble to his door and drop the key twice before finally opening his door. He must sense me laughing at him because right before disappearing inside, he holds up his middle finger, sending me into a fit of laughter. Driving home, I realize how happy I’ve become in the past few weeks.
Everything is going better than I ever thought possible with Lily. Rem and Jules are in a great place, and Lex seems to be adjusting a little better. Life is good, and there is nothing that could sour my mood today.
For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been looking at houses, somewhere that Lily and I can grow together when we’re ready to. A place for her to paint. That has enough room for all of her supplies. A place that is ours.
Pulling into the driveway, my phone starts to buzz in my pocket. I consider ignoring it, too eager to go inside and see Lily, but then I pull the thing out and look at it anyway. Instantly, my gut twists and bile burns up my throat.
Unknown Number: How much more are you willing to pay to keep your dirty relationship a secret?
That sick feeling that clings to my bones gives way to anger that boils just beneath the surface. I read every single word twice, and before I can really think it through, I’m typing out my response.
What secret? I have nothing to hide. Lily is an adult and not a student anymore. So fuck you.
Unwilling to deal with any more of this tonight, I hit the send button and power down the phone, hoping and praying that after
what I’ve just said that will be the end of it.
Sighing, I realize I’m going to have to tell Lily. I don’t want to talk about this with her, not with how great everything has been lately, and not when all I want to do is tell her about the house I’m planning to put an offer in on, but I promised her I wouldn’t keep anything else from her and I’m not about to break her trust again.
With a heavy heart, I walk to the front door, preparing to tell her about the message. As soon as I enter the house, I hear the low humming of music and find her sitting cross-legged on a bar stool, a paintbrush in her hand. Closing the door gently behind me, I take a moment to stare at her, drinking her in. God, she’s beautiful, and completely mine.
As if she can sense I’ve entered the room, she twists around, her eyes finding mine immediately. Those big blues of hers twinkle with joy. She smiles, perfectly straight white teeth appearing from behind her soft pink lips.
“I didn’t even know you were home; you were so quiet.”
“Sorry,” I murmur. Setting my keys down on the table, I slip out of my shoes and take off my jacket, draping it over the back of one of the chairs. When I don’t return her smile, she gets up, the sound of her paintbrush falling into the water sounds like a pin dropping in a silent room.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
Fear, or maybe even dread, drips from her words.
Taking her into my arms, I bury my head into the crook of her neck and hold her close to my chest. She smells like a tropical island, like rainwater and coconuts. Her scent calms me and reminds me that everything is going to be okay. I’m not afraid of losing her again, we’re stronger than that now, but I’m tired of dealing with this person, tired of living in the past.
Pulling away, I look down at her. She has white paint smudged against her cheek and red paint on her hands. She looks like a true artist.
“The blackmailer messaged me again. It sounds like they want more money.”
Lily’s gaze widens, “You didn’t give them any, did you?”
I shake my head, “No, of course not, but I’m getting tired of being reminded of this. We’re moving forward and whoever this person is, is trying to make it, so we don’t. I just want them to go away. They’re ruining everything.”
Lily takes my face into her hands, forcing me to look at her even though it’s the last thing I want to do. I’m ashamed and angry that we’re still dealing with this. She shouldn’t be reminded of this over and over again.
“Everything is going to be okay. We have each other. Try to ignore it. Maybe with no response, they’ll take the hint.”
I didn’t want to shoot her down, but that happening was very slim. Whenever money was involved, people would do some crazy things.
“Maybe, or maybe they’ll try harder. Maybe they’ll continue pushing until they get what they want.” Anger was pulsing through me, burning like a raging wildfire.
“Stop, don’t let them get to you,” Lily whispered, her lips pressing against mine in a faint kiss. There was nothing like kissing her, nothing like making love when you loved the person you were doing it with.
My hands move to her hips, and I pull her closer, feeling all her soft curves. My cock already growing hard, begging to be inside her, even though I had just had her this morning.
“Whoa, before we lose our minds, and our clothing, tell me what the surprise is.” Lily grins, and it hits me then. I almost forgot to tell her about the house with the studio.
“I know it’s a little soon, and maybe you’ll say no, I don’t know.”
Lily’s face turns serious, “You aren’t going to ask me to marry you, are you?”
Chuckling, I ask, “Would it really be that bad?”
She blinks slowly, “No, but I don’t think we’re ready to get married yet.”
“Are you ready to move in together? To buy a house together?”
Shock replaces the seriousness in her eyes, “You aren’t being serious, are you?”
“Yes, yes, I am.” Lily doesn’t respond, so I take that moment to explain. “I want to put an offer in on a three-bedroom house on the outskirts of town. It has a nice studio above the garage that you could use as your paint room, and I think the quietness of the country would help so that you could paint without distraction.”
Her big blues glisten with unshed tears, “You didn’t have to do all of this for me.” She croaks, her throat tightening with emotion.
