by Lynne Stevie
I hung my head. The guilt threatened to swallow me. “I was lost, B. Alan didn’t remember anything about being gone, or that he wasn’t himself. How could Ellasar do that?” Without realizing it I had slumped down and was sitting near the jasmine in the dirt.
“I don’t know, dear. I’m sorry I don’t have all the answers. I’ll do my best to protect you, but you have to find the will to resist him. I told you that you are strong. The best of all of us is in you. I think that Ellasar understands that you are unique. Somehow he has been aware of you or the idea of you, and he’s been waiting.”
“You can’t protect me.” Despair clouded my vision.
“We have time. He doesn’t want you dead. He may actually protect you to a certain point. We’d be fools not to use his infatuation to take care of whoever sent that fledgling after you.”
“The guy said that the contract had been broken and that he came after me on his own. I assumed he meant that the Janecks were dead; killing the contract. Who else could have wanted me? Doesn’t that solve the problem?”
“Yes, dear, but who told them of your heritage? It’s just too many coincidences. Either someone betrayed us both, or someone got extremely lucky and stumbled upon you in this small town.”
I really did admire B’s ability to look past her emotions and see logically. Although a part of me hoped I’d never be that way.
“Okay, I won’t worry about that. I’ll let you decipher who wants me dead.” Zeke whimpered, bringing my focus back to the here and now. “Alan will be back any minute. What should I do?”
“Ben will stay close. You won’t see him, but he’ll be there. I understand we need to be discrete. I also understand that you trust this animal because he saved your life. But remember, Alexandria, trust is a double-edged sword.”
“Twice, B. I heard his growl just before I fell unconscious on the roof after the first attack.” B needed to understand why I trusted Zeke. But more than that, deep down I realized I just did. Something—survival instinct, maybe, I don’t know—but I trusted Zeke with my life.
“What’s his motivation? Who sent him?” B continued. “For now he seems to be a protector, so keep him close—but don’t hesitate to eliminate him if he turns on you. Another thing: if Ellasar tries to manipulate your dreams tonight, bring Zeke in with you. That may help your mind fight off his influence. I’ll try to find out more about Ellasar and what he can do.” She paused. “That’s the best I can do for the moment. Hand the phone to Ben and I’ll explain everything to him.”
I did as she asked and watched the expression on Ben’s face go from amazement to concern to anger. I guess she just told him to stand down and stay in the background.
He handed the phone back to me and said, “You better get in—Alan was trying to call. I bet he’s on his way home with your food.”
How had he known where Alan went?
“Be careful, Alex,” he said now. “I’ll be close if you need me.” He glared at Zeke and took off. He was out of sight in a second.
“Thanks for everything, Ben,” I said to the night.
“Well,” I said, looking down at Zeke. “You ready to go in?” He tromped off toward the door. I turned to follow, but my eye was drawn to the half dug-up jasmine. “What were you trying to tell me, mom?” I stepped toward the planting, but Zeke’s bark stopped me.
“You better be housebroken,” I said as I turned back to the steps. “I don’t want to have to get you fixed.” Zeke growled and I chuckled.
“A little sensitive, huh?” It was nice to know I had something to threaten him with. I grabbed my wine and took a sip. “Come on, buddy, I’ll fix up a bed for you.”
Alan arrived just after I’d arranged a few old blankets in the living room for Zeke. I thought Alan would piss his pants when he first saw him, but then his anger replaced his fear.
“Lex, what is that—animal—doing in the house?” he asked as he set the food on the counter.
“He wandered up on the porch and chased away those raccoons that are always getting into our trash. I thought I’d get him something to eat, since he’s obviously lost. I can find his owners in the morning,” I said, trying to sound sincere and logical.
“He attacked us last night, and now you’ve brought him into our house. Have you lost your mind?” Alan was right to be afraid. I should feel afraid, but I just didn’t. How could I explain that to Alan?
“I know it’s crazy, but I know he won’t hurt us.” Ooh, I thought. I can use this.
