“You save me. I’m asking you to stay. To save me.”
I can’t breathe. “Save you?”
“From myself. There’s a part of me that’s not good. Being around you helps me be me.”
I can’t hold back anymore. The glass presses beneath my heels as I bridge the space between us. I cup his face. “Listen to me, Ro. You are good. Whatever is happening to you doesn’t change that fact.” He wraps his hands around my wrists, closes his eyes tightly, and shakes his head. “I’m here, and I’m not leaving.”
His eyes, framed by dark circles, peel slowly open. When was the last time he slept? Even his lips, usually tinged in a healthy pink, look pale and cracked. They tug at the corners, a shadow of a smile.
“I have some questions, though. Is it okay?”
“Of course,” he says quickly.
I press my lips together, gathering the words. “You’ve not been sick when you miss school?”
He sighs. “No.”
“Do you know where you’ve been?” He shakes his head once. “There’s something I’d like to show you.”
He studies me, frowning, then nods. With his fingers twined with mine, I lead him to the basement and flip the switch on the wall next to the door. Even with the lights fully on, the robot-thing in the middle of the room hasn’t lost its menacing air. I feel his hand tighten in mine. I turn to look at him. His eyes are wide, as he absorbs the sight before us. He looks like he is about to faint. He shudders.
“I did that?” I don’t need to answer. “How? When?”
I’m too horrified to keep standing there. I tug his hand. “Come on. Let’s go back.” He seems reluctant, eyes still trained to the middle of the room.
In the living room, I scoop the shards of glass while he vacuums the floor. Afterwards, on the couch, he takes my hand in his, and I’m still terrified. What if the other Rolf shows up? Would he hurt me? Maybe I won’t die but still… I’m scared.
His eyes shift to our hands. “You’re bleeding.”
I frown at my hands. “It’s nothing.” I scoot forwards and stand. “I’ll go clean them.”
“It’s something. Sit.” He makes sure I sit before he leaps up from the couch and darts from the room. Moments later, he appears with a first aid kit.
“It’s really nothing,” I say, biting the urge to touch his bowed head.
“Let me take care of it. Please?”
I nod. He dedicates himself to cleaning the cuts as though they are gaping wounds. Even though they are almost invisible, he insists on swathing them with plaster and placing a kiss on each fingertip.
He looks at me through his lashes. “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”
“I’m sorry for destroying the frame.”
Minutes later after returning the kit to the bathroom, he lowers himself next to me on the couch. He looks at me expectantly.
You save me. I kick the shoes off and tuck my feet on the couch. It takes a lot of inner debate to lower my head to his chest and snuggle into him. He breathes out and wraps one arm over my chest, pressing his lips to my temple. I place my arm over his and twine our fingers. We don’t kiss or talk. Just touch.
My anger has burned down to ashes, replaced by a new puzzle and questions. Rolf’s blackouts, the robot downstairs, the race I’m supposed to help, and Schulz’s words about preparing me. Preparing me for what? Rolf mentioned a war. What has music got to do with everything? I believe in coincidences. But Rolf and me? A coincidence?
LEA AND I EXIT THE EXAM ROOM with the other students, turn left, and stroll down the hallway towards the exit. Lea pumps a fist in the air, whooping, and yells, “Goodbye, torture. Hello life.”
“You can say that again.” In some way, I’m relieved finals are over. I’m not sure if I did well, though. I didn’t sleep well last night. After Rolf dropped me home, I pretended I was tired and went to bed early. I spent half the night pondering what to tell Mom and Dad about the Conservatory.
“Ana! Did you even hear what I said?” Lea’s frustrated tone yanks me back to her. She halts, facing me.
“Um… sorry. What did you say?”
She rolls her eyes and mumbles, “Forget it.” She blows air out through her mouth. “What is wrong with you? And don’t tell me it’s nothing. I’ve been watching you the last week. You seem out of sync with everything. One minute you’re present, the next your eyes glaze over. Do I bore you that much? Or am I no longer worthy of your trust or attention?”
