by Nhys Glover
“Sit and I’ll work on it,” Landor told Sky, who was happy to do so.
While Shardra sat in the sand in front of Sky, wrapped in his arms, Landor stood behind the halfling and placed his glowing hands on the wing. Few people beyond The Five had ever seen the full extent of Landor’s abilities, though they knew of it and had seen him heal a cut on Sky’s hand. Now they got to witness firsthand what many would call a miracle. There was magic and then there was what Landor could do. It went far beyond any normal healer’s magical ability.
The ship’s crew closed in around us for a better look, and I stepped back out of the way. I had witnessed enough of Landor’s healings, and the need to get off my feet outweighed the pleasure of watching him at work. Grabbing up a water bladder from nearby, I staggered off and collapsed on the sand well away from the crowd. I noted Zem had done the same, but had taken his seat some distance from me.
Was I glad? In the heat of the moment, my hurt feelings had disappeared and left only my total trust in my best friend and husband. But now? Now I just didn’t know whether I wanted him at my side or not. Yet by keeping my distance I was showing the rest of my harem that I was still hurting. They would blame Zem and keep up their own barriers to him. That couldn’t continue.
So I did what was right and staggered over to Zem’s side. For a long time we sat like that, silent and yet together. It was familiar and comfortable, even though Zem had closed his mind to me. In the past, his voice might have been silent but his mind never was. I would listen to its constant litany of thoughts and plans and revisions as a child listens to a mother’s lullaby. Familiar, known, comforting. This silence on all levels between us was a new phenomenon, yet it didn’t feel bad, just different. It allowed me to focus on my own thoughts.
Finally, though, his words came. “I was terrified you’d get dragged down into the waves.”
I tested the truth of my words before I replied. “I felt the same way about you. It was amazing we managed it. I didn’t think we could.”
“Did you? Were you worried about me?” he asked, more tentatively this time.
“Of course. If we lost you, how could we succeed against The Jayger?” I knew I was being cruel to put it this way, but I did it anyway.
“Aye, I suppose I am needed for that. The mind-speak is quite a talent we’ve developed.”
“And it doesn’t even need to be me doing the talking. Did you see how Sky picked up what Prior said? I have a dozen different thoughts on how we can use this ability.”
He looked at me, and a small smile lifted his tight lips as he shook his head. “Already with the ideas? We have barely escaped with our lives and you’re planning for more?”
I knew he was complimenting me in his own way, but I took umbrage anyway.
“Don’t tell me your mind isn’t already at work, because I know better. We both know we don’t have time for resting or celebrating our wins when The Jayger is free in the world. I’m pretty sure it was what stirred up the waves like that. Before we set out for the ship the sea was as calm as glass.”
Zem nodded in agreement. “I noticed the same thing. But that would mean It’s nearby watching what we’re doing. Can It watch? I wish we had some idea of how It operates.” His frustration was palpable. I shared it.
“If It’s somehow attached to his followers, particularly the ones who have been split... or dissolved... into more than one part, It might have seen our approach through their eyes. It might not mean It’s close by. We travelled a quarter moon to get here. It’s been free less time than that. And would It bother following Its priests here when It’s supposed to be gathering Its strength and power in readiness for the storms and floods It’ll unleash on our world?”
“I doubt It’s limited by the speed It can travel across water as It is water. And this is part of the world. We’ve been too long thinking that what we know of as the world is all there is. The Goddess told us there was more and this island is proof of that. Who knows how much more there is out there? And all of it will be targeted by The Jayger.”
I looked at him, wondering at his mind. I’d never considered the impact of The Jayger on anywhere but our world. Our island... for that was what it was. Just like this was an island. Our people had mapped the length and breadth of our land and declared there was nothing beyond it. Yet they were wrong. And Zem was now considering the rest of the world’s plight, not just our own part of it. I felt as if I had to stretch my mind to encompass what Zem did almost absently.
