by Renee Carr
He told me there was a change coming, he told me not to be scared, but what did that mean? What would be left of me after my body contorted in every direction it possibly could? Suddenly, I felt a rush of energy blast through every inch of my body. I crumpled to the floor, my chin hitting the ground and my eyes closing. For a moment, I could hear nothing, feel nothing, sense nothing.
Then it all came rushing back. It was like a raging river had been unleashed, blasting me with smells and fears and senses that were far beyond anything I had ever experienced as a human. My hearing was so acute, I could hear people’s voices from a distance, having conversations in their living rooms, reading stories to their children, saying my name… my name. That was when I heard her, Libby’s familiar beautiful voice echoing from beside me. I could hear the fear in her voice, the catching of her breath in her throat.
Carefully, I picked myself up off the floor, looking at my furry claws tapping against the tiles. My eyes went wide and I stumbled back slightly, feeling as if I had never used my legs before. They weren’t my legs, they were the legs of a wolf, not a man. Somehow, between a drink of water and a question, I had morphed into an animal. My entire body was different, and I could feel the fur rippling across my muscled back.
In front of me, Libby was cowering against the wall. She looked absolutely terrified, but every move I made, every attempt to comfort her, came out as threatening. I stopped myself, not wanting to move an inch until I could catch her gaze.
“Please,” she whimpered, putting out her hand. “It’s me. It’s me, Libby. Please, bring Christian back.”
I had to figure out how to communicate with her, but when I did, a low grumble came from my chest. She broke into tears and dropped to her knees, her head hanging down, refusing to look at me. I stayed still, seeing that I was only making it worse. I waited on her, watching as she closed her eyes, letting the tears fall from her cheeks and splash down on the tiled floor. After a few moments, her eyes opened and she sniffed, wiping them from her face.
To my surprise, she looked up at me, locking eyes. I glared at her, trying so hard to make her see that it was me, that I was still here, but it was what was behind my eyes that she was so fearful of. She tilted her head to the side and narrowed her own, looking at me as if she could see me. Yes, yes, Libby, it’s me. See me. I can’t talk to you. See me.
Very slowly, she pulled herself up to her knees, a strength in her that she didn’t have moments before. My legs wobbled beneath me, but I inched closer to her and then slowly sat down. I watched her as she carefully picked her hand up and moved it toward me. I tried to move the muscles in my face, trying to make myself not look as daunting or scary, but it only stopped her. She sat frozen, her hand halfway to me, and all I could think was how badly I wanted to feel her touch me again.
She moved again, her hand just inches from my snout. I knew not to make any sudden movements.
“It’s all right,” she said with a voice much calmer than I thought it would sound. “I won’t hurt you. I know that you are in there, Christian, and I won’t hurt you. I think I’ve known for a long time, but I didn’t want to believe that it was true. Whoever you are, however this happened, we are connected somehow. If you can hear me, remember your dreams. Remember the calming that I have over you. Remember that I am your friend.”
I sniffed that familiar scent, letting it fill me up just like it had an hour before when we lay in bed together. Very carefully, I leaned my head forward and put my snout beneath her palm. I could feel her hand relax against me as she stroked my fur.
We sat there motionless, watching each other, waiting for any sign that things would change. As her shoulders relaxed and I could see that she was trusting me a bit more, I stumbled forward and lay down in front of her, letting out a long whimper. I found comfort in her, as if she were a safe place to be. I closed my eyes, taking in her scent, relaxing as her hand stroked over my head and back again.
As I lay there, I could feel the burning and aching flowing through my body, but I didn’t move; I didn’t want to know what I was changing into this time. I just focused on her hand touching me, until it was no longer there. What seemed like hours, but had only been minutes, later, I opened my eyes, hearing my own whimpering change from that of a wolf to a human. I lay there on the cold tile, in my human form, my clothes ripped off and my body aching all over.
Once again, Libby put her hands on me, this time on my hot skin. “Christian, can you hear me?”
I tried to speak but my throat was so dry. I nodded my head and looked up at her. I tapped my throat, trying to swallow, and she nodded, jumping up from the floor and grabbing a glass of water. Very carefully, she helped me sit up and I took long sips of the cool liquid. Letting out a long, deep breath, I finally looked back at her, a pain crushing my heart from the stain of tears on her cheeks.
“I want to take you to the hospital,” she said innocently.
I grabbed her hand, stopping her from being so frantic. “No. They won’t know what to do for me. And to be honest, if the two of us walk in there like this and tell them I turned into a wolf, they’ll admit both of us into the psych ward. They’ll think we’re crazy.”
She let her body sink down into a cross-legged position, holding my hand in her lap. “But what do we do? Where do we go? There has to be someone. All of this is… it’s too much like my dreams. I have dreams too, dreams about wolves. And now you are one.”
I wanted to know more about her dreams, I wanted her to tell me everything, but the level of exhaustion that I was feeling was beyond anything that I had felt before. “We’ll talk about all of this, and we’ll get to the bottom of it. Right now, I need to rest. I don’t have anything left in me. When I wake up, I’m going to investigate all of this. I know there’s got to be answers. And I know I can find them. I need to go back to the source of all of this, look for any clues that might point me in the right direction.”