Guilt tears at my insides. I have never seen Lea this angry. Not even when we were ten and her snowglobe—a birthday gift from her dad—slipped from my hands and crashed into a million pieces. Not even at thirteen, when she caught Reiner and me kissing. In my defence, I was the only girl in our class who had never been kissed. Reiner, in all his kindness offered to rectify that. No feelings were involved. Just a friend helping out another friend. Neither of those occasions compared to the anger and hurt carved on her face right now.
“Lea—”
She swipes a hand in the air. “One more excuse and I’m gone. So glad I’m leaving in a week anyway.”
If Lea leaves for Florence while still angry with me, I won’t forgive myself. I can’t lose her. I can’t lose any of my friends. I press my lips together to stop the words from tumbling out.
Lea and I have shared just about every little secret, rarely kept anything from one another. For just a second, I allow myself to imagine what it would be like if I shared what’s going on with a friend. Someone I trust, someone who has already seen me at my worst and my best. Would I be hurt if the roles were reversed? I squirm as the answer glares at me.
I brush my fingers on my forehead, weighing my words while keeping an eye on her hands. Lea is a hugger, and at this moment, I crave comfort. Someone to tell me everything is going to be all right. If she hugs me, I’m certain I’ll tell her everything. Schulz’s warning floats inside my head. To avoid becoming the hunted, keep this information to yourself.
I rearrange the words on my tongue. “I’m scared.” She raises one brow, tapping her foot, one hand hooked around her rucksack strap. “Of everything. I’m scared that we’ll drift from each other when high school’s over. Do you ever wonder what’s out there?”
“I never thought about—” Lea’s lips press together. Her eyes dart to my left, then back to me. This isn’t over, her eyes say to me. Then she smiles brightly as if we were not having a conversation that was tearing my entire being to pieces. Seconds later, a familiar arm slips around my waist. Lips press on my forehead. My body freezes. Just for a second. The hand on my hip squeezes lightly. I peek up at Rolf. He stares at me, eyebrows slightly dipped.
This is the real Rolf. I relax, snuggle closer, and catch Reiner and Lea staring curiously at us. I force a smile. Lea lifts one eyebrow. I ignore her and focus on Reiner’s outfit. Today he’s wearing a white V-neck T-shirt and hugging blue jeans that barely reach his ankles. One red and one blue sock peeking from each leg.
The boy is brave.
From the corner of my eye, I see Lea lean forwards to speak to Rolf. “Remember that bet we made a while ago?”
Rolf rolls his eyes, a very rare thing to see. “As if you’d let me forget. Are you willing to risk your pride, Lea?”
Last year Rolf and Lea bet a hundred euros against each other: they will compete to see who will drink the other under the table.
Challenging Lea is like tossing oil on fire. She narrows her eyes. “Let’s see if you can put your money—or beer—where your mouth is.”
Beside her, Reiner chuckles. “Now that’s my firecracker. How about you and I throw our hats in the ring, Ana?”
Lea laughs out loud and shakes her head. “Don’t mess with this innocent, Rein.” I glare at her. “What? It’s true. When was the last time you did something shocking? Like say, jump off a bridge, fight your phobia… I could go on.”
I want to yell, “The last time I did something shocking was weeks ago. I traded my soul!” But I’m too shock
ed for words. All these years, is that how she saw me? As an innocent? Mentioning my phobia feels cruel. Given that she knows my story, it’s like a blow to my belly. If she wants shocking, I’ll give it to her.
“Consider my hat already in the ring, Rein.” I glance at Lea, who grins at me. There’s no malice on her face. Maybe I overreacted.
***
After dropping our stuff at Rolf’s house, I call Mom to let her know I’ll be home later. We pile inside Rolf’s car and strap ourselves.
I turn to Rolf. “Where are we going?”
He turns the ignition on and winks at me. “It’s a surprise.” I raise one eyebrow. “Well, if you must know, it’s in the fourteenth district. Now don’t go pressing me for more information because I’m not telling you more than that.” His lips twitch. I can’t even remember the last time I saw him this playful.
Taking a deep breath, I play along. “What if I… say… kiss you senseless? Would you spill the information?”
He chuckles, low and deep and really sexy. “You could try.” He winks.
I lean into him and slip my hand across the nape of his neck, pulling him closer. When our lips touch, he rumbles deep in his throat, deepening the kiss. Moments later we pull apart and by the way I am feeling, I’m glad I’m seated.