He was right. The Jayger could start his campaign of destruction anywhere. It didn’t have to be on our world. Maybe It would leave ours until last, as that was where Its Devourers were?
No, not unless It needed them. It held no fond feelings for, or even loyalty to, the priests who had worked so hard to free It. Hadn’t that been proven when It made Its escape? It had left the leaders dead in Its wake.
If I was a Devourer and had enough mind left to ponder it, I would wonder whether remaining loyal to The Jayger gained me anything. But maybe the only thing they ever expected to get was destruction. Maybe they had never expected to survive. Never wanted to. Wasn’t that the point? They had spent their lives trying to destroy the world, knowing they would be destroyed with it. Although there were some people, like the hag, who had been tempted into believing they had a place at the side of their lud after the rest of the world fell away. How wrong the hag and those others had been.
The healing must have been complete because the tight circle of onlookers had loosened and men began drifting away to their individual tasks. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, the other three of my men wandered over to join us.
“I wasn’t sure you were going to pull that off,” Prior offered as he sat down beside us. He was beaming brightly, success clearly agreeing with him.
“You had a good idea,” Zem told him tentatively.
Prior shrugged, accepting Zem’s compliment. “I get them occasionally. But you were right to take over the job. I couldn’t have done what you two did.”
It was Zem’s turn to take the compliment. I was pleased to see Prior was making an effort to build bridges. He understood the need for it.
“Flame is already thinking of our next move,” Zem said, glancing at me. Taking the focus off himself.
“We’ve been trying to work out if The Jayger was here witnessing the sinking of the ship. The way the waves were whipped up so suddenly seemed unnatural.” I directed everyone’s gaze to the now placid ocean. It was as if the wild storm had never been.
“Can he see?” Laric asked. “If he’s just a force of nature, does he... It... have the ability to perceive?”
“That’s what we’ve been trying to work out,” I said. “Is It like the Goddess... all knowing and ever-present? If so, I can’t imagine how we can defeat It.”
I had never thought about how the Goddess did what She did. I’d only started to believe She existed at all in the last few suns. It was hard to deny Her existence after what Airsha had been able to do because of Her. And what She had done for us... bringing us together, granting us the kinds of powers She had.
We still hadn’t tapped the extent of those powers, and we needed to. Quickly.
“You can mind-speak with Calun and likely with Airsha, who is the Goddess Incarnate,” Prior said slowly, formulating his ideas as he spoke. “And the Goddess can obviously mind-speak with Airsha and other prophets who channel Her. What if you could reverse it? What if you could get into the Goddess’ mind and speak directly to her as you do with others?”
My mouth had dropped open, and I wasn’t the only one. All but Zem and Prior were shocked by this radical idea.
“But... But that’s impossible!” I exclaimed in horror. “If I... we... went into her mind we’d explode with the sheer extent of it. It was terrifying when I was in the mind of that Devourer, experiencing what it was like to be dissolved into more than one part. How much worse would it be to be in Her mind—even if it were possibl
e—experiencing everything She experiences at once?”
Obviously they all agreed, because for a long time we sat silently, pondering the problem. Or I assumed that was what they were doing, because they’d all closed their minds to me, and I assumed to each other. Had I? Probably not. But I needed to. If I was going to convince them that Zem and I were reunited, then I couldn’t allow them to read my remaining antipathy. I had to con them all. And I was good at that.
“We need to know more about The Jayger if we’re going to defeat It. If It’s like Her, we need to know. And we can’t wait until She consents to chat with us,” Zem said slowly into the long silence.
“If we can do it, then I doubt we’ll suffer for it,” Zem continued, and I saw a little of the old Zem in the abstracted way he spoke about the patterns and paths he busily sorted into neat piles that only made sense to him. “After all, the Goddess has pinned the hopes of all her creations on us. She wouldn’t let us do something that would kill us, or send us mad. If we can find a way to do it, then I think it will be all right. I think we’ll be safe doing it. And I think we need to be able to do it.”
