“That ain’t how it works, and you know it.”
“If you mean that I know you consider your brotherhood of firefighters more important than your actual family, then yes. I do know that.”
He recoiled, as if she’d physically struck him. “That’s not true, Lydia.”
“It feels true. And it always has.” They could stand here and argue until they were blue in the face and it wouldn’t make a difference. “That’s why you’re standing here telling me I’ve done something wrong instead of telling your son it’s none of his damn business who I sleep with and to grow up and get over it.”
“I’m going back to bed. Maybe tomorrow you’ll be more reasonable.”
“If by being more reasonable, you mean I might admit you’re right tomorrow, I wouldn’t count on it.” She went into the spare room and closed the door behind her. She didn’t slam it, but she wanted to.
The room she’d shared with Ashley had been made into a true guest room, with no debris from their childhood scattered around. What they hadn’t taken with them when they moved out but didn’t want to throw away was boxed up in the cellar, and the bunk beds had been replaced by a queen mattress and box spring on a plain metal frame.
The bedding was clean and she was too tired for a little dust to bother her. After changing out of her clothes, she crawled in between the sheets and tried to rein in the thoughts racing around her mind.
First and foremost, of course, was the hope she and her old man both survived this forced cohabitation. She also hated fighting with Scotty, though this was not the first time and it probably wouldn’t be the last. And then came Ashley and Danny. Lydia genuinely hoped they were on the path to saving their marriage and getting back on track.
Which brought her to the point where her runaway train of thought ran off the tracks. Ashley putting her life back together meant Lydia would be free to go back to her own life. The one in New Hampshire, where she chose who to be friends with and there were no bar patrons who’d known her since she wasn’t old enough to be in there, and no firefighters.
And no Aidan.
She’d made her peace with being involved with him because it was only temporary. But now that the clock was ticking and that temporary time was running out, she wondered how she’d make peace with not having him in her life anymore.
She’d fallen in love with a freaking firefighter.
Rolling onto her side and curling up, she tried not to think about that. She’d gotten used to having Aidan around and now she wasn’t sure how temporary she wanted their relationship to be. At the same time, she didn’t see how it could be anything else.
Sighing, she drew the covers up over her face and started counting beer brands she could name in place of sheep. She’d think about Aidan tomorrow.
Chapter Eighteen
LYDIA WAS GOING to throw everybody out of Kincaid’s Pub, hang the Closed sign in the door and go find her brother. Once she was done slapping some sense into him, she’d find Aidan and give him a piece of her mind, too. They were both idiots and the next time she saw either of them, it wasn’t going to be pretty.
No fewer than seven different people had asked Lydia if she’d heard about the fight between her brother and Aidan Hunt, and it pissed her off to no end. Not being asked about it—she was expected, as bartender, to be gossip central—but because she had to hear about it from her patrons rather than one of the idiots in question.
She managed to piece together a bare minimum of information. They’d gotten into a fistfight while playing hockey and then been called onto the carpet for it. If the customers had any balls, she knew the real question would be how long have you been sleeping with Aidan Hunt because nobody would be able to imagine anything else that would make them exchange blows. And depending on how discreet everybody was, they might not have to imagine.
But did she get a heads-up? It might have been nice if one of them warned her the bar might be a hotbed of speculation that night, especially since it involved her. But apparently this was going to be a guy thing, despite both of them knowing that would send her over the edge.
When she couldn’t take it anymore, she sent a text to Aidan.
Are you home?
Yeah, but I might go do some stuff.
Stay home. I’m coming over.
There was a long pause before the reply came through.
Aren’t you working?
Dad’s here. If he can’t handle it, he can call Ashley. I’m on my way.
“I’m leaving,” she told her dad, reaching behind her to untie her apron.
He paused in his conversation with Fitz, scowling at her. “What do you mean you’re leaving? You’re working.”
“It’s your bar. You tend it. Or call Ashley in. But I’m leaving early tonight.”
“You’re going to see Hunt.”
“Yeah.” She put her hands on her hips, glaring at him. “Did you know about the fight?”
“I heard about it.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
He shrugged. “This is between them.”
So many words ran through her mind and she wanted to shout them all at him. Both Scott and Aidan had so much respect for him and, if he’d be reasonable about her relationship with Aidan, he could help them be reasonable, too. But that was too much to expect from him, and the disappointment he’d never change was almost as keen as her anger.
But there was a line and if she unleashed her temper on her father, she had no doubt she’d cross it. So she just stowed her folded apron on the shelf under the cash register and walked out of the bar without saying another word.
When she finally reached Aidan’s apartment and he opened the door, she stood there staring at his face for a few seconds before walking past him into the living room. His lip had been split and it looked like he had a bruise on his cheek. She wasn’t sure what Scotty looked like, but he’d obviously gotten in a couple of good shots on Aidan.
“Tell me what happened,” she said. It took her a second to realize he was shirtless, but had on a pair of jeans. She wasn’t sure what that meant.
“What do you mean?”