She nodded her head and brushed a bead of sweat from my forehead. “I want to go with you. I want to see where all of this leads.”
I smiled gently at her, reaching up and pushing a piece of hair from her face. “It’s too dangerous. I need to keep you safe, at least until I figure out what’s going on with all of this. There are too many questions. And to be honest, right now, I don’t have it in me to really think about the answers to them.”
She nodded her head, looking a bit sad, but understanding. Taking a deep breath, she pulled herself up to her feet and looked down at me. “Well, for right now, I think you’re right. You need to get some rest. You also need to eat something as soon as you wake up. I wish I knew how to figure out what you need, but they don’t really teach us how to take care of patients that morph into wolves in your living room.”
I chuckled, and then winced at the pain that surged through my ribs. They didn’t feel broken, but I could definitely tell they did not like the fact that they were contorted and moved when I changed into my wolf. Putting up a hand, she latched on to me and helped me back onto my feet. I put one hand out and grabbed the wall and the other around her shoulders. She was so tiny beneath me, so fragile, and all I needed was to know that she was protected. For whatever reason, she was the one that brought me out of it. She was the one that calmed me.
Slowly, she helped me back into the bedroom, lowering me down into the bed and pulling the covers up over me. She helped me situate myself on the pillows and then sat on the edge of the bed, looking at me with care and love.
I stared at her beautiful face. “I’m not sure what I would’ve done without you. I don’t know if it’s because my human side cares about you so much, or because there’s some sort of connection between us, but you’re the only reason why I was able to calm down enough to turn back into my human.” I scoffed and laughed at myself. “My human, I can’t even believe that I just said that.”
She gave me a kind smile. “I know, it sounds absolutely crazy. If I hadn’t been here to witness it, I would’ve never believed
it myself. I’m afraid to leave you.”
I put my hand against hers, holding it to my cheek. “I want you to stay here with me. I feel a connection with you I’ve never felt with anyone else. At the same time, though, it’s obvious that I haven’t figured this all out, and I don’t know if I’ll turn again. For those first few moments, I had no control over what was happening and if it happens again, I’m afraid that you’ll get hurt. I would never forgive myself if I hurt you.”
She nodded her head, still looking at me with love and concern. “Well, I’m not leaving you, but to ease your mind and to keep myself safe, I’ll lie down on the couch in the living room instead. I don’t think I’ll get any sleep, but I want to make sure that you’re okay. Beyond just turning into a wolf, you could have all kinds of things happen now. Who knows how your body will react to this? If you have another seizure, I want to be there. I’ll just be in the other room. I’ll even leave the door open so that we can see each other.”
I watched her as she stood and walked toward the door. Her hand ran up the doorframe and she stopped, looking back at me. “Out of curiosity, what made you change back? Was it just someone familiar?”
I yawned, slipping in and out of consciousness at that point. “I don’t know for sure, but I know it had everything to do with you. Everything’s had to do with you since the moment I met you.”
She smiled and walked out the door as I gently slipped into a deep sleep.
12
Libby
There were wolves, howls, and golden eyes that pierced my dreams all night long. I hadn’t expected to fall asleep, but after everything we had been through that day, I was exhausted as well. My mind couldn’t comprehend everything that I had seen, and I knew that if I slept for a little while, I could maybe start to understand and make sense of Christian’s transformation. All night long though, I tossed and turned, waking up periodically to check on him, making sure that he was okay. The last time I remembered, the sun hadn’t come up yet, but the birds were beginning to wake outside.
I grumbled, turning over on the uncomfortable sofa, opening my eyes to the feeling of a soft blanket rubbing against my cheek. I sat up quickly, looking around the quiet apartment, taking a moment to remember where I was. Outside, the sun was up and I could see the dew drying on the window. It was early in the day but it had been hours since I’d checked in on Christian. Looking down at the blanket, I didn’t remember pulling it over me, or having it near me at all.
Pulling it back, I remembered that I was still wearing nothing but a T-shirt, and all the feelings that I had the night before watching Christian turn into a wolf came flooding back to me. I sat on the edge of the sofa, glancing around at the kitchen where there had been broken glass when I had fallen asleep. All the glass had been cleaned up, and the water was dry on the floor. For a moment I wondered if my mother had come up, but as I turned around to look into the bedroom, I found a made bed, without Christian in it.
A sense of fear flooded over me and I jumped from the couch, hurrying into the bedroom. His clothes were gone, his shoes were gone, and only the few things we had brought from the hospital still lingered in the chair next to the bed. I made my way through the apartment, wondering if he was somewhere else, but the place was small and it was very easy to tell that he was gone. I grabbed my dress and buttoned it up the front, slipping my shoes back on my feet. I needed to find him. I couldn’t just let him wander around, not knowing where he was. Beyond the fact that he was my responsibility, I was incredibly worried about him. I didn’t know if maybe he had wandered off, or if his symptoms had gotten worse.