The rest of us exchanged troubled looks. Could we go into the Goddess’ mind? Was it possible? How did She perceive the world? Was She a human-like divinity that sat on a throne observing from Her mountaintop or cloud? I didn’t think so. But how else did She do it? How did She know what was happening everywhere?
Or did She? Was She witnessing this discussion, even now, or was she oblivious to our machinations until She focused on us?
Did The Jayger know in the same way that She knew what was happening in the world?
Sighing heavily, I found myself agreeing. “We can try it. But how? Do I just think, ‘Oh, I wonder what the Goddess is thinking about right now?’ and find myself there? That’s how I did it with Calun. I didn’t have a clue it was going to happen. That it could happen.”
I looked at the others. They were all a great deal more intelligent that I was. Or seemed to be. I was not a thinker, I was a doer. I’d known that all my life. And it didn’t worry me that others like Zem were more knowledgeable and better thinkers than me. I was happy to rely on their abilities while they relied on mine. So if they thought we should try to get inside the Goddess’ mind, then who was I to disagree?
“I think the way in is through the silver cords the droplets sometimes have,” Prior offered thoughtfully, his dark face stern. It seemed as if he was angry, but I knew he wasn’t. I was starting to be able to tell his different moods, and what I often took for anger was just pent-up frustration caused by his constant need to keep control of his more volatile emotions. Now he was simply intent. Focused.
“How so?” Zem asked with interest, a little of his abstraction lifting as he took in another’s thoughts.
“Flame has followed those threads as if they were conduits. Shardra used the threads to lead her to the hag. So did Redin. What if she... we... could follow a thread between Airsha and the Goddess. What if there is one connecting the two of them like there was between Shardra and the hag.”
“The Goddess doesn’t suck Airsha dry of her essence the way the hag did Shardra!” I exclaimed, my chin coming up automatically.
“Of course she doesn’t,” Laric interrupted. “But something must link them for her to be able to act as the Goddess’ channel. I think Prior is onto something.”
I studied the last of my husbands. He’d gone from being the outsider to a firm member of the team faster than I would have expected, and in a way Zem’s behaviour had assisted him. Zem was the outsider now. Gods, how had my closest friend become an outsider in my own life?
My heart bled at the change, yet I couldn’t do anything about it but act as if it weren’t so. I couldn’t will the hurt feelings away. I couldn’t make him accept his new role in my life. If he insisted on putting himself on the bottom rung, then there was nothing I could do to stop him, because I was starting to see that maybe that was exactly where he belonged. None of my other men would have hurt me as he had hurt me.
“But I didn’t notice the silver thread when Shardra was in residence. It was only when she was gone from her mind that I could identify it. How do I find such a thread in Airsha’s busy mind?” I asked, turning away from that painful subject.
Again there was silence as my men thought this problem through.
Finally Zem spoke into that silence, distracted yet again by the many thoughts vying for his attention at once. “What if you asked her to focus on the Goddess, reach out to her by using whatever means she does automatically? Then that cord would appear, if that was what she unknowingly uses to connect. It might not be an open channel at the time, because Airsha said as much when we pushed the Goddess for more information than she’d been given, but it would be a pathway we could explore.”
I shrugged. It was as good an idea as any. It might work. If we were to get any insight into The Jayger then we had to try.
“I think we first eat, drink and rest after our success. None of us is fit for much at the moment,” Landor said gently.
He was right of course. We might have ideas, but we didn’t have the energy to follow through with them right now. What we needed was rest.
“Then let’s do that. I need to sleep for a while,” Zem admitted.
Chapter Twelve
Later that afternoon we sat with our backs against each other’s, ready to undertake the most frightening challenge thus far. Though I saw the sense in it; though I accepted Zem’s logic that we would not come to any harm; I was terrified. And though I still felt alienated from Zem, I took comfort from his warm, strong back pressing against mine across the circle. No matter his feelings toward our relationship, I trusted him with my life. He would never let me fall.