She tried to keep her cool, but she wasn’t in the mood for him to play stupid. “Don’t bullshit me, Aidan. What happened with you and Scotty? Everybody’s giving me the side-eye and I heard you guys dropped gloves on the ice. I heard it from pretty much everybody who came into the bar tonight. You guys fought?”
“Something like that.”
“And everybody who came in the bar knew, but neither of you told me about it?” She held up a hand. “And if you tell me it’s between the two of you and not my business, I swear to God, I’ll finish what he started.”
“I just needed a little time, I guess,” he said. “Maybe I thought you wouldn’t find out, which is stupid, and you wouldn’t feel like you’re being pulled between us. When push comes to shove, he’s your brother.”
“And you’re my...I don’t know.” She blew out a breath, crossing her arms. “I don’t answer to my brother, you know. And I certainly don’t live my life to make him happy, so it’s none of his business what we do.”
“He’s my best friend.” Aidan sat on the edge of the couch, resting his elbows on his knees. “He’s like my brother, you know. And we’re supposed to have each other’s backs. We have to.”
And there it was. The brotherhood. The bond that held them together and was protected above all else. Sometimes even above spouses and children, forcing families to put on a brave face and accept the fact they came in second because it had to be that way.
“So if you have to choose which one of us you piss off,” she said, “I lose.”
He rose to his feet, anger coloring his cheeks. “Who said anything about choosing?”
“You and Scotty threw fists at each
other because you’re with me, and now you’re sitting here beating yourself up because you’re supposed to have his back. It sounds to me like you feel a need to choose.”
“What do you even care? You’ve made it pretty clear you want nothing to do with a firefighter. If you’re looking to get laid, I’ll do just fine, but I can’t ask any more of you than that because your ex-husband was a dickhead.”
“It’s not just Todd,” she shot back at him, her voice louder. “You wanna put Tommy Kincaid on some kind of pedestal, that’s fine. But I’m his daughter. I grew up in this brotherhood of yours. I married into it. I’ve done my time waiting for somebody to remember to call and tell the family everybody’s okay. I’ve done my time losing sleep and putting on a brave face and making casseroles while the guys sit vigil in a hospital waiting room. And in return, what do I get? I get to be an afterthought. I get to be understanding and supportive and make sure the fridge is fully stocked with beer. Screw that.”
“I told you I won’t carry some other asshole’s baggage, Lydia.”
“Fine. But you know how I feel about coming second to the brotherhood and you had an opportunity to have enough respect for me to tell me what happened, and you didn’t. You let me get blindsided at the bar rather than include me in a situation that involves me, which means you’re no different.”
“I guess I don’t have to make a choice, then,” Aidan said, his deceptively quiet voice at odds with his flexing jaw and the tightness around his eyes. “Sounds like you’ve already made it for both of us.”
She looked at him a long time, her heart slowly breaking. It had been inevitable, this moment, but she hadn’t imagined it would hurt so much. She hadn’t realized how very badly she’d been hoping that, if it came down to it, he would choose her.
“I’m sorry it turned out this way,” she said in as steady a voice as she could manage. “I hope you and Scotty can find a way to be okay again, without me in the middle of it.”
“Lydia, I don’t want it to be like this between us.”
“It won’t matter because I’ll be back in New Hampshire.” She forced a shaky smile. “But I might see you around sometime, if I come to visit Ashley.”
Before he could say anything else, she left, closing the door quietly behind her. She made it all the way to the ground floor before the tears started falling. She’d actually thought he might choose her.
* * *
A LONG, LONELY week passed for Aidan, and he figured it was just the first of many long, lonely weeks in his future.
He’d lost Lydia. In trying to keep her out of the ugliness between him and Scotty so she wouldn’t feel torn, he’d inadvertently disrespected her in a way she wasn’t going to forgive. Now every minute of every day—even times he wouldn’t have seen her anyway—he missed her.
He and Scotty had worked a few day tours together without any problems. The day after the fight and the chewing out from Cobb, Walsh had asked them if he should switch up Engine 59’s crews, so he and Scotty would be on opposite tours. One would work the day and the other, the night. It wasn’t ideal because together they all made a strong team, but if their relationship degraded too much, it would destroy the crew anyway.
Aidan had left it up to Scotty, since he was the one struggling with the situation. Aidan may have thrown some punches, but that was mostly self-defense and temper. He loved Scotty and he’d do whatever he could to heal the rift between them.
Maybe it was the fact news Lydia and Aidan were over had spread through the family, but Scott seemed to get a little less angry with him every day. Not that they were buddies, but they could be in the same room. And it had helped when Scotty told Cobb he didn’t want anybody but Aidan at his back when the shit hit the fan.
So things were awkward and the probationary status of their friendship would last awhile, but at least Aidan wasn’t going to lose everybody he loved. Only Lydia.
“Let’s go have a beer,” Danny said when the tour was over and they were all heading out. “You two and me.”
Aidan glanced at Scotty, whose face looked as if it was carved from stone. “I could use a beer. I, uh...shit.”
