Amidst the haze of fire that lit his skin as she continued to stroke, he reached a finger down between her legs and flicked against her center, where he was now so used to being. He knew she wouldn’t be able to hold on long, given how many times she’d already come.
Or could she?
Time seemed to freeze as they battled, each testing their will against the other. Both dominant personalities coming out and trying to pleasure the other before their own body succumbed to the erotic stimulation they experienced.
Inside, Rock could hear his bear respond to her strength, roaring out the word mate as they got rougher, more intense, but he shoved the thought aside, instead focusing on Ros and doing whatever it took to make her come.
With one more slight tease of his finger, he felt Ros clench tightly against him, finally driven over the edge. She buried her head into his shoulder, biting down on his skin, and wrapped one hand around his neck, desperate to hang on.
Her other stayed on him, and as victory surged through him as he felt her having what seemed to be the strongest orgasm of the whole night, he felt his body tip over the edge, too. He held her tight as emotion surged through him, hot and intense, jerking in her hand. Taken by her completely.
As the shocks began to fade, leaving Rock overwhelmed and still swimming in a haze of post-release confusion and warmth, he felt Ros pull him down with her onto the bed so they were lying side by side on their backs.
For a moment, they just stared at the ceiling, their hands on the covers, awkwardness falling over the situation.
Then Ros looked at him, a twinkle in her eyes, and he stared back at her, chewing his lower lip as his heart continued to pound in the darkness.
“I won,” he said flatly.
When she laughed, he put his arm around her and pulled her close, tucking her against his side. He wasn’t sure what this was, but he wanted her safe right then. Besides the arguing and the playful competition, there was something deeper between them. Something that couldn’t be denied anymore.
The trouble was Rock didn’t know what to do about it.
“So…” she said, looking over at Rock, who seemed to be getting his stubbornness back even as his orgasm was only just fading.
“So.” His short hair was slightly damp with sweat, standing up at all angles, and she took a moment to study his face in profile. So handsome, so cut, so straight. The faint lines on his forehead said he was thinking hard about something, and the tightness around his mouth said it was disturbing him.
How could he already be going to that kind of place in his head when they’d just made love?
Then again, maybe he wasn’t prepared like she was for the cognitive dissonance this would require. She was well aware that making love like this wouldn’t change any of the reasons they couldn’t stay together.
When he was done checking on Bear Canyon, when he was satisfied he’d done his duty to Riker and Francis, he’d be gone.
And she would be here, taking care of her sick dad.
“Ros,” Rock said, turning to look at her. His gray eyes were filled with something like guilt, and her stomach twisted. Whatever he was about to say, she didn’t want to hear it.
She rolled back onto her back and pulled the covers up around her neck. “Are you going to stay tonight?”
He sat up, looking around the room quietly. “I don’t know. Should I?”
“Depends how much you miss Francis,” she said with a half smile.
No matter what, they were friends, and all she wanted was the best for him.
If that was riding motorcycles far from this town and its memories, then so be it.
He laughed and then ran his hand through his hair, a frequent habit. However, this time there was no hair to run through, and he stopped, looking shocked. “Oh, right. You cut my hair, and I didn’t even look at it.”
“Considering how vain you are, that’s kind of surprising.”
“I had more important things to attend to,” he said, giving her a teasing smile.
He got out of bed, striding unabashedly over to her bathroom to look in the mirror. He leaned forward, playing with the hair in the front. “Not bad.” He stood up, turning his face side to side. “My scar doesn’t look as bad as I remember either.”
She smiled. “It’s never been as bad as you imagine it. It’s rugged and manly.”
“The way I got it isn’t.”
She winced. There was nothing to say, no way to convince Rock he had nothing to be ashamed of, that it wasn’t fair to act as if what had happened was just a fight between two men, that he’d been young and a victim.
He wouldn’t respond well to that.
“We need to talk about what just happened,” he said abruptly, walking back to the bed and sitting on the edge, giving her a serious look. “I’ll take responsibility.” His gray eyes were so bright, like molten silver, instead of the usual storm. His tanned skin was glowing, sheened with sweat. He pulled the end of the sheet up over his lap.
“For what?” She laughed. “Your only responsibility was to pleasure me, and you did it. Simple as that.”
“Is it, though?” he asked. “There’s something between us, right? Could we find a way to make it work out?”
Her fingers twisted under the sheets. If he stayed, she’d have to watch the life drain out of him, watch him drink himself stupid like he did every year at the Brawl. No, he was happier out in the world. She wouldn’t be the reason he stayed here. “I don’t think so.”
His face fell, and then he wrinkled his brow. “But that was fun.”
She laughed at that, and he sat a little straighter, his broad shoulders rippling with muscle. “Yeah, it was fun. But I already knew it wouldn’t change anything.”
