"Please don't judge anything by that. I was drugged. Until you've had that drug…you don't know. I really don't know what's going on when it's happening. It's like I'm in a different world."
I really want to tell him that I hate him again, because he's making excuses and he has the right to. I want to hurt him like he has hurt me but I won't. I won't do that. Maybe he is telling the truth about the drug.
But if that's true then it's like I don't have the right to be mad or hurt. But I do!
He clears his throat. "I thought she was you…" he says, sadly.
"Yeah?" I ask, feigning interest. "Was I good?"
He looks away.
"I thought you weren't going to ask that?" he pauses. "It was all a mistake. I didn't have a choice…I was forced, Alexia. You should understand that!"
"Oh really? What I understand is that 'there is always a choice!' You told me that a couple of hours ago!"
He grabs his stomach as if a sharp pain stabbed him there. I want to ask if he's okay but I can't.
My pride is hurt and so are my feelings.
"I was wrong, okay? I'm sorry. Sometimes there isn't a choice…I was just jealous. At least now you know how I felt. How I hurt." His voice is just barely loud enough that I can hear it.
"Yeah well, I guess we're even now huh? Tit for tat. Does that make you happy, Freak? You got me back."
He jerks back like I slapped him or something. I regretted calling him Freak as soon as I said it, but he told me to call him that. Surely he can't be mad at me for actually doing it.
I watch him close himself off to me. Something in his eyes changes and the life fades out of them. He is back to how he was when I entered his cell.
"Yeah, it makes me feel a lot better." He turns around and goes back to sit in the corner, next to the puddle of blood he vomited.
Fantastic.
I've caused him to close himself off to me just when I was making a little progress.
I still have my knife tucked into the back of my black leather pants. I'm not sure if I'm tied up with chain or rope but I know the cuffs around my wrist are metal, so it's probably no use what I'm thinking.
"It's metal chain," he mumbles.
Our telepathy must be on again. It's so on-again-off-again that neither one of us can figure it out. Sometimes I can hear him, sometimes he can hear me and neither of us have any idea when the other is tuning in.
Do you feel better? Your stomach? I send, testing it out.
Yes, I do now that I got her disgusting blood out of it. Gross.
It didn't taste good?
It tasted like poison. It may have been.
---silence---
He glances at her and looks away quickly, embarrassed because of her nakedness.
I guess she's still passed out…I wonder if she's okay…
Why do you care? I hate that it hurts me that he's concerned about her well-being.
He shakes his head in exasperation. I just don't know if she's going to be…pregnant.
With your baby…I hope he can't feel the pain shooting through my heart and soul right now. Or maybe I wish that he could.
Yeah…I never get to see the girls again after they are with me. So I shouldn't really care, but…it's just weird knowing that I am a father. That I made a baby and I can't be there to look out for it, maybe help it somehow before it…before it, you know…doesn't make it.
Yeah, I know. Do you think you could help them make it somehow?
Yeah, I do. demon mates have to drink their mate's blood when they are with child because the child needs it. So they are basically starving my child to death when they keep me and the mother separated.
Can we not talk about this? It tears me in half knowing you have been with other girls and they have carried your child. I have dreamed of it for so long…it's like a slap in my face.
Of course. I'm sorry.
His sympathy finally sends me over the edge of my control. I start crying…again.
He has seen me cry more today than I have ever cried in my whole entire life.
Please don't cry, Alexia.
I sob loudly.
He sighs. "I didn't want to hurt you. You shouldn't have come for me. I'm just not the same…"
"I'm not the same either," I whine. "I'm empty."
"I'm no good for you anymore, Alexia."
"But you are! I don't want anyone else!"
"Listen to yourself…" he chastises me, "I just had someone else right in front of you. She's probably pregnant. Therefore, I got someone else pregnant…I can't be with you."
"You didn't have a choice…I…I forgive you. I still love you."
He growls. "This is so messed up! Now you are taking up for me when just a minute ago you were yelling at me, telling me you hate me and calling me…Freak."
"I called you that because I was scared you would admonish me for calling you Shadow again, and at the moment I just couldn't take anymore rejection from you…"
Suddenly, Shadow doubles over and grunts. I think he's going to vomit again but he doesn’t. I can hear his stomach rumble from across the space.
"Is that…hunger?"
"Gods!" He moans. He falls to the floor squeezing his stomach. "Hunger cramps…now that all the blood is out of my stomach it's empty…"
"When will they--"
The metal clang signals the cell door opening and an unfamiliar authority enters this time. He comes straight to me and reaches behind me. I cringe at his odor. It smells like he hasn't ever had a bath or shower.
He frees my hands and I stretch them out, only to be shocked with the painful pinch and burn of some kind of drug administered into my neck.
I rub my neck looking at him questioningly but he's on his way to Shadow in no time, bending down to unlock his shackles while his friends stand guard with torches.
Shadow keeps his eyes on me the whole time. I rapidly start feeling extremely happy and giddy.
What did they give me?