I looked up into his eyes, pleading with him. “With everything that’s happened, he makes me feel safe.” As if on cue Zeke yawned and whimpered as he put his head down. I knew I’d won when Alan sighed, took my glass of wine, and emptied the contents down his throat.
“All right. But at the first sign of aggression, he’s out of here. And be sure to look hard for his owners. Got it?” He knew I wanted to keep Zeke.
“Thanks, Alan. You won’t be sorry.” Then my stomach growled as my nose caught the scent of the food Alan had brought.
“Are you hungry? Did we work up an appetite earlier or what?” He put the glass down and snuggled up to me. I was grateful I could hide my face in his big chest, and I gained some comfort from his hug. He mistook my tighter hold for something else and squeezed me tighter in response.
“Hey, baby, I think we should eat something first. I need to replenish my strength. I have to admit, I love your attitude, though.”
I pulled out of his embrace and turned my face away to hide my anger.
“Yeah—we better eat. I’m in danger of passing out like some femme fatale from a bad romance novel.”
Alan laughed and unpacked the food, chattering away about the crowd at Tony’s. I couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying. Zeke watched me, aware of my real mood. He stood at attention, ready to follow me if I took off running.
“Sorry it took so long, hon, but Enzo made your favorites.” As he tasted the bruschetta, he looked around the kitchen. Did you bring the wine down?”
“Sorry, no, I didn’t even see the bottle upstairs. I’ll go get it.” I turned to go upstairs, but he stopped me.
“You relax.” He held out the chair for me. “I’ll get it.” He gave me a quick, greasy kiss before running up the steps, taking them two at a time. I picked at the bruschetta. Zeke whimpered, and I threw him some bread.
Then I remembered the steak from the other night and went to the fridge. “Here ya go, buddy, this ought to be better than bread.” I put the leftover steak and a bone on a plate and set it down. Zeke just looked at me.
“Do you want me to warm it up?”
Alan caught me putting the steak in the microwave. “Hey, if we start out feeding him steak, he’ll never want to leave.” He was being funny, but I had the same idea. I didn’t want my protector to leave.
I took the chill off the steak and set it back down. Zeke chewed it clean while we ate our dinner in silence. The wine and heavy pasta worked their magic. I was full and tired by the time I pushed away from the table. Zeke nudged me with his head and trotted over to the front door.
Alan noticed Zeke’s behavior and smiled, “I guess that answers the housebroken question.” He wiped his brow with an exaggerated movement. “Whew, one less thing to worry about.” Then he turned serious.
“I wasn’t kidding about finding his real owners, though.”
“I’ll do my best. I’d like to know whom he belongs to and why he found me, too.” I was getting good at this ‘not really lying’ thing, which scared me.
I opened the door for Zeke. “Try not to go where we might step in it,” I yelled after him. He barked in reply.
I pulled the door in but didn’t close it, remembering how my father had always said that he didn’t want to heat the outside. “That’s money just floating out the door,” he’d say. The memory brought a smile to my face until I remembered that part of my house was bashed in. I guess I was losing plenty of heat there without worrying about the door.
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As tired as I was, I didn’t want to go to sleep if Ellasar would be in my dreams. How could I keep him out? I couldn’t stay awake forever; eventually I’d have to face him again. Besides, dreams weren’t my only concern. Ellasar had invaded my waking hours through Alan at the most intimate of times.
B had said to keep Zeke close and take him into the dream with me. How was I supposed to do that? I hadn’t even thought to ask her. I wondered how Alan would feel about Zeke sleeping in our room. Only one way to find out.
“Hey, Alan?” Zeke trotted back as if on cue and joined me. Alan was vigorously shaking his head. Obviously he knew what I was going to ask.
“No way, Lex. He is not sleeping with us. He’ll be comfortable down here.”
“Pleeeaaasse, just think about it. If he’s down here all alone he might get into anything. Think of all the things he could get into down here, plus he wouldn’t be able to tell us if he needed to go out.
Alan was still shaking his head, but he didn’t look as determined. Like any good actor, Zeke played the part of the poor lost soul. He sat by my side and tilted his head so he was sort of nuzzling me.