“So I go in and ask Airsha to try to connect with the Goddess, explaining a little of what we are trying to do. I look for the cord and follow it, and hope desperately that at the end of that cord I find a manageable mind I can explore and talk to,” I summed up our plan for what felt like the hundredth time since we’d come up with it earlier in the day. It didn’t get any easier with repetition.
“You can do this,” Laric said with confidence that held none of his previous cockiness.
“We can do this,” I repeated, drawing in a deep breath. “Feel free to speak up at any point. Now we know you can be heard as easily as I can.”
“Unless there’s something serious that needs addressing, I think it wise for us to remain in the background,” Zem said in warrior-mode, all abstraction gone. “If you start handing over to us, doubting your own instincts in favour of ours, you’ll fail. We’re here to assist and support, you have the tiller.”
I wanted to make a snide comment about him not trusting my instinct when it came to my husbands, but I fought it back. I was not a sulky little brat anymore. Zem was trying, therefore so would I.
Therefore I nodded and closed my eyes, allowing my mind to slip into that quiet, peaceful place where no problems existed. A timeless place that welcomed me every time I journeyed there.
From that place, I allowed my mind to rest gently on Airsha, wondering how plans for the evacuation were coming along. Wondering how the childlings were handling the fear and uncertainty that surrounded them.
In the next breath I was seeing the world through her eyes as she stroked Rama’s fair hair back from his scarred face. Her feelings and actions weren’t sexual, much to my relief. Rather, she seemed to be gently calming him as he raged about an insurrection amongst the councillors. He wanted to beat in some stupid heads, and Airsha was trying to reassure him that such measures would solve nothing.
‘I’m with Rama on this one,’ I said into Airsha’s mind, keeping my voice upbeat and amused. ‘Maybe a few bloodied noses would get those idiots’ heads out of their butts. You’d need to kick them in the butt to achieve that end though.’
The shocked reaction and burst of laugher was all I needed to know Airsha had heard me. I saw Rama frown in confusion
.
“Flame is here, and siding with you, of course,” she told him with a big grin. “How goes it? Have the Devourers that were sent after you arrived yet?”
‘Aye, and their ship has been sunk with no losses on our side. Sky suffered a damaged wing and fell into the sea, but we dragged him back to shore. Landor healed him fast enough. Now we’re gathering all the information we can on our enemy. That’s why I’m here.’
Airsha registered curiosity but formed no question in her mind. She knew I’d say what needed saying.
‘A very localised storm brewed up when we sank the Devourer’s ship, which we think The Jayger was responsible for. It led us to realise that we need a better idea about what he... It is capable of. How It gathers Its information, how It travels... how much like the Goddess It is.’
Airsha agreed and listened for more. I could feel Rama impatiently waiting for this inner discussion to be shared with him. But Airsha was not going to do that. Not yet. All her focus was on understanding our plan.
I went on. ‘If It’s like the Goddess and we can find a way into the Goddess’ mind, we might have a chance to do the same thing with The Jayger. Unless we can understand how It thinks and operates we can’t hope to trick It, as the Goddess did the last time. It’s no fool, we know that much. Luring It into a trap won’t work this time.’
“You want to try to do to the Goddess what you are doing to me?” she said aloud.
‘You make it sound like I’m invading your mind. Which, of course, I am. But still...’
Airsha laughed. “Invade away, sister. I am just so glad to hear all is well and you have a plan to save us. Whatever I can do to help, I will. Though how successful you will be with the Goddess is anyone’s guess. She is not... as amenable to uninvited guests as I am.”
‘If She wants us to defeat this monster then She’ll have to be amenable,’ I grated out.
Airsha sent out calming thoughts to me, much as she’d been doing with Rama. “What can I do?”