The stranger actually speaks a line of our language to one of the other authorities, telling him that Shadow needs his usual dosage of Black Poison, which is a highly addictive drug.
Even in my euphoric state I recognize the very illegal, deadly, addictive drug that they speak of.
I have heard that no one has ever come clean from it and that they die if they can't keep getting it.
Shadow grunts when they shoot him in the neck with a very long, very large syringe but he visibly relaxes immediately after.
I'm not sure, but whatever they just gave me is awesome. It kills the cramps every time.
Shadow, I think it's Black Poison…have you ever heard of it?
Yeah. I have.
This is very bad. Very, Very bad! How am I going to get you out of here when you're dependent on a high class narcotic?
Mmm. Calm down, baby. It'll be okay.
I'm taken aback by his pet name for me, now of all times. It holds little value when he is as high as a kite though.
The authorities leave, staring at the naked girl as they pass. For some absurd reason, a pang of jealousy rears its ugly head that all of these males, and me, find her so beautiful in her shifter form. I shouldn't care what these ugly, smelly authorities find sexy, but I do.
You're ten times more beautiful than she is…
My face flames. Are you always in my head? Is there anything that I can keep private?
Mmm, probably not.
The stranger speaks to me through the bars of the cell. "Soon he will crave blood, and this time we will see if you aren't the answer to his problem."
Chapter Five
I'm not sure how long we have been sitting here, next to each other across from the torch. It seems like at least twelve hours. Whatever drug they gave me has made me feel extremely happy and melancholy. I just feel totally content sitting here.
Shadow sits about three feet away from me and he's been feeling pretty good himself. I'm not sure how long it's been since we stopped talking ei
ther, but it's probably not been twelve hours.
Jezebel is still out cold but she did wake up and murmur something before she turned on her side away from us, shivered violently and shifted back to herself and then passed back out.
Shadow went over to check her pulse before that because he was worried.
I tried not to watch him touch her naked body, even if he did stay behind her and only close enough to touch her neck with a stretched arm. Still, it sent painful, little electrical sparks through my body and my heart sped up.
If Shadow noticed he had the decency not to act like he did.
His stomach has been growling almost as long as we have been sitting here but he says that the Black Poison kills the hunger pains and the cramps.
However, I worry about what that guy said to me when he left. It's been running through my mind since he said it.
I won't bite you.
I huff. Could you please stay out of my mind unless I'm talking to you?
I can't help it. I just hear everything you think.
Well I don't hear anything you think, it's always just what you say to me.
That's because I'm not thinking about anything.
His stomach growls. He grunts.
"Cramps?" I ask.
"Oh no, I need more drugs…"
"No you don't. What you need is blood."
"You've seen what happens when I try to drink blood. I can't handle that again."
"You can keep my blood down. You need to drink mine."
He pauses for a second. "I don't think I could keep yours down either, Alexia. All these things they've done to me have really screwed me up. My body is…messed up. Bad."
You're just scared.
Touché.
You've never drained me before when you were out of your mind with blood lust. You won't do it now. I trust you.
I don't even trust myself. Alexia, they gave you a drug that makes your blood irresistible to me. It smells heavenly. They plan on me drinking your blood, alright. They hope I will be able to keep it down too but they don't plan on me stopping either.
What do you mean?
I mean that they aren't taking any chances. They think this is their one shot and if I can keep blood down they want me to get as much as I can…
Like…all…of it?
Yeah, every single drop. They gave me the drugs so that my body will be free of withdrawals and spasms. If my stomach were to spasm or cramp after I feed because of my drug withdrawals, I could vomit my meal again. And this time something tells me that they really don't want that to happen.
Things have gotten a lot worse. Shadow's got the shakes now. He says normally they would have come back with a blood slave by now.
He's worried since they haven't come.
I think he is way worse off than he lets on. He realizes how bad off he really is. I think he actually sees the possibility that he may die from starvation or withdrawals alone.
I also think my happy drugs have worn off. Shadow said that it made my blood smell ten times more potent and that he just didn't want to mention it. Luckily though, it's not affecting him, or me, anymore.
I am pacing back and forth, wracking my brain. I have tried everything to get him to feed! I have tried talking sense into the boy; I have tried bargaining with him, I have even got on my knees and begged him to drink my blood. Just a few sips!
He is so stubborn!
I'm not stubborn…just on this one thing. I'm looking out for you.
Stop eaves dropping on my mental conversations!
…Geez.
I continue pacing.
His cramps happen about every minute or two now and it's getting harder for me to watch. I'd rather be the one suffering.
No, trust me, you wouldn't.
When you suffer, I suffer, Shadow. Even when you are being a big, fat jerk, it hurts me to see you this way.
He doesn't reply now because he's curled into himself shaking and moaning just trying to get through the cramp. His stomach rumbles loudly. It's just crazy to know he has no food whatsoever in there.
"Your stomach is probably eating itself! You need to do something!" I yell.
His skin is clammy and the beads of cold sweat are back on his skin. I sit back down.