“I love these rugs; I’d hate to have them ruined.”
That did it. Alan held his hand to his forehead and took a deep breath as I rambled on about how hard it is to get pee smell out of carpet.
“Okay, okay, Lex. I can’t believe you want to bring that strange, huge dog into our bedroom. Get his bed and bring him up. But I swear, if he keeps me awake I’ll throw his ass back outside where it belongs.” Alan turned for the stairs so he didn’t see Zeke stand to attention and raise his wrinkly jowls in defiance.
“Shh,” I muttered quietly. “You’re in. Don’t mess it up. Come on, let’s get some sleep.” Alan had already gone ahead, so I added, “Dreamless, I hope.”
Zeke relaxed his stance and rubbed his giant head against my arm. He looked up at me with clear understanding. The knowledge in his eyes was almost disturbing, but it also felt good not to be alone.
As I lay awake beside Alan, I thought of all I’d lost today and tried not to cry. The worst was that I hadn’t had control of my body, and my emotions were not my own. If Ellasar invaded my dreams tonight, I would not let fear and confusion control me. He needed to know that I’m not an easy target. He had shocked me and twisted my emotions because I wasn’t aware. This time it would be different.
Sleep was taking me as I felt Zeke’s big head rest on my hand. As I drifted into unconsciousness, I reached out and hugged him for good luck.
Chapter 15
A Speck of Dust
Dreams are impossible to interpret. We’ve all had the “show up at school naked” dream or the “I can fly” dream, but my dreams have become nightmares. There isn’t a scary bad guy, but a handsome devil. He never threatens to hurt me. He doesn’t scare me. He doesn’t embarrass me to death. No, he offers me pleasure unlike anything I’ve ever known. In exchange for what? What can he gain from me? My soul? What’s the going rate for a soul these days? My mind wandered as I lay on the massage table…
Oh, crap! I should be in bed with Alan, but knowing it and willing my body back there are two different things. The hands on my skin are working out the knots in my tense neck and taking me to a place of unconsciousness that borders on meditation.
Soft instrumental music mingles with the sound of ocean waves. The room is warm. Even my toes are warm. This must be heaven, I thought, as the hands moved down my back.
“Enjoy, my Qadesh.” His voice was like a soft breeze over my skin. I opened my eyes to find him, but the room was dark and I was face down on the table. I could just make out the tropical flower that was placed in a bowl on the floor for me to see and smell. Damn, he thinks of everything.
Two more hands joined the original two, and working in unison, they made me forget any protest I might have had.
“I can make all your dreams come true. Even the ones you cannot bring yourself to ask for,” he said. His soft velvet voice rubbed against my mind. “I do not seek to harm you. I want only to worship and love you as you deserve.”
A speck of dust hovering in the air created a black spot in my vision. As it grew larger, blocking my view of the flower, the velvety voice grew softer. The hands stopped working on my back. I struggled to look around the spot, desperate to see him and feel his touch again.
No. This is not real. I don’t want to see him. What the hell is wrong with me?
I shook my head and squeezed my eyes, hoping to wake myself. I had to break his hold over me.
“Why do you resist pleasure?” His voice was like the cold edge of a blade. A shiver ran through me.
Pleasure, yes please, I thought. A tug of war began in my brain. No, it’s not real. But this couldn’t be bad if it feels so good, could it?
I fisted my hands and thought about B’s advice. Then I heard Zeke’s low growl. As if just the thought of him brought him to me, the black spot in my vision grew into Zeke.
I didn’t need an interpretation of this dream—Ellasar is screwing with my mind again. I can’t let him control me.
Dammit, he makes me want to offer myself up on a silver platter.
My body is slow to respond, almost disconnected from my intellect, but I managed to strengthen my resolve and push his voice out of my head.
“My Qadesh, I mean you no harm.” His voice was compelling, but at least I didn’t want to rub against him like a cat anymore. “I see you have a new friend. Although I am grateful he was there to help you yesterday, I do not appreciate his interference now.”