As I grabbed my keys off of the counter, I glanced over, finding a piece of paper folded in half with a pen sitting on top of it. Picking it up, I got a whiff of Christian’s cologne and opened it up, sitting on the stool behind me.
Libby,
Please don’t be worried. I know you were up and down all night and I wanted to make sure that you got some sleep. I cleaned up the glass in the kitchen, and I covered you up with a blanket I found in the cabinet. I know you’re wondering, and I feel okay this morning. The sleep did wonders for my energy and I found some granola bars in the cabinet. I apologize but I ate all of them. It seems my appetite is pretty strong.
I know everything last night was confusing, and I’m just as confused as you are. I can’t just continue to let this go, I need to find some answers. I’m going to go out and retrace my steps, try to figure out exactly what happened to me. I know there has to be answers out there, or at least someone who can guide me in the right direction. I’ll be back tonight, I promise. When I return, I will talk about everything that I find.
I know that I’m putting you in a bad position but I’m asking you to please not tell a soul what happened last night or where I am. Please cover for me if anyone asks. I appreciate you, and I can’t wait to see you again. I will keep your comfort close to me as I’m looking for answers. At the end of all of this, hopefully both of us have some answers to the questions that we’ve had, especially you, for far too long.
With love,
Christian
I folded the paper and put it down on the counter, feeling both anger and frustration at the same time. Even more than that, though, I was worried. I was worried that he was out there by himself. I was worried about what he would find. I was worried that I would never see him again. He had become important to me in the little bit of time that I had known him. The night before, we had shared many things, many more things than two people usually share when they’re first beginning to get to know each other.
Looking down at my watch, I knew that I had to get ready for work. I wanted to sit there and wait for him all day, wait for him to come back in the door and tell me everything that he had learned. I knew that was impossible, though, and it would be a serious waste of time. If I didn’t show up for work, Christian’s doctor would begin to question things, and I didn’t need them sending anyone over here. Christian wasn’t here, and I didn’t need someone looking for him.
Seeing as I was still dressed in the same clothes from the day before and had never come in the house, I snuck out of the back door and around to my car, quietly heading down the driveway so I wouldn’t wake my mother. There was a good chance she was already awake, but she rarely looked out the window, not unless there was a reason to. I headed back to my apartment, which I hadn’t been to in a couple of days, and took a shower, changed my clothes, and checked my messages. As usual, there weren’t any, but I was okay with that. I really didn’t feel like handling any questions from anyone at that point.
The hospital was busy that day, and usually I would be excited about that. It would be something to pass the time, and excitement within the ER kept my mind working, figuring things out. But on that day, I craved quiet. I craved solace and silence but I was far from being able to have that. As I walked to the station to find out where I would be that day, Christian’s doctor was stirring his coffee. “Libby, how is Christian today?”
My hand slipped on the container of pens, knocking them all over the desk. I picked them up nervously and put them back in. Giving the doctor a fake smile, I nodded my head. “He seems to be feeling better. All of his readings are normal, his temperature has stayed down, and he just wants to rest. I gave him some of the pain medication because he was achy, and he’s sleeping right now. The monitors are connected to my cell phone and I’ll be able to see them all day. My mother is in the house behind him and is on call if anything happens. She knows to call 911 immediately, and to alert me.”
The doctor smiled and tapped me on the shoulder. “Very good, Libby. He’s lucky to have such a good nurse. We are all lucky to have such a good nurse working here at the hospital. Hopefully we’ll get some answers soon and you’ll be able to send him packing on his way home.”
I kept that same fake smile with a nervous laugh behind it. “Fingers crossed.”
The doctor walked away looking satisfied and I let out a deep breath, turning back
toward the books. I collected my things and began to work, hoping that the distractions would help me through the day, but they didn’t. The entire time that I rushed around the hospital, I was thinking about him. I was wondering what he was doing, worried about where he was. The day seemed to go by slowly and I checked my phone about 1000 times to see if he had called. I wasn’t even sure I left my phone number for him, but he was bright enough and thoughtful enough that I knew if he came back, he would find a way to call me.
After lunch, I walked around the corner, heading back for the ER, and stopped in my tracks. Christian’s brothers stood there, looking at me happily. “Libby! We were looking for you. We went to see our brother and they told us that he had opted to stay away from the hospital, but we had no idea where. We tried calling him but he didn’t answer his cell phone.”
I had completely forgotten to tell the brothers that he was coming back to my house. “I’m sorry, guys, yesterday was a bit crazy. My mother has an apartment over her garage behind our house that I often stay in. I offered for him to stay there since it would be close to me and I could keep an eye on him, so that he would be able to be more comfortable outside of the hospital. Unfortunately, we can’t send him back to the Galena hospital because they don’t have the testing equipment to take good enough care of him.”
The brothers let out long, deep sighs. “Oh good. We were worried. There wouldn’t be any chance that we could go over there and see him, would there?”
Shit.
“Normally I would say yes, but he was extremely tired this morning and I gave him some medicine. He asked me, before I left, that he not be disturbed until he felt a little bit better. He felt that with the distractions and feeling as if he has to be awake and alert when other people are around, he’s not getting better like he thought he would.” It was a lie, but it was a necessary one.