“I know, I didn’t,” I soothe, taking my hand and running it down her long blonde locks. “But I wanted to. You mean everything to me, and your dreams are mine. I want everything you want for yourself, and I want you to be as happy as I am.”
“I am happy. I’m so happy it’s almost crazy how good life has been. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for someone to pinch me and tell me this is nothing but a dream.”
Leaning into her face, I whisper, “It isn’t a dream. This is our new reality, and I can’t wait to make a future with you.” Pressing a gentle kiss to her button nose, I wait for her to respond. When she doesn’t, I go to pull away, but only make it about an inch before her lips collide with mine.
She kisses me like I’m water, and she is fire. Like we’re trying to extinguish the sparks forming between us before we get burnt. The kiss grows more possessive, and it doesn’t take long for both of us to lose our clothes.
Bending her over the couch, I sink two fingers into her to ensure that she’s ready for me. Warm, wet, and tight, my cock whimpers with jealousy as I finger fuck her a few times.
“Stop teasing me,” she pushes back against my hand, and all I can do is grin as I pull my fingers out and replace them with my cock. The first stroke inside of her is like heaven. The second is like I’m being brought back to life, and the next are a blur as I fuck both of us into oblivion, making certain we forget about everyone and everything but each other.
86
Lily
With a steady hand, I place the final stroke carefully on the canvas, before stepping back and taking the finished piece in. It’s perfect… and I’m not only talking about the painting, I’m talking about everything in this room. My own personal workspace, a place that is mine and mine alone.
The large open space is flooded with light coming from the huge slanted windows in the roof. Walls are lined with shelves that hold all my supplies; a vast selection of paint, different sized canvas’, and every shape of brush you can think of. My happy place.
We moved into the new house only a month after Seb showed it to me. He sold his house quick enough for us to buy the new one.
Sometimes, I can’t believe how lucky I am, it still feels like a dream.
I dropped out of school, and everything else fell into place. No more hiding, no more sneaking around. We get to be a normal couple like I always wanted.
Even my grandparents finally came around a bit. They are still not sold on the whole dropping out of school thing, but they seem more interested in my art and even impressed that I got a paying job doing it. A well-paying job, I might add.
Grabbing all my dirty brushes, I walk over to the small side table to start cleaning them, when a wave of nausea overcomes me. My fingers dig into the edge of the table, and I close my eyes for a moment waiting for it to pass like it always does. Sebastian insisted on me buying the more expensive paint, and even though the quality is much better, it seems to be more potent in the odor department.
The smell of paint has never fazed me before, but thanks to the new paint, I have to air out the room more often now, to not be bothered by it. Shaking the nausea away, I finish cleaning the brushes before scrubbing my hands clean. When my fingers are free of the various blues and purples, I dry them and make my way downstairs to the kitchen.
Seb is at work, and as usual, I spend most of the day painting. By the time I’m done for the day I’m famished and today is no different. So, I head straight for the fridge. I open the double-sided, stainless steel doors and stick my head ins
ide.
A whiff of last night’s lasagna tickles my nose, and instead of enjoying the savory smell like I expected, I’m surprised to find my stomach churning, the sour taste of bile on my tongue. Clamping my hand over my mouth, I will the vomit to stay down as I run to the bathroom.
Only when I’m kneeling in front of the toilet, do I lift my hand and empty the entire contents of my stomach into the white ceramic bowl. Vomit turns into dry heaving, my whole body convulsing as it tries to purge whatever the hell is bothering it.
What the hell? I was fine a minute ago.
When I’m done throwing up, and my breathing has calmed down, I stand and clean myself up before wiping everything down with some Clorox wipes. I close the plastic box and set the wipes back under the sink, but before I close the cabinet, my eyes catch sight of the box sitting next to the cleaning supplies… my tampons.
Within seconds, everything clicks into place.
The sensitivity to smell, the sudden vomiting… it hits me then that I haven’t had my period since before we moved into the new house.
Oh, my god, I think I’m pregnant.
For the longest time, I just stand in the bathroom staring at the closed pack of tampons, wondering how I didn’t think of this before. We’ve had plenty of unprotected sex, and sex equals babies. Everybody knows this, so why is this such a shock for me? It’s like my brain has suppressed that part completely.
Holy shit, I might be pregnant.
After I finally snap out of the trance-like state I’m in, I pull out my phone and check the time. Sebastian shouldn’t be home for another two hours. I contemplate calling Jules and Delilah to come and pick me up to take me to the store but decide against it.
I might not have a car here, but there is a little corner store within walking distance, and I’m hoping they have a pregnancy test there. I’ll try that first before bothering anyone. Plus, I don’t know if I’m actually pregnant or not. It could be nothing more than a scare, and I would hate to bother someone for something like that.
Ten minutes later, I’m dressed and out the door, speed walking down the sidewalk to my destination. I enter the store, and the bell above me chimes loudly.