“I do. She needs to know.” Tricia couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. She couldn’t.
“Oh my god, there’s more?”
“When I finally made it back to the house, you were hiding in your closet. I had to coax you out, and then I helped you get into the shower. You were in shock, could hardly move, so I stepped in with you and just held you close. When Mom finally came home, we were both huddled in your bed, I was holding you close, and you just sobbed. You couldn’t stop.”
“I remember that. I remember you holding me, telling me everything was going to be okay, that no one was ever going to hurt me again, that you took care of it.” She stared at the table before lifting her gaze. “I thought that meant you took care of it with Michael, that you made sure he would never hurt me again, but . . . that’s not what you meant, was it?”
“I did take care of it. He promised me he would never touch you again.”
“You let him rape you to protect me.”
The moment she said the words, it was as if a damn broke inside of Tricia and the tears ran down her cheeks. She couldn’t say anything.
“She did,” Ida confirmed. “And you never realized. Not because you were blind to it, but because you couldn’t know. You were too fragile. You wouldn’t leave your bed, you wouldn’t let anyone touch you . . . other than your sister. She was the only one who could comfort you, the only one you would let near you.”
“I’ve always . . . I’ve always felt safe with you.” Alyson reached out to Tricia. “Always.”
Tricia took hold of her hand and squeezed. “I know. You were so broken though, that I didn’t . . . I couldn’t tell you what had happened to me. And then it just became easier not to. It took you a long time to deal with what happened, you couldn’t even go back to school for a while, and we worried that if we did tell you, you would spiral back into your shell.”
“But that was my decision, not your sister’s,” Ida clarified.
“So you decided to hide things then?” Alyson asked her. “Just like it was your decision to not deal with what had happened to me? To not go to the authorities? To make me face Mrs. Jacobs and have her call me a liar? It was your decision to pretend that what happened to me and to Tricia didn’t?”
Ida shook her head in denial. “No. You remember it wrong. I went to confront the Jacobses, and you followed me. You—”
“I did not,” Alyson denied. “You forced me to go over there, to tell them what happened to me. You allowed me to be shamed into believing I was lying.”
“No. That’s not what happened. I know you believe it is, but it’s not. You followed me. You stood just outside their screen door and listened in to our argument. I went over to make that foul woman understand what had happened and to warn her that I was going to the police. And that’s when she threatened me. She threatened to destroy your father’s company, to besmirch our name publicly, to make you look like a fool and a lovesick child. And I believed her.” Ida leaned her head back in her chair and stared up at the ceiling. “I wish I hadn’t. But your father wasn’t there, and all I could think about was protecting you girls. That’s all that mattered. So I gave in. I didn’t report what happened, and to her, it seemed like I ran with my tail tucked between my legs.”
“Not just to her,” Alyson mumbled.
Tricia just sat there. She wanted to stand up for her mother but didn’t. It was time everything came out in the open, all the misunderstandings and lies, the secrets—they all needed to be exposed. So she sat there and watched as Ida struggled to explain things as she should have done years ago.
“Think what you want. You always have. But before you judge me, why not listen to my side of the story first? Yes, I’ll admit, I cowered, and I’ve always been ashamed of that. But I made sure I got revenge, my way. I sold our home, and we moved across town. Not because I was ashamed of you—to keep you away from that family, from that boy. I made sure all our neighbors knew they weren’t to be trusted, I had that boy fired from his job, cast enough doubt about Mrs. Jacobs in our town that she soon wasn’t welcomed anywhere. Her husband owned a used car lot in town . . . all it took was a few whispered words here and there, and they soon went out of business. We may not have been wealthy, we may not have lived the good life like they did, but your father’s name meant a lot in our town . . . enough to do damage, and I used it to my advantage.” Ida’s chin rose as she told them all she’d done.
“You protected us in your own way,” Tricia said.
Ida nodded. “Rape, sexual abuse . . . things were different back then. I did what I could with what I had. I’m sorry you felt I ignored your pain, but I didn’t. I protected you as I knew best.”
“But what about Tricia?” Alyson asked.
“My job was to protect you, and you needed me,” Tricia told her. “I was your big sister. I was the one you’d call for in the middle of the night when you had nightmares, until eventually you just started sleeping with me. Even though I never told you or anyone else what happened to me, helping you, being there for you . . . that was what got me through. I didn’t ignore what happened to me, I just . . .” She sought the right words. “I just set it aside. I didn’t let it break me. I focused all my pain into making sure you were whole.” Then she sighed. “And then I went to college, and I broke.”
Alyson touched her scar. “This was you breaking?”
Tricia nodded. “It was like you were my security blanket, what held me together and without you there, without you needing me . . . I had to face what happened to me. I went out on a date, and the guy went too far. I remember coming home that night, but there was no one home.”
“We were out at a friend’s house and stayed longer than planned. If I had known . . .” Ida clamped her lips shut again as if trying to contain her feelings.