His lips brush my ear. “Nice try, Engel. I’m not telling.” He leans back, grinning, and manoeuvres out the parking lot. With one hand gripping the steering wheel, he slides the other, as if to place it on mine, and hovers a few seconds before resting it beside my thigh, tapping on the seat. He doesn’t touch me or look at me.
In the backseat, Lea sighs. “It had better be fun, Ro. I need to get school out of my system.” I squirm, flipping down the mirror above me to have Lea and Reiner in my vision. She leans onto Reiner’s chest as far as the seat belt can allow and closes her eyes. Reiner pulls her close. “I’ll really miss you guys. Hey, I have an idea. Maybe you could join Rein for a visit? We could go wine tasting.” She opens her eyes to find me staring. “Rolf and I are already 18. Ana’s birthday is coming up soon, so she’s technically 18. As for the baby in the group—”
Reiner huffs. “What does that make you, a cradle snatcher? You didn’t seem to think I was a baby yesterday. In fact—” Lea elbows him in the ribs.
Reiner sucks in a breath, grimacing. “Jesus, woman! Keep those knobbly elbows away from me.” He rubs his assaulted side with his free hand.
“Then don’t kiss and tell.”
I tune them out and focus on the fingers at my side, long and slender and strong. They move to fiddle with the volume button, then brush mine as they take their previous spot. Rolf bobs his head, completely removed from the scene unfolding on the back seat. He’s nervous.
I twine my fingers with his and his shoulders loosen a notch visibly. His eyes still trained on the street, he untangles his fingers from mine and presses his hand to my cheek. His fingers brush along the nape of my neck. I sigh as the tip of his fingers caress the spot behind my ear, and I can’t help myself. I lean to his touch. Why do things have to be so complicated?
“I promise to save you,” I whisper more to myself than to him, even though I have no idea how I will accomplish that. Through faith, maybe. He sneaks a glance at me before focusing on the street again. He blinks once, then twice. The muscles on his throat move as he swallows. He links our fingers again and rests them on his thigh. Though his grip is firm, the thumb tracing circles on my wrist is like butterfly wings, and when he presses his thumb on my wrist, I feel his pulse on mine. I didn’t know I was holding my breath until air rushes through my lips.
I raise my eyes to the couple in the backseat. Their quarrel seems to have flared up in the last few minutes. Lea is no longer cuddling into Reiner’s chest.
“So you prefer your ‘don’t touch my ankles’ to wearing appropriate length trousers? Do you think socks peeking below your trousers is cute?”
I gasp. Either Lea has forgotten that rule about not calling Reiner’s trousers that or she doesn’t really care.
“Don’t touch my what?” Reiner looks half-bewildered, half-angry. It’s comical. “As if you’re one to talk! Have you ever looked at yourself in high heels, giraffing above everyone else?” Lea and Reiner are the same height, but wearing heels, she’s taller.
Rolf gives my hand a squeeze, and when I peek at him, his lips are pressed together as if fighting a smile, unsuccessfully. We grin at each other. For once, it feels good to focus on other people fighting, rather than on us.
Rolf clears his throat and winks at me. The smile still threatens to split his face in half. “So, Rein, what’s that place again, where you got the summer job?”
Reiner jerks his head as if startled. “I don’t think I mentioned the place.” He shifts on the seat and turns to look out the window, glowering. “Just a gig to submit some photographs for a magazine.” Beside him, Lea picks at her cuticles, lips pulled in a thin line. I hope they make up soon.
“Cool.” Rolf seems satisfied by the response.
I narrow my eyes at him in the mirror. “Which magazine?”
He meets my gaze. He starts playing with Lea’s hair. She snatches the locks twirled in his fingers. He sighs, then says, “Small press. Sort of like a village press or calendar making or something. You wouldn’t know it.”
Reiner isn’t a miser when it comes to details. I wonder what kind of job it is, or maybe he’s not in the mood after the fight with Lea. What’s really bothering them anyway?
“I need to use a bathroom,” Lea says.
“And I’m hungry,” I say. Rolf looks at me and smiles. I look out the window. Fields stretch out from either side of the car. We’re in the Vienna outskirts.