“We can go to that new sports bar over by the park. We just can’t tell Tommy.”
“Oh boy,” Scotty said. “More secrets.”
Aidan didn’t rise to the bait. He knew there would be a lot of digs coming his way, since that’s how Scotty tended to work through things. He just waited to see if the invitation would be accepted or not.
“Maybe,” Scott finally said. “I’ve gotta do a couple of things and I might meet you there. If not, then I’ll catch you tomorrow.”
Aidan almost wished he’d said no outright. Every minute between getting in his truck and meeting Walsh at the new bar and getting a beer seemed to take an hour. He felt like this was a pivotal moment—if Scott showed, they might be okay again in the near future, but if he didn’t, it might be a long time before he had his best friend back.
When Scotty finally walked up to the table and seemed to be waiting for an invitation to join them, Aiden breathed a sigh of relief and used his foot to shove the empty chair away from the table. “Have a seat.”
“This sucks, you know. I can’t even get a beer in my own family’s bar because Lydia’s still not speaking to me.”
“I’m out until Lydia goes back to New Hampshire, at least,” Aidan said. “Even after, it’ll depend on Ashley. And Tommy, too, I guess.”
“I’m just here because of you two morons,” Danny said. “Lydia likes me again, since Ashley and I are back together.”
“I think we know for a fact Lydia has questionable taste in men,” Scotty said, giving him a pointed look before taking a swig of his beer. “She tends to date assholes.”
“What the fuck’s your problem now, Kincaid?” And why the hell had he come if he was just going to pick a fight? “You didn’t want me hooking up with Lydia. I’m not. Either let it go or we can step outside and have a discussion about it right now.”
Danny slammed his beer bottle down on the table in a rare show of temper, and Aidan hoped being forced to open up to his wife wasn’t going to have the lieutenant opening up on all of them now, too. “If that’s code for going outside and trying to beat the crap out of each other, we’re going to have a problem.”
“That’s up to Scotty.”
“That was a cheap shot. I’m not going to apologize because I have a right to be pissed, but that was uncalled-for, I guess.”
Aidan had a drink, and then shook his head. “I deserve some cheap shots, but only for so long. What I did might be wrong, but I’m not going to be your whipping boy forever for it.”
“I guess we’ll see how it goes, then,” Scotty said.
“It should go fine,” Walsh said. “You’re pissed because Hunt was sleeping with your sister. Hunt’s pissed your sister doesn’t want to sleep with him anymore, which means he’s no longer sleeping with your sister. It seems like the problem resolved itself.”
“I’m not pissed. For chrissake, I...” Aidan stopped talking, but when he lifted the bottle to his lips, he didn’t drink because he was afraid the liquid couldn’t get past the lump in his throat and he’d choke on it.
“Holy shit.” Scott set his beer on the table with a thump and leaned back in his chair. “You’re in love with Lydia.”
Aidan flipped him the bird. It was all he was capable of at the moment.
“You love my sister. You asshole.”
“Way to be sensitive, Kincaid,” Danny muttered.
“What the hell am I supposed to do now?” he demanded, throwing up his hands. “When I thought he was just bangin’ my sister, I could be totally pissed off. But if he really loves her and his fucking heart’s broken, then...he’s my best friend, so what the hell am I supposed to do with that?”
“You
could hug him,” Danny suggested.
Aidan glared at him, but the knot in his throat and his chest was loosening and he gave a hoarse chuckle. “No hugging.”
“If you cry, Hunt, I’ll hug you right here in front of God and everybody, so suck it up.”
Aidan was surprised when that got a laugh out of him. He’d thought it would be a lot longer before he was able to laugh at anything. “I’ll do my best not to cry into my beer.”
They were all quiet for a few minutes, listening to the music and staring at their drinks, until Scott gave him a serious look. “Am I right?”
After so much lying, it was hard but still a relief to look his friend in the eye and admit it. “Yes, I love Lydia.”
“Like real love?”
“Like the marriage, babies, dog, minivan, white picket fence, matching rocking chairs and thinks she’s gorgeous in ratty sweats kind of love.”
“Shit.”
Aidan nodded. “That pretty much sums up my life at the moment.”
“But she doesn’t love you?” Danny asked.
“She doesn’t love firefighters.”
“What does that mean?” Scotty asked. “Her entire family’s firefighters, for chrissake.”
“It means if I worked at Home Depot or turned wrenches or anything else for a living, she probably would have moved in with me by now.”
“Todd was an asshole,” Walsh said.
“It goes a little deeper than her ex-husband, I think, though he’s a huge part of it.”
“She always had a hard time with Dad,” Scotty said. “Even though she’s the middle child, she kind of took over the mom role when Mom died, and I think being the woman of a firefighting household before she was even a grown woman was tough on her. It made some of the day-to-day issues experienced wives deal with seem larger than life, I imagine.”
“It’s tough even when they are grown women,” Walsh said. “I’m sure Ashley and I being separated helped shore up Lydia’s beliefs about being married to firefighters, too, especially since that’s why she came back in the first place.”
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