“When you all finally did come home, Mom found me in her bathroom. I’d cut my wrist but didn’t go deep enough. I couldn’t. So I sat there, huddled in the bathtub with my wrist wrapped in a towel.”
“Where was I?” Alyson asked. “Why don’t I remember any of this?”
“You were sound asleep. It was too late to go to the hospital, so I stitched Tricia up myself. I had enough brothers falling and cutting themselves when I was younger that I knew what I was doing.” Ida glanced over at Tricia’s wrist. “Somewhat.”
“And that’s why . . . that’s why you always buy her bracelets? To help her cover the scar. I can’t believe . . .” Her voice trailed off. “I can’t believe you all kept this from me for so long. I’m not that weak child anymore. I know you think otherwise, but my past doesn’t dominate my present or dictate my future. I’m who I am because I made it through. I feel like a fool.” Alyson stood up. “Thank you.” She leaned over and gave Tricia a long hug. “Thank you for finally telling me, but this is a lot to take in, and frankly, I’m so confused right now. I need some time to really take it all in.”
Tricia stood up and hugged her sister back. “I love you, you know.” She whispered into her ear, “I’m here when you’re ready.”
Alyson leaned back and looked Tricia in the eye. Tricia was happy to see a smile on her face. “I know,” Alyson said. “I’ve always known you were there for me. I just wish . . . I always felt lesser, you know? Like there was more I could have done for you, more I should have done. I wish you had told me.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
MYAH
Monday afternoon
With her jacket zipped up to her chin, Myah leaned back against her car in the driveway and stared up into the dark night sky. The stars were covered with clouds, and she had a feeling her life for the next days, weeks, months, even years, would never be the same—the future clouded thanks to mistakes she’d made.
She pulled out a cigarette from her pocket, put it between her lips, and let the weight of it hang while she searched for the lighter.
Before going home,
Myah had stopped at the store down the street for milk and picked up a pack of cigarettes, something she hadn’t done in years.
But right now, she could use a smoke.
She glanced up at her darkened bedroom window, where her daughter slept in her bed. She’d fallen asleep crying, with Myah holding her, and it broke her heart all over again to listen to her daughter sob in her sleep.
Debra, the Child Protective Services worker, told Keera that today was the beginning of a journey for her, one that involved healing and finding strength she never knew she had. But for Myah, it was the beginning of a nightmare.
The moment her daughter admitted that Eddie sexually abused her, everything changed.
Her hands shook as she held the lighter to her face. The red flare of the cigarette as it burned mesmerized her, and when she inhaled, everything stopped, just for a moment.
She would never forgive herself for bringing that bastard into her daughter’s life.
The phone in her pocket buzzed, and she was tempted to ignore it, but she pulled it out and saw Tricia’s number pop up. Again.
She should answer. Her friend had been calling all day.
“Hi.” Myah dropped the cigarette and ground it under her foot.
“Are you okay?” Tricia asked.
Myah sniffed and wiped her face.
“You’re not. Do you need me to come over? I can come right now.” The urgency in Tricia’s voice had Myah panicking.
“No.” She couldn’t handle having one more person in front of her, looking at her with a mixture of pity and condemnation.
“But thank you,” she added, realizing she came off a bit harsh. “I just . . .”
“You need space,” Tricia finished for her.
“I do.” Funny how well her friend understood.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Myah sighed and yawned at the same time.
“Or maybe you need to go to bed,” Tricia said. “You’re probably exhausted, and I can only imagine—”
“I’m beyond exhausted, Tricia. I’m numb.”
“No doubt. But I think that’s okay, you know?”
“I hate him, Tricia. I need him to suffer, to be destroyed like he’s destroyed my daughter.” The words forced themselves out of her raw throat.
“He will.”
“The stuff he did to her, made her do to him . . .” She couldn’t continue. She couldn’t.
“I’ll kill him for you.”
Myah smiled weakly. “I love you. That was the best thing you could have said.”
After a moment of silence, Tricia asked, “Where’s Keera now?”
Myah glanced up toward her windows again. “In my bed, finally asleep.” She hoped she could sleep through the night. She’d given her daughter a sleepy-time tea along with some aspirin to help with the headache she could see in her daughter’s eyes.
“Tomorrow . . . it’s not going to be easy,” Myah admitted.
“How so?”
She thought back to today. “There was no time to breathe today, not once since we stepped into Rachel’s office. But tomorrow, it’ll all sink in, and we’ll have to figure out how to move forward.”
“These next few days, weeks, hell even months, are going to rough, Myah. So just take it day by day and look for the good if you can. One day soon, you’ll feel like you can breathe again. But you know you’re not alone, right?”
Myah nodded. “Debra said the same thing, that we’re not alone.”
“How was Debra?”
“Nice. Level headed. Keera seems to like her. She warmed up to her quickly. Thanks to Katy and Lyla, by the time we arrived, the police were on standby. It was hard. Hard to not be able to step in and help Keera, but she needed to say what happened to her in her own words. And she finally did. I wasn’t sure . . . but she even admitted to asking Katy and Lyla not to say anything. She was worried they would get in trouble.”