He looked as if he wanted to argue but just folded his arms, frowning. When he looked up at her, there was determination in the set of his jaw. “I mean, what if we just sort of made a compromise? I mean, I’m here once a year. We can hook up then, and you know, when your dad dies—”
She put up a hand, silencing him. “No. I’m not mating someone I only see part of the year, who jumps over flaming buses the rest of the time.”
His mouth tightened imperceptibly in anger. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“Just what you gave me,” she said sharply. “Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Then why don’t you seem happy?”
Because she wished for a world where things were different. Where they didn’t have to choose who would give up a huge part of themselves in order to be together.
As much as they cared about each other, as much as they’d been attracted, even since they were kids, maybe they truly weren’t meant to be together.
Maybe it was finally time to understand that.
Maybe being able to touch him, enjoy him, at least this one time, made it easier to be able to let go.
“Why are you looking like that?” he asked, scratching his head. “I don’t like it.”
She shrugged. “I just… How many years has it been now?”
“Since what?”
“Since we became friends.”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I can’t count it.”
“More than a dozen.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you think… maybe it’s time for both of us to move on?”
“What do you mean?” he said. “There’s never been anything between us until tonight. Before that, I was trying to hook you up.”
“Be real, Rock. You weren’t going to go through with that. If you had, you wouldn’t have done this.”
He flushed. “Fine.”
“We’ve both been quietly pining for each other for a long time. I thought it was just me, getting brokenhearted whenever I saw you at the bar and you made your fake proposals. Especially after you made one to Riker’s mate.”
“That was a joke,” Rock said. “And you’d hurt me.”
She sighed. “You hurt me.”
“Maybe yo
u’re right,” he said. “Maybe we hurt each other.” He put his hands on his knees and stretched his neck side to side. Then he locked eyes with her. “But I only came to the bar to see you, so you were wrong. You’re right about what you just said. About me pining. I guess to me, you’re still that angel taking care of me at the hospital, not looking down at me, seeing me as a hero.”
“You were a hero to a lot of people,” she said, remembering the way he defended weak kids on the playground or in high school at the lockers. “Just not to yourself.”
At that, he went rigid. “Yeah. My bad.” He stood and walked to the bathroom, looking terse. He grabbed a towel, wrapped it around his waist, and walked back into the room. “I mean, because if I hadn’t been so weak, if I’d stopped this”—he pointed at his scar—“then we wouldn’t be in this position, would we? Because I could just stay here and make a happy family with you. But guess what, Ros. That wouldn’t be happy for me. My happiness is out there.” He pointed toward the window. “There is only misery in Bear Canyon.”
She flinched, and his face fell as he realized how she took it.
“No,” he said, stepping forward.
She put up a hand, palm out, lowering her head. When she lifted her eyes, they were lit with tears. “Maybe you should go.”
He took a step back. “Does your dad have clothes I can borrow?”
She bit her lip. “I could go look in his room.”
“I don’t want you to risk waking him,” Rock said. “I’ll go back in bear form and sneak in with the hope Francis doesn’t catch me.”
She wanted to ask him if he’d be okay, going home to sleep in his childhood house. Alone.
He’d misunderstood, and he’d hurt her. He hadn’t even given her a chance to explain that all she’d meant was he’d never see himself the way others did, never see all the worthwhile things he’d done. Never see she wasn’t the only one who saw him as a hero.
And now he’d grouped her in with the general misery of the place around them.
Perhaps that was all she could expect from him, even if he stayed. And she couldn’t stand for that to happen. Not when all she wanted was to see him happy.
So she let him go, watching him walk quietly out the door while she tried to figure out what her next move should be.
Maybe she really should give some other guy a chance. Maybe it was time to stop waiting on Rock Brolin.
For both of their sakes.
6
When Rock walked in the next morning, sneaking in through the back door, Francis was already awake and sitting at the kitchen bar, eyes raised at the picture Rock made.
He’d slept in the woods behind Ros’s house last night, not wanting to be home with the bad memories or be far from Ros after what they’d done together. He’d stolen a blanket on his way out, promising himself he’d return it. Another excuse to see her.
So now at least he wasn’t naked as he snuck into his own home. He might be covered with dirt and sticks, but his makeshift toga made this a fraction less embarrassing.
Francis, always clean cut, looked unperturbed as ever. “Rough night?”
Rock shrugged and joined him at the counter, resting his elbows on it. “You could say that.”
“Where were you?” Francis asked in a low voice. “I was worried.”
“What are you, my mom?”
“No,” Francis said. “I guess currently more like a business partner. But I was worried something happened on the way home. Riker told me to—”
“Let me guess. Keep an eye on me? Make sure I don’t get too wild?”
Francis’s calm eyes avoiding his confirmed Rock’s suspicions. Stupid, overprotective older brother.
“I’m fine,” Rock said with a derisive snort. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
“So nothing did happen last night? How did your last interview go?”
There was still a teasing note in Francis’s voice when he mentioned the interviews, and Rock could tell he was waiting for him to just admit the whole thing was a stupid farce.
Which it was.