I wish he would let me touch him. I would rub his back right now and trace his tattoos. His wings tremble as they lay on the dirty floor and that breaks my heart.
No, please don't touch me.
I won't, I gave you my word. Unless you ask me to.
Time goes on. I bite all of my nails to the quick.
It's gotten unimaginably worse. I hope he will just pass out from the pain but his blessed relief never comes.
He has started eyeing the girl. He has curled into a ball next to me, almost in a continual agonizing cramp. His stomach gurgles and whines constantly. I don't know how he is standing this.
I wonder if it is the drug withdrawals or the hunger. I think it's the hunger but the drugs just help the hunger pains. It's how he's got by thus far starving himself.
Poor thing.
I…don't…want…your….pity. His voice is weak and strained, even in my mind.
Well, you're getting it. It's just sympathy though. Not pity.
Arg!
His eyes keep flicking to Jezebel. She is still curled away from us, but she's been stirring. She'll wake up soon. I know he's thinking about draining her dry. I can only imagine the thirst he's going through.
If I were in a desert with no water, hell I may even want to drink her blood, no matter how sick it made me.
Stop eying her. Her blood made you sick. It will be no different this time.
No but it'll stop the…pain….for…a…little…while. I need….relief.
He moans and whimpers and it breaks my heart.
Not long has went by but his resolve is weak. I've heard bits and pieces of his mind, finally.
Now that he is thinking about something, of course it's about Jezebel.
He's thought about just a taste of her blood, just enough to wet his mouth, just a few precious swallows of that rich, red liquid… to I have to, I have to drink her now, gods, I am going to drink her dry. Never been so hungry. Will she be enough? Maybe I should just slit her pulmonary artery so I can take bigger gulps…
"Shadow!"
"Hmm?"
"I can hear your thoughts! You're not going to drain the possible mother of your child! As much as I want you to drain her…I'm not going to let you. You will regret it later…and you'll hurt."
He shakes and his breathing is ragged. His body is now slicked with cold sweat and his fangs look like they are throbbing. He keeps licking his lips without even realizing it.
He moans again.
I observe him. I don't know what to do.
I can't take this…anymore…k--kill me, please….
Oh gods. Did he really just ask me to kill him?
My eyes go wide with shock and I can't even form a reply. My heart beats wildly, pounding against my chest cavity.
Shadow's gaze flicks straight to the pounding pulse at my neck and he moans. I think he tries to shut those pretty red eyes but they open almost immediately, making it just seem like he blinked.
You can have me. I won't refuse you. I say.
I move my grungy hair over to one shoulder, exposing my neck. I run my finger along the little flicker of my pulse on my neck, trying to tempt him.
He glances back over at Jezebel.
I stick my neck closer to him, leaning into his personal space and his nostrils flare.
His lips peel back away from his fangs a little and he slaps his hand over his mouth.
Then I cannot believe what he does.
He bites himself on the wrist.
"Shadow! Baby! Stop! You're going to get sick…or…or…this is bad, you can't drink your own blood!"
He just moans in bliss, loudly. I can hear his throat swallowing large gulps. Pleasure is etched on his face and I feel so badly for
him.
He is trying so hard to save me and the girl from himself but I'm not letting him sacrifice himself for me again. Plus, he is the one that needs saving this time and I am here to do the job. I owe him.
It's why he is in this position in the first place.
I grab my knife from the back of my pants and slowly bring it up to my neck, without him noticing.
Poor thing, he's still guzzling down his own blood moaning like crazy at the short-lived relief he is getting. Unfortunately, he is becoming paler and paler by the second and his breathing and pulse both decelerate.
You're going to drink yourself to death, right now, if you don't stop.
Don't care. Can't stop.
I make my decision.
Shadow, I hope you forgive me for this.
I slice into my neck with my knife right on the vein. If he doesn't drink me, I will still bleed out.
You better not waste it, I send half-heartedly.
He freezes, wrist to his mouth staring at me, eyes wide as saucers. Panic is written across his features.
My head spins and my vision wavers. Losing my balance, I fall back towards the floor but he catches me with one hand on the back of my head right before I hit the ground.
Wow, he is fast too.
I smile stupidly at that fact.
His lips meet my throat and a thousand pounds of stress seem to be lifted off of my chest.
I wish you didn't love me so much, he sends.
I can't help it. You're just so sweet, I mock.
I'm not sure but I think I felt him smile.
There is a sweet sting when he punctures my skin and his deep, passionate moan rumbles in his chest when he draws from my vein. It echoes off the walls and damn but it makes me feel good. He is enjoying me, finally. It makes me feel so good inside. I feel wanted and special.
You taste so damn good. I'm never going to be able to drink anyone else's blood again, ever.
Just shut up and drink.
He whimpers. My head is cradled in the palm of his hand, keeping it off of the floor and he is over me, holding himself up with the other fore arm.
My body is in a heightened state of pleasure.
He closes the distance between our bodies and it feels so good to be touching him like this. Have we ever been so close? It doesn't feel like we have.
My Immortal Page 5