I sat up, still touching Zeke’s fur, and looked around. The massage table had been replaced by a big canopied bed. Gauzy curtains surrounded Zeke and me. Zeke’s jowls were pulled back, and he growled menacingly deep in his chest. I put my arms around his big frame.
Then I noticed Ellasar sitting on a thrown-like chair, watching us through the curtains. He was the essence of masculinity, with one leg stretched out, one leg slung over the arm of the chair, and his muscular torso bare. The tattoo around his shoulders seemed darker and more detailed than I remembered, and his dark leather pants were tight in all the right spots. My eye caught the ripple of muscle across his chest and followed a faint line of hair to the loose laces of his pants. My eyes stuck on that small flap of material. It seemed to beg to be peeled apart. My mouth was suddenly dry. I licked my lips and sat up to get a better look.
“I am glad you approve,” he said, motioning down his body as if he were displaying a prize on a game show.
Damn, busted ogling, plus I just noticed I was naked. The combination of shock and embarrassment helped me pry my eyes away. I used Zeke’s body as a shield. Ellasar noticed and waved his hand. I was instantly wearing a white silk gown that hugged my curves.
“That’s better, but I’d prefer something with a little more coverage.”
“This is still my dream too, Qadesh,” he said with a raised eyebrow.
“Gosh, I’m so sorry that my pesky free will has to ruin it for you! And stop calling me that.”
Zeke tensed in my arms, and I noticed that I was naked again. I grabbed the sheet and covered myself with it. It was silk, and—dammit—felt good slipping over my skin, which didn’t help my resolve. Zeke nudged me with his head, and I tried to focus.
“Well, that’s pretty shitty. Why allow me some control, and then just take it away?” I complained.
“Because I CAN.” He stood with silent grace and sauntered to the curtain. Zeke stood, forcing me to come to my knees to keep hold of his neck. Ellasar paced around the bed. I did my best to cover my assets while still holding Zeke.
“Your pet doesn’t like the control I have,” he said thoughtfully. “He is angry that he can do nothing to protect you from me.” Zeke growled in response.
Ellasar ran his hand along the gauzy curtain. “Alexandria, if I’d wanted to hurt you, I would have done so by now. You need not fear me.” He parted the curtain, and Zeke lunged for his hand. Ellasar
didn’t flinch, but he stayed on his side of the curtain. Zeke, on the other hand, bounced back from some sort of barrier. He shook his head in confusion.
“I’ll allow you to keep your pet, but he must be taught some manners.” Zeke paced the bed inside the curtains. As soon as my hand lost contact with his thick fur, I felt Ellasar’s influence. His silky voice rubbed against my will, and I had no doubt who’d win.
With the last of my rational thought, I reached out to Zeke. Instantly the silky hands slid away. I could think more clearly. I hugged Zeke tighter, and he let out a tremendous howl. Maybe we gained some strength from each other.
“Alexandria, why do you protest? You know you want me. I will fulfill all your deepest dreams, and you will feel nothing but pleasure from my touch. Why do you fight me? I wish to earn your trust and make you my partner.”
“By taking my free will?” I held tight to Zeke as I spoke. He seemed to understand and didn’t move. We needed to stay in contact if I were to keep control.
“I do not take away your will. If you search deeply, you will find that your body yearns for me and what I can provide. I seek only to remove your silly modern human prudishness. Why would you deny yourself the pleasures I can give? This afternoon was only a sample of what I can do for your body and mind.”
“Stay out of my mind! How dare you suppose to know what I want or don’t want? Who the hell do you think you are?” I clutched the silk in one fist while I desperately held onto Zeke with the other. I wanted to slap that smug look from Ellasar’s face, but I was afraid to leave the safety of the enclosed bed and Zeke’s contact.
He was face-to-face with me in the bat of an eye. I kicked my legs to thrust myself away from the curtain and the heat of his body. I felt his spark of power—the same spark I’d felt when our skin touched in our first encounter. I knew that my will would not survive another touch right now. I clung to Zeke and he put himself between me and Ellasar.