“Trouble?”
“Eddie threatened Keera that she would get in trouble if she ever said anything. How could I have married him, Tricia? Why was I so blind . . . ?” She shook her head before glancing at her watch. “Eddie should be in police custody by now.” The moment she said those words, she felt the tightness in her chest lessen.
“That was fast.” Tricia sounded shocked.
“I mentioned that Eddie has been trying to see Keera behind my back, calling her, sending her text messages.” Myah blinked past the tears that quickly pooled in her eyes. “He sent her a private message today through an app I didn’t know she had. He sends her photos of himself, Tricia . . .”
“I hope he rots in hell.”
“Check Katy’s phone please. Make sure you know what every app is and who her friends are. Look at her photos and messages . . . I wish I had. I would have been able to stop this sooner.” The regret she’d been trying so hard to squash filled her once again.
“It’s over now,” Tricia said quietly.
Myah stared down at the ground. “Which part? Him abusing her? Yes. But so much more is just beginning. The doctor’s appointments, the counseling sessions, the healing process . . . I don’t want my girl to lose her smile, the warm heart that she has, and I’m afraid she will. I’m afraid of what this will have done to her, how it will destroy her, change her life.” Myah pinched the bridge of her nose.
“Rachel mentioned to Aly that there might be more kids he’s done this to, that they would need to look into his clients.”
“Thank God he only taught adult classes, but yes, I pray there’s no one else. I want to say I’m sorry for what your girls will go through, but I can’t.”
“You shouldn’t. The girls know and realize how important this is. And even more so, Alyson and I understand.” Her friend hesitated a moment. “My mom too,” she said.
“Because of Aly’s experience, right?”
“Not just Aly.”
Myah stood there in shock as Tricia told her about the past she’d kept hidden for so long. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but she wasn’t too surprised either.
“My past isn’t who I am today. That’s why I never brought it up.”
“You don’t need to explain,” Myah told her, and it was true. “How did your mother handle everything? I’ve always thought of Ida as a strong German woman, but I never expected . . .” Myah pushed herself away from her car and headed back inside. She slipped off her shoes and curled up on the couch in front of the fireplace.
“You should talk to her.”
Myah nodded. “I will. Ida invited us for Thanksgiving dinner. Did you know? She considers us family and says, in her heart, she has three daughters.”
“That’s my mom. You’re coming right?”
“I’m in charge of . . . pickles?”
Tricia laughed. “It’s about time. Alyson usually brings those, and she brings these awful organic ones that taste like vinegar. No one touches them other than Aly and Lyla. Scott won’t even go near them apparently.”
“So they’re pretty important then. Good to know. Listen.” Myah pulled her legs up to her chest. “I want—no, I need—to say thank you. Thank you for being there for me through all of this, and for being there for me in the upcoming months. Thanks for being my friend and the sister of my heart. Otherwise I’d be all alone, and I would go crazy.”
Tricia laughed softly. “Nah, you’d just go hard-core into your dance. I know you.” She paused. “I’m always here. Always. And Keera will be okay. She’s a good girl, and she has an amazing mother who will always be by her side. Plus,” she said as her tone lightened, “you’re now an official member of the Wilhem family. You’ll never be alone again—whether you want to be or not.”
“Right now, I’ll take all the family I can get.”
“So what’s happening tomorrow?” Tricia hated to bring it u
p.
“A massive upheaval. There might be more interviews, and there’s a doctor’s appointment. I have a meeting with the lawyer, and then somehow I need to do a dance class after school.”
“Can’t you cancel?”
Myah frowned. “No. I need to show Keera that nothing has changed, nothing fundamental, at least. This is my job, and where I make my money. Now, I’m not sure if Keera will want to be there, and I’ll leave that up to her, but I’ll start losing students if I keep getting someone to cover for me.”
“Somehow, I doubt you’ll lose students, and she can always come to my place, you know that, right.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re not going to lose students though. I wish you would stop worrying about it.”
“You never know. People are very judgmental. If I can’t protect my own daughter, what’s to say I won’t let something bad happen to theirs? When it comes to protecting your child, people will do anything they feel is in their best interests. You know that.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
ALYSON
Tuesday afternoon
The moment she stepped into the large room with Lyla after school, she knew something was wrong. There’d been a low murmur one moment and the next—silence.
A quick look around the room told her that Myah hadn’t yet arrived.
Lyla headed over to the other girls in the class, where they all sat on a mat and stretched, and Alyson took her usual seat, in the front, to watch her.
“Is it true?”
Alyson forced a smile on her face, not surprised that it was Melinda who had approached her.
“Is what true?”
Confusion flitted across Melinda’s face. “Well, you know. About Myah and Eddie.”
Alyson’s fake smile slowly melted away, and she arched her eyebrow, but didn’t say anything.
“I heard that Eddie was arrested last night on charges of child sexual abuse. Is that true?” Melinda leaned in and mock-whispered.
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