by Sierra Dean
Then the pain hit me, and I knew there was no way this was Heaven. But if I was in Hell, I doubted I’d wake up looking at a man quite so beautiful.
He didn’t need to breathe, but he let out a sigh of relief anyway. His hands were trembling when he reached out and took mine, and I was struck by how cold his skin felt. Normally vampires didn’t feel cold to me, since my own body temperature often dipped well below normal. But his fingers were like ice.
None of it made sense. My final moments in the museum had left no room for error. Even though I didn’t go into any white tunnel of light or have my life flash before my eyes, I did die. This very man had stabbed me in the heart, and I was gone. I didn’t doubt that for a second.
So how was this happening?
I was seized by a sudden terror and grasped at him, trying to catch my breath so I could ask, “Not you too?”
Holden looked confused, unable to process what my first words to him meant. After a beat his brows lifted and he shook his head, a patient smile crossing his lips. “I’m not any deader than I was the last time you saw me.”
Relief swept over me, but with it more questions. “But…how?”
“I might not be the best person to explain.” He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles gently, then rose from his chair and went to the door. He whispered to someone outside, and no matter how hard I strained to hear, I couldn’t make out what he said. He returned to his chair, and a few moments later Calliope came in.
Like Holden, she looked tired and worn down. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun, and she wore a simple black dress with no jewelry or embellishments. She might as well have been on her way to a funeral.
Perhaps she thought she was.
“You’re awake.” She moved to the side of the bed opposite Holden and sat on the mattress, pressing her warm hand to my forehead. “How do you feel?”
“Like I died,” I said tersely.
“Probably because you did.”
My hand went to my chest, and in spite of the company around me I yanked at the fabric of my loose-fitting cotton shirt. Between my breasts was a thin line, still flushed an angry red, marking the place the sword had entered right over my heart.
It hadn’t healed, which brought up more questions, but for now I was most concerned with knowing why the hell I hadn’t died.
“I had to die.” I shook my head, trying to get them to understand. Calliope of all people should have known how important it was for me to keep my word to Aubrey. “I promised him. I promised him.”
I must have been panicking because Cal placed her hands gently on my shoulders and pushed me back into the mattress, then smoothed my hair out of my face, shushing me with soft, soothing noises. “Be still.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I do understand. And you met your end of the bargain. You died.”
I somehow didn’t think Aubrey would be willing to accept the asterisks at the end of her statement. You died*
*Temporarily.
For a man who was truly immortal and had lived to see hundreds of generations come and go, I doubted my one-day death would impress him.
“No.” I tried to get up again, though my goal was unclear. I’d already sacrificed myself once. Was I planning to do it all over again? I didn’t have it in me to fall on the sword a second time.
As it turned out, I didn’t even have it in me to get out of bed. My whole body protested the struggle, and Calliope and Holden were easily able to get me back under the covers. I didn’t fight them.
“You need to relax,” Calliope scolded. “It’s over. I’ve dealt with Aubrey.”
“Dealt with?” It sounded ominous.
“He might have been able to end your life, but his deal didn’t involve keeping it. He got his sword, and it was cleansed in your blood. He can argue details all he likes, but you gave him what he asked for. Even the fairy king isn’t allowed to change fate.”
“But the lines… Didn’t I choose?”
Cal touched my cheek and gave me that smile of hers that was equal parts kindness and condescension. “I wasn’t talking about your fate. I’m talking about your wolf.”
Desmond.
“Where is he?” I wanted to get up again, but my limbs refused to take orders from my brain. I was only able to look between Calliope and Holden in a state of panic.
“You know the rules.”
Fuck the rules, I thought. “But he—”
“He’s fine, and he knows you’re here,” Holden interrupted. “He knows you’re alive.” He hid his pain well, but it was still there, raw and obvious if you knew what to look for. And I’d long ago become an expert on all the things that hurt Holden.
I focused my attention on Calliope, not able to watch Holden’s face too long. “What about Desmond’s fate?”