Ros was his, wasn’t she? It felt like that after last night, though she’d turned him down flat on his offer. Sure, he couldn’t offer her much, couldn’t offer her everything, but hadn’t she been waiting for him for years? Wasn’t something better than nothing?
“You changed your mind on the interview thing?” Francis asked.
Rock shook his head. “I don’t know.”
Francis’s mouth widened into a smile. “So where were you last night?”
Rock felt a flush moving up his neck and turned away. “None of your business,” he said roughly. “Anyway, how did your interview go?”
Francis took a sip of what looked like orange juice from the cup in front of him. “I liked Joe a lot.”
“Joe as in Joseph Norris?” Rock asked.
“Yeah,” Francis said. “Cool guy, big plans.”
Rock’s stomach rumbled and he put a hand over it. “What does he think of Ros?” Oh shit, why did he ask that? He didn’t want to know.
“Thinks she’s nice. He’s looking to settle down, so he seems aware of his options in town.”
Rock let out a tense breath. “I see.” He got up and went to the fridge, pulling out a gallon of milk and drinking straight from the top of it.
“So who cut your hair?” Francis asked.
Rock shrugged. “I had an accident. Ros helped me even it out.”
“It got caught on something?”
Yeah, some guy’s fist. “No. I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You know you could tell me if something was bothering you. We’re friends, Rock. You hooked me up with this gig, and you came here to help me. Despite all appearances, you’re not a bad guy. But I swear sometimes, the way you’re holding things in, you’re going to explode one day.”
Rock set aside the milk and leaned on the counter. “Shut up.”
“I—”
“You don’t know anything, so just shut up,” Rock snapped, shoving the milk back in the fridge and then slamming it shut. Then he stormed upstairs to take a shower and get dressed.
He didn’t need people like Francis poking into his business. Not on a day that was already confusing.
But after he was cleaned, shaved, and dressed, he came back downstairs, a little chagrined.
Francis was looking through a list of notes that was sitting by the phone, and Rock came over to stand next to him, reading over his shoulder.
“You ready to be decent?” Francis asked.
“Yeah,” Rock said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry. Rough night. I didn’t mean to fly off the handle like that.”
“You need to start getting it straight about who is on your side,” Francis said, shaking his head. “Now, I can tell you’ve got a bee up your ass, so here are some of the things I need to get done, and you can choose something to help with. Get your mind off things.”
Rock nodded, looking at the pile of post-it notes. He picked one up. “I can take care of this.”
Francis grinned. “Now why did I guess that was coming?”
Rock took the note over to the counter and sat down, reading it. “Because it involves Ros, and as you’ve already guessed, things are complicated.”
“So I should give up on the interviews, then?” Francis asked.
“I don’t know,” Rock said. “She turned me down.”
“But you want to go over there now?”
“I mean, I can always ask again.”
Francis sat next to him. “If you don’t mind me asking, what the fuck is going on there? I’ve seen the way she looks at you, and I know you want her. Why all the shenanigans and walking in circles around each other?”
“Because she wants to stay here,” Rock said. “Forever.”
“And you don’t,” Francis guessed.
Rock nodded.
“Even for the girl of a lifetime?”
Rock bit his lip. “I don’t k
now.”
“Even for a mate?”
Rock’s stomach sank. Even if he stayed, if he was always just fighting off memories and getting more and more stressed, what kind of a mate would he be anyway?
“I confess I don’t get it,” Francis said. “I know you had a bad childhood here, but your dad’s gone.”
Rock winced. No one understood that a person could be gone yet still leave their fingerprints everywhere.
No one but his brothers.
Yet Riker had stayed here a lot of years. Perhaps Rock was just being a coward. But his skin broke out in a cold sweat every time he thought of staying here.
“You know Ros is going to be fine, right?” Francis said, putting an arm around Rock, which he shrugged off. Francis put it there again, and this time it stayed. “If you can’t stay, someone else will take care of her. Or she’ll take care of herself. Though I don’t think she’s a person to stay alone forever.”
Rock didn’t think so either. She should be with him. Far away from Bear Canyon.
But what then? His life outside Bear Canyon was all thrill-seeking and stunts. What place was there for her? Ironic that it was a lifestyle he embraced fully for himself but wouldn’t want to involve anyone he loved in.
Loved?
He put a palm over his face. He should never have touched Ros the way he had. Now it was impossible to deny all the things he’d been pushing down inside him. All the feelings he held back daily.
He heard a scrape and saw the Post-it note pushed toward him. He looked up at Francis’s patient eyes.
“Why don’t you start here?” he asked. “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, right? Something like that.”
Rock sighed and shook his head, picking up the Post-it and slipping it in his pocket as he went to get his jacket.
Trepidation moved through him as he went to the door and prepared to head out.
A fall off a cliff could begin with one step, too.
When Rock got to Mort’s place, he was surprised to find Ros wasn’t there.
Craved by the Bear (Trapped in Bear Canyon Book 2) Page 5