***
Rolf parallel parks beside a building with a low roof in the fourteenth district. A green flag flutters in the wind, announcing “High Hills,” an area reserved for summer sledding. Reiner, with a bottle in his hand, stalks off in the direction of the waste bins. Lea lags behind, arms crossed. I motion for Rolf to go ahead, and I fall in step with Lea. “What was that about?”
She shrugs, eyes on the floor. “Nothing.”
“Didn’t look like nothing.”
She stops and narrows her eyes. “What about you and Rolf? A week ago, you were all over each other. Now, you seem jumpy around each other. Want to talk about that?”
“We’re just going through some stuff.”
She makes a face. “Just… forget I asked.”
“Lea, hey.” I catch up with her long strides.
“You’ve changed.” She jabs a finger at me. “Whatever. Don’t come asking about my personal life when you obviously don’t want to discuss yours.”
I chew the inside of my cheek. What am I supposed to tell her? That Rolf is acting strange? Having some sort of personality issue?
Lea sighs, a tiny sound between exhaustion and exasperation. “Anyone with eyes can see you two adore each other, so that cancels out boredom. Is it sex? Does he want to have sex and you don’t? Do you want it and he doesn’t? What?”
“No! Not… sex.” My face heats up. I sigh. “Sometimes I just want to get it over with, and other times I want my first time to be special, you know? But when I’m with him, I seem to forget myself.”
Her fingers fiddle with the fringe of the silk scarf draped around her neck. “You asked me if I ever wondered what’s out there. I’m excited about getting done with high school, that I’m moving on. But I’m scared. What if we move on and forget about each other? What if Rein decides that because high school is over, he and I are done? In the car, it was all that.”
“He won’t.” My voice is confident. “Remember when we were kids, how he kept trailing behind you, did everything you asked him to?” I chuckle. “How he’d walk around, his huge brown eyes practically begging you to notice him?”
Lea laughs. “Yeah. He was adorable, wasn’t he?” She tucks a strip of hair behind her ear. “We haven’t done it yet. Sex, I mean. But I really want to.�
� Her eyes are wide, fearful, excited. She hooks her arm with mine. “I should apologise to Rein. Let’s go. Tonight might just be the night, you know.” She skips beside me. My best friend is back.
We pass a poster of a woman tobogganing on needle-thin rails, grinning wide. As soon as we go through the door, Rolf looks up from where he stands near the reception. Reiner glances at me, then at Lea warily. She covers the distance between them and grabs his hand. They move to a deserted corner. It doesn’t take long before they’re performing the Romeo and Juliet kiss.
“Do they have to do that here?” Rolf scratches his head, head turned away from our friends.
“Nauseating,” I say, turning away from them, secretly glad they made up. If I was to kiss Rolf like that, I’d prefer someplace where the audience is just him and me. “Thank you. Coming here was a wonderful idea.”
His eyes light up, and his lips curl up into a smile that has me sighing. “You’re welcome.”
We’re blocking the queue, so Rolf slips his arm around my waist and walks us to a less busy spot to wait for Lea and Reiner.
He grins. “You want to sit with me on my sled?”
“Tempting. But I’ll survive.” My stomach turns as I picture my sled tilting and swaying down the rail. I want to do this. What’s the worst than can happen? Other than breaking a leg maybe? I haven’t tested Zig’s “can’t die” theory.
Up on the hill, people sled down the track, some at cautious speeds, others at recklessly high speeds.
Rolf cups my face with both hands and tilts it up, his thumbs tracing my jaw. I forget Lea and Reiner in the corner, forget the sweaty guy breathing heavily on my right, the children screaming as they careen down the track. The world falls away.
“Sometimes you just have to leap, Engel,” Rolf says. “You can ski, so that’s good. I could go up first.”
I shake my head, combing my fingers through his hair. It’s so soft and smells of lavender and mint shampoo. “I’ll take the leap.”
He pulls me close, burying his face in the crook of my neck, his lips warm against my skin, and breathes me in. Shivers, tingles, and heat skate along the surface of my skin. This is how it feels to burst into flames.
Reaper's Novice (Soul Collector #1) Page 19