“I told you a long time ago you’d die next to someone you loved. And I was right.” Her gaze flicked to Holden before returning to me. “But I told someone else their fate that night too. I told Desmond he’d be the one standing with you in the end, and if you bled out on the floor of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, that prediction wouldn’t have been accurate.”
If there was one thing Calliope hated, it was being wrong.
“You brought me back.”
“In a sense. I knew if you died, my prediction for Desmond wouldn’t come true. I’ll admit, this isn’t exactly how I saw the whole thing play out, and you threw me off a bit when you decided to accept Aubrey’s help. Joining forces with the fae is sort of like divine intervention. It makes it hard for me to see the future. But there was no way I’d let my brother take your future and the future I’d promised your wolf.”
I recalled then the kisses she’d given before I left her for the last time. One on my sword and one on my hand. Perhaps they hadn’t been about affection at all. “You kissed the sword.”
“Not all promises are spoken out loud, Secret. Before you greeted your death with open arms, I made a final promise to you.”
Apparently Huey Lewis had been on to something when he sang about the power of love, because that was what brought me back. The kiss Calliope had laid on the blade of the sword, and the other one she’d placed on my palm, they hadn’t been her final farewell.
As it turned out, Cal had her own powers, and when she’d delivered those kisses, she was making a promise. “If you hadn’t been with Desmond in the end, I would have lied to him. And what’s one thing you know to be true of all fairies?”
“They can’t lie.”
She had brought me back because of something she’d told a werewolf. A supernatural creature she couldn’t stand to have in her home was the reason I was alive.
“That was what won Aubrey over in the end,” she concluded. “He might not have liked it, because it meant I bested him, but he had what he wanted from you. Your monsters were gone, the blade was his.”
My monsters were gone.
Yes, it all made sense now. The pain, the lack of healing, and why I couldn’t hear what Holden was whispering at the door. It was the same as it had been when I came back from Aubrey’s realm last time. Only now there was no reversing it. I wasn’t special anymore. I didn’t have any monsters within me, and this time I couldn’t have been happier.
I was human.
I was alive.
I let myself cry, and neither of them tried to stop me.
The world outside Calliope’s front door felt different and unfamiliar. Though I’d seen the decimation of New York firsthand, after two weeks recovering in an otherworldly dimension, some of the memories had faded.
In spite of the efforts being made to restore the city, it was still a mess, and I sidestepped rubble and garbage as I walked towards SoHo. Neither Holden nor Calliope thought I was ready for the outside world yet.
Coming back from the dead takes a lot out of a gal.
But when Holden told me about the funeral, no power on earth could have compelled me to stay away.
A
crowd was already growing, clusters of people standing around the middle of the street, their heads bowed or turned towards one another in low-voiced conversation. Behind them, the mountain of debris that was once Rain Hotel hulked over the scene like a sentinel, reminding us all of what we’d lost.
I’d thought Holden might meet me, but as I scanned the faces around me for someone I recognized, it wasn’t the vampire I saw. I spotted Penny Alvarez first, her long hair hanging in loose curls around her face, and she wore a pretty black dress that looked like it probably belonged to her mother. Grace Alvarez, the family matriarch, had her arm around her daughter’s shoulder, and on the other side of her Dominick held his mother’s hand.
Where was Desmond?
My heart sank when I didn’t spot him right away. Holden had promised me he was all right, but it had been two weeks since I’d kissed him goodbye. What if he didn’t want to see me? What if he’d avoided the funeral because he knew I’d be here?
What if—?
“You’re losing your edge, kid.” His voice was silky smooth and exactly as I’d remembered it. I don’t know why I’d thought he might have changed during our time apart, but knowing he was still my Desmond, even on such a small scale, made my heart skip a beat.
“This whole not-having-supernatural-senses thing is going to take some getting used to.”
He came up beside me so I was able to see him. In his charcoal-gray suit and lilac tie he looked just melancholy enough to be at a funeral without going for all-out black. I touched his cheek, and he didn’t recoil, but his eyes were shining like he might cry at any moment.
“You said once that if you were ever going to leave me again, you would tell me,” he reminded me. It was a promise even I had forgotten.
“If anyone on earth could have made me change my mind, it would have been you. I couldn’t risk it.”
“How do I know I can trust you not to go away again, Secret?”
I looked up at him, placing one hand on his chest and running my palm down the silk of his tie. So many emotions clouded over him in that moment. Anguish and the faintest glint of anger. I could only imagine what he’d gone through, thinking I was dead for those two days. I’d lost people I loved, and I’d tried to face the idea of losing Desmond, but the sadness of the thought alone was unbearable. I swallowed hard, fighting my guilt over putting him through that. I couldn’t undo the pain I’d caused, I could only promise never to do it again. “I’m back from the dead because of you. The only reason I’m here now is because you and I are supposed to have our happily ever after. I might not be one for cheesy sentiments, but there it is. I’m not leaving you. Not anymore.”
One tear escaped and rolled down his cheek, and I wiped it away, giving him a hopeful smile.
The anger and sadness gave way to relief and pure joy, something I hadn’t expected to see here tonight. He hugged me so tight, my lungs burned. I thought he might never let me go, and I didn’t want him to. He kissed me softly, but long enough to convey more than his words ever could. My cheeks flushed, and I dug my fingers into his back, wishing I could stay enveloped in his safe atmosphere forever.
“No more jumping into the fray on your own, okay?” he said, finally releasing me.
“I think my fray-jumping days are behind me now.”
“Well, don’t get all boring on me.” He kept one arm around my shoulder and guided me towards his family. We exchanged hugs and kisses, and from what I could gather Grace was happy I was still alive. It was hard to tell what she was saying she was crying so hard.
More friends gathered around us. Mercedes and Owen, Tyler and Detective O’Brian, a few of the vampires who had come through the fight with us. Holden had told me Clementine was already gone, off to fill her new role on the West Coast Tribunal. Holden appeared at last, followed by the towheaded form of my father. Holden hung back, and I introduced Sutherland to the others.
If Grace was put off by having a vampire for an in-law, she didn’t let it show. She shook Sutherland’s hand and hugged him warmly. My father seemed uneasy with all the affection, but he went along with it remarkably well before slinking back to stand next to Holden.
A petite redheaded figure moved through the crowd, her vibrant hair standing out from all the black and gray. I broke away from Desmond and ran towards her.
Siobhan stepped out from behind a group of much taller men, and I don’t even know if she saw me before I wrapped her up in a tight hug. Shane emerged behind her, looking as unkempt as always with his two-day beard growth and mussed black hair.
“I didn’t know what happened to you guys.” I eased up on Siobhan and hugged Shane with similar fervor. The last thing I’d heard about their whereabouts was Nolan telling me he’d spoken to them briefly. After we left Keaty’s, I’d never gotten an opportunity to look for them.
Shane seemed bewildered to see me, and only then did it occur to me that some people might not know I was alive.
“We heard…” His voice drifted off, and he and Siobhan exchanged uneasy expressions. I didn’t want to get into the nitty-gritty details of how I’d come to escape death, since it was much too long a story to get into now.
“You should know I’m harder to kill than most people realize. But tell my how you guys got through it.” I was hoping a change in topic might keep them from asking too many questions. Why aren’t you dead was kind of a tough one.
Siobhan took the lead when it appeared Shane was too lost for words to explain. “We tried to get across the Brooklyn Bridge, but the congestion was too much. We ended up in Williamsburg trying to keep the spread down. I wanted to get to the fae gate and bring something through to deal with them, but we got stuck. It wasn’t as bad out there as it was here, though. The damage is minimal. We were lucky, since none of the necromancers were hiding outside the city.”
The story sounded all the more exotic thanks to her Irish accent.
Siobhan took Shane’s hand and squeezed, bringing him back from his stupor. “We’re glad the rumors weren’t true.” The pair of them hugged me, and I wanted draw it out, glad to know my friends had pulled through.
Most of them, anyway.
“Where’s Nolan?” I looked behind them, half-expecting to see him follow.
Shane gave Siobhan a look, and she nodded. His voice was quiet when he spoke. “He’s gone.”
For a minute I thought gone meant really, really gone. Dead gone. Shane must have seen my panic because he immediately shook his head and backpedaled. “I mean he left the city. He told me he was sick of everyone he cared about dying, and he couldn’t stay here anymore. He said he was going to Pittsburgh to take a job with his uncle.”
I felt guilty knowing my death had contributed to Nolan leaving, but I knew it had more to do with Keaty and Brigit than just me. Nolan had lost as much as any of us, maybe more. And I wouldn’t begrudge him a chance to find happiness somewhere else.
I would find a way to let him know I was alive though. Even if I had to go to Pittsburgh myself.
I led Shane and Siobhan back to the rest of our group, grateful to see so many people I loved together in one place. I’d spent so much time while the city was crumbling thinking about those I’d lost, I had forgotten to count my blessings. Now here they were with me.
Conversations drew to a stop, and as if on cue a light rain began to fall. It seemed only fitting that the weather should be grim at a time like this. There was little joy to bring, even though the man we were here to remember had been well loved in his time.
No matter how crazy he’d made us all.
I leaned against Desmond, and he held me like I might slip away at any time. Members of the pack were in amongst the public, and I noticed the way they all took a moment to acknowledge Desmond and bow their heads to him in turn. I had died, and though they didn’t know it, I was also no longer a wolf. I had no claim to be the pack’s queen anymore.
Desmond was now the King of the East.
When we got married, I’d be Queen al
l over again. So much for getting away from my royal obligations.
I didn’t hear anything the priest said about Lucas. I watched the crowd and recalled the last time I’d been here. I had been the last person to see Lucas alive, and nothing anyone else said could take that memory away. I wished Genie could be here with me, since she seemed like the only person who might understand what it was like in that final moment, but she’d gone back to Louisiana as soon as it was safe to leave the city.
Though most funerals now were being held with empty caskets, in this case it wasn’t because Lucas’s body was in cold storage. They hadn’t found him yet, and they might not ever. He was lost in the rubble, but now I was finally getting my chance to say goodbye. A chance I’d thought I would never have.
Burying my cheek against Desmond’s blazer, I stared at Lucas’s empty casket. He’d asked for so much from me during our time together. Some of it I’d been able to give him, some had been too much. In the end though, the inflexible, bullheaded man who I thought would never be able to see beyond his own needs had been the one who made the ultimate sacrifice for someone else.
He’d given his life to save my sister.
If people wanted to talk about heroes, Lucas Rain was mine.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Six months later
The news station on the small wall-mounted television was muted, but the scrolling updates across the bottom said, New York Mayor Promises hundreds of new jobs in rebuilding efforts, and Pro-werewolf legislators propose bill for equal rights.
A few people milled around, speaking on their cell phones and checking the LED panel on the wall which announced whose number was due up next. The small crowd of my loved ones gathered on the wooden benches made the already hot space even warmer. Dominick sat on a plastic chair, holding hands with a handsome redheaded young man seated next to him.
Over the crackling speakers a Muzak version of the song “Chains” by Fleetwood Mac played at a low volume, turning all the other conversations in the room to an indecipherable buzz.
I was standing at the old wood counter, dancing nervously from foot to foot. This was my third time up to the desk, and the clerk was starting to get annoyed with me, but in actuality I was busy staring at the office across the hall, visible through a panel of windows. When Desmond opened the glass door and jogged across the hall holding only a newspaper, his tired expression matched those of the strangers around us who had been waiting hours. I suspected the lineup across the hall hadn’t been a party either. When he saw me, his expression lightened, but instead of coming to see me he gave me a nod before sitting